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> Music Jokes......, What's your favourite?
arthur
post Nov 25 2007, 09:36 AM
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QUOTE(The Tradge @ Nov 25 2007, 12:05 AM) *


Q: How do you turn a Duck into a Jazz artist?
A: Put it in the microwave until its bill withers =P





Good one.
Reminds me of a similar joke about Googie Withers.
Not for this forum though! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif)


A
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Bagnewauckland
post Oct 30 2009, 07:40 AM
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Well, I couldn't see it on this thread, so here we go.....

C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second." Then an A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor.

Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now. You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says, "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development."

This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.


EDIT: Oops, I just brought up a 2 year old thread...
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ilovemycello
post Oct 30 2009, 09:15 AM
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My three (I couldn't find them on the thread, so unless you all know them anyway......)

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
It burns longer!

What is a bassoon good for?
Lighting a pile of accordions!

How can you tell if a second-violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving!

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
(apologies to the multiple instruments insulted there...... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif) )
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Stephie
post Oct 30 2009, 12:35 PM
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Q. What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord?

A. A demented chord.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Well I found it funny... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
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Aeolienne
post Oct 30 2009, 03:25 PM
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Are there no recorder jokes?
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Stephie
post Oct 30 2009, 07:10 PM
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QUOTE(ilovemycello @ Oct 30 2009, 09:15 AM) *

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
It burns longer!

Q. What's a burning oboe good for?
A. Setting a bassoon on fire!

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Y'all know I don't mean it, being an oboist... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)
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madbassoonist
post Oct 31 2009, 08:19 AM
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QUOTE(Stephie @ Oct 30 2009, 12:35 PM) *

Q. What do you get when you put a diminished chord together with an augmented chord?

A. A demented chord.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Well I found it funny... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) I like it too... I use the word 'demented' to describe a lot of things, though!

Q. How do you get two oboists to play in unison?
A. Shoot one of them.

I know, I know, a lot of these jokes were originally meant about bassoons... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
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flobiano
post Oct 31 2009, 09:13 AM
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Why couldn't the drummer get through the door?


Because of his high hat.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif)
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ilovemycello
post Oct 31 2009, 06:31 PM
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QUOTE(flobiano @ Oct 31 2009, 09:13 AM) *

Why couldn't the drummer get through the door?


Because of his high hat.

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif)


(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
Now that is so bad that it is good!
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John Willett
post Nov 1 2009, 01:01 PM
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QUOTE(ilovemycello @ Oct 30 2009, 09:15 AM) *

What is a bassoon good for?
Lighting a pile of accordions!



I thought that was bagpipes - the perfect kindling for an accordion fire. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)
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Andantino
post Nov 1 2009, 02:39 PM
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QUOTE(ilovemycello @ Oct 30 2009, 09:15 AM) *

My three (I couldn't find them on the thread, so unless you all know them anyway......)

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
It burns longer!

What is a bassoon good for?
Lighting a pile of accordions!

How can you tell if a second-violin is out of tune?
The bow is moving!

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
(apologies to the multiple instruments insulted there...... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif) )

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)
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karslima
post Nov 1 2009, 05:02 PM
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What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.

How do you get two violinists to play in unison?
Shoot one.

And from the music dictionary,

Oboe, defn: ill wind that no one blows good.

Baroque, defn: what you will be if you play this music for a living
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bassoongirl
post Nov 1 2009, 09:21 PM
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My favourite one is
Why is lightning like a violists finger?
It never strikes twice in the same place!
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Banjogirl
post Nov 1 2009, 10:10 PM
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Q. What's wrong with pushing a car off a cliff with a viola player in it?
A. You could have fitted three more in.

Q. How many good viola players can you fit in a phone box?
A. Both of them.

Oh I love viola jokes.
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all ears
post Nov 2 2009, 05:19 AM
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A girl went out busking with her brother and his mate backing her on keyboard and guitar. She was pretty cute, and it wasn't long before the coins and even a few notes started to accumulate...but in between sets, while the guys were tuning, she would grab all the foldables and stuff them down her front. The guys weren't too happy at the prospect of a handful of coins at the end of the night, but a gig is a gig is a gig.

Finally, a few people figured out what was going on, and started a second pile a bit further away from the vocalist. The rest of the audience got right into it, and by the end of the next set, there was not much difference in the two piles. Everybody watched to see how they'd divvy it up...but some people were pretty sure they knew how it would work out...









...after all, everybody knows guitarists can never pick up the notes!
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