Piano crisis, play or not to play? Options

[boysmum]

DS started piano at 3.5 and has passed Grade 3 with distinction this May at age 6.5. And now he just started to learn Sonatinas. However he has never really enjoyed piano practising, it has been such a struggle to practise 20~30 minutes everyday for the Grade 3 exam.

He does enjoying playing at the concerts and doesn't mind playing at music festivals either. However the piano practising is never easy, he runs away after playing just one time, sometimes half of the piece. Whenever he made a mistake, he threw the music book away.... Otherwise he is a very pleased and well behaved boy.

It just felt so wrong so I decided I had enough of dragging him to the piano stove, for the past two days I have left him watching TV all evening.

However I am so frustrated, should I just give up? I am tone deaf, totally non-musical, so I feel so hopeless. Everyone said he is talented, I am not sure what I should do to look after the talent. I questioned myself if I has built too much expectation on him.

Any wise suggestions please, thank you!

[dolce@piano]

Just a quickie, but you could try banning TV or turning off the TV after an hour - and seeing what happens.

i.e. you're not making him practise the piano but, if there's no TV, maybe he'll go and do it off his own bat.

(And, if not, maybe he'll do something else that's constructive . . . )

[fsharpminor]

Yes - back off a bit and see what happens, if he enjoys playing in concerts/festivals etc, he'll soon realise he has to practise to get the pieces up to standard. Forcing him to practise is fruitless.

[Norway]

I wouldn't bother with any more grades for a few years - 6 is very young to have grade 3 (I don't take pupils younger then 8)- grade 8 music is written for adults to play, both technically and emotionally - there is little advantage in getting there younger than about 16, and the pressure may put him off altogether. Ten minutes per day of fun pieces to play in little concerts would probably be a good way forward.

[violincjj]

Could you find an older piano student to come and practise with him a couple of times a week? I'm thinking of a friendly 14/15/16 year old boy who plays at a high level himself, someone who could be a role model for your son?

In our family with 5 sons it was wonderful to see how much the little ones wanted to be like the big ones in their musical development. It might help take the pressure off you to be enthusiastic and fun with practise every day!

[boysmum]

Thanks everyone for your kind suggestion. looks like he is under too much pressure and not enough fun.



Hi violincjj, very good idea, I will look into it. He is the only child, I guess he get too much attention and pressure from us.

Could you find an older piano student to come and practise with him a couple of times a week? I'm thinking of a friendly 14/15/16 year old boy who plays at a high level himself, someone who could be a role model for your son?

In our family with 5 sons it was wonderful to see how much the little ones wanted to be like the big ones in their musical development. It might help take the pressure off you to be enthusiastic and fun with practise every day!

[jcassell]

I wouldn't bother with any more grades for a few years - 6 is very young to have grade 3 (I don't take pupils younger then 8)- grade 8 music is written for adults to play, both technically and emotionally - there is little advantage in getting there younger than about 16, and the pressure may put him off altogether. Ten minutes per day of fun pieces to play in little concerts would probably be a good way forward.

Agree with this and next comments. He is very very young, and making it fun is the main thing. Better to enforce a no pressure 10 mins with age appropriate pieces, til he catches up with his abilities. Piano is solitary in the early stages, which is a challenge, so you need to provide sociable musical opportunities for fun.

[barncottagecat]

Your little boy has done extremely well to get to that level at his age, so he must have been working very hard. It is possible that as he's now getting a little older he's beginning to question what he's doing and why (as they do if they are quite bright!). I assume that you'd really like him to continue with his music, and so it's very important that he doesn't get put off. When my kids get reluctant about practice, we have the chat about why we are doing it (because playing is easier if you can keep it going most days etc...) and then I get out the infamous bag, into which I put the name of every piece they've ever played, and some things like - have a piece of cake, make up a tune, kiss your mum, etc.... for them to pick out - works every time. Even still with my 13 year old daughter....

[miffy]

I was the same standard as your son on my instruments (violin & piano) at 6. I was also a normal child and sometimes didn't want to practice. I have had some pupils the same and I do believe there is great value in starting them young if they show an interest. I think Violincjj makes a good suggestion as I know what helped me was to hear older children play. My advantage was that my mum was a piano teacher so I used to lie in bed listening to her pupils play and think 'I want to play that'. I also really enjoyed taking exams - I wasn't pushed through them against my will (but again, wanted to be like the big children, I guess) and also playing at festivals. I don't think finishing the exam process early held back my musical progression, nor was I hugely lacking in the maturity required as I played plenty of repertoire in between (gd5's at 8, gd6's at 10, gd8's at 12 - all distinctions), but we did have to pick my gd8 pieces to suit my handspan, which incidentally has never got much bigger!
If he likes music let him go for it, sometimes on his terms, sometimes on yours..and sometimes with a bar of chocolate as a motivational tool if necessary! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[boysmum]

Thanks everyone again, and thanks for these interesting ideas. I will try the "music bag" idea and I am sure he will find it amusing.

Like Miffy, he never mind taking exams. Seems the most important part of the exam is that he gets to say "hello" and "thank you" to the examer. I guess this makes him feeling like a "big boy".

On my side, I guess I need to relax a bit - if he doesn't practise 5 times a piece, it is not the end of the world.