Music Jokes......, What's your favourite? Options

[sujamo]

I'm afraid I love viola jokes...

Q: What's the best sound made by a viola?
A: Splash.

Q: How do you know when the stage is flat?
A: The violas dribble out of both sides of their mouths.

Q: What's the difference between a viola and a shopping trolley?
A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

[karslima]

This is a true story. At the end of a concert which I had attended with friends we were talking about the performance. I said "Of course I really liked the violins". The others looked at me in amazement and one of my friends replied "What do you mean, violence?!"

[gedall40]

This is also a true story.

I was checking in my luggage at an airport and the check-in lady asked me if I had anything sharp in my hand luggage.

I replied "I have my flute, but it is only sharp when I play in the top register!".

The look on her face (something like (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif) ) proved that she was not very musical (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[Arundodonuts]

I'm afraid I love viola jokes...

Me too.
Years ago, when I played the viola a double-bass playing friend of mine said "I know a really good viola joke".
"Come on" I said, "you know I play the viola".
"OK" said he, "I'll tell it really slowly".

Of course there are jokes about other instruments (just not so many). Of interest to me at the moment are oboe jokes:
How do you get an oboist to play A flat?
Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.

Then again, considering a quotation from Wagner, I may be heading back to the viola section before too long:
"The viola is usually played by infirm violinists, or by decrepit players of wind instruments who happen to have been acquainted with a string instrument once upon a time."

[stevensfo]

The truth is that I've heard all the jokes, about every single instrument. I never understand the bias against viola players, since our amateur ensemble is desperate for them.

But never mind....... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Letter to an Agony aunt in a women's magazine:


Dear Maggie,

I've just met the man of my dreams. I love him so much. He plays viola in our amateur orchestra. He has made so much progress since leaving prison and his probation officer says that he has finally agreed to help the police locate all the bodies. His mother is still inside for smuggling cocaine and his father is somewhere in Peru being tracked by the CIA for his work with Al-Quada. His sister lives in Runcorn and is known as 'Miss Easy lay' and his brother is in Broadmoor.

Next week I want him to meet my parents. Mummy and Daddy are so fussy and rather old fashioned.
I want to tell them everything, but one can only go so far..... do I really have to say that he plays the viola?




Steve

[Roseau]

Q. How do you get two oboists to play in unison?
A. Shoot one of them.

Q. What's the definition of a semi-tone?
A. Two oboists playing in unison.

Q. How many oboists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. Only one but he'll have to try out 30 or 40 to find the best one.

[Arundodonuts]

Q. How many oboists does it take to change a light-bulb?
A. Only one but he'll have to try out 30 or 40 to find the best one.

Oh I like that one. I suppose tomorrow he'll swap it for a different one because it's no longer bright enough.

[flute&co]

I am a viola player and I rather like viola jokes.

A violinist, a cellist, a violist and a bass player are in the same room with a 500 euros banknote on the floor.
Who will get the money ?
The cellist because it's not enough for the violinist to go and get it, the bass player is too slow and the violist didn't understand what happened.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[karslima]

Another true story that made my laugh....

In 1996 David Brooks was taken to court for playing the bagpipes on Hampstead Heath. It was his regular practice and when his neighbours discovered an ancient byelaw that forbade music instruments to be played on the Heath they pressed charges against him. In his defence he argued that the bagpipes were not a music instrument, but had been classed as an instrument of war since 1746. The case went to court three times and he eventually lost because "in time of war the bagpipes are an instrument of war and in peace they are a musical instrument".

It seems to have been a complicated case that ended as a farce. I hope I got the facts right.

[skiday]

What's the difference between your brother's banjo and his brand new vi-sprung double devan bed. - You don't don't tell your kids off when they start jumping on his banjo. (I guess he hasn't got a viola)

[John Willett]

Child:
Mummy, mummy; when I grow up I want to be a musician.

Mother:
Sorry, darling, it's one or the other - you can't do both.

[Fran*Piano]

How many bassoonists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but they will go through four or five before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

How many altos does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two, one to do it, and one to say "Isn't that a little high for you?"
OR
None, they can't get up that high.

What's black and blue and lies in the gutter?
The lead guitarist that's told one too many drummer jokes. (A personal favourite of my drummer friend, who's band's lead guitarist is a rather cocky character!)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[violin123]

What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
Nothing. The violinist's head is just big.

(Or vise versa with 'the viola player's head is just small') Please note I have nothing against violins, or violas. I am a violinist and a soon-to-be viola player.

How many second violinists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They can't get up that high.

[stevensfo]

Hearing a scream coming from backstage, the conductor rushes down to see Betty, the viola player, pinning Jeffrey, a violinist, against the wall with a plastic fork from the canteen.

"What's going on?" shouts the conductor.

"It's Jeffrey!" screams Betty, hysterically. "He's retuned one of my strings!"

The conductor scratches his head. "Er, well... and so what?"

"He won't tell me which one!!"


(IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)

Steve

[MDSS]

Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
>
>
A. A flat minor

-And one for the organists on board-

Q. What do you call a short headmaster?
>
>
A. A 4-foot principal (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)