Music + Friends, how do you cope? Options

[ELLAonthepiano]

my friends all understand that i'm really committed to my youth orchestras and choir, but i'd really love them to be more interested. i've played them a cd of my (very good might i add) church choir but they found it really boring (i dont know what i expected) and took the mick out of some of my guy friends for being altos (they sound gay apparently.) i'd really love them to come and watch a service or a concert or something but they just laugh at me like i'm suggesting something stupid. i even offered to pay for tickets to our prestigious pre tour concert (about £10 each) and they refused. i wouldnt want to feel like i was forcing them but i think if they saw me play or sing they'd understand how much it means to me and be a bit more understanding when i don't go out because i have a rehearsal.
any advice?

[Martin.Walters]

my friends all understand that i'm really committed to my youth orchestras and choir, but i'd really love them to be more interested. i've played them a cd of my (very good might i add) church choir but they found it really boring (i dont know what i expected) and took the mick out of some of my guy friends for being altos (they sound gay apparently.) i'd really love them to come and watch a service or a concert or something but they just laugh at me like i'm suggesting something stupid. i even offered to pay for tickets to our prestigious pre tour concert (about £10 each) and they refused. i wouldnt want to feel like i was forcing them but i think if they saw me play or sing they'd understand how much it means to me and be a bit more understanding when i don't go out because i have a rehearsal.
any advice?

I dont think this is a personal thing against you or your great talents. ~ I play piano for my church and when I mention it or they read about it, they think im a bit weird and keep their distance and dont feel they know me. I think its an age thing and a lack of understanding in a broad community.


That guy Gareth off TV constructing local choir has the same problem. He has a + side, TV spotlight !

Its a hurtful act, but they dont see it. We must stay strong in our faith, the brighter the light the harder to resist to go and see (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)
It may be worth getting them on their own and chat about it for 5mins.
Please dont take this the wrong way, if it doesnt work you should reconsider how much of "friends" are true and loyal. I`d be happy if a friend invited me to listen or see something they liked and was good at even if I didnt really like what it was. I`d still appreciate it.

[BerkshireMum]

my friends all understand that i'm really committed to my youth orchestras and choir, but i'd really love them to be more interested. i've played them a cd of my (very good might i add) church choir but they found it really boring (i dont know what i expected) and took the mick out of some of my guy friends for being altos (they sound gay apparently.) i'd really love them to come and watch a service or a concert or something but they just laugh at me like i'm suggesting something stupid. i even offered to pay for tickets to our prestigious pre tour concert (about £10 each) and they refused. i wouldnt want to feel like i was forcing them but i think if they saw me play or sing they'd understand how much it means to me and be a bit more understanding when i don't go out because i have a rehearsal.
any advice?

I think perhaps you have to accept that you and your friends have different tastes in music. I'm much older than you, but when I'm singing in a choral concert I know that some of my friends may be interested in a ticket, but others would rather bang their heads on a wall!

Actually, I have a very good friend who loves running, and when we were younger several times asked me if I'd like to go running with her. It's just not my thing, so I said no. I'm sure you can think of some activities which your friends enjoy but which you just wouldn't fancy doing - that might help you appreciate why your friends don't want to come to your concerts.

[Clari Nicki1]

I think if your friends don't share your passion, it is v hard for them to understand. My youngest who is 11 is a gymnast and trains 14 hours a week. Her friends don't get it- and have said 'You put gym before us' and she's still at primary school. However, they do have their birthday parties around her commitments and have stayed good friends with her- that's the important thing! They adapt their social life to fit in around my daughter a bit. They ask 'When are you free?' She can't expect them to understand her passion- I don't understand what she is talking about when she talks of 'Pitch to hands' 'Pitch to catch etc' and I am her mother! I suppose what has happened for my daughter, is that she has friends now who are gymnasts who are equally good friends as her school friends.... and friends in County Orchestra who do get what it is about music.
Ellaonthepiano, have you made friends with people who share your passion with music? Don't drop your other friends, but there are people out there who will understand.

[Arundodonuts]

I think perhaps you have to accept that you and your friends have different tastes in music. I'm much older than you, but when I'm singing in a choral concert I know that some of my friends may be interested in a ticket, but others would rather bang their heads on a wall!

Not just music. People just don't all want to do the same things. I enjoy droning on about oboes, morris dancing, mountains, etc but not everyone shares my interests. Your friends don't all have to want to enjoy the same things you do.

Anyway, I'll get my own back over the next few weeks looking nonplussed while everyone goes on and on about something called football.

[Celeste]

My best friend does not like music at all. I find it very hard to have someone very close to me who simply has no feelings towards something I love. But we avoid the topic and it's alright... But when she's at my house and I have music on she's endlessly saying 'I hate this song', 'I hate this artist' and it does actually upset me, because these are things which are very important to me, so I wish she could understand.

Certainly in the past, when I've met someone with a strong interest in something (*Cough* Matthew and church) I've done my best to get involved in it and at least find out a bit about it, so they know I care.

[Czerny]

I think the thing to do may be to target your efforts towards one carefully-chosen person, or perhaps two people, whom you feel would be most receptive. What's happening at the moment sounds suspiciously as if your friends are succumbing to peer pressure and aren't willing to admit any interest in what you're doing in case they are teased for being square (or neeky, or whatever).

Alternatively, stop trying to involve your friends if it's only likely to lead to disappointment. What other people have said about people having different tastes is of course true and you shouldn't necessarily take it personally.

[AuroraViolin]

Are there a group of people from school who are musical who would enjoy your concerts? At my school, there is a group of 15 or so made up of all different years who are totally mad about music, so we go to eachothers' concerts and support eachother that way. I have a fairly large group of friends, and only 1 of them plays an instrument - but we don't really have much else in common to be honest although she is lovely. I know I'm rambling, but my point is that the majority of my friends really don't get what makes me want to play music, but they accept that it's something I really enjoy. In the laat couple of years, quite a few of them have started to come to my concerts, but up until we were about 15/16 they just weren't interested - which is totally fair enough: I don't understand why a few of them are horse mad, but it doesn't make our friendship any less robust. I didn't have to do any persuading: they'd just heard some people saying to me how much they'd enjoyed being in the concert and then they thought they'd go to one and try it for size. I don't think you can make your friends go to a concert: they have to want to go, otherwise it'd be a bit awkward and they'd probably not go to another one. In time I'm sure they might want to explore your music, but if not it's fine: it's not because they don't like YOU!

[Fran*Piano]

I can sympthasise with this, Ella-not so much for music, but I'm in year eleven and dance twenty hours a week (during normal time, that doesn't include extra rehearsals and practice time!) and my friends often comment that I don't go out with them as much as others and put dance before them. It is upsetting, but it's something that I love, and I have my friends at dancing too. They will come to accept it over time, and perhaps if they can't accept it for your sake, then maybe they're not such good friends?

[JoMook]

That's why I made piano 'fwends' on here (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wave.gif) When I tell some of my non-piano friends that I going to summer school for a week for A214, they think I am barking. Some of them are interested in hearing what I can play, other literally could not be more bored by it.

Accept that you like different things, and ignore the idiotic comments they make about members of your choir.

[missypiano]

That's why I made piano 'fwends' on here (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wave.gif)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/wave.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[Bass Clef]

The thing is, compared to a lot of other hobbies, music is a bit different. With most other hobbies, the activity is one that you can do with your friends, e.g. you can watch a film together/go bowling together, etc. But with music, it's you doing it and your friends just watching. Perhaps they feel like they won't really be involved in it, and are afraid that if they went to one of your concerts, they wouldn't 'understand' the music? They might just not fancy it, and that doesn't necessarily mean they don't appreciate you.
I've managed to get my family to come to a few of my choir concerts, and I always try to get them intersted by telling them a little bit about the piece or the composer, but in a way that appeals to ordinary punters. E.g. tell them some gossip about the composer that makes them seem like a human being and not just an old guy with a beard who's been dead for centuries.
I've also managed to get a few friends to listen to my music by posting links to it on facebook. Rather than asking them to come to a concert, which they might have felt uncomfortable with, this allows them to listen if they want to, in a setting with which they're familiar (and let's face it, most people on facebook are bored and looking for something, anything, to do!). I've actually had quite a few people leave comments saying how much they enjoyed it!

[The Flute Fanatic]

I've been playing flute for years, my friends have never taken any interest in my music, never come to any of the concerts I play in even when I'm doing solos and I got used to it, they just didn't like orchestral music and I accepted that. But last year one of my friends decided to take up flute which was fine, but then one of my friends listens to her practise every time and takes so much interest in her playing! I feel so rejected and can't understand why she takes interest in her and not me.

[sbhoa]

I'm way past my teens.
My family don't really have much interest in my music but it's my interest, not theirs, so that's fine.
My husband doesn't come to many of the concerts I'm playing in but I don't go to cricket/football/rugby with him so that seems perfectly fair to me.
Most of my friends are connected with music but I have others who aren't and I don't expect them to share my interests.

[Vitula]

my friends all understand that i'm really committed to my youth orchestras and choir, but i'd really love them to be more interested. i've played them a cd of my (very good might i add) church choir but they found it really boring (i dont know what i expected) and took the mick out of some of my guy friends for being altos (they sound gay apparently.) i'd really love them to come and watch a service or a concert or something but they just laugh at me like i'm suggesting something stupid. i even offered to pay for tickets to our prestigious pre tour concert (about £10 each) and they refused. i wouldnt want to feel like i was forcing them but i think if they saw me play or sing they'd understand how much it means to me and be a bit more understanding when i don't go out because i have a rehearsal.
any advice?

Its difficult to get people interested in something that you are passionate about, but I really wouldnt worry too much, I have several friends who are very different from me, we dont like the same music, style of clothes, films etc... but yet we find tons to talk about and respect that we are both very different. This must be the case with your friends, as despite them not appretiating your musical skills, they are still your friends right? And quite often people laugh at things they dont understand, so try not to take it to heart. If you really wanted to get them on board, maybe you could try to play/sing something more to the style they like and take it from there.

I've been playing flute for years, my friends have never taken any interest in my music, never come to any of the concerts I play in even when I'm doing solos and I got used to it, they just didn't like orchestral music and I accepted that. But last year one of my friends decided to take up flute which was fine, but then one of my friends listens to her practise every time and takes so much interest in her playing! I feel so rejected and can't understand why she takes interest in her and not me.

Dont underestimate yourself, you may have influenced them more than you know, it cant be coincidental that one of your friends has taken up the flute knowing that you play it too. The thing is, I think a lot of people on this forum have much more than a pasing interest in what they play, I would say most (please tell me if I'm wrong (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) ) are quite passionate and a tad obsessive about their music (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) Take my group violin lessons, I want to learn everything I can, and buy tons of music/books and practise every day, the others in my class only have the tutor recommended book and utilise the class lesson as their practice for the week! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) I think you have influenced your friends, and they are interested, but maybe just not as pasionate as you are.