How to get the most out of a teacher....., I Need advice on how to approach. No Moast contained Options

[notmusimum]

Generally we are very lucky with a great bunch of dedicated teachers who do their best for daughter.

I can't go into a lot of detail about the circumstances but I really need advice in dealing with a teacher situation. I'm not being provocative I have genuine concerns. It's nothing to do with ability to teach, but something happened a couple of months ago that would have tested the most placid of parents.

As a teacher have you ever put one pupils interests before another and still maintained a good relationship with the other family? If so how did you manage it?

I've really tried to to move on and genuinely thought we could get over it but subsiquent events lead me to think that the trust has gone (on our side).

There is no option that I can see to change teachers.


I don't want to go in and make the situation worse.

[morceau]

Generally we are very lucky with a great bunch of dedicated teachers who do their best for daughter.

I can't go into a lot of detail about the circumstances but I really need advice in dealing with a teacher situation. I'm not being provocative I have genuine concerns. It's nothing to do with ability to teach, but something happened a couple of months ago that would have tested the most placid of parents.

As a teacher have you ever put one pupils interests before another and still maintained a good relationship with the other family? If so how did you manage it?

I've really tried to to move on and genuinely thought we could get over it but subsiquent events lead me to think that the trust has gone (on our side).

There is no option that I can see to change teachers.


I don't want to go in and make the situation worse.

It sounds like a horrible situation. I can't imagine any circumstance where I would have to put one pupil before another - but then I teach privately so perhaps in a school there may be a situation where that could happen. My view would be that I am paid by the parents to teach each child, and so it would never be appropriate to sacrifice one for another.

Anyway, to get to the basics - you felt betrayed. It's very difficult to trust someone after that. You are probably expecting it to be repeated at some stage. Has the teacher talked to you about what happened? given an explanation, or an apology? That, to me, would make a big difference. If someone made a mistake, then you have to at least give them another chance. Or is this what you are struggling with? Perhaps you don't believe the apology?

Bit of a fuzzy answer, I'm trying to sort of see around the lack of details - but appreciate that you don't want to disclose everything.

Trust is a huge thing to lose and the person who has broken the trust ought to work hard to regain it.

[Digby]

If you're not happy, I think the only thing you can do is move on to a new teacher, but I've just re-read your post and it sounds like this is not an option. I'm not sure if I've misunderstood.

I can't think of any situation whereby I would put one student over and above another, so without specifics it is difficult to advise.

Whatever you decide best of luck. Feel free to PM if you would like to chat it through

Digby xx (IMG:style_emoticons/default/thereThere.gif)

[notmusimum]

Thanks! The supportive reponses really help.

I can't say all the details publically there is no option to change teachers.


I have had an explanation which could have lead to reconciliation but it's back to same old same old in lessons.

I suppose I'm really upset as I wanted to speak to teacher to check something about a piece of music they asked me ot get and on seeing me they turned their back.

[morceau]

I suppose I'm really upset as I wanted to speak to teacher to check something about a piece of music they asked me ot get and on seeing me they turned their back.

That is not nice to be on the receiving end of, but remember, when someone feels guilty and knows they've done a bad thing they will often want to avoid the person they have wronged! Unless you have been parent from ###### over it??!! (joking)

edit - wow that looks as if I used a really bad word!! It was meant to be "parent from hades"

[notmusimum]

I suppose I'm really upset as I wanted to speak to teacher to check something about a piece of music they asked me ot get and on seeing me they turned their back.

That is not nice to be on the receiving end of, but remember, when someone feels guilty and knows they've done a bad thing they will often want to avoid the person they have wronged! Unless you have been parent from ###### over it??!! (joking)

edit - wow that looks as if I used a really bad word!! It was meant to be "parent from hades"

I was very forgiving over the first incident really tried my best to be reasonable. I think it was guilt but not over that....

i'm more worried that I'll become that difficult parent (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif)

[Arundodonuts]

I suppose I'm really upset as I wanted to speak to teacher to check something about a piece of music they asked me ot get and on seeing me they turned their back.

I think you should have walked over, tapped them politely on the shoulder and asked to have a word.

[notmusimum]

I suppose I'm really upset as I wanted to speak to teacher to check something about a piece of music they asked me ot get and on seeing me they turned their back.

I think you should have walked over, tapped them politely on the shoulder and asked to have a word.

I did interupt probably non too politely (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) Very hard though when the person they were talking too is the one daughter wants to be taught by a degree level.

[notmusimum]

I really appreciate all the kind words and understanding.

What I'm surprised about is the very opinionated teachers who moan about parents getting it wrong haven't given any hint on the best way to approach a teacher to get things right.

[Scooby Doo]

Perhaps it?s just that we don?t quite understand the question. Not trying to be difficult or force you to say more than you want to, but I for one can?t really fathom what we are being asked to comment on.

It sounds as though there is some bad feeling on both sides, and I would have thought that the only way forward is to have an honest discussion with the teacher concerned. The best way to approach this might be to ask for a meeting to discuss things - let the teacher know what it is you would like to talk about so that he / she has some time to think about it too - ringing them up or tackling them face to face without warning isn?t likely to lead to a happy conclusion, so perhaps an email or text asking for a brief chat is the best way to start?

[notmusimum]

Perhaps it?s just that we don?t quite understand the question. Not trying to be difficult or force you to say more than you want to, but I for one can?t really fathom what we are being asked to comment on.

It sounds as though there is some bad feeling on both sides, and I would have thought that the only way forward is to have an honest discussion with the teacher concerned. The best way to approach this might be to ask for a meeting to discuss things - let the teacher know what it is you would like to talk about so that he / she has some time to think about it too - ringing them up or tackling them face to face without warning isn?t likely to lead to a happy conclusion, so perhaps an email or text asking for a brief chat is the best way to start?

Thanks I've done that so at least I've made an acceptable first move.

I really can't go into any details publically over this and I realise it's a bit obscure. I can only say this has been caused by something that was done to us and not something we did. That's what makes it difficult to discuss publically, as well as the fact it's too political.

Unfortunately I have a tendancy to be too honest when I'm being honest and I'm not sure that's the best way forward on this occasion (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif)

I'm desperately trying to get it right. I just wish there was some way to turn back the clock....

[Seer_Green]

What I'm surprised about is the very opinionated teachers who moan about parents getting it wrong haven't given any hint on the best way to approach a teacher to get things right.

Well, I don't consider myself a 'very opinionated teacher' as you so eloquently put it ( (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) ), but I couldn't think of anything to reply to your post, because like Scooby Doo, I couldn't really understand what it is you were asking. Whilst I appreciate you don't want to give too much information, it's bit much to be surprised that teachers haven't responsed when most probably can't fathom the question.

If you are dissatisfied with this teacher for whatever reason and you don't think it's a situation which you either wish to or can sort out, then go to a different teacher. Simple. Like as seems to be the case with so many parents on these forums, in these situations where they are dissatisfied for whatever reason, the damage has already been done, and the trust has gone. At that point, I see very little point in continuing. That's not a criticism, but it's reality with any relationship.

[notmusimum]

What I'm surprised about is the very opinionated teachers who moan about parents getting it wrong haven't given any hint on the best way to approach a teacher to get things right.

Well, I don't consider myself a 'very opinionated teacher' as you so eloquently put it ( (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) ), but I couldn't think of anything to reply to your post, because like Scooby Doo, I couldn't really understand what it is you were asking. Whilst I appreciate you don't want to give too much information, it's bit much to be surprised that teachers haven't responsed when most probably can't fathom the question.

If you are dissatisfied with this teacher for whatever reason and you don't think it's a situation which you either wish to or can sort out, then go to a different teacher. Simple. Like as seems to be the case with so many parents on these forums, in these situations where they are dissatisfied for whatever reason, the damage has already been done, and the trust has gone. At that point, I see very little point in continuing. That's not a criticism, but it's reality with any relationship.

I wish it was that simple.....

Changing teacher would have been the first thing I would have done if that had been an option. Doing so could seriously effect daughters future plans and there isn't an alternative.

I guess the question was what is the best way to speak to a teacher without causing offense? Particularly when they have done something to break your trust and you have talked about it and thought it had been moved on from. Then they do something to break your trust again......

I have tried to say that the initial thing wasn't in response to anything we did it was cirumstances beyond our control. I don't know if it was in the teachers conrol or not. We now feel subsiquent things are connected to the initial situation.

So what's the best way to approach a teacher over a problem?

[owainsutton]

I guess the question was what is the best way to speak to a teacher without causing offense? Particularly when they have done something to break your trust and you have talked about it and thought it had been moved on from. Then they do something to break your trust again......

Talk to them, and as already suggested, don't make it a surprise, but ask for a chance to sit down and meet face-to-face. Clearly you've got a lot of things you want to talk about, and it's only fair to both sides that you do so when they're in a position to listen, and to digest what you say. If there's any reconciliatory gestures you can make, that would then be the opportunity.

Avoid email, it simply doesn't work right in emotional situations.

[BerkshireMum]

I guess the question was what is the best way to speak to a teacher without causing offense? Particularly when they have done something to break your trust and you have talked about it and thought it had been moved on from. Then they do something to break your trust again......

Talk to them, and as already suggested, don't make it a surprise, but ask for a chance to sit down and meet face-to-face. Clearly you've got a lot of things you want to talk about, and it's only fair to both sides that you do so when they're in a position to listen, and to digest what you say. If there's any reconciliatory gestures you can make, that would then be the opportunity.

Avoid email, it simply doesn't work right in emotional situations.

I'll second that! I managed to get into quite a difficult position with a teacher because of misunderstanding of e-mails, and the situation only cleared after we had been able to talk about things. Face to face is better if you can arrange it with the teacher concerned.