Grumpy Options

[meerkat]

Just got back from another cello lesson that wasn't. When I first started taking lessons, my cello teacher missed them quite regularly. Then he was a lot better for a while. Well, just went for a lesson now, to find him too tired to teach me tonight, and would I be offended if he didn't... ? My immediate response is the polite 'oh, of course not, that's fine', but as I've been driving home, I've just got crosser and crosser about it.

I take my cello seriously. Practise daily, I'm always punctual, always given him good notice if I can't make a lesson (which is rarely). I pay for my lessons in advance. I'm the model student, in fact! I'm a very busy person (full time job, part time doctorate, small child, several other instruments), but I'd never just not show up for a lesson, so why is it ok for him to just not teach one? I wouldn't have minded had he phoned and said he just wasn't up to it, but to let me leave my husband putting my small child to bed, so that I can go to my lesson, and then arrive to none has me really annoyed. And of course, it isn't just this lesson, it's all the ones that have gone before where I've shown up to find the house empty, or him out (this is probably missed lesson number 6, since mid January).

I'm so cross.

[nicki_flute]

He has no right to treat you like that - have you ever spoken to him about it?

[Quincy]

Just got back from another cello lesson that wasn't. When I first started taking lessons, my cello teacher missed them quite regularly. Then he was a lot better for a while. Well, just went for a lesson now, to find him too tired to teach me tonight, and would I be offended if he didn't... ? My immediate response is the polite 'oh, of course not, that's fine', but as I've been driving home, I've just got crosser and crosser about it.

I take my cello seriously. Practise daily, I'm always punctual, always given him good notice if I can't make a lesson (which is rarely). I pay for my lessons in advance. I'm the model student, in fact! I'm a very busy person (full time job, part time doctorate, small child, several other instruments), but I'd never just not show up for a lesson, so why is it ok for him to just not teach one? I wouldn't have minded had he phoned and said he just wasn't up to it, but to let me leave my husband putting my small child to bed, so that I can go to my lesson, and then arrive to none has me really annoyed. And of course, it isn't just this lesson, it's all the ones that have gone before where I've shown up to find the house empty, or him out (this is probably missed lesson number 6, since mid January).

I'm so cross.

Bummer!

No point telling him it's okay to skip a lesson you've shown up for when you're not really not okay about it though as things like that will keep happening.

If it ever happens again, you really should tell him what you just told us.

[katyjay]

How frustrating for you, Meerkat.

Perhaps you should telephone him tomorrow and tell him all the things you've said here. Point out that you are paying him to provide a service as a professional, and that you expect professional behaviour from him.

Alternatively, send him a letter to that effect.

[barry-clari]

......and to my mind meerkat you have every reason to be cross. Your 'cello teacher is being VERY unprofessional - and you need to let him know how disappointed you are.

If I, as an instrumental teacher, did what your 'cello teacher has just done to you, I would expect to lose my pupils.

If I have to cancel a lesson, I will let my pupils know WELL in advance (did that for the Leicester concert, and have already let my pupils know about Woodford) - otherwise, only illness would prevent me teaching.

Are you making good progress with your teacher, and does he teach well?

[maggiemay]

I'm so cross.

Quite justifiably. As a teacher, I would not expect to get away with this even once. This person needs to grow up, I reckon.

If you're ill and can't teach, you make every effort to contact that day's pupils first, surely?

And the sheer number of missed lessons is really a separate issue - that's also unacceptable.

[woodwind]

If I were you I'd try to find another teacher if that's possible. This one obviously doesn't have his heart in it. As katyjay says, you're paying for a professional service and he isn't providing it.

[benjaminja]

Next time you have a lesson, stay at home and phone about 15 mins into it saying "Sorry, do you mind if I don't bother coming to my lesson today?"

Although if you pay in advance that could be a problem, I guess.

I'd be tempted to look for a different teacher, personally...

[Quincy]

PS As a lawyer, I've had clients lose their temper with me if I didn't return a phonecall that day. That is unreasonable of them.

However, this guy has messed aroundf and failed to keep lessons on too many occasions. It's not unreasonable to say something.

It's his job to teach you and you're paying him in advance for it. I'd love to see my bosses face if I told her I as too tired to work that day and could I go home......! Exactly ... that's the point!

[meerkat]

I hear what you're saying Quincy - but it tends to take a little while for me to move from the immediate polite response to what I'm really feeling.

I think it is time, perhaps, to look for someone else. I've made good progress, but I think that's largely down to my very hard work, in all honestly. He's a lovely bloke, generally, but I find it a bit crushing when this kind of thing happens. I've never experienced anything like this with any of my other teachers, so I assume I don't smell or have annoying personal habits that might result in people not wanting to share a room with me... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Thanks for letting me sound off - I was so fed up when I got home!



(Edited to add - sorry my first 'hear what you're saying' was in response to quincy's first post - but there's a been a bit of action on this thread since I first started typing. Benjaminja, particularly liked the passive aggressive approach you suggested! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) )

[maggiemay]

Yes, I rather liked that too.

Alternatively, if you 're prepared to wait till next week, you could phone up as you're leaving and say "I just wanted to check that you're willing to teach me today, before I make the journey over to you!"

Might make the point! But as already suggested, it might be time for a change.

[Quincy]

I hear what you're saying Quincy - but it tends to take a little while for me to move from the immediate polite response to what I'm really feeling.

I think it is time, perhaps, to look for someone else. I've made good progress, but I think that's largely down to my very hard work, in all honestly. He's a lovely bloke, generally, but I find it a bit crushing when this kind of thing happens. I've never experienced anything like this with any of my other teachers, so I assume I don't smell or have annoying personal habits that might result in people not wanting to share a room with me... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Thanks for letting me sound off - I was so fed up when I got home!



(Edited to add - sorry my first 'hear what you're saying' was in response to quincy's first post - but there's a been a bit of action on this thread since I first started typing. Benjaminja, particularly liked the passive aggressive approach you suggested! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) )

I understand totally. I've had clients be SO rude to me for nothnig on the phone and I've said politely "it's quite alright" but later I've been fuming with rage thinking how dare you speak to me like that! So I understand how it's difficult to say what you think at the time.

I don' agree you should start missing your lessons and giving him no notice: it'll just drag you down to his level. You stay the responsible & blameless party here! I think it's time to look for a new teacher.

[meerkat]

Oh yeah, I was only kidding about the not showing up thing (I think benjaminja was kidding too).

I know I have to start looking for someone else. Technique-wise, I've started to feel like I need a bit more than my teacher seems able to give. I think he's probably more interested in guitar, which is his second study, but is most of what he teaches.

[elidatrading]

I once went away for the weekend and forgot to cancel a lesson. Phoned home and was told the mother had phoned up totally irate. I called the mother and apologised profusely, she said "I accept your apology" so i said see you next week and she said "O he won't be coming again, that was the last straw!" (not sure what the earlier straws were - that was the first time I had heard there was a problem!)

Liz

[Quincy]

I once went away for the weekend and forgot to cancel a lesson. Phoned home and was told the mother had phoned up totally irate. I called the mother and apologised profusely, she said "I accept your apology" so i said see you next week and she said "O he won't be coming again, that was the last straw!" (not sure what the earlier straws were - that was the first time I had heard there was a problem!)

Liz

Case in point!

Tell him you're pi$$ed off and it's not ok.

Maybe it'll stop happening.

But if he thinks it's not a problem, then maybe that's why he keeps donig it.