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Jokes!, Post your chuckle worthy jokes here :)

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barry-clari	Nov 9 2009, 10:18 PM Post #31
Maestro Group: Members Posts: 40657 Joined: 10-January 06 From: South East London Member No.: 5804	How can you tell if there's an elephant in your bed? By the letter 'E' embroidered on the elephant's pyjamas. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/yay.gif)

maggiemay	Nov 9 2009, 10:21 PM Post #32
Maestro Group: Members Posts: 18180 Joined: 12-January 04 From: S E England Member No.: 413	How do you tell little boy elephants from little girl elephants? Little boy elephants have crossbars on their bikes.

Juniper	Nov 9 2009, 10:23 PM Post #33
Unregistered	A farmer goes out to his field one morning to find all his cows frozen solid. He is obviously devestated and sits on a hedge crying. A woman walks up to him and asks what's wrong so he shows her the poor cows. She tells him not to worry and go in the farmhouse whilst she sorts the problem. An hour later he comes out and the cows are absolutely fine. He thanks her and she goes on her way. Another man walks past her and says to the farmer "you do know who that is don't you?" "No" the farmer replies. It was Thora Hird!! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Aeolienne	Nov 9 2009, 10:29 PM Post #34
Prodigy Group: Members Posts: 1158 Joined: 27-September 07 From: Golders Green, London Member No.: 16983	Knock knock. Who's there? Biggish. Biggish who? I didn't know you were homeless!!

barry-clari	Dec 7 2009, 12:49 PM Post #35
Maestro Group: Members Posts: 40657 Joined: 10-January 06 From: South East London Member No.: 5804	Customer : 'I'd like a return ticket please' Ticket office clerk : 'Where to, sir?' Customer : 'Back here, of course!' (IMG:style_emoticons/default/yay.gif)

Fran*Piano	Feb 13 2010, 10:07 PM Post #36
Virtuoso Group: Members Posts: 3445 Joined: 26-October 09 Member No.: 79153	Two men are out hunting. One of them tragically falls in a lake, however his friend manages to pull him out of the lake in the nick of time. He is struggling for breath and very close to death, so the second man hurriedly rings 999. However, as this happens, his friend stops moving and the second man cannot find a pulse. Somebody answers on the other end of theline, and he says "Help, what to do I do? I think my friend is dead!" the attendant says to him, "Please try to remain calm, sir. Now, make sure your friend is dead." There is silence for a moment, then a gunshot is heard. The man comes back on the line. "Right, what now?"

astrakhan	Feb 13 2010, 10:13 PM Post #37
Advanced Member Group: Members Posts: 207 Joined: 9-January 06 From: Italy Member No.: 5785	Two cows are standing in a field. One says "Moo!" The second says "Oh bother! I was going to say that!"

PianissiMole	Apr 4 2010, 10:37 PM Post #38
Prodigy Group: Members Posts: 1314 Joined: 17-December 08 From: southampton Member No.: 48788	With just 24 minutes to go before it's too late... ...my Easter Joke... What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)

Mad Tom	Apr 4 2010, 10:41 PM Post #39
Unregistered	Two hats ona hat stand. One said to the other "You wait here, I'll go on ahead". What do you call a chicken crossing the road? Poultry in Motion. Just a sample. I know HUNDREDS of lame jokes. (They are all that I still remember from teaching in a middle school). Could you stand any more? Wouldn't you rather watch Michael MacIntyre?

PianissiMole	Apr 4 2010, 10:44 PM Post #40
Prodigy Group: Members Posts: 1314 Joined: 17-December 08 From: southampton Member No.: 48788	You're just upset coz you don't know the answer! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

clavicembalo	Apr 4 2010, 10:50 PM Post #41
Virtuoso Group: Members Posts: 3701 Joined: 21-November 09 From: Cheltenham Member No.: 81873	If our little long-eared friend survived, it'd be a HOT, CROSS BUN of course!

PianissiMole	Apr 4 2010, 11:01 PM Post #42
Prodigy Group: Members Posts: 1314 Joined: 17-December 08 From: southampton Member No.: 48788	(IMG:style_emoticons/default/yay.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/clap.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

Fran*Piano	Apr 5 2010, 11:43 AM Post #43
Virtuoso Group: Members Posts: 3445 Joined: 26-October 09 Member No.: 79153	Not really a joke as such, but it amused me: Yesterday at my aunties, my dad was sitting on the couch with his eyes closed, looking very much like he was asleep. He was very still, adn my mam was convinced that his chest wasn't moving and he wasn't breathing. She went over to wake up him, but he was actually awake and had been listening to the whole conversation-he opened his eyes and goes "I'm not dead, I'm just in stealth mode" (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) I just about died laughing! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

barry-clari	Jul 5 2010, 07:07 PM Post #44
Maestro Group: Members Posts: 40657 Joined: 10-January 06 From: South East London Member No.: 5804	What do you call someone who used to like farm vehicles, but doesn't now? An extractor fan. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/yay.gif)

Czerny	Jul 5 2010, 07:56 PM Post #45
Virtuoso Group: Members Posts: 4136 Joined: 7-December 07 Member No.: 21097	QUOTE(barry-clari @ Jul 5 2010, 08:07 PM) What do you call someone who used to like farm vehicles, but doesn't now? An extractor fan. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/yay.gif) You resurrected the thread for that! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

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