Optimism and ageing Options

[lottie]

I had a crashing mid-life crisis in my early forties which came out of the blue and as a complete surprise! I just experienced a few minutes of horrific panic on a daily basis that life IS finite and opportunities and experiences were closing down to me. I also suddenly had a vast resource of opportunity and experience BEHIND me and it just made me feel old, depressed and written-off.

Then I had a horrendous year with elderly relatives that ended in December with the death of one who had been a seriously flawed and toxic person. It was a considerable relief. Now I naturally feel more optimistic because daily life is not so dreadfully stressed: I'm also very very lucky to be at that stage of life where I am secure financially and can take pleasure in day-to-day life and work on fulfilling my dreams and achievements (I love my job/family/home etc).

However, within the last two weeks I have discovered I may be carrying a defective gene that could dramatically shorten my life - if it manifests it is 100% fatal and there is really no effective treatment of any kind. Two, possibly three family members of the previous generation have lost their lives in recent years. A few years ago I would have been distraught and in a blind panic... but I feel calm. Thankfully I have no children to pass it on to. I'll find out in due course with blood tests but even that is no indicator if this condition might manifest for my generation - a classic case of a ticking time-bomb. I've discussed with my OH what we will do if it manifests including a living will and funeral/nursing-home plans but I'm not being morbid, just practical. I'm not even thinking about it all that much and the family have not yet even discussed a group blood-test scenario. But it's there.

I do feel calm and optimistic. I'm currently leading a wonderful life and I'm going to continue to find joy and love in every day, and continue making plans for a long and fulfilling 'mature-hood' (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) . If it's a bit shorter than expected then, at the moment, I'm determined to make sure I have no real regrets (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[karslima]

Does anyone else feel as they get older that they are more pessimistic? I think that when one is in in 20s or 30s everything seems somehow brighter but in 40s and definitely by 50s (where I am now) life seems rather less hopeful. I suppose that in mid-life one can see both the beginning and the end of life and that is really depressing. What do others feel about this?

No, I don't feel less optimistic as I get older. My Mum died aged 53 when I was 30, so at that time I concluded that I was already past mid-life. Now, in my forties I feel as if I have enough patience for elderly people and yet still enough energy for young people. So I feel happy about being middle-aged.

Society does treat you differently. I have to laugh when I see exercise classes advertised as for the over forties when I already attend a class full of people half my age.

I have a friend who is in her seventies and she tells me that life gets better as you get older. It seems that middle age is a difficult time and once people have adjusted to it they decide to make the most of the rest of their lives.