Etiquette Options

[Dulcet]

Please, can we have a little respect on this forum? There are a lot of very unpleasant posts here right now - perhaps we could all stop and think "Would I say this to x's face if I met him/her?"

I remember someone storming off in a huff in a "what's your desert island piece?" thread when I replied that I would happily consign their choice to room 101 - a lot of what's being said here this week is considerably more offensive, and what's more, personal. Yes, it can be very helpful to put the other point of view, but does it have to be done with a sledgehammer?

p.s. Where's the chitchat gone?

pps where's the bad back sniffly coughy cold with deans medal on saturday smiley? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

[MNW]

Maybe we should all try to post on a thread to benefit the poster. Constructive criticism is fine but there have been too many:

Why would you do that?
I wouldn't let my kid do that...tut,tut.

Or questioning the honesty of posters especially on threads where one doesn't even play a certain instrument! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

I'll be nice, if you'll be nice! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[klavierkat]

I agree! There have been several very nasty and personal virtual slanging matches in recent days. This completely turns me off and as soon as a thread turns nasty I switch immediately to another thread. Other forumites don't want to read spiteful rantings! So the message is hold your tongue! Or say nothing!

If you feel particularly riled, you could always try looking at the "What's made you happy today?" thread and think lots of nice positive thoughts and instead of upsetting others, change your mindset. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[corenfa]

from having been on internet forums (fora??) for way too long (being a geek) I try to read everything through the following filter (adapted for this particular forum)

- just because someone does something in a different way from how I do it doesn't mean they are passing judgement on me as a Bad Musician or a Bad Person
- just because someone doesn't like the music that I do, or the instruments that I play doesn't mean that they think I am stupid, musically illiterate, etc
- I can't see their facial expression while they're posting so I'm missing a lot of cues about whether they are being sarcastic, ironic or in any way not literal (but smileys do help)

It helps me not get wound up! Goodness knows I am already wound up enough in real life... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)

[ViolaMum]

Please, can we have a little respect on this forum? There are a lot of very unpleasant posts here right now - perhaps we could all stop and think "Would I say this to x's face if I met him/her?"

I remember someone storming off in a huff in a "what's your desert island piece?" thread when I replied that I would happily consign their choice to room 101 - a lot of what's being said here this week is considerably more offensive, and what's more, personal. Yes, it can be very helpful to put the other point of view, but does it have to be done with a sledgehammer?

p.s. Where's the chitchat gone?

pps where's the bad back sniffly coughy cold with deans medal on saturday smiley? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

I know that I may have started some pretty heavy 'discussions' lately and maybe I have ranted when I shouldn't have but where my children are involved it's hard not to. I don't think that I've said anything that I wouldn't say to their face either. I really hope that I haven't personally attacked anyone for their opinions. All constructive opinions are valid as far as I'm concerned.

So I really hope that it gets better on here. I can't cope with much more of what's been directed at me recently.

Talking of which - TDM asked the Mods to remove the ChitChat thread as she was upset at all the grief that it had caused.

[jod]

I have just exchanged some very cordial PMs with TDM re the general chit chat thread.

She is very aware that quite a few of us are having what I'd call 'growing pains' due to the age of our off-spring.

As parents we will all have our own ways of doing things. We will face a number of very similar problems, and some that are unique to our own situation.

When our children arrived they did not come with 'little instruction books' so all of us will have done lots of things right, and similarly made lots of mistakes too.

What is abundantly clear, when reading between the lines is how much the parents on this forum love their children and want to do the best however misguided their efforts may be at any one time or another.

Whenever I stuff things up it is normally because I care so much I can not see the wood for the trees. I'm pretty certain I'm not unique. Therefore when I make a comment, please do not be too offended, I'm only saying, the equivalent of 'that's a lovely copper beech tree, it looks beautiful surrounded by the rest of the wood. Oh incidentely can you see the bluebells and the birds...'

It is not meant as a personal attack, just an opportunity to take stock and re-think. I am very aware we are all motivated by parental love.

I do not have two perfect children and neither am I the perfect parent. However I can understand where many of you are coming from and also where other parties may be coming from and it would be remiss of me not to share any relevant experience it in the long term it could help both you as a parent any your children. I also welcome the favour to be returned else I can not learn to help my children.

[jod]

Please see Growing Pains thread in Cafe as a place where you can post the type of thing you wanted to discuss the type of thing you did in General Chit-Chat.

I felt that by really opening things up to past parents and to young people who have recently been through their teenage years that I knew I would learn, and would hope that as a lot of you are clearly feeling the strain you would benefit from the greater wisdom too.

Jo

[ViolaMum]

Just been looking in the Forums Cafe to find that people are having nasty snipes at Parents over there!

Not what I need to read right now thanks! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

Like I said in the previous Chit Chat thread - I feel safe here. Or I used to anyway (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

[Clari Nicki1]

Just been looking in the Forums Cafe to find that people are having nasty snipes at Parents over there!

Not what I need to read right now thanks! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

Like I said in the previous Chit Chat thread - I feel safe here. Or I used to anyway (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

Hey VM, there is a parents forum so that parents can discuss issues! If others don't like that- it's not our fault! I am a teacher, a student and a parent! I probably rant most of the parents forum as that's what stresses me out the most in the music world- my kids! I care passionately about my pupils and really enjoy teaching- but when it comes to my kids- it's harder to be more objective- and that is why I need the parents forum- to have other parents give a little perspective.
If others don't like us using the forums to rant and be angst ridden- that is their choice and their problem! Try not to worry about it!