Badly Written Church Music, What should one do? Options

[Splog]

Hey all, before you rewrite all the modern church music - please spare a thought for the guitarists who have to play it..... We like our I IV and V. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) (Hey, at least I know what it means)

[Czerny]

Good point. And if we're talking about tunes trivialising words, you can't get much worse than meekness and majesty.

Hop skip and a jump on 'crucify', anyone? makes me feel ill every time. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ill.gif)

I've just listened to this. Oh dear. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ill.gif)

And now I can't get the damn tune out of my head!

[Vox Humana]

May I suggest a fourth approach? Some of the modern hymns have reasonable words (which is why they are popular), but appalling tunes. I feel "Father, I place into your hands" falls into this category, and am longing for the day when someone much more able than I can produce a tune which doesn't trivialise the words and put the emphasis in the wrong place (how could anyone write music for that last line, putting the stress on "can"? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif) ) . Are you up for it?!

I have not yet gone so far as to write my own tunes, but there have been several occasions when I have come close. And why not? I figure that if His Nibs puts down a song that leaves no option but to learn a new tune, then it's not going to make a ha'p'orth of difference to the congregation what tune they learn. They might as well learn a sober one as a plinky-plonky one. The problem with His Nibs is that he really would like the music to be cheap, low-brow entertainment. On the one or two occasions when, out of sheer contempt, I have hammed up a hymn with e.g. glissandi, cheesey twiddles, or oom-pahs, he has made a point of telling me how wonderful it was and that he wants more of it. But I'm afraid I'm incurably Tractarian at heart, so there's no way he's getting it as staple fare from me. I'm a complete dinosaur in today's church; I admit it.

[Keyhorn]

Hey all, before you rewrite all the modern church music - please spare a thought for the guitarists who have to play it..... We like our I IV and V. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) (Hey, at least I know what it means)

We have been discussing ways of making it acceptable to congregations and choirs with somewhat more traditional musical tastes, for whom restricted harmony with jarring progressions, etc., is not acceptable.

Sadly there are some who wish to thrust it on us.

For myself, I have no wish to make permanent such reharmonisations, etc. - they are for the particular place and time. Hopefully the item prompting such a course of action would not recur.

[Swell Box]

My third approach is less benign. My tour de force is an extremely tongue-in-cheek four-part arrangement of "Meekness and majesty" with the chorus set in ridiculously elaborate counterpoint. The intention was to discourage His Nibs from choosing the piece and, touch wood, I think it might be working - we've only had it once in the last twelve months. At the other extreme, reducing "Father, I place into your hands" to plain, homophonic chords produces the musical equivalent of a "wet fish" handshake. I've done two or three of these. This is, of course, terribly irreligious and no doubt my eternal reward will be to burn in hades along with the clergy, but I figure that if a piece is rubbish to begin with there's nothing lost in showing it up for what it is. It's wicked, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

I like it! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

However, there are other ways of confounding music groups.

As I reported here some time ago, His Nibs at one church of our acquaintance likes to keep everyone happy, and sometimes encourages the music group to accompany the organ for some 'tunes', or vice versa.

On one occasion the lead guitarist strutted over to the console just as the first hymm song was being announced, jabbed at Middle C and said 'can you pull something out so I can tune this'. Well, the Larigot fell easily to hand, and the remainder of the service was accompanied by the organ alone. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

SB

[Keyhorn]

I like it! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

However, there are other ways of confounding music groups.

As I reported here some time ago, His Nibs at one church of our acquaintance likes to keep everyone happy, and sometimes encourages the music group to accompany the organ for some 'tunes', or vice versa.

On one occasion the lead guitarist strutted over to the console just as the first hymm song was being announced, jabbed at Middle C and said 'can you pull something out so I can tune this'. Well, the Larigot fell easily to hand, and the remainder of the service was accompanied by the organ alone. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

SB

Yes, I recall - in another place - noticing someone down below applying some sort of clamp to their fingerboard, presumably to convert to a different, fixed, tuning.

However, on hearing them play along with a hymn playover on the organ the resulting tuning was so excruciating that I transposed the tune every couple of verses in self-defence. The cong. felt (or so some of them said afterwards) that they were being taken on an exciting journey!

[grouse79]

I play almost exclusively from Mayhew's Hymns Old and New and I don't think there is a single hymn where I play (or try to play!) exactly what is written. Over time I've got used to which notes to avoid, when to play in a totally different time signature, and so on. I'm afraid I'm one of those people who just "plays" rather than sitting down and working out the fingering, something I've been trying to amend for a while. The previous organist did arrangements of some frequently used hymns and I've done a couple myself but I find it very time-consuming. A long term project probably. Some hymns simply are not suited to the organ. I'd humbly suggest the following which fill me with dread whenever I see them down on the list:

City of God
You Shall Cross the Barren Desert
Eagle's Wings - fortunately I was able to convince the priest this wasn't suited to the service where there is no choir. However it can be popular with weddings so I play it with mostly appregios in the left hand and the right hand has the melody with an occasional bit of harmony if I'm feeling brave.

It works both ways - my parents lead a group with guitars, violins, flutes, etc. and things like Dear Lord and Father of Mankind don't really work with that set-up. For the Christmas and Easter Vigil services we join forces so there is some variety in the hymns.

[Vox Humana]

Good point. And if we're talking about tunes trivialising words, you can't get much worse than meekness and majesty.

Meekness and majesty:
Oh, what a travesty!
Imperfect harmony?
Who gives a s0d?

[Swell Box]

My third approach is less benign. My tour de force is an extremely tongue-in-cheek four-part arrangement of "Meekness and majesty" with the chorus set in ridiculously elaborate counterpoint. The intention was to discourage His Nibs from choosing the piece and, touch wood, I think it might be working - we've only had it once in the last twelve months. At the other extreme, reducing "Father, I place into your hands" to plain, homophonic chords produces the musical equivalent of a "wet fish" handshake. I've done two or three of these. This is, of course, terribly irreligious and no doubt my eternal reward will be to burn in hades along with the clergy, but I figure that if a piece is rubbish to begin with there's nothing lost in showing it up for what it is. It's wicked, but sometimes I just can't help myself.

I like it! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

However, there are other ways of confounding music groups.

As I reported here some time ago, His Nibs at one church of our acquaintance likes to keep everyone happy, and sometimes encourages the music group to accompany the organ for some 'tunes', or vice versa.

On one occasion the lead guitarist strutted over to the console just as the first hymm song was being announced, jabbed at Middle C and said 'can you pull something out so I can tune this'. Well, the Larigot fell easily to hand, and the remainder of the service was accompanied by the organ alone. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

SB

There was another occasion at said church, when we processed to the quire only to find a collection of 'percussion instruments' cluttering up the seats. I had to remove a Xylophone set before I could sit down. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif)

I was sitting beside His Nib's brother, (Tenor and occasional guitarist), so I gently asked whether the Xylophone was there to be rung during communion?

I think you can guess his response, and offending instrument was quickly moved out of temptation's reach. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

SB

[vectistim]

Generally the worst excesses in the Mayhew books come with guitar cords, often with these I can pretend its a Mozart piano sonata and give 15351535 etc semi-quavers in the left hand.
Alternatively, if its plausible to play it in 3 I might treat it as a waltz and have the left hand go 1 810 810 (if you see what I mean)

[dotted quaver]

What do Board Members do when faced with a piece that simply would not pass muster at Grade 5?

Barry Williams

I have only encountered this problem with 'music' chosen by the Sunday School. I just cringe and play it as written, I don't have the time or energy to waste on it, and apart from myself and my deputy, nobody else would notice any difference! Having said that, there are many hymns which had much nicer/better harmonies in our last hymnbook, so frequently we use it! Sadly, none of the congregation are any the wiser! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) Why can hymn arrangers not leave harmonies alone - and that includes transposing it into a different key for the sake of it!

SB & VH - I like your style! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Good point. And if we're talking about tunes trivialising words, you can't get much worse than meekness and majesty.

Hop skip and a jump on 'crucify', anyone? makes me feel ill every time. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ill.gif)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

On one occasion the lead guitarist strutted over to the console just as the first hymm song was being announced, jabbed at Middle C and said 'can you pull something out so I can tune this'. Well, the Larigot fell easily to hand, and the remainder of the service was accompanied by the organ alone. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

SB

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/rofl.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/clap.gif) Since when did a guitar tune to middle C, or could he not find the right note?

[Swell Box]

SB & VH - I like your style! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

On one occasion the lead guitarist strutted over to the console just as the first hymm song was being announced, jabbed at Middle C and said 'can you pull something out so I can tune this'. Well, the Larigot fell easily to hand, and the remainder of the service was accompanied by the organ alone. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

SB

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/rofl.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/clap.gif) Since when did a guitar tune to middle C, or could he not find the right note?

It was my 17 year old son who was playing at the time. I must say I was proud of him for being so resourceful and quick thinking in the face of adversity. I cannot think where he gets his ideas from. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

Good point. And if we're talking about tunes trivialising words, you can't get much worse than meekness and majesty.

Hop skip and a jump on 'crucify', anyone? makes me feel ill every time. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ill.gif)

I've just listened to this. Oh dear. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ill.gif)

And now I can't get the damn tune out of my head!

How about; Jesus Rode a Donkey into Town? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

SB

[Barry Williams]

Good point. And if we're talking about tunes trivialising words, you can't get much worse than meekness and majesty.

Hop skip and a jump on 'crucify', anyone? makes me feel ill every time. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ill.gif)

Equally bad is the 'skip' in 'Lord For The Years' which seems to serve no purpose. I always iron that one out ( as well as re-harmonising).

Barry Williams

[Vox Humana]

Yes, a pointless bit of pseudo with-it-ness.