Nerves Options

[brysonfire]

I feel a bit silly posting this as it's not even concerning exam nerves, which would be understandable...

For me, I get nervous before/during lessons! I enjoy my lessons and always leave feeling elated but I just wish the nerves would go away. I find it particularly frustrating as it affects how well I play. I can play so much better at home than in lessons and it bugs me that I feel I'm not always showing my best.

I'm naturally a shy person and so don't feel like a natural performer, although I do want to conquer my anxiety. I've only been learning a few months and have only had 3 lessons with my current teacher whom I like very much so maybe it's just a matter of time, in that the more I improve, the more my confidence will do the same?

Is there anybody else out there who currently has or has had similar experience in the past, who might be able to give me some tips, or some reassurance that things might improve?

[allegretto]

You're not alone - and it does get better!

I've just had my fourth or fifth (have I really lost count already? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif) ) lesson with my teacher, having come back to playing after a ten year gap. I was incredibly nervous at the first one, and was still nervous this week, but it is getting better as I go along. I think it's natural to be nervous because you are still getting to know each other, and you want to do your best in lessons. I'm sure you're teacher will be aware of this too. Actually, something that really helped (in the first lesson) was openly saying that I was nervous - she reassured me that this was completely natural and that made me relax a bit!

Also, remember that your teacher is there to help you work through difficulties with your playing, and if nerves are one of those, they will probably be able to give you some advice to help (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[Hercules]

Hi brysonfire,

I used to be exactly the same. I was so nervous during my lessons that I couldn't concentrate on anything I was trying to play! My hands were shaking so much and the more I tried to stop the nervousness the worst it was getting! And that went on for quite a few months. The lessons were a disaster and I even started dreading them! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif)
It all changed one day when my teacher was leaning over me to watch my fingers while I was playing and mentioned casually "you look like you're shaking"!!! I stopped playing and told him he was right, I was shaking. We had a chat about nervousness and somehow talking about it made a huge difference! Suddenly I felt I didn't have to hide my nervousness anymore since he now knew about it and I could concentrate on my playing instead!!! That day my nerves stopped (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) and since then I've been able to enjoy every single lesson and concentrate on the music instead of my hands shaking!!!
I also accept that I will have bad days, days when I cannot play well so when this happens I don't make a big deal out it since I know at the next lesson I can only play better! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)
I would suggest that maybe you have a chat with your teacher about it? A good teacher is there to teach you (obviously! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) ) but will also try to put you at ease.
I wish I could be as relaxed when playing in front of friends though...this is something I still need to work on!!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

[Martin.Walters]

Ive been having lessons nearly 3 years and still get nerves.. as I do when I perform ... not so much for exams funnily enough..

All I say to myself, " I WANT TO ACHIEVE THIS" and shout it in my head.. and I soon find any nerves disappear.

[bassoonista]

With a new teacher, there are all sorts of thing to make you nervous. As you get to know each other better, you are not so scared of looking like a fool.
I've had the same teacher for three years, and am now totally relaxed with him, with one exception. I have a phobia about singing, because my voice is terrible. I once got sent out of the room for messing around in a primary school singing lesson, but I wasn't being silly...my voice really is that bad. When we are getting ready for an exam, I do the aural training with his wife, and he knows to leave the room, because I won't sing in front of him. Bizarrely, I will sing for her, and I don't worry about singing in the exam, because I know there's no chance of getting it right, and I'll never see the examiner again. But, I don't want my teacher to think badly of me.
I think that as you get to know your teacher better, your nerves will go, and you'll be able to look forwards to lessons.

[Dripdrip]

I've been with my teacher for a year and knew him for four years before that. I'm less nervous now than when I started, but if he asks me to start with scales and I fluff them or he presents me with a bit of sight reading that I can't play perfectly (yes, I do have unrealistic expectations) I get very nervous about the rest of the lesson. It only takes one dent in my confidence and it all falls apart.

[liseypeasy]

Hi brysonfire, your post could have been written by me, my walls have heard some amazing concerts but when I get to the lesson the nerves kick in (although wasn't so bad last time), and I feel I may as well have not bothered practising.

Certainly have a chat with your teacher - the lesson is about you and you need to have a relationship that can address all issues to do with playing, also smile and I make a point of asking how the teacher is, what they have done, make a joke, (but don't force jollity obviously).

I would imagine that after a a few more weeks, assuming you and the teacher get on well and get a bit more comfortable with each other, you will be more relaxed. Shy people find it difficult to give of themselves (I should know I am one) but I think if you make an effort to connect with the teacher (easy or hard depending on the personality / age / gender mix) they will respond, and as someone else said, should put you at your ease.

Good luck and have fun with it (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[Blackbird77]

Nerves have been both my nemesis and my undoing on my musical journey so far. When I changed violin teachers earlier this year, I was terrified of meeting my new teacher. I fully expected them to hear me play and then say "You're totally useless, stop wasting my time and give up the violin". But they didn't.

My teacher knows my previous history with nerves (I've failed two exams due to nerves) and the impact it has had on my confidence. We're currently working through various strategies which basically trick my mind in having to think about something else. We've found that if my brain has to think of something else e.g. hearing the note in my head, nonsense phrases to remember rhythm patterns, my nerves vanish.

I would echo what has already been suggested in having a word with your teacher. Once they know about your nerves, they can help you to turn it around.

Good luck.

[corenfa]

I am watching this thread with interest because I am going to have my first piano lesson in decades in a couple of weeks' time... My nerves have got a lot better with time, but I've no idea what I'll be like in my first lesson!

[jojo]

I am watching this thread with interest because I am going to have my first piano lesson in decades in a couple of weeks' time... My nerves have got a lot better with time, but I've no idea what I'll be like in my first lesson!

I am also reading with interest, but only because I didn't realise that my nerves are not as bad as I thought (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

I do suffer from nerves but only when performing for an audience...(and even then they are not really bad nerves, just some palpitations and a little shake of the violin bow).... I NEVER had nerves in front of my teacher (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

I am sorry to hear that some of you are afflicted by really bad nerves even in the intimate situation of one to one lessons with your teachers, it must be really bad (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif) I mean, I knew/heard that some people say the play better when home alone, but I never realised it can be 'this bad' (as described in this thread)......

[brysonfire]

Wow, I didn't realise there were so many other people who feel the same way I do! I read so many posts on here from very experienced musicians who all appear to be so confident. I really imagined it was something to do with me. I think part of the problem is that I don't remember being this nervous as a child which leaves me thinking 'what's wrong with me?!'. Self consciousness is the curse of adulthood!

My lesson went really well tonight. I was nervous - I always am - but, I did mention it to my teacher and she said she'd never noticed my nerves before. Regardless, I got through all my pieces ok, so with me, I think it's just going to be a case of learning to live with the nerves and ignoring them.

Blackbird - I like the idea of your distraction techniques, please tell me more (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

On a slightly different note, I got some encouraging news today. I plucked up the courage to mention the dreaded e-x-a-m word - my plan is to do a select few grades rather than attempt them all. I said that I'd like to aim for my first exam this time next year, whatever grade I'm ready for. My teacher said that'll be grade 4 or 5 (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) It all depends on whether I've got the time to put the work in. I'm playing around grade 2, heading towards 3 level at the moment. Better pull my socks up!

To all those who don't suffer from nerves, you're very lucky people. I can be ones undoing, regardless of how good a player you are. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[jojo]

My lesson went really well tonight. I was nervous - I always am - but, I did mention it to my teacher and she said she'd never noticed my nerves before. Regardless, I got through all my pieces ok, so with me, I think it's just going to be a case of learning to live with the nerves and ignoring them.

see? what is all that fuss about then??? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (only joking here)

well done on what sounds like a very positive/productive lesson and to have talked about it with teacher.

it sounds like you are doing really well on your instrument too (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/party1.gif)

[Blackbird77]

Good to hear your lesson went so well brysonfire. My violin teacher is trying a variety of techniques with me but they mainly focus on not giving my brain enough time to register that I'm nervous.

We do a lot on focusing on the underlying emotion of a piece, so I start with scales but with some sort of emotion behind it e.g. happy, sad, angry, gentle etc. Because I have to focus completely on the music, my nerves don't have a chance to get a grip. We also do "anchoring", I try and relate a piece to something nice that has happened in my life and concentrate on how I felt at that time. Recently, we've also tried working with a metronome. My teacher has found that if I start to panic in a piece, if I have to focus on the "tick tock" of the metronome, it can get my nerves under control.

There is a book called "The Musician's Way" which covers a lot about nerves and reading that has been of a great help to me in knowing that it is possible to "tame the tiger".

I would also thoroughly recommend going to any forum events that might be near you. They are a great opportunity to meet other players who know exactly what you're going through. It's also a fantastic way to get experience of performing in front of other people in a supportive atmosphere.

I forgot to mention we also do a lot of singing - which I spend most of the lesson making excuses to get out of (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[morceau]

As a teacher I have found that all my adult pupils suffer from nerves to a greater or lesser extent and say that they cannot play as well for me as they can at home. I must admit, I have come to expect it when taking on a new adult pupil and we talk about it. I try to assure them that we are on the journey together, I am on their side and not sitting in judgement, and also that I can hear past the nerves because I am listening for things other than the right notes, and even if a piece is a bit shabby, I can still tell if there are improvements, but none of this really seems to work. It does get better over a very long time. I'm not an intimidating person, at least I wouldn't think I am, I'm not very big, look younger than I am and am quite a jolly person.

It makes me sad that I haven't found a way of freeing my pupils from this. Perhaps it's just part of adult life - we can't regain that lack of selfconsciousness that we had as children.

[Roseau]

It does get better over a very long time.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif) For me it took four or five years (rather than the four or five lessons that someone else mentioned).

I'm not an intimidating person, at least I wouldn't think I am, I'm not very big, look younger than I am and am quite a jolly person.

It makes me sad that I haven't found a way of freeing my pupils from this.

This reminds me of my teacher. Last year when lessons started again after the long summer break, I had a sudden (and unexpected) attack of nerves. He said rather wryly "After all this time, I can still intimidate you."

The only advice I can give is what others have already said:
- Talk about it with your teacher. I tried to pretend I wasn't nervous for years because I was embarrassed about it and when I finally did say something, my teacher said he was glad I had because he hadn't wanted to be the first to talk about it in case it made things worse.
- Accept that you're going to be nervous. Trying to talk yourself out of being nervous just makes things worse because you then feel you are even more of a failure for being nervous anyway. Say things to yourself like "my hands are going to shake when I play the piece but that's OK" rather than "I'm not going to be able to play because my hands are going to be shaking."