Musical/ non musical parents of musical children, Advantages and disadvantages of both Options

[FullofWind]

Advantage of being a non-musical parent: child takes music seriously as an act of rebellion against dunce parent.

Disadvantage: the cost of the above! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

Disadvantage: parent gets all worked up because it all seems so impossibly difficult.

Advantage: parent is easily wowed when the above is achieved! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Disadvantage: missing out on opportunities for DC because one doesn't know whether to ask the teacher if DC is capable of auditioning/going on a course, or embarrassing oneself when asking and it wasn't appropriate!

[soccermom]

I agree with many of the above and have just two advantage of musical parents to add.

1) they are less likely to baulk at the cost of their children's various musical activities - or even when they do baulk, grit their teeth and pay up. This is not about having more money, it's about prioritising music related expenses over other things.

2) they are more likely to be realistic about the amount of effort that is involved in something, so can a) challenge unreasonable expectations of others, b) plan ahead better for exams/concerts and c) praise accordingly!

[notaclue]

We both are non musical and our daughter ,who is 11 plays cello and piano( grade6 both).

Advantages - easily impressed by her when she plays, don't interfere with her teachers decision,judgements( fortunately both are very good)

Disadvantages - cant help her,feel really frustrated as I see her struggle but can't do anything about it( there are instances when she has thrown her bow )

She does lot of sports and I can't help her to practise effectively.

I didn't know the importance of lplaying in orchestra or courses( lack of knowledge,time and money) - someone really musical commented after hearing her once, that she is technically good but lacking in musicality, which I could not pick up.

[notmusimum]

someone really musical commented after hearing her once, that she is technically good but lacking in musicality, which I could not pick up.

Someone recently passed a comment that the local specialist school turns out people who are technically good but sometimes lacking in musicality. I wouldn't worry about that sort of comment made about an 11 year old. She has loads of time to develop perfomance and other musical skills.

[limh]

someone really musical commented after hearing her once, that she is technically good but lacking in musicality, which I could not pick up.

I wouldn't worry either, because although it may, of course, be a bit true, it's also a classic comment thrown at very young performers by slightly jealous elders! And even if it is a bit true, musicality always improves with maturity, but technical skills never appear from thin air.

I'm a parent of a 4-year-old who is a bit behind on language, which holds him up in other activities, but who shows a lot of interest in music. Good music has him glued to it. When he was tiny, singing hypnotised him. I used to sit him on my knee and play organ music on an American organ pump thing (harmoniumalike), and he'd cry if I broke the rhythm and made obvious mistakes. Now he makes noises on any toy instrument he can get hold of, and is enthusiastic with my recorder. On the other hand, he also sticks his fingers in his ears and says "No Papa" if I sing, and sometimes when I play - I thought he'd gone off music until I caught him watching BBC young musician of the year award. The truth is, he expects his music to a professional standard nowadays!

Frankly the big worry I have as a semi-musical parent is that I will fall into the trap of trying to force him to be the sort of musician I would have liked to be. Or maybe I'll go the other way and overcompensate. I'd like him to enjoy good music as it's given me so much fun. I don't want him to be held back by the same sillinesses that happened to me - or miss out on the opportunities I had, for that matter. My wife doesn't think she's musical, but is actually much more so than she thinks. She had no opportunities, but actually has a good singing voice and is an accurate and perceptive critic!

I also worry that if he does get good at music, I'll think I'm more able to help than I really am (overestimating my competence), and become an unhelpful embarrassment.

One advantage is that maybe I'll be able to help him if he gets put off by the same sort of rubbish that I got:
(1) a lot of conceited comparison of "I've got perfect pitch" from the music-set at school; I now know how completely irrelevant this is.
(2) anything less than grade 8 isn't really worth it, and is just kids' stuff anyway
(3) if you don't start at age 4 there's no point
(to give you an idea: when our rather nice music teacher awarded me part-shares in our class music prize (for reliable attendance of choir!), a delegation extracted him from the staff-room to tell him he'd made a mistake!)
Or maybe I will just be subjecting our son to my hang-ups??

But these are all bridges to cross when they happen. Parents always find ways to worry that everything they do with their offspring is wrong! I just reeeeallly sooo want him to enjoy it without all bad side, but that's life...

[notmusimum]

I've decided the worst thing about being a non-musical parent is that people who are musical assume you know nothing. They don't realise that having 7 years of supporting a musical child you do actually learn stuff (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif) .

[Chris H]

I agree, I know all sorts of things about music now that I didn't know a few years ago, in spite still being a bit of a dunce. The problem now is I'm far more critical than I used to be and less easily impressed (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

[notmusimum]

I agree, I know all sorts of things about music now that I didn't know a few years ago, in spite still being a bit of a dunce. The problem now is I'm far more critical than I used to be and less easily impressed (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) Sounds exactly like me (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[SingingPython]

If you have a child who reaches professional standards, you can find yourself on both ends of the stick. My mother is pretty musical from a musical though non-professional family. Her actual achievements were limited by lack of opportunity to practise.

When my sister and I were growing up she was able to help and support us. When my sister reached her later teens her response to our mother trying to keep in touch with what she was doing and what she needed gradually morphed into "you don't know what you're talking about". Unless it was needing help fniding the money for a new instrument! I would describe myself as serious amateur, but still mostly avoid talking music with my sister, which is sad.

Hopefully dealing with our own musical children will bring us together again sometimes, though since mine are going down the chorister route and she married an atheist ...