Paying children to practice Options

[jod]

quite simple. Who gives the child access to Club Penguin and Moshi Monsters? Surely at age 7 a parent can control the off button on a PC ... or they are storing up big problems down the line.

Just ensure that they don't know the password to log onto the computer and you don't even need to control the on/off button. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/muahaha.gif)

Good idea. Why not Black list the gaming sites.

[notmusimum]

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif) Much better to reward practice time with computer time instead of cash.

Why?

Edit: I'm just curious to know why everyone thinks that one kind of manipulation is fine but another is beyond the pale..

I have to say it's not what I have ever done but if a bribe is needed.......... The child is only seven and gran probably doesn't feel in a position to say no if the behaviour is accepted by the parents. Personally I'd say no.

[Dulcet]

My children are given their pocket money on a daily basis according to whether they have displayed the required behaviours. This is no different from what my employer does. The required behaviours are not the same for both children (apart from being kind to other children and doing their practice). However, as each behavioural trait is only worth 5p per day it's not big time manipulation... it just reinforces the point when they see ticks or crosses on the weekly planner.

Speaking of which, it's practice time now.

Oh and sometimes I give unexpected bonuses for exceptional niceness or achievement beyond what I'd expected.

I did rather regret how I dealt with my son asking if he'd get a reward for doing well in his grade 1 piano. Having gone through the "I'm certain you'll pass well, I'll be delighted if you get a merit and you may well get a treat" in a non-committal, you're working hard and I'm proud of your achievements to date so generally I'll say well done kind of a way, he then said "What if I get a distinction?" and I was caught off guard and said "good grief, if you get a distinction I'll throw a party" sarcastically. When I went to pick him up from his lesson the following week his friend's mum (and teacher's wife) said "what's this your son tells me about you having promised him a party????" I had to explain that I was joking but did say that an ice cream after school on the day of the exam was definitely forthcoming. OTOH my grownup friend who was taking G5 violin thought it was a great idea and could she come in on the deal if she passed...

Motivation, showing that you value what they do, bribery, blackmail - we all use them to varying degrees at varying times. Until you've brought up a "non-standard" child, you just don't know what you'll need to do!

[tonedeafmum]

Until you've brought up a "non-standard" child, you just don't know what you'll need to do!

I suspect there's no such thing as a "standard" child. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

I think my problem with this arrangement is that the child is being paid to do something that they want to do and which, as notmusimum has pointed out, the parents are already paying for him to do. Seven is quite old enough to understand that if he wants the lessons, he has to do the practice. Granny bribing makes it look a lot like something she wants him to do - and he's not too keen on.

I know I'm dwelling on this a bit but - ?7 !!! At 7 !!! I've promised my 11 year old ?2 a week when she starts secondary school - and that's in return for stuff I want her to do like sorting laundry and helping in the garden not essentials like homework or hobbies like music or dancing. I certainly wouldn't want my 7 year having even that much money to spend for himself - and I'm assuming parent that don't control computer time or music practice don't have a lot of say in how Junior spends his cash either.

[Celeste]

I bet this woman just thinks she doing a nice thing and 'supporting' her Grandchild. She won't know that her parenting skills have now come under scrutiny on the world wide web and that what may have seemed like a couple of quid here and there have become 'manipulation'.

Ok, so the child should want to practice. What child doesn't go through a phase where they want to explore other things? When I was older than this child, my mum had to sit with me every day to make me practice my scales - it didn't do either of us any harm. I was also given a present when I finished my school exams; I just saw it as recognition of my parents being proud of my achievements and effort, not anything sinister!

[Tequila]

I give my children ?1 a week if they have done certain things.

These include but are not exclusively a reasonable amount of practice without making a fuss about it, and trying their best in their lessons. It's an amount I've decided they can have each week as a method of teaching them about saving for things they want. If I can also use this to encourage good habits then why not?

With regards to the OP:

I don't think the Gran "paying" her grandchild is such a big deal. It's not what I'd do nor do I personally think it's a great idea but only in the "rod for her own back" way ...

We all as parents "manipulate" our children into exhibiting a certain type of behaviour and anyone who says they don't is frankly fibbing - what are star charts, stickers, etc or punishments like time out/ grounding/ refusing access to computer, etc.. the list goes on .... if not a means of "manipulation" or encouraging good behaviours. ... How we do it is a personal thing.

Maybe this gran would be giving said child this money anyway each week and this way she's encouraging good practice habits and a sense of money having to be earned ...

just my 2p for what it's worth.

[Halka]

I give my children ?1 a week if they have done certain things.

These include but are not exclusively a reasonable amount of practice without making a fuss about it, and trying their best in their lessons. It's an amount I've decided they can have each week as a method of teaching them about saving for things they want. If I can also use this to encourage good habits then why not?

With regards to the OP:

I don't think the Gran "paying" her grandchild is such a big deal. It's not what I'd do nor do I personally think it's a great idea but only in the "rod for her own back" way ...

We all as parents "manipulate" our children into exhibiting a certain type of behaviour and anyone who says they don't is frankly fibbing - what are star charts, stickers, etc or punishments like time out/ grounding/ refusing access to computer, etc.. the list goes on .... if not a means of "manipulation" or encouraging good behaviours. ... How we do it is a personal thing.

Maybe this gran would be giving said child this money anyway each week and this way she's encouraging good practice habits and a sense of money having to be earned ...

just my 2p for what it's worth.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif) completely.

[Tequila]

I give my children ?1 a week if they have done certain things.

These include but are not exclusively a reasonable amount of practice without making a fuss about it, and trying their best in their lessons. It's an amount I've decided they can have each week as a method of teaching them about saving for things they want. If I can also use this to encourage good habits then why not?

With regards to the OP:

I don't think the Gran "paying" her grandchild is such a big deal. It's not what I'd do nor do I personally think it's a great idea but only in the "rod for her own back" way ...

We all as parents "manipulate" our children into exhibiting a certain type of behaviour and anyone who says they don't is frankly fibbing - what are star charts, stickers, etc or punishments like time out/ grounding/ refusing access to computer, etc.. the list goes on .... if not a means of "manipulation" or encouraging good behaviours. ... How we do it is a personal thing.

Maybe this gran would be giving said child this money anyway each week and this way she's encouraging good practice habits and a sense of money having to be earned ...

just my 2p for what it's worth.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif) completely.

thanks (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) Was half expecting to be shouted down... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)

[Dulciana]

Paying Children to Practice?? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

Silly idea.

This is as far as I've read in this thread and it's far enough. I agree whole-heartedly.

Motivate to love music and to want to perform it. Give confidence. Nurture the idea that what comes out is proportional to what goes in. Provide goals. Make it fun. Help construct a routine. ENJOY. LISTEN. But PAY for TIME spent??? Absolutely not.

Edit - I came back because I felt I had to say more. I used to cajole, a long time ago, as teacher and parent, but don't any more. I am passionate about what I teach, and my attitude is, "There are few things in life that will give more pleasure or more satisfaction. What you get out is directly proportional to what you put in. Nothing that is good in life comes for free. You are doing this for you and for nobody else, and nobody can do it for you. " If this gets them through the early stages then there is no problem, as they get the idea, and things move on very quickly. I have a large number of Grade 7. 8 and diploma students now whom I've had since they started at the age of 6. I truly believe that the right attitude from the word 'GO' is what counts - it's not TIME SPENT for gain from another source; it's time INVESTED for one's OWN sake. Getting the parents on board helps but getting the right attitude into kids themselves is what really counts - because they take that attitude home.

[Celeste]

It's not as if he's getting ?3.70 per hour of practise - it's the odd pound from a doting Granny! I really don't understand this at all... I bet she'd be totally mortified if she knew this discussion was going on.

[MusicalNitWit]

Motivate to love music and to want to perform it. Give confidence. Nurture the idea that what comes out is proportional to what goes in. Provide goals. Make it fun. Help construct a routine. ENJOY. LISTEN. But PAY for TIME spent??? Absolutely not.

It can be difficult for a child to be motivated unless they have reached a certain standard first which makes the learning feel less difficult. Both sons would have never practiced if I had not insisted. DS1 is still not interested but is compliant so will practice when told. DS2 would rather not but he is beginning to realise the pleasure he gets from succeeding, either through small achievements or in competitions/auditions. He can't wait to go to the RCM but would still not practice (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rolleyes.gif) as he cannot see five feet in front of him. There have been moments recently when I have been woken at 6:30 am (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif) to hear piano practice. He really beams when I tell him how proud I am that he did this of his own volition but on the whole it is a constant negotiation! I also know he finds comfort when playing, especially the piano and he comes away from practice with a spring in his step, or at times he will "compose" when he is feeling sad or attacked. But he doesn't realise he does this and by "making or bribing" him to practice he will eventually get good enough to really love music.

[tonedeafmum]

It's not as if he's getting ?3.70 per hour of practise - it's the odd pound from a doting Granny! I really don't understand this at all... I bet she'd be totally mortified if she knew this discussion was going on.

Given that the average 7 year old would only be practising for 15 to 20 minutes at a time he does get ?3.70 an hour!

For many years I have struggled against other people pre-conceptions about children who learn instruments to a reasonable standard - that they all come from middle class families and monied families.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/peace2.gif) I surrender. It's obviously all true.

?30 a month for a 7 year old is an incredible amount of money! Does no-one else see it?

Please .... someone .... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)

[Dulciana]

It can be difficult for a child to be motivated unless they have reached a certain standard first

This is true, and I think this is why it's good for a teacher to be quite strict about practice. No practice = no lessons any more. Few will just take the attitude, "Ok, then, I'll just give up now" in the first couple of terms. A strict teacher works best for the early stages, who is very specific about how much time should be spent, and exactly HOW that time should be spent - combining this, obviously, with enthusiasm and encouragement. The hope is that the child just views practice in the same way as times tables, homework and reading, It's just part of the routine that isn't negotiable, and when this is the case there are fewer arguments at home. Once these early stages are past, the self motivation should be already established, and it becomes more than a chore. I honestly think paying them could be counter-productive, in that they might always feel that they're doing somebody else a service rather than doing it for themselves. I love playing the organ, but I wouldn't do it for free... because that's the attitude that is instilled in me.

[MusicalNitWit]

Choristers have always been paid for their services but that seems acceptable. Nowadays it is often in the form of scholarships but there are many small churches that still pay a small fee for each service. I'm not advocating the payment of practice but I do think bribery happens often either through money, sweets, computer time etc.

[delicato]

What a fab thread. I do not believe in bribing children with money --- with any thing. They do not want to play the instrument then? So what is the point?

However, what a fab idea! I think teachers should pay the student to practice! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/rofl.gif) (this means i am only joking (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) ). I could be be on to earning a lot of money. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wub.gif)