Refusing A Pupil, how to? Options

[bebohblah]

First post on here so a bit nervous but hope you might be able to help... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/huh.gif)

A month or so ago I had an enquiry .. usual type of thing, normal conversation, questions as you would expect about taking on piano lessons for himself... but the end of the phone ended rather strangely with him calling me 'darlin'.. at which point I was slightly taken aback but we'd already arranged a lesson. The day comes of the lesson and he's a no show... i'm slightly relieved!

A couple of weeks later (just before xmas) I get another phone call apologising for the no show and saying his car had broken down... I said to call me in the new year to arrange another lesson, but then again an innappropriate comment of 'i'll take you out for a drink to make it up to you' !!!

Alarm bells went off and i was polite and said 'that's ok, just ring in the new year'.
Several rather familiar texts later (that i ignored), I now definitely do no want to take him on and am nervous about answering the phone to him!

I'm sure people will have come across people that they were not sure about taking on as pupils, but this is my first experience of someone thinking it was more than just a teacher pupil thing! How do I now tell him that I can't take him on? Any advice on whether to ignore his next call or what to do next would be greatly appreciated.

[mel2]

I would invent a rush of enquiries in the last week or 2 and/or former pupils returning, so you now have no vacancies, especially as you have taken on other responsibilities. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Definitely don't fancy the sound of this one.

[ma non troppo]

Ah, but what if he looks like George Clooney...... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wub.gif)

Only joking - I think the suggestion about the flood of bookings is a good one. Definitely sounds inappropriate.

[maggiemay]

A student who failed to arrive at a first lesson and waited two weeks to make contact probably wouldn't get any further with me. Add the other things - definitely warning bells - yes, I would be too busy!

[Dugazon]

Agree.

You don't really need to explain yourself - if you feel you want to, just say you can't take on any new pupils at the moment since you are fully booked. You can always invent a waiting list if need be, and there he stays (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

[DaisyChain]

I'm lucky in that I've only ever had one call from some man who was obviously looking for...ahem....extra services....other than piano lessons! He sounded convincing at first..asking about grades, styles of music etc. I was just about to make a date for the first lesson when he said he would be hoping for some 'Personal reward from my teacher' when he'd practiced well and made progress.

When I said "You'll get a sticker if you're lucky" the 'phone was promptly slammed down on me. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/dry.gif)

Joking aside, I consider myself lucky in this case, as I go to the students' house.

Agree with Dugazon. A waiting list (real or imagined) is an ideal way to stall anyone who you're not sure about.

[notmusimum]

Just say "no"! I don't think you need to offer an explaination he must be a bit odd if he hasn't realised already that no one would want to teach him behaving the way he has.

I think it might be better to just contact him and tell him you are not available to teach him rather than letting him continue hoping.

[edgmusic]

You mention he has texted you. Be proactive and text him back to say since your last communication you have filled up your vacant slot(s).
In this way you don't have to talk to him again and hopefully he will get the message.

[morceau]

You mention he has texted you. Be proactive and text him back to say since your last communication you have filled up your vacant slot(s).
In this way you don't have to talk to him again and hopefully he will get the message.

Lots of good advice in all the replies - but this one above I would definitely do - if it was me. The situation is unsettling to say the least, and you don't need it hanging over you.

Good luck

[Catey]

You mention he has texted you. Be proactive and text him back to say since your last communication you have filled up your vacant slot(s).
In this way you don't have to talk to him again and hopefully he will get the message.

Lots of good advice in all the replies - but this one above I would definitely do - if it was me. The situation is unsettling to say the least, and you don't need it hanging over you.

Good luck

I agree - this seems the best policy. You need to take the lead rather than waiting for his next call / text and jumping every time the phone beeps. Thereafter you're quite within your rights to just ignore his calls as there isn't anything further to add.

Best of luck - let us know how it goes.

Catherine

[jacobvaneyck]

Much as I agree with the above, I always detest getting messages ending arrangements by text, closely followed by email. I would much rather someone said face to face or at least on the phone they don't want to continue, which seems much more corteous and less like you are afraid to talk to them. Your decision, but I do have feelings about this method of communicating, which is of course is fine for general arranging times, materials etc.

[edgmusic]

Much as I agree with the above, I always detest getting messages ending arrangements by text, closely followed by email. I would much rather someone said face to face or at least on the phone they don't want to continue, which seems much more corteous and less like you are afraid to talk to them. Your decision, but I do have feelings about this method of communicating, which is of course is fine for general arranging times, materials etc.

I agree with this generally, but in this case there's no arrangement to be ended as nothing has started!

Also, you have to take into account the unsettling comments made by this potential pupil.
A proactive text message skirts round further verbal communication.

[notmusimum]

Much as I agree with the above, I always detest getting messages ending arrangements by text, closely followed by email. I would much rather someone said face to face or at least on the phone they don't want to continue, which seems much more corteous and less like you are afraid to talk to them. Your decision, but I do have feelings about this method of communicating, which is of course is fine for general arranging times, materials etc.

I don't think I'd be too keen to speak to someone who doesn't have social skills to realise when they are being inappropriate. Normally I'd agree that speaking to the person is the best way forward but under the circumstances the OP might be best placed to decide how to put an end to the situation.

[SueHM]

I agree that it would be best to put an end to this, so that you are not left feeling uncomfortable or uncertain about what is going to happen. Send a brief polite text and then use whatever blocking facility you have on your phone (I'm pretty sure they all have one) to reject any future calls or messages from him.

Maybe keep the texts for a while just in case he continues to harass you and you need evidence?

[bebohblah]

I did text him yesterday, as he'd texted me I thought it was the easiest way... short and sweet saying I had no spaces available and good luck finding another teacher. Had no response as yet, so hopefully that's the end of it.
Was great to have other opinions. Thanks for all the lovely advice! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)