Parent Bringing Baby Into Lesson Options

[trbro]

I have a very talented 14 year old piano student who is very shy. Her mother has sat in on her lessons since she started with me about 6 months ago. Recently I have thought of asking the Mother if she wouldn't mind waiting in the car as most other parents do, to try and establish more rapport with the student. I feel she would be much more open without Mum being there.
However, before I had the chance, Mum has had a baby and the last 2 weeks has brought baby into lesson as well!!!! First week she carried him in her arms and he was asleep. 2nd week and in comes the baby car seat with baby in which takes up a lot of room in my rather cramped teaching room! Baby was quiet most of the time, but a few times there was some gurgling which I found really off-putting.
I find it rather cheeky that Mum just presumes it's ok with me, but don't know how to tactfully tell her that her and the baby need to wait in the car, after all I am not operating a creche!!! I find confrontation really difficult so would value any opinions/suggestions you may have. My husband also thinks this is not on and is quite annoyed that I am being taken advantage of (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)
Help please! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

[petrat]

That is difficult all round. If it were me I would send mother and baby to sit in another room. It is very cold for a baby in the car at this time of the year . Explain that you think that the daughter would be less reserved if her mother were not there and get her and sprog to sit and wait somewhere else.

[BerkshireMum]

It's rather cold at this time of year to expect someone with a new baby to wait in the car! Does your pupil have to travel a long distance to get to you or would it be possible for her to come under her own steam? If you haven't said anything to the contrary, perhaps Mum feels that you like her to be there?

If I'd just had a new baby, the last thing I'd want is to sit in a piano lesson with him. I think you need to be up front with the mother about this and explain that you feel it's time her daughter has the lesson to herself - you might find the mother is quite relieved!

[trbro]

All my other parents either wait in the car or call back at the end. I don't have the space to offer parents somewhere else to sit while the lesson is running. I have a chair in my hallway where students who are a few minutes early sit and wait til the current student is finished, but I also have 2 children of my own running round the house so sitting there for 30 mins with baby/car seat/ nappies etc isn't feasible, especially on health and safety terms.
Mum wouldn't have time to go home and then come back again in 30 mins but Ii have plenty other parents in the same boat. There are shops 2 mins from where I live, quite a few go there for the lesson then come back to pick them up.
I hope I don't sound as if I'm being unreasonable and hopefully Mum will realise I have her daughters best interest at heart.

[SueHM]

I think it is perfectly acceptable to ask her not to bring the baby into the lessons because it is distracting for you and your pupil. It is not fair on the pupil to expect her to concentrate with 2 members of her family sitting in. It is only a matter of time before the baby cries. Depending on your set-up, would it be possible for Mum to drive up, drop 14 year old (wait for you to open door) and drive off again with baby on board?

You are not being unreasonable. I have had to speak to parents quite firmly about not chatting/making noises in lessons (some think it is OK to send and receive texts or make calls...) There is no onus on you to provide another room for them to sit in. I've coped with 3 small babies myself and am not unsympathetic to the mother, but a 14 year old is better off without her for a while!

Perhaps you could find a reason to phone her before the next lesson and say 'by the way, would you mind not staying because...'

Deep breath and say it - you will feel much better afterwards!

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[Lucid]

You are not being unreasonable. I have had to speak to parents quite firmly about not chatting/making noises in lessons (some think it is OK to send and receive texts or make calls...)

I've got a new student who has had two lessons so far. On both occasions her mum has sat in - which I agreed she could do for the first few. But last lesson her mum sent a text to her other daughter, the other daughter replied and when the phone went off my student just walked over to her mum's phone (while I was in the middle of talking) to see what the message was! And her mum didn't say anything to her. Although later she told off her daugher for looking away wile I was talking to her. I will leave it another lesson or two and then suggest that the mum no longer sits in the lesson as it does distract the girl.

Lucid (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[trbro]

Hi Sue
thanks for your reply, I feel a bit better now. I am useless at being assertive! Most other parents do what you described, student rings bell, I answer, wave to parent in car and student comes in, parent disappears. Parent then comes back 30 mins later and waits outside in car, I let student out only when I can see that parent is there waiting, wave to them and off they go. Hopefully this Mum will find doing this much easier than lugging baby etc in and out of car. I need my assertive head on when I phone Mum and hope she agrees with me!! Will keep you posted (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[SueHM]

You are not being unreasonable. I have had to speak to parents quite firmly about not chatting/making noises in lessons (some think it is OK to send and receive texts or make calls...)

I've got a new student who has had two lessons so far. On both occasions her mum has sat in - which I agreed she could do for the first few. But last lesson her mum sent a text to her other daughter, the other daughter replied and when the phone went off my student just walked over to her mum's phone (while I was in the middle of talking) to see what the message was! And her mum didn't say anything to her. Although later she told off her daugher for looking away wile I was talking to her. I will leave it another lesson or two and then suggest that the mum no longer sits in the lesson as it does distract the girl.

Lucid (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Argh, it makes me so mad - it is soooo rude. Next time she comes just say politely but firmly 'would you mind switching off your phone during the lesson as it is very distracting for me and x'. If she objects, she can always put it on silent, I suppose. I would have a fit if one of my children behaved like that in a lesson! I have a zero tolerance policy for any interruptions. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)

[Violinia]

Hi Sue
thanks for your reply, I feel a bit better now. I am useless at being assertive! Most other parents do what you described, student rings bell, I answer, wave to parent in car and student comes in, parent disappears. Parent then comes back 30 mins later and waits outside in car, I let student out only when I can see that parent is there waiting, wave to them and off they go. Hopefully this Mum will find doing this much easier than lugging baby etc in and out of car. I need my assertive head on when I phone Mum and hope she agrees with me!! Will keep you posted (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Hmm, these situations can be very difficult.

Could you ask her to go off somewhere for half an hour, like a quick spot of shopping? As it's cold it wouldn't really be fair to ask her to sit in a stationary car with a new baby when you've got a warm room, but if she drove around with the baby the car would be warm, wouldn't it? And after all, she's got to think of something long-term at some point because what's going to happen in six months or so when the baby starts crawling? Or could the student switch to Saturday mornings when presumably the dad could look after the baby?

I think she's wrong on two counts: expecting you to put up with two more people in the room, and imposing her presence on her daughter when her daughter's way too old to have her mum in the room.

[musicmanNZ]

Hmm ..music man's mum here.

I think you are all being a bit harsh on poor old new Mum. She has a teenager to taxi about to various lessons - no doubt mindful that Miss Teenager mustn't be usurped by new baby.

Would it really matter if she sat there at least for the next couple of months. Frankly I wouldn't like to sit in a coffee shop, walk about shops or huddle in a car with a 3 week old baby.

I doubt it is easy getting baby fed, dressed for the outing and all sorted to get teenager to her lesson on time. Poor lady is probably delighted to sit down quietly for an hour after getting to your place.

Do a few baby gurgles really affect your lesson ? I've read teachers on here talk about their pets being in the room etc ..

To be honest I'm quite surprised at everyone's reaction - IMO good of the mother for still keeping everything going for older daughter

[jenny]

To be honest I'm quite surprised at everyone's reaction - IMO good of the mother for still keeping everything going for older daughter

I'm inclined to agree. And maybe as the weather gets warmer (as I'm sure it will eventually!) maybe the mum could take the baby for a walk.
I'd be much more worried about the mobile phone issue than a baby in the room. I used to have a mum sitting in whose mobile had a very loud ring tone and she used to answer it and say (quite loudly) "I can't talk now, I'm in ******'s piano lesson". SO annoying.

[AnnC]

It's so difficult, this one. It COULD be that when you mention it, Mum might actually be relieved! She may not WANT to be there with baby. I know I was when this was brought up by my daughter's violin teacher - he had unwittingly given me the impression that he wanted me to stay (daughter was 10 at the time).
Maybe there is a doting grandma who would love to babysit? It's not for long.
Still, as others have said, it won't be long before the warmer weather arrives, and Mum can go for a walk - that's the time to put your foot down, I believe. I'm tolerant of people OCCASIONALLY bringing their children in school holidays if there really isn't an alternative, and student is working towards something - festival, concert, etc.
(IMG:style_emoticons/default/soapbox.gif) Re pets in the room - an absolute no-no! It's unprofessional in my opinion.
Some of my students ask to see my dogs occasionally, as they have been "in on it" when we got them as puppies (ah! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) ) but they are promptly put in another room for the lesson duration - dogs, that is (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif) .
As for mobile phones - this is just a matter of respect, isn't it, as is arriving on time, parents not collecting students too late, etc? If I had a student whose mobile phone went off I would ask them to turn it off before recommencing the lesson, and ask at the start of the next one if they have turned it off. They'll soon get the message. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[jod]

I always offer a warm room away from my studio for parents and siblings including babies to feel comfortable in it even had the TV in it.

As for pets in my studio, its very easy to keep dogs out... cats however are another issue. Yes they wander in and are acknowledged when they do. I do not believe this is unprofessional, for many of my pupils it is something that adds to the relaxed manner of my teaching. As long as my primary focus is to my pupil, if either of the cats wander in if the pupil strokes them (they are very friendly) and thet helps them feel relaxed and play or sing better then there is no problem. The only problem happens when the cat becomes the focus of the lesson not the instrument, and I'm quite capable of handling that!

Mobile Phones. This depends on the reason why the pupil needs them. If it is because nursery is likely to call and say thay their child is distressed then they stay on. Similarly if the only call is likely to be from a parent who is likely to be late picking their child up. The only time I insist they are off is when the phone belongs to someone who is texted every five minutes and receives numerous calls. Its a case of weighing up the need and finding the right solution.

[AnnC]

I always offer a warm room away from my studio for parents and siblings including babies to feel comfortable in it even had the TV in it.

As for pets in my studio, its very easy to keep dogs out... cats however are another issue. Yes they wander in and are acknowledged when they do. I do not believe this is unprofessional, for many of my pupils it is something that adds to the relaxed manner of my teaching. As long as my primary focus is to my pupil, if either of the cats wander in if the pupil strokes them (they are very friendly) and thet helps them feel relaxed and play or sing better then there is no problem. The only problem happens when the cat becomes the focus of the lesson not the instrument, and I'm quite capable of handling that!

Mobile Phones. This depends on the reason why the pupil needs them. If it is because nursery is likely to call and say thay their child is distressed then they stay on. Similarly if the only call is likely to be from a parent who is likely to be late picking their child up. The only time I insist they are off is when the phone belongs to someone who is texted every five minutes and receives numerous calls. Its a case of weighing up the need and finding the right solution.

I have a room like that too, but it is my living accomodation, and private, as far as I am concerned. My husband would not like it if my business spilled over into the rest of the house - HIS house too! I have a man who brings his two sons for lessons, a total of an hour. Sometimes he also brings his young baby and sits in the car with her and the one son who is not having a lesson at the time. They have never asked if they could come inside.

I only have dogs, but they are only allowed to meet students in the hall (only if student requests, and not every time they ask). They are not even allowed in the studio when it is not in use. Some students have pet allergies and I feel it is only fair to keep as much hair, etc. out of the working environment. I'm confused as to how it is difficult to keep cats out (should you want to, of course). My studio door is always closed during a lesson, as soundproofing for the rest of the house, with only a transom window open for ventilation.
Allowing your cats in obviously works for you Jod, and that's great - it's only my opinion.

Yes, I agree one has to use common sense re phones, but my students usually say, do you mind if I keep my phone on today - I am expecting/ might get a call from....for the very reasons you suggest, and I have no problem with that. I was really talking about non-essential usage - or at least things which could wait for 45 minutes. Normally people automatically turn them off when they arrive. And I would point out that I have never had to ask them to do this - it's something I would do too - as I said, it is a matter of respect.

[sbhoa]

It depends what you are comfortable with.
I don't have a problem with parents who stay and I'm not sure these days about being strongly aginst if they want to anyway. Some teachers even instist on under 16s at least being chaperoned.
I leave it to the parents to decide (but then my piano is in the kithcen and there is plenty of space and the parent's chair is placed a good dostance from the piano). I do mention that some children will relax and do better without the parent there but leave it to them to decide.
I have 2 who stay, one a very quiet 10 year old and one who is not yet 7 so it can be useful to point out things to mum during the lesson anyway.
The parent is also out on my line of vision and I generally just ignore their presence during the lesson.
I also have an adult student who usually has her 4 year old with her as she comes after picking her up from nursery. In the holidays she will have her 10 year old son with her too. She's also my granddaughter's childminder so sometimes if my husband is around she will come when she has Delilah and my husband plays with her and the 4 year old in the lounge during the lesson.
The children can be a little distracting but this lady would find it hard to fit in lessons otherwise as her husband works shifts.

In the past I've also taught Father, mother and sone in the same family and they all brought things to occupy them while waiting.