Fitting In Music Practice, as homework and other commitments increase Options

[Seer_Green]

Your child does an awful lot of different activities, and already has a lot of committments. If this was my child or a child I knew, I would be concerned that life was just becoming one big long timetable, that in some way, any 'free time' also has to be timetabled in efficiently with all the other activities...when does the child have a chance to live? You mention that you sit in on all the practise sessions because then things get done quicker. Another way to look at it is why if you don't sit in, the things get done slower. My belief has always been that quality is better than quantity so I would never quantify practise in terms of time.

People have given you some very helpful suggestions - I'm afraid that mine is of no help at all. I think that at a basic level, we can't all do everything we want to do. Sometimes hard decisions have to be made about what can continue and what can't continue. If we just try and fit everything in to the few hours that are available, we run the risk of having a child who's experienced lots, but settled on nothing. If I were you, I'd take a long hard look at everything your child does, then I think you need to have a sensible and frank discussion about time and committment: what's going to stay, and what's going to go. The kinds of timetables you are suggesting are not really sustainable in the long run.

[MusicalNitWit]

I really want him to give up the db but he absolutely loves it, moreso than any other instrument and for now it takes 10 minutes although I understand this will increase. Because he is busy - but believe me has oodles of time in the long holidays and does exactly what he wants - I feel sorry for him and want to give him the choice. He'll just have to practice three days a week and if progress slows, so be it.

[Clari Nicki1]

I really want him to give up the db but he absolutely loves it, moreso than any other instrument and for now it takes 10 minutes although I understand this will increase. Because he is busy - but believe me has oodles of time in the long holidays and does exactly what he wants - I feel sorry for him and want to give him the choice. He'll just have to practice three days a week and if progress slows, so be it.

I have a child exactly like that.... I worry that people will think I'm a pushy parent.... but it's her- she wants to do all these things and won't give them up. She accepts that in the future she won't be able to do it all - but right now, in year 7, she is coping! She gets to parties, she has oodles of friends and , in the holidays, she can have friends round. She knows she can't in term time, due to how busy she is. My daughter, like your son, has long holidays and chills then!
I just have to accept that some parents might criticise me for allowing her to be this busy, but she is happy, confident and does music/ sport etc etc and is doing well in the scholarship set.
My child is my 3rd- my other 2 are really different and my middle child would hate to be this busy. However, it seems to suit child no. 3!!!

[Seer_Green]

I really want him to give up the db but he absolutely loves it, moreso than any other instrument and for now it takes 10 minutes although I understand this will increase. Because he is busy - but believe me has oodles of time in the long holidays and does exactly what he wants - I feel sorry for him and want to give him the choice. He'll just have to practice three days a week and if progress slows, so be it.

mmm...I'm not suggesting your pushy - it's good that he enjoys these things...but, I think the time will inevitably come when choices have to be made, whether's it's now, in a year, or in five years.

[Banjogirl]

One of the reasons we took home ed boy out of school was because the things he really liked and that I felt were really beneficial, like his singing, musical instruments, orchestras and dancing, were all after school or at weekends. Meanwhile he was spending lots of time in school, shall we say, marking time. It seemed logical to spend some of that school time doing music practice (the school stuff takes a lot less time when you're doing it one to one, and even less time when it gets completely forgotten!). He can afford to come home from a weekend's chorus rehearsal shattered and be able to sleep in on Monday. He can play out with his friends because he's done lots of things during the day. I'm not remotely suggesting you should go down this route but all I'm saying is that we were able, by doing something a bit different, to fit everything in. The idea is that when he goes to high school in September he'll be that bit older and still able to cope with it all. We shall see! We found what was right for us. I'm a strong believer that there's always a solution and I'm sure you'll find what works for you.

[MusicalNitWit]

I might consider home-ed if his behaviour doesn't improve but I'm not sure he could get such an extensive singing education, which really helps his music, if it is not attached to a choir school.

DS came home today and told me that he is now not sitting G1 piano but G2 and only after 2nd lesson with new teacher and 9 lessons in total in 5 months! I am now in the process of trying to talk him out of the bassoon and double bass exam because this is getting ridiculous! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif) I do feel a tad proud though! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

I meant to add that I did home-ed both boys when they were younger so it is not an alien concept. My big concern is that his social skills are already pretty weak though and taking him out of school may not help. We'll see.

[SueHM]

Nooooooooo! Don't even think of pulling him out of choir school - it will be doing sooo much for his general musical development. You couldn't hope to replace that, no matter how much practice he fits in at home.

There comes a point where it is not worth sitting lots of exams at the same level on different instruments because there is a lot of duplication of skills eg sight-reading and aural and I think you get diminishing returns because it ceases to be a learning experience. By all means go for all the grade 8s eventually, but do you really want to pay for 3 lots of grade 3, for example. It sounds as though you need to talk to his the different teachers and sort out a plan so that you don't keep ending up in the same situation every term with multiple exams being suggested. Why not impose a maximum of say one exam per instrument per year. He can always skip grades if necessary or you could agree to schedule exams at sensible times eg in the run-up to scholarship application so that he has recent results to submit.

[anacrusis]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif)

You can actually capitalise on the fact that so much of the exam material is overlapping, I think - and okay, sightreading skills need to be developed for each intervals, but the reading-music bit of that remains pretty transferrable.

I'm with those who say - in the event of keeping everything going, rotate. I got LGSMD on really not that many hours' practice a week (I've posted this before, and by now, with the exam about two years and a bit ago, I'm likely to start exaggerating actual amounts - but certainly I was doing less than an hour a day on average, and definitely not practising every day for much of the build up time) - and did it by being efficient with practice. Also, a wee break now and again actually helps my brain to sort out gremlins away from the instrument. I do think that the idea of a session immediately after, or directly the day after a lesson is a good one, but every day? Not inevitably necessary at all.

I can't even begin to contemplate early rising for practice, but since your son can, yes, I'd try capitalising on it as suggested, and I'd also have thought that half an hour later to bed wouldn't be unduly stressful - but although having a predictable timetable might be good if there is a tendency towards ADHD, too much rigidity will both cause stress and leave absolutely no room for those spontaneous social events which our kids also need to develop well socially.

It's not the end of the world to miss an occasional practice session. A crammed life may make it necessary to do that, and there are benefits to having other activities interspersed with our routine.

[MusicalNitWit]

I agree to! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

My slight problem though is that he sits the pre-test for you know where in October and it would have been good for the report to state that he was x,y and z on these instruments.

Oh and I will make sure DS stays at that school if I lose my hair and teeth in the process. He's already made me go grey! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

[anacrusis]

I agree to! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

My slight problem though is that he sits the pre-test for you know where in October and it would have been good for the report to state that he was x,y and z on these instruments.

Oh and I will make sure DS stays at that school if I lose my hair and teeth in the process. He's already made me go grey! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif)

Nah. It's called silver, and it's Distinguished-looking (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif). I should know.... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)