Why Won't Teacher Enter Child For Exam? Options

[jennysimsveale]

Hello

I have a difficult problem to deal with and am wondering if anyone may be able to help me solve it. I suspect this will turn out to be a pretty long post, I hope you can bear with me B)

I have a stepdaughter who has been learning to play the cello for around 3 1/2 years and who has asked her teacher repeatedly if she can take a graded exam and is always being put off. He will say things like, 'I think I will put you in for grade 3' but not give any idea of time scale. She is seeing her step sister and all of her friends who started instuments at the same time go from grade to grade, and take up second and third subjects and would love to have a certificate of her own. I do not believe in entering children for exams unless they want to do so but, I do feel that this child (aged 12) would gain a lot from such an achievement even if it was only grade 1.

I need to explain the background a little, as it is this which makes it so difficult for us (her father and I). We are unable to choose who teaches her as she lives with her mother during the week only coming to us at weekends and holidays. Her mother is not at all musical and does not believe in encouraging practice, she calls that bullying. We have NEVER met her teacher.

We have been to every concert she has performed in at the academy she attends. Unfortunately her mother always reaches the teacher before we do and takes so much of his time talking about general matters he understandably needs to move on to speak to parents of other children. He holds parents consultations annually, one per child, and we are always excluded from these. We have seen her written reports, which are always encouraging and suggest she has talent but give few pointers to her actual progress or targets to work towards.

For some time we wondered if she was only learning the instrument to please us. She will do most of her practice when with us, and seems to enjoy trying the pieces we buy her for fun, the easy type with play along cd's. She finds it difficult to play most of those pieces well but that appears to be because she does not put in much practice. I couldn't honestly say she plays the instrument for pleasure when comparing her to my other daughter who will play for hours and who has to be told to stop. However, if asked she will insist she is enjoying herself.

when she started she was loaned an old and tatty instrument, the hire of which is included in the cost of her lessons. At the time we suggested that once she was sure she wanted to continue and had taken her first grade we would buy a new instrument for her. She has now been told by her teacher that she 'could do with' a new instrument.

Do we encourage her to learn the required components for an exam on her own and insist the teacher enter her before buying the instrument or do we just buy one and let her and the teacher plod on ad infinitum?

Thank you for taking the time to get to the end, I look forward to hearing your views

Jenny

[curacao]

Not satisfactory at all. What about changing teachers?

Do you pay for the lessons? What's to stop you contacting this teacher diplomatically? It would have to be diplomatic because if this teacher decided to play up he might work it that she isn't prepared properly. Much of course would depend on whether your step-daughter wanted to change teachers.

[jennysimsveale]

Not satisfactory at all.  What about changing teachers? 

Unfortunately we have little control in who her teacher is. We do not pay for lessons at the moment, her mother does, altho of course she receives maintenance payments which go someway towards covering these things. We just buy the music bookss and have offered to pay any exam fees. The teacher has to be someone who can fit in with the mothers schedule and I think the child might not want to change.

Contacting the teacher however is a good idea, we might get a better understanding of the situation. diplomacy is certainly needed. Preparation is one issue, but also we don't know what he has been told by her mother.

[saxlover]

Is the mother really rude and hard to approach..like if you tried to bring it up would she jsut ignore you?

If not maybe try to explain it to her :unsure:

[Digby]

Her mother is not at all musical and does not believe in encouraging practice, she calls that bullying.

I think you do need to talk it over with the mother here, difficult though it may be. And whilst she doesn't encourage practise, does she actively discourage it? There is a big difference in bullying a child to practise and reminding them that it is good if it is done. Of course you also get far better value for money if they do practise.

I would not recommend preparing for the exam independently it will undermine whatever her teacher is doing with her. Although I do think it would be a good idea if you are able to establish what the teacher is doing. Also she will not be adequately prepared for an exam if she is not practising at home.

I would also wait until you personally feel more comfortable with the situation before buying a cello, which hopefully you will after speaking with the teacher.

Best of luck. :)

[flutey toot]

Hmmm this sounds like a tricky situation. Yes firstly you need to get hold of the teachers number to talk directly to him/ her. It does seem odd that she has been playing for this amount of time yet the teacher doesnt want to put her in. I mean I have a few pupils I have taken over and have been with for a couple of years but they are very young (7/8) and def not ready even for Prep test, but it sounds as though your child is ready for at least Grade 1.
I hope you can sort this out! I feel for the poor lass!

[idiotmatthew]

When you say to prepare a graded exam independently, it will be really difficult. If the student is above grade 6 standard, it is still possible to practise the three pieces on their own using the CD; and learn the scales on their own. However, it will be really hard to do this below grade 6 standard.

When i did my grade 8, my teacher said that i was a complete fool and gave up teaching me about 2 months before the exam!! But i didn't give up -- i just kept practising everyday, and learn ALL the scales on my own. I wanted to prove to my teacher that i CAN do it!

There is one great tip: Do NOT rely on teachers too much. I always tell my friends' parents not to do so. Students should do practise and study on their own! Sometimes teachers do slow down the progress!

Matthew :lol:

[jennysimsveale]

Is the mother really rude and hard to approach..like if you tried to bring it up would she jsut ignore you?

Yup. Actually really rude is not the right phrase. Defensive, but it can come over as rude. She would probably say she doesn't believe in exams even if that was what her daughter wanted; because it is an easy way out.

Having seen my other kids go through numerous exams I know it can be a strain on the parents too. The kids say they want to do it but they generally need reminding. They sometimes need extra lessons nearer the time and it helps to speak with the teachers to understand their progress. All of those things would be difficult for the mother, so the child is really on her own. If the teacher isn't encouraging her to do it it won't get done.

We will speak with the teacher, we know where he is. We need to know what he is doing and why. Although, I wonder if we should just buy the cello and let them carry on regardless. I'm sure she keeps the lessons up because of the one to one attention she gets and is enjoying that part of it as much as anything else. It is the only activity she does outside school. Would be a pity if she lost that.

[curacao]

You'll probably find that as step-mother you are entitled to see this teacher regardless of consultation evenings. If either my parents want to see a teacher aside from consultation evenings, they phone and make an appointment usually after school hours. It happens because schedules get so disarranged at consultation evenings and my dad gets too impatient to hang round an extra hour.

Are you musical enough to enter your daughter for grade 1 yourself? You'd need to know if her aural and sight-reading skills are properly prepared.

cheers.

[elliewelly]

I agree it's a shame to hold her back from exams if that's what she really wants to do. I think a certificate and a new cello might really boost her confidence and enthusiasm, but you don't want to undermine her teacher or her mother. I'm sure you (and certainly your husband) would be more than welcome to talk to the teacher yourselves, to ascertain exactly what standard the child is at. You could also ask why the teacher is reluctant to enter her for an exam - he could have issues of his own. In the meantime, you can give your stepdaughter lots of space and encouragement to practise, and work on scales, sight reading and aural tests together if her teacher isn't doing this. That way she will be prepared, if and when her teacher DOES decide to enter her.

Just a thought: would it be possible for her to have lessons at weekends (with a new teacher) when she comes to stay with you? I understand that in some areas cello teachers are in short supply... if you don't get any joy after speaking with her current teacher, I would discuss with her mother the possibility of changing.

[maggiemay]

This is a tricky situation for you and I sympathise.

There may be all sorts of reasons why the teacher is dragging feet over exams. He / she may not be keen on doing exams, or may be aware that your daughter is not quite ready in some areas and is practising under difficult circumstances, or any one of a number of others .... some valid, some not so.

I think it's important to open lines of communication with the teacher. If I were teaching this child I would want this to happen and it seems to me that it's likely to open up the way forward.

You've had some pretty helpful replies already, so some good ideas for you to be working on. Just one thing I wouldn't do though - I don't recommend entering her for the exam yourself unless you are willing to go it alone without the teacher. I agree it's a pity to hold her back if she is keen to do the exam; there may or may not be good reasons why the teacher hasn't entered her yet - whatever, I believe the exam decision ought to be a three-way one between pupil, parents and teacher. If having talked it over you still feel dissatisfied, then you'll need to decide what next - but do talk to the teacher first, you'll probably find the opportunity is welcomed.

Good luck - I hope you are able to keep her playing going in a way she will enjoy.

[Semele]

Jenny

I have been pondering whether to add a reply or not to this delicate situation.

Like other people have already said your first port of call is to approach the teacher. Briefly summarise that as her parents are divorced both you and her Father would like to be kept up to date on her progress on a regular basis.This need not be mentioned to the mother. Dad is just as entitled to know as mum is.
The teacher should have enough understanding to appreciate this.

I see you have her most weekends.Perhaps Dad could gently request that he could take over the tuition,by taking over the paying ( and not reducing the maintenance payments...that would never do) and organisation of the tuition...ie at weekends...either with the existing teacher,especially if she is happy with the teacher or by changing over to another teacher. This would also lift the burden from mum actually taking her to lessons as she doesn't appear to be that interested in her musical progress.

But consideration needs to be discussed as to her practise during the week.

Just a couple of suggestions here.See how things go and then perhaps enquire about renting a cello for a few months and take it from there.

I also agree that examinations should be left to the discretion of the teacher.Be interesting to know the reasons for her existing teacher's reluctance to enter her.

[Tess]

I agree - contact the teacher. I know you said it's hard to get a chance to talk with him but you can write to him? Communication is everything. He may have good reasons... not to enter her for an exam of which you know little about?

My daughter started the violin for a very short time when she came home to tell me that the teacher recommended an exam. My hubby was delighted! I was absolutely horrified. But my hubby was so flattered that to pre-empt any arguing on my part, I did a sneaky thing - I had never met the teacher so I wrote to him and set out my arguments based on my personal knowledge of her character that she shouldn't be taking any exams till much later if he still thinks fit. It was a very polite and tactful letter. He saw my point.

He agreed with me and then my hubby, too. I had to win him round first. It can be done. It may just work. Try writing. Put in at the outset, some genuine praise for his achievement in your stepdaughter, please. :D

[TRACY]

Hi, I think you are probably getting too involved in the emotional baggage here and points to simply remember are:-

1. Your stepdaughter has mentioned grade 3, in which case this is why it has been mentioned by her teacher about a new cello as school instruments are only really suitable for up to grade 2 then not be of a good enough tone or sensitivity to carry you through grade 3 due to inferior strings etc. (can this be bought for a xmas present by her father, you can get good second hand instruments, and instrumental teachers usually know of people who deal with these independently, at least do your homework, so you have a good enough instrument for her standard.
2. She probably has not been entered for a number of reasons. Her intonation may be not secure enough at present and will not improve without practice of the pieces, she may be weak in her music theory, scales or sight reading.
3. Have a serious talk with her. Get grade 3 pieces along with cd. You can also get an aural training book with cd. She is old enough now to understand that regular practice is essential. Sit down and work a timetable out with her. Even it is only 20-30 a day playing time, this should be enough at this level to get her through comfortably. When she comes over then get her to play pieces for you, and you can then assess for yourselves how she is getting on, and you will be able to tell from her performance if she has been keeping to the practice timetable. If she wants to enter a grade badly enough, she will do this, she just needs a little organising, she will do the rest, and this can be done with or without her mothers help.
4. Even if mother and father are estranged, he has the right to know how his daughter is progressing in all walks of life. She should have had a report on her progress last term from her cello teacher, have you seen this? If not ask to see it and you may get some insight as to why the teacher feels she is not ready to take this grade yet.
5. Music books purchased from shops with cds are often of a grade 3 level, and these can be quite tricky without practice, which is what this all seems to come down to.

It is easy to sit back and blame the mother in these situations, but this should not be made into a point scoring excercise, I think between you and your stepdaughter, this can be sorted without creating waves with mother and music teacher. Good luck! :)

[AnotherPianist]

3.  Have a serious talk with her.  Get grade 3 pieces along with cd.

Having read on here how strongly music teachers dislike people coming with the next exam book and parents deciding whether or not the child is ready to do the exam I would strongly advise against this; besides it will be very difficult if the grade 3 part is a mixed message and the teacher wants to do an earlier grade (particularly if the child really wants to do an exam and the teacher would have wanted to compromise and do an earlier grade if they're not ready yet).

The best thing to do would be to speak to the teacher and find out why even if it means giving your daughter a letter to take to the teacher if that's the only means of communication (bit risky though as she might tell her mother....). Open communication with the teacher and then go from there, there's really not much advice that can be given until the teacher's reasons have been heard.

It's good to hear that she has someone who cares so much about her musical education :).