Absolutely Furious, snooping pupils Options

[tasha.t]

Just a little rant - sorry.

Has anyone else ever had the situation where they teach two siblings and one waits while you teach the other? I am sure plently of you do. I usually let the sibling sit in the music room with me while I teach the other so my famiy can carry on and I leave drawing things on the desk for the chldren to keep them amused. I have discovered that one of the children is quietly going through my desk drawers while I teach. I noticed a coiuple of small things were missing a few weeks ago and thought that this was very odd but this week, I checked straight after the lesson and noticed that several things had gone. I questioned the girls who said that they did not know where they were despuite the fact that packets etc were on my floor. All of a sudden, the missing articles 'appeared' down the side of the chair in the living room! I am hopping mad now. I rang the mother to say that the girls had been going through my desk but didn't say that things were going missing, she said that she would have a word with them but I am really unhappy about the situation. I will now have to keep them away from the desk now and \i feel really uncomfortable.

Sorry - just wanted to get that out of my system.

Tasha

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif)

[petrat]

It can be difficult having one child wait for another . I have a few that have back to back lessons and find that they will sit very quietly if they are allowed to bring in game machines or personal music players. They have to use head phones of course and turn the volume down so that it cannot be heard by anyone else but this works well. It must have been really annoying when the pupils nosed through your desk but it was a tempting situation for them perhaps and also a long wait with little to do and no supervision. It is best not to put kids into situations like that. I know several adults who would not be against having a look at my diary or student notes given half a chance. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[tasha.t]

It can be difficult having one child wait for another . I have a few that have back to back lessons and find that they will sit very quietly if they are allowed to bring in game machines or personal music players. They have to use head phones of course and turn the volume down so that it cannot be heard by anyone else but this works well. It must have been really annoying when the pupils nosed through your desk but it was a tempting situation for them perhaps and also a long wait with little to do and no supervision. It is best not to put kids into situations like that. I know several adults who would not be against having a look at my diary or student notes given half a chance. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I do suggest that waiting students bring books, homework, games machines etc and most do if they have to wait.

[fsharpminor]

Way back when I had lessons, my teacher used to have 2 or 3 pupils in at once , as she taught us all theory at the same time. Pupils would come and go in a 'rolling fashion' at about 20 min intervals, but we were there for more than an hour usually. Two were doing theory at the table whilst she was giving most of her attention for whoevers turn it was at the piano. It worked quite well really.

[cindy]

I have several pairs of siblings taught back to back. From the outset I make it very clear to parents that this is partly a favour for them to make life easier. I also let the students know this as well. It is abundantly clear that if there is any nonsense then I will not teach them together. I request that parents supply them with homework / games machines etc. I also will not agree to the arrangemnt before the youngest sibling is 9 years old. Before that they are far too young to expect them to be sensible for half an hour. As they get older I teach the theory element to both siblings Before starting on the practical side and then they always have something to get on with.

I have also been known, on a couple of occasions, to put a chair in my hallway with absolutely nothing else there if one has been disruptive. It works a treat when the parent collects because even if the parent does not normally come in to collect the children, the remaining sibling is only too pleased to get the parent so that I can discuss the behaviour of the waiting sibling. Parents are generally mortified that I have had to send their child out so that the other one can have an uninterrupted lesson.

My advice is to lay down a few ground rules, and stick to them. I also tell parents that although more convenient to them half an hour is an awful long time for a child to wait. I have 5 children of my own, and they have never had to wait while any of the others have had lessons, we have alwys arranged for them to go at separate times, it can be done!

[notmusimum]

I would be furious if one of my girls had done this and they would be made to face you and take responsibility for their actions.

It's wrong to go snooping whether they have to wait half an hour, ten minuites or two hours!! There's also a big difference between looking and taking things.

I wonder what explaination will be given for their behaviour?

[ad_libitum]

Yes on a couple of occassions I've had a pupil wait while brother or sister had their lesson first.

I have a dining table near the piano though so I can see them from where I'm sitting.

I wouldn't be very impressed by this behaviour at all and I think you have a right to feel cross! I'm always very careful to point out that my living room isn't the same as a classroom as maybe young kids don't see the difference. It's a family home, and some of the things in it don't even belong to me, so they know not to touch anything they shouldn't.

[Aquarelle]

Can you sit the waiting child where you can see her? I have a several pupils who wait and like other posters I insist they bring something to do. If they forget, which is rare, I provide colouring pictures for the young ones. The older ones always bring homework and seem happy to have a quiet time to get on with it. But I am fortunate in that I can always put them where I can see them.

I think if they have been going through your things you are quite entitled to give them a good telling off. You may have inadvertantly left them in a tempting situation but if they are old enough for music lessons they are old enough to understand that one doesn't give in to every temptation and that other people's belongings are to be respected.

Whatever the mother's reaction I would be inclined the very next time you sit one of them to wait to say something like "I know exactly where everything on my desk is or in the drawers is and you will not touch it. If you do, not only will I tell your mother but from then on you will sit beside me in silence while I teach your sister."

I had to be very firm with a waiting sister a little while ago. She was playing in the classroom next to the music space but I could see her through an observation window. I had allowed her to play with the dolls' corner but she was noisily spreading the toys all over the place and I knew she would be loth to pack them away. She is only five but she understood my firmness and it hasn't occured since.

[all ears]

Reluctantly, I feel that perhaps you should have said outright to the mother that items were missing immediately after the girls had been there, which reappeared in short order. You wouldn't have to make any further accusations, that allows room for the possibility that there was a misunderstanding, but also removes room for "got away with it" smugness.

Years after similar things happened, I haven't figured out a perfect solution, but rather regret smoothing things over.

One kid who stole son's purse returned it in much the way your pupil's did - he pleaded to come and visit, and within minutes "discovered" the purse on a hard chair in the middle of a room!!! But even without being accused, he obviously felt reluctant to continue the friendship - never saw him again. Sad, but I guess unavoidable - don't know that accusations would have helped, but I think that it would have been difficult to have welcomed him into our home warmly and trustingly again.

In a second case, school asked me to take a (teenage) kid under my wing, without warning me that he was a notorious thief. Previous victims had refused to press charges because they didn't want anybody to know that their kids had any kind of connection with the boy. His family also begged us not to press charges (and given his history, they would have been serious enough for him to go into residential care - in 12 months he'd moved from opportunistic theft of cash from friend's parents to tampering with mail, stealing documents and bank cards, stealing and selling items). What was the end result? He was a little crestfallen for a month or two, but once he realized that he faced no consequences, the taste for easy money returned - he left school declaring that the world was his treasure chest, and he was out to take what he could... I don't know how he could have been helped, but turning a blind eye was obviously not useful.

Hope you find a suitable resolution to the situation!

[maggiemay]

I wouldn't be very impressed by this behaviour at all and I think you have a right to feel cross!

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif)

I regard having another sibling sitting in as a kind of 'babysitting service' and will usually try to find an alternative arrangement. That's not to say I never do it - but I'm reluctant to agree on a regular basis - and certainly where one of the children is under 9 or 10. For various reasons it is not ideal, and it needs to be regarded as a bonus, and not something to be taken advantage of.

I do think mum needs to come back to you before you see the girls again - I would want a review of arrangements I think and I would take a dim view if they just turn up next time without a mention.

(Takes off GOW hat)

Hope you can sort this amicably tasha t - but I think you need to feel confident that your message has got across. Is it possible for them to come one at a time? if this would be inconvenient for mum, it is in her interest to keep you happy after all !

[ad_libitum]

Also, sometimes I'm a bit surprised and disappointed and how parents react to hearing about their children behaving badly.... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

I know everyone deals with things differently but I can imagine what my mum's reaction would have been, and it would have been much stronger that "I'll have a word"... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Most likely she would have hung up the phone, ran upstairs, dragged us down by the arm/hair, marched us round to the teacher's house to apologise and quite possibily not let us go back to lessons at all (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)

I remember having an argument with my sister when we were little over a Beano comic and who got to read it first. After two minutes mum came in, said nothing, grabbed the comic and set fire to it with her lighter (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

She just said "There, now no one has a comic" and walked out again (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Some folk seem almost afraid to tell their kids off, and I think rifling round your teacher's sutff merits more than just "a word..."

[tasha.t]

Wow, thanks for all your support and suggestions.

I agree that I should be more assertive and I must lay down ground rules more strictly. The desk is behind the piano so is technically out of eyeshot but I love the suggestion of a chair on its own in the hall. Unfortunately this would give pleasure to the students concerned as I have two dogs which they love who can roam around there, and my own little girl loves a chat!! I may have to put a chair for the waiting child next to the piano and see if that works. It would be hard for the mother to keep coming back but if the situation carries on I will have to insist on this or lose the students. I do feel quite uncomfortable now abut the whole thing.

Many thanks all

Tasha (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

[harmony2]

Like a few of the others, I teach several pairs of siblings back to back and they stay in my music room. Rules were put in place at the outset, homework or a book is brought in, and I also keep pencils and paper at the ready. A cork notice board is used to display 'musical posters' that they produce while waiting and has become quite popular!

The only experience I have had of a 'magpie' pupil was a 12 year old girl who started slipping music into her bag. After a few weeks I realised that it was always after xxx's lesson that something went missing. At the end of the next lesson I deliberately kept one of her piano parts out until she had started packing up her flute. A quick 'I'll put this in your music case while you pack up', followed by 'Oh dear, look what you've put in your music case by mistake!' put an end to the problem. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

[HelenVJ]

I once had a magpie mother - as she travelled a fair distance, I let her sit in the room next door while her daughter was having her lesson. Not only did she start putting used cigarette butts down the side of the sofa! but I also noticed small but significant things going missing - culminating in the stylus being removed from my trusty old LP turntable!

Having said that, I now have a 6 year old who behaves impeccably while waiting in the same room as her sister during their lessons - while Dad makes a trip to the supermarket (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) with the 2 year old. Or, weather permitting, she sits and draws/birdwatches in the garden.

[Cyrilla]

I would feel inclined to just say that you feel unable to have the sibling in the room while the other child has her lesson.

And I agree with ad_lib - my mum's reaction would have been just a tad stronger than 'I'll have a word', too...why are parents SO reluctant these days to tell a child firmly 'NO'????

*keeps GOW hat on*

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)