The cheek of some people Options

[MDSS]

Has anyone else dealt with unpleasant wedding couples/funeral families?

About two and a half weeks ago, I was asked by the church in the village up the road if I wouldn?t mind playing for a funeral this Wednesday.

The family hadn?t requested any specialist pieces to be played before and after the service, just three hymns and my own selection of appropriate funeral voluntaries. Well, this morning I received a call from a lady representing the family. She asked if I would play Elgar?s Nimrod as the coffin left the church (no problem there, as I play this piece regularly), but then she started reading off all these piece to be played before the service and as the coffin came into the church, including the Adagio from BWV 564 and the Solemn Melody by Walford Davies (IMG:style_emoticons/default/huh.gif). I explained in a polite manner that it was impossible to play the pieces mentioned above, as A. I don?t play these organ works anyway, and B. I couldn?t possibly learn them one day before the funeral. Her response was ?Oh my, really? Hmm well, I suppose you?re good? which was delivered in an extremely condescending tone (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif). She then proceeded to question which pieces I would be playing before the service and whether or not they were suitable.

Thank God I managed to bite my tongue through all this (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)

[Seer_Green]

I'm afraid I'd have told them to *** off!

[CJB]

Has anyone else dealt with unpleasant wedding couples/funeral families?

About two and a half weeks ago, I was asked by the church in the village up the road if I wouldn?t mind playing for a funeral this Wednesday.

The family hadn?t requested any specialist pieces to be played before and after the service, just three hymns and my own selection of appropriate funeral voluntaries. Well, this morning I received a call from a lady representing the family. She asked if I would play Elgar?s Nimrod as the coffin left the church (no problem there, as I play this piece regularly), but then she started reading off all these piece to be played before the service and as the coffin came into the church, including the Adagio from BWV 564 and the Solemn Melody by Walford Davies (IMG:style_emoticons/default/huh.gif). I explained in a polite manner that it was impossible to play the pieces mentioned above, as A. I don?t play these organ works anyway, and B. I couldn?t possibly learn them one day before the funeral. Her response was ?Oh my, really? Hmm well, I suppose you?re good? which was delivered in an extremely condescending tone (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif). She then proceeded to question which pieces I would be playing before the service and whether or not they were suitable.

Thank God I managed to bite my tongue through all this (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)

Makes me glad that when we were selecting music for my Mum's funeral we requested anything baroque that the organist liked playing. We were greeted with lots of 'are you sure's but wanted something played with enjoyment rather than any tension over an unknown piece. The organist improvised a lovely set of variations around the hymn we'd chosen which was just what we wanted.

[SueHM]

I explained in a polite manner that it was impossible to play the pieces mentioned above, as A. I don?t play these organ works anyway, and B. I couldn?t possibly learn them one day before the funeral. Her response was ?Oh my, really? Hmm well, I suppose you?re good? which was delivered in an extremely condescending tone :

"Actually, now you come to mention it, I’m really rubbish, and my woeful playing is going to make a mockery of this solemn occasion. May I advise you to seek an alternative musician…" Sooooo tempting.

[Czerny]

I explained in a polite manner that it was impossible to play the pieces mentioned above, as A. I don?t play these organ works anyway, and B. I couldn?t possibly learn them one day before the funeral. Her response was ?Oh my, really? Hmm well, I suppose you?re good? which was delivered in an extremely condescending tone :

"Actually, now you come to mention it, I?m really rubbish, and my woeful playing is going to make a mockery of this solemn occasion. May I advise you to seek an alternative musician?" Sooooo tempting.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[Swell Box]

Has anyone else dealt with unpleasant wedding couples/funeral families?

About two and a half weeks ago, I was asked by the church in the village up the road if I wouldn?t mind playing for a funeral this Wednesday.

The family hadn?t requested any specialist pieces to be played before and after the service, just three hymns and my own selection of appropriate funeral voluntaries. Well, this morning I received a call from a lady representing the family. She asked if I would play Elgar?s Nimrod as the coffin left the church (no problem there, as I play this piece regularly), but then she started reading off all these piece to be played before the service and as the coffin came into the church, including the Adagio from BWV 564 and the Solemn Melody by Walford Davies (IMG:style_emoticons/default/huh.gif). I explained in a polite manner that it was impossible to play the pieces mentioned above, as A. I don?t play these organ works anyway, and B. I couldn?t possibly learn them one day before the funeral. Her response was ?Oh my, really? Hmm well, I suppose you?re good? which was delivered in an extremely condescending tone (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mad.gif). She then proceeded to question which pieces I would be playing before the service and whether or not they were suitable.

Thank God I managed to bite my tongue through all this (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)

All of the above presupposes that the requested music is actually playable on the instrument concerned. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)

I just wonder what gems this weeks royal wedding will give popularity to, and will no doubt be requsted by happy couples for the next ten years at least. Never mind that the organ in the parish church only has two manuals, that the reed stop is out of tune and the only pedal stop has a cipher. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

SB

[Barry Williams]

Mercifully, I have had very little - indeed, none of this nonsense. I have been treated very well.

The only 'incident' happened when I was a church organist some forty years ago. The bride's mother (but not the bride and groom) had given everyone in the church grief in some way or another. The flowers arrangers, parish clerk etc were all thoroughly fed up with her. She even wanted to rehearse the servers herself as well as come to choir practice! Anyway, the vicar suggested that when the bride's mother arrived on the day I should play the Presto from Mozart's K522. I duly did and the flower ladies, parish clerk, choir, servers and Assistant Curate all saw the joke, for at that time the piece was used as the theme music for a well-known TV programme. It is the only occasion I have ever done such a thing.

At my mother's funeral in 1989 the organist not only ignored the (very reasonable and straightforward) requests for entrance and recessional music, he 'doodled' very badly instead (whilst wearing a rather well-known hood indicating a qualification of some considerable distinction). Our requests were made courteously and in good time. It was quite appalling, as was his hymn playing. Happily, things are better at Exeter Crematorium now. The senior verger is himself a fine organist with a committment to getting things right. For my father's funeral last October my stepmother asked my wife to give the eulogy and me to play the organ. The senior verger and his colleagues could not have been more helpful. He told me that he always asks families to speak to their organists in good time so that the music can be sorted out.

MDSS: you were very well controlled in the circumstances. SueHM's suggested respoonse is really a most attractive way of handling such a situation.

Barry Williams

PS Whilst preparing this post an email has come in from the vicar at the parish where I played over Holy Week and Easter. It was to thank me for me efforts. Proverbs 16:24.

[Hils]

I just wonder what gems this weeks royal wedding will give popularity to, and will no doubt be requsted by happy couples for the next ten years at least.

Have been wondering this too - shall we start a sweepstake in another thread?

MDSS please send me a supply of the medication you use to avoid snapping in the face of such rudeness!

[MDSS]

I just wonder what gems this weeks royal wedding will give popularity to, and will no doubt be requsted by happy couples for the next ten years at least. Never mind that the organ in the parish church only has two manuals, that the reed stop is out of tune and the only pedal stop has a cipher. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

SB

I dread to think (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)


Thanks to everyone for replying. I was extremely tempted to lose my rag with this woman, but that would have played right into her hands (IMG:style_emoticons/default/closedeyes.gif)

[organist_matt]

I like it when they play music on cd players as the coffin enters/exits...then you get paid for playing a couple of hymns!!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

I've had many weddings where the couple request the Widor at the end. The chapel where the weddings take place has a 1 manual, broken pedal board, 230 year old organ which the owners of the estate where the chapel sits, rarely have serviced! I devised a suitable reduction trying to keep it sounding as close to the real thing.....some people say: "was that really the Widor" or "that's a new one!" - I'm always honest and say: "why don't you try playing the real version on that hunk of junk!"

[Swell Box]

I like it when they play music on cd players as the coffin enters/exits...then you get paid for playing a couple of hymns!!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

We had a wedding at our church where the bride-to-be had taken herself off to a recording studio, and had paid 450 pounds to record her version of Shania Twain's You're still the one, to be played as she walked down the aisle. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ill.gif)

Unfortunately the CD wouldn't play in the church's ancient CD player, so as the church 'techie' I was asked if I could make a recording that worked. The Bride's mother clearly thought her daughter had a great musical career ahead of her, and told me she was sure that the CD would bring tears to my eyes. She was absolutely right! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif)

SB

[Vox Humana]

I just wonder what gems this weeks royal wedding will give popularity to, and will no doubt be requsted by happy couples for the next ten years at least. Never mind that the organ in the parish church only has two manuals, that the reed stop is out of tune and the only pedal stop has a cipher. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

I suppose it's too much to hope that they will go out to something vocal/choral... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif)

[MDSS]

I like it when they play music on cd players as the coffin enters/exits...then you get paid for playing a couple of hymns!!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

I've had many weddings where the couple request the Widor at the end. The chapel where the weddings take place has a 1 manual, broken pedal board, 230 year old organ which the owners of the estate where the chapel sits, rarely have serviced! I devised a suitable reduction trying to keep it sounding as close to the real thing.....some people say: "was that really the Widor" or "that's a new one!" - I'm always honest and say: "why don't you try playing the real version on that hunk of junk!"

I would just refuse to play it. There's no way you can do the Toccata justice on that thing. Unfortunately, the happy couple don't always see it from the organist's point of view.

The Bride's mother clearly thought her daughter had a great musical career ahead of her, and told me she was sure that the CD would bring tears to my eyes. She was absolutely right! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/rofl.gif) There's always one. At my old church, we had several weddings where I was told my services wouldn't be required, as the wedding family were bringing their own "organist". Needless to say, it was always always a disaster (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif)

[Organistin]

I was asked to accompany a trumpeter and a singer once as well as play the hymns for a wedding.
Both of them were very obnoxious and full of themselves. They could play and sing very well so all credit to them for that.
However, the trumpeter was just rude and at the practice we played through the piece once and I wanted to go over 2 bars again which hadn't gone well - mainly because she had put in an unmarked rit when playing which I wasn't expecting. I wanted to do it again just to be sure of exactly how much rit she was doing and she said, "No, I've played enough today and if you aren't a good enough player to keep in time with me then that is your problem". Well, I was speechless.... I accompany a lot and I've never had anyone say anything like that before. It was only 2 bars for goodness sake.
The singer seemed ok until I started the first hymn whereupon she came over and while I was playing started telling me that I was out of time with the congregation and was playing too fast and then started conducting me. I ignored her and she just started conducting more wildly and saying "too fast". I was absolutely fuming. I am the sort of person who doesn't mind constructive criticism and I am the first to admit if I have botched something up but I thought that was well out of order. She started laying into me after that hymn while the service was going on and said I was ruining the bride and groom's big day.
What a cheek. In that church when you play in the organ loft it always sounds like you are ahead of the congregation and if you don't keep the tempo up and preempt them a bit then it very quickly goes completely haywire. I've played that organ on TV, accompanying hymns and I have watched the DVD several times and it was never out of time with the congregation so I know what I am doing!
But this singer... she was just vile to me about it. I asked her not to conduct and make comments but during the other hymns she kept doing it, sighing at me and waving her arms, shaking her head and saying how bad I was!

[Vox Humana]

If anyone tried that with me they would get some exceedingly sharp home truths followed by an order to go forth and multiply.