Messed Up School Concert, I feel like a failure... Options

[Andy-piano-flute]

To reiterate what other people have said....well done for restarting & getting through it. I know how horrible it must have been for you but you have to give yourself credit for playing the piece even though you were a nervous wreck. And, although I know you'll keep thinking about it & agonising over it, believe it or not, none of the people there will have given it another thought.

My own awful experience was playing at the Harvest service at the end of October. The church was packed, I was playing a hymn during the offering & the pianist decided not to return to the prearranged place for the repeat but to go somewhere different. 1 of those samey but different ending to each phrase type of hymn so I played 3 notes & only realised he was somewhere different when there was the most horrible dissonance. Stupidly I thought he, (as the accompanist), would follow me. Like heck did he; after a disastrous attempt by me to try & work out where he was I simply had to give up (should have done that immediately!). I was so nearly in tears about it & still had the rest of the service to get through. I still cringe every time I think about it &, for me, the worst thing was that I'd not done anything wrong - I'd played the right notes in the right place but because of someone else I ended up sounding incompetent (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) . I told myself that although it was awful it wasn't the end of the world, far worse things happen than messing up a piece of music.

[SaxFan]

Brave of you to share this.

Absolutely right - well done!!
You have done really well - we can tell from what you have written. And of course you feel disappointed and despondent. Make sure that passes and what you have done becomes a lesson in performance.
It clearly sounds that you can play and play well. The audience surely were not as critical as YOU are nor as you think they might be. You may have re-started, but you kept it together then.
I am sure you had far more sympathy than condemnation.

Someone else has said that you can analyse and learn from how it was. Move on. Leave it behind and good luck with all else that you do now.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[PurePianist]

Wow, thank you so much everybody for your supportive and encouraging replies. I felt really down yesterday but after a good night's sleep I don't feel as awful as I did yesterday. And today at school, a lot of teachers & friends told me that they didn't even notice it was going wrong until I stopped, it was really nice the second time round and well done. I think they're only trying to cheer me up, but I'm grateful for that.

I'm also reassured that so many of you fantastic musicians have had similar experiences in the past! I'm trying to think that everyone makes mistakes, and that I must put it behind me. That doesn't mean I won't cringe everytime I think about this (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif), but hopefully I'll be able to redeem myself on Monday (still scared stiff about that though).

So thank you all. I'm really glad that I shared this because I feel so much better!

[nicki_flute]

You'll be FANTASTIC on Monday (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[amanda41]

Yes - have fun!

xxx

[Glass Mountain]

Wow, thank you so much everybody for your supportive and encouraging replies. I felt really down yesterday but after a good night's sleep I don't feel as awful as I did yesterday. And today at school, a lot of teachers & friends told me that they didn't even notice it was going wrong until I stopped, it was really nice the second time round and well done. I think they're only trying to cheer me up, but I'm grateful for that.

I'm also reassured that so many of you fantastic musicians have had similar experiences in the past! I'm trying to think that everyone makes mistakes, and that I must put it behind me. That doesn't mean I won't cringe everytime I think about this (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif), but hopefully I'll be able to redeem myself on Monday (still scared stiff about that though).

So thank you all. I'm really glad that I shared this because I feel so much better!

So glad you feel better. Just two things I want to share with you:

On Wednesday I was at the exams with my pupils and was talking about nerves with the examiner, who told me that most of the professional performers out there take beta blockers before performing. Interesting......

Today, I had an informal Christmas Concert with my adult pupils in my home. They all did extremely well as the adults are much more nervous than the children. However, when each pupil had finished their performance they insisted on telling us all where they had gone wrong! Why didn't they tell us the things that had gone right instead? We are so self-critical aren't we? I once had an adult play a beautiful performance of a piece, but in the last section she totally lost it and had to give up. I'm not kidding when I say that the number of people who asked me afterwards what book the music was in. I could have made a mint if I was a sheet music sales person. Therefore, what to the performer was disasterous, to the audience was beautiful!

I reminded my pupils today that the trouble is we're so used to hearing perfect performances that have taken a long time to perfect in the recording studios. Most live performances are not perfect!

Remember this on Monday and allow for a few blemishes and just play through them and most of all ENJOY PERFORMING.

Look forward to hearing how it went!! GO FOR IT!!!!!

[gwu]

My teacher always says that mistakes sound far worse to the performer (because you know how it should sound and you're annoyed with yourself when the mistake occurs). You have a history of successful performances so don't let just one bad experience put you off.

Good luck in your other concert.

[Frankie82]

If it's a piece that's not that well known anyway, people surely wont notice a few slip ups? If you "allow" yourself to fail, you probably wont anyway

[Melody Amour]

Bravo, PurePianist. You must be amazing to play in front of 200 people. I am one of those pianists who would not consider such a thing and really admire you and the positive reaction you are displaying in relation to your feeling that it did not go all right on the night. I am sure to the majority of the audience, who probably do not know much about music, that it sounded brilliant. I am sure the majority of us have played to non-musical friends who have admired what we have played even though we ourselves know that we could have done better. All the best for your next concert.

[Boo Radley]

Wow, thank you so much everybody for your supportive and encouraging replies. I felt really down yesterday but after a good night's sleep I don't feel as awful as I did yesterday. And today at school, a lot of teachers & friends told me that they didn't even notice it was going wrong until I stopped, it was really nice the second time round and well done. I think they're only trying to cheer me up, but I'm grateful for that.

I'm also reassured that so many of you fantastic musicians have had similar experiences in the past! I'm trying to think that everyone makes mistakes, and that I must put it behind me. That doesn't mean I won't cringe everytime I think about this (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif), but hopefully I'll be able to redeem myself on Monday (still scared stiff about that though).

So thank you all. I'm really glad that I shared this because I feel so much better!

I agree with most of what has been said Junko, but I don't think it's true that your friends and teachers were only trying to cheer you up. It really is the case that lots of non-musical people don't notice these things. Which is why it's so much more nerve-wracking playing in front of musicians, and as Andy P-F said, there are much worse things to do in life than mess up a piece of music. If no-one ever got to experience the joys of your playing just because of one mind-blank, what a shame that would be. I love that quote from Alias as well! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[PurePianist]

I'm really touched by the amount of supportive comments everyone has given me. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) I told my piano teacher what had happened when I had a lesson yesterday, and she basically said the same sort of stuff to me - she also gave me a few examples of when she had messed up, which again cheered me up. I felt more paranoid than usual yesterday during the lesson (paranoid that I will make a mistake, I mean) but I'm practicing a lot during this weekend and hopefully I will be better prepared on Monday. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) I'll keep you posted on how it gets on. Thanks again!

[Glass Mountain]

GOOD LUCK + ENJOY IT (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[nicki_flute]

Am thinking of you.

[PurePianist]

Thank you, Glass Mountain & Nicki. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) I've just come back, and it couldn't have went smoother. I felt a bit sick before I began, because it was like dejavu of Thursday - but I managed to pull it off without a glitch (well, there were a few but it wasn't obvious). And I think the old people liked it - I was in a kind of daze after I finished so I couldn't really work out their facial expressions, but a lot of people told me it was good, so I'm pleased. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) Above all, I'm so happy that I managed to play again and that the experience on Thursday hadn't shattered my confidence & ability as much as I thought.

Thanks for all your support. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[sbhoa]

Well done.