Music Scholarships for Independent Schools, Do they encourage child abuse? Options

[Alicia Ocean]

We have a few local independent schools - not specialist music schools, that's rather different - that offer a discount on fees by way of a scholarship in various fields. There's generally a maths scholarship, an academic scholarship, a sports scholarship and a music scholarship.

I know an eight year old entering for grade 5 piano this term. It's essential to the parents that this child continues to show outstanding achievement to maintain their music scholarship and hefty discount at their school. The child gets back from school at 7pm (no homework as it's done at school) and then has time for tea and practice before bed and then doing it all again the next day. I can't say whether the child is enjoying this routine but I know the mother is very, very strict about practice. Isn't this sort of pressure on a child a form of abuse? Are the music scholarships perpetuating this? Any thoughts?

[emsmummy]

Don't be too quick to judge - it sounds like some of you would find our routine 'abusive'.

My daughter is 7 and started a new school last September. We can only afford to send her there due to a good discount based on her music - she does not know this, partly because I don't want it to be discussed in the playground but mainly because I don't want her to feel any pressure because of it.

Preparing to duck for cover now - up at 6.30 breakfast and dressed, 2 instruments practised for approx 20 mins each, off to school with Daddy at 7.50. Home at 6.30 (all schoolwork complete at school), tea then practise 3rd instrument for 30-40 mins (instruments are rotated depending what needs more work), chill out, bath, in bed and asleep by 8.30. Don't judge too harshly - I do not have to push her to practise, DD often reminds me that for example she has to do extra work on a certain piece or scale that day/week.

She absolutely loves her new school and is doing really well - I'm sure if she was exhausted she would not be able to keep up academically and teachers would certainly pick up if she wasn't able to concentrate. She is making the most of all musical and sporting opportunites - signing herself up for choir, orchestra, swimming team etc. She loves spending a little bit of extra time with Daddy - he does school runs now as he works close to school, this also means tea is ready when they get home and we all eat together every night - which we never used to do before. When she comes home she is full of chatter about everything she has done. When she used to come home at 3.30 she would collapse in a lethergic heap on the sofa and if we asked what she had been up to at school would get 'oh, not much' or 'I dunno'.

We were very concerned about the length of day etc, and it took a long time to make the decision to change schools last year. We have no regrets at all and this routine works for all of us. If DD continues to enjoy and make good progress with her music I will have no hesitation in encouraging her to have a try for music scholarships at 11 or 13.

[Yoshifumu]

Don't be too quick to judge - it sounds like some of you would find our routine 'abusive'.

My daughter is 7 and started a new school last September. We can only afford to send her there due to a good discount based on her music - she does not know this, partly because I don't want it to be discussed in the playground but mainly because I don't want her to feel any pressure because of it.

Preparing to duck for cover now - up at 6.30 breakfast and dressed, 2 instruments practised for approx 20 mins each, off to school with Daddy at 7.50. Home at 6.30 (all schoolwork complete at school), tea then practise 3rd instrument for 30-40 mins (instruments are rotated depending what needs more work), chill out, bath, in bed and asleep by 8.30. Don't judge too harshly - I do not have to push her to practise, DD often reminds me that for example she has to do extra work on a certain piece or scale that day/week.

She absolutely loves her new school and is doing really well - I'm sure if she was exhausted she would not be able to keep up academically and teachers would certainly pick up if she wasn't able to concentrate. She is making the most of all musical and sporting opportunites - signing herself up for choir, orchestra, swimming team etc. She loves spending a little bit of extra time with Daddy - he does school runs now as he works close to school, this also means tea is ready when they get home and we all eat together every night - which we never used to do before. When she comes home she is full of chatter about everything she has done. When she used to come home at 3.30 she would collapse in a lethergic heap on the sofa and if we asked what she had been up to at school would get 'oh, not much' or 'I dunno'.

We were very concerned about the length of day etc, and it took a long time to make the decision to change schools last year. We have no regrets at all and this routine works for all of us. If DD continues to enjoy and make good progress with her music I will have no hesitation in encouraging her to have a try for music scholarships at 11 or 13.

I don't think I would criticise you at all for that.

If she enjoys it then it's equivalent to letting her play/watch tv (although a lot better than tv probably!) imo. If she enjoys her school and is benifiting from it personally, then why wouldn't you?

I just think if it comes to the tiger mum situation every day, or something similar, it's wrong.

[ansatz496]

I don't think I would criticise you at all for that.

If she enjoys it then it's equivalent to letting her play/watch tv (although a lot better than tv probably!) imo. If she enjoys her school and is benifiting from it personally, then why wouldn't you?

I just think if it comes to the tiger mum situation every day, or something similar, it's wrong.

I don't think I would agree with that idea generally speaking, though I have no criticisms of the routine emsmummy described. Activities like music might be enjoyable and rewarding, but not necessarily relaxing no matter how enjoyable they may be. IMO there is a certain amount of value to "pure" relaxation (reading, TV, spending time with friends, etc.) that practicing music, which is very mentally demanding, can't replace. Of course, pure relaxation can be taken too far (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ph34r.gif)