Want son to give up flute, because he won't practice! Options

[GMc]

Sorry to say that I have a feeling that 15 mins is pretty good for a lad of that age at boarding school. I reckon I did about 15 mins a day (but x2 for 2 instruments) at boarding school at that age. AQnd I was a music scholar with a lot of performances. You are really busy at selective academic schools especially if you do sports as well. And I can tell you, I was very often the only one in the practice rooms both before and after dinner in our house of 80ish girls of whom about half had lessons on something..... One very good musician and I used to commune in the basement music rooms and have nice chat - practice was not supervised after age 12. At busy exam periods I would sight read from lesson to lesson with one practice the night before the lesson without admitting it or admit my failings and work on orchestral/ensemble parts during the lesson for my orchestra instrument. You can do a lot in 15 mins - believe me.

I have to say that although my mother is very thrifty she was just grateful I didnt want to give up. I dont think she ever asked how much I practiced and I would have lied anyway to avoid an argument.

The most motivating thing at that age is not to make a total prat of yourself in orchestra or ensemble or concert. And first cello which is what I was has no where to hide from irrascible conductor. So that music always got some attention especially the county orchestra stuff.

I would give him the offer of scrapping the exam too. And see what he wants to do - I think he will keep progressing from what you say and as the parts get more tricky he will do more work on them if he likes playing in a group.

I would definately keep going. Its a hobby not a career for him I assume and my hope would be he will enjoy it and want to do more at some point. It must be very offputting to be in the same house as his mega star musical brother as it is - many would have chucked it in in those circumstances.

[katemorrisviolin]

My son asked to give up trumpet a year ago, when he was 12, as he was finding schoolwork so time consuming and felt he had too much to manage. We suggested a trial period of only practicing at weekends (10-15 mins a day) with no expectation to improve or do exams, just to keep joining in with the (easy) ensembles at school and do fun jazz stuff with his teacher in lessons. Two terms of this and he has found his motivation again. If anything, he's more keen as he now feels it's his own positive choice to continue.

[jod]

If I understand you correctly, you want your son to give up the flute, he's quite happy continuing with the lessons and orchestra.

This is the son that is not Baboon boy, so is not your 'musical son'?

Let him continue with the flute and stop comparing them. If he is happy and still enjoying his music making whether you are hearing it or not encourage it and let him have something where 'mum' does not interfere.

It is a hard thing to do, and as a mum I tend to 'fiddle where I'm not always welcome' too, but with pubescent boys they do appreciate having some areas of their life where they are in charge and not their parents.

[flobiano]

Sorry to say that I have a feeling that 15 mins is pretty good for a lad of that age at boarding school. I reckon I did about 15 mins a day (but x2 for 2 instruments) at boarding school at that age. AQnd I was a music scholar with a lot of performances. You are really busy at selective academic schools especially if you do sports as well. And I can tell you, I was very often the only one in the practice rooms both before and after dinner in our house of 80ish girls of whom about half had lessons on something..... One very good musician and I used to commune in the basement music rooms and have nice chat - practice was not supervised after age 12. At busy exam periods I would sight read from lesson to lesson with one practice the night before the lesson without admitting it or admit my failings and work on orchestral/ensemble parts during the lesson for my orchestra instrument. You can do a lot in 15 mins - believe me.

I have to say that although my mother is very thrifty she was just grateful I didnt want to give up. I dont think she ever asked how much I practiced and I would have lied anyway to avoid an argument.

The most motivating thing at that age is not to make a total prat of yourself in orchestra or ensemble or concert. And first cello which is what I was has no where to hide from irrascible conductor. So that music always got some attention especially the county orchestra stuff.

I would give him the offer of scrapping the exam too. And see what he wants to do - I think he will keep progressing from what you say and as the parts get more tricky he will do more work on them if he likes playing in a group.

I would definately keep going. Its a hobby not a career for him I assume and my hope would be he will enjoy it and want to do more at some point. It must be very offputting to be in the same house as his mega star musical brother as it is - many would have chucked it in in those circumstances.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif)

I was another teenage "non practiser" - I think my teacher would have been thrilled with 15 minutes a day. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif) Still managed to get up to grade 5 though. I was in the more fortunate position of being able to give up lessons but still continue playing in the school windband which I absolutely LOVED. That involved 2 practices a week which kept my embouchure going and actually over the years improved my playing quite a lot as I was sat next to a very good flautist. If he is stil enjoying it, wants to have lessons and is still doing some practice I would probably stick with it - especially if stopping lessons also takes away the opportunity to play in ensembles. If it isn't going to be a career the key point is to maintain interest, enjoyment and get to a level where we can keep playing withother people beyond school and then it is up to him if he wants to improve any further.

[MNW]

I'm slightly confused as to why you think I'm comparing them Jod. They are two totally different boys with virtually no similar traits or talents. My point has been, why should I pay for lessons when he won't practice. He only practices because the school makes him and he does nothing when he's at home. What DS2 does is of no consequence to this issue.

But I will let him keep it up for a while and see how things go.

[violincjj]

How come <you> can't make him practice?

[Scooby Doo]

How come <you> can't make him practice?

He?s at a boarding school, hence away from home a lot of the time.

[sbhoa]

So the difference in practice routine is that son number 1 only practices at school when you aren't there and son number two only practices at home when you are. Looks a bit like swings and roundabouts from information you've put on the forum, or at least from my interpretation of it.
Do you know how his teacher feels about his playing?
A teacher who knows that the student's main interest is in ensemble playing will be supporting this and it will not necessarily mean no technical progress as the same issues can be addressed through working on his orchestra parts as can be through solo repertoire.
Also as has already been mentioned you can do quite a lot with 15 minutes if you know how to use it effectively. He may well have been taught some practice techniques which enable him to make good use of his time.
I heard a tale of an adult amateur pianist who learned quite big works on less time than that.

[viola-mad]

Please don't be too disparaging about the 15 minutes thing. The lad is practising 5 days a week!! He deserves credit for that, even if the school has had to give him a bit of a shove. Little and often works really well, and 15 minutes' practice (done this often) is adequate up to a surprisingly advanced standard. I'm not a wind player myself, but I understand that *frequent* practice is even more critical for wind players than it is for strings or piano.

Another idea to throw in the pot: when I was in my teens I couldn't bear the idea of my parents listening to me play. They were encouraging and kind, but that didn't make any difference - I was a teenager, and very self-conscious with it. There may be an element of this with your son.

I'm really pleased to see you have described him as musical. It should be a good boost for him knowing you think this. Also, regardless of whether you are comparing your sons with one another, you can bet your life that they are doing this themselves.

But back to the topic, stopping lessons isn't the same as giving up. It's for you and him to decide whether he carries on with lessons, but if he decides to stop, I would urge you to hold onto the flute and encourage him to play as and when he feels like it. Whilst at home perhaps he could be encouraged with some fun things like the books that come with a play-along CD?

[MNW]

How come <you> can't make him practice?

I don't intend to make him practice. I can advise/suggest but not force. The school practice is compulsory and he wouldn't practice if it wasn't.

Maybe he just needs to be inspired. His prep is tiny and his senior school will be massive so he may find new areas of interest as suggested. I will talk to him about him cooperating and compromising with me. Maybe a computer ban... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

[violincjj]

How come <you> can't make him practice?

He?s at a boarding school, hence away from home a lot of the time.

I know that but I was asking how he is 'encouraged' to practise successfully in one setting but not in the other!

How come <you> can't make him practice?

I don't intend to make him practice. I can advise/suggest but not force. The school practice is compulsory and he wouldn't practice if it wasn't.

Maybe he just needs to be inspired. His prep is tiny and his senior school will be massive so he may find new areas of interest as suggested. I will talk to him about him cooperating and compromising with me. Maybe a computer ban... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Ah DS5 will tell you that the computer only appears out of the boot of my car AFTER practice. It is then irritating for him to have to connect it all up again so the incentive to Get On With Practise When It Is Suggested is VERY strong (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[Scooby Doo]

violincjj - that sounds like a lot of hassle for you too, to disconnect and put in boot of car! I don?t think I?d have the energy to physically remove our computer on a daily basis...

[MNW]

I hate what computers have done to childhood today. My boys are like zombies and have no imagination anymore. I like the PC idea and I think I'll get him to disconnect it! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[dotted quaver]

I hate what computers have done to childhood today. My boys are like zombies and have no imagination anymore. I like the PC idea and I think I'll get him to disconnect it! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

30 minutes flute = 30 mintes pc. That should see flute practice improve on a daily basis!

[violincjj]

violincjj - that sounds like a lot of hassle for you too, to disconnect and put in boot of car! I don?t think I?d have the energy to physically remove our computer on a daily basis...

No I only had to do it once so he knows that I will! Now he starts practice the First time he is asked!