Music Scholarships for Independent Schools, Do they encourage child abuse? Options

[Alicia Ocean]

We have a few local independent schools - not specialist music schools, that's rather different - that offer a discount on fees by way of a scholarship in various fields. There's generally a maths scholarship, an academic scholarship, a sports scholarship and a music scholarship.

I know an eight year old entering for grade 5 piano this term. It's essential to the parents that this child continues to show outstanding achievement to maintain their music scholarship and hefty discount at their school. The child gets back from school at 7pm (no homework as it's done at school) and then has time for tea and practice before bed and then doing it all again the next day. I can't say whether the child is enjoying this routine but I know the mother is very, very strict about practice. Isn't this sort of pressure on a child a form of abuse? Are the music scholarships perpetuating this? Any thoughts?

[notmusimum]

I don't suppose the schools set up scholarships with any intention or thoughts that they could lead to abuse. Different families will handle the situation differently and to some the education package will be very important and that may lead to added pressure to perform. Perhaps this would have occured anyway if the child showed any sort of talent and it's made worse by the school situation.

You never know the child may love her school and want to remain there and understand the need to do well on piano in order to do so. I'm not sure you can really blame the school.

It's really difficult for parents as I'm sure there are ways in which we can all be seen as pushy, too focused or whatever. In my experience all the people we know who do well with their music have involved parents, talented people whose parent's are less involved often don't make the same progress, though there will always be exceptions.

At that age my girls danced and they were both heavily involved, it was mostly school, dancing and bed. Homework was fitted in when they could and it probably seemed harsh to outsiders. They did love it as it was very social and fun as well as hard work.

[soccermom]

It sounds to me that the pressure is coming from the parents rather than the school.

My girls both have music scholarships at a school where the music is very strong. Both had grade 5 on one instrument and were about to take grade 5 on a second when they applied. Other local independent schools expect less. I'd have thought very few schools would be expecting much above grade 5 even at 11+ though obviously they will expect progress to be made. Have just checked what the Purcell School (as an example) expects for entrants at 9: it's grade 5 for pianists and string players. Grade 4 for others.

Getting home at 7pm sounds very late. Surely at the age of 8 the child can't be doing homework until then? If they are doing other activities after school, including relaxing and playing with friends, getting home at 7 is not so bad.

[FullofWind]

Music scholarships are often overly demanding on a child's time and with very little financial reward. If the financial reward is great then it is rarely seen by the child. Pressure, if there is any, usually always comes from the parent or the child.

[sunil]

daughter failed to get into specialist music school at age 9 with Grade 5 on both Singing & Piano

But with Grade 8+ (to performance standard) at age 10 she managed to get Yes on spot in 2 of the music schools.

I hope this will give some indication to the expected standard

Have just checked what the Purcell School (as an example) expects for entrants at 9: it's grade 5 for pianists and string players. Grade 4 for others.

[sbhoa]

daughter failed to get into specialist music school at age 9 with Grade 5 on both Singing & Piano

But with Grade 8+ (to performance standard) at age 10 she managed to get Yes on spot in 2 of the music schools.

Have just checked what the Purcell School (as an example) expects for entrants at 9: it's grade 5 for pianists and string players. Grade 4 for others.

But they will be looking at more than just where the child is with regard to grades or approximate grade levels.

[sunil]

Each school is bit different, as we looked around at least 4 specialist schools. Some are after just natural spark, but others look for fine, polished and confident musicians. Also the intensity varies depends on the location of school as well.

But they will be looking at more than just where the child is with regard to grades or approximate grade levels.

[soccermom]

But the child in question is not trying to get a place at a specialist school. S/he is in a non-specialist school which one would assume would be less demanding than the music schools. In any event the child already has a scholarship. Presumably s/he has to reapply at 11 or 13 and that is what the parent is worrying about, but that's quite a long way off for an 8 yr old.

[Clari Nicki1]

Firstly, hefty discounts do not exist any more at most independent schools. Scholarships are often worth 5-15% of fees- sometimes they are worth nothing. Bursaries might be topping up a scholarship though, but these are often means tested. Not many schools offer scholarships of more than 30%.

Secondly, when children as young as 8 stay at school late, they are usually doing activities- fun stuff- not school work. The school may end at 4. They then might do craft, or singing, or fencing, or dancing or cooking. At my daughter's school, you can pick the children up at 4 or they can stay til 6. The younger ones would have done their homework too. It is like extended child care for parents who work. The only time my 13 year old stays til 5 is if she has a match or on a Tuesday when it's string group and 5 on a Wed when she stays at school to practice. I teach in independent and state schools and in some of the state primaries children stay til 6 in an after school club and presumably would then have to go home to practice.

Thirdly- My 13 year old has got a music scholarship for next year at a senior school. She is getting prepared for Gr 7 on violin and just done Gr 3 on piano, but the school wasn't that concerned about Grades passed. Music is certainly not her main interest. She is a competitive gymnast.
Fourthly, you have to remember that independent schools have really long holidays.... when the children really relax and wind down! Sometimes the pace of life is different in term times because of the length of the holidays.

It's difficult to say whether the child is happy but as a parent I would not be happy if I was paying for music lessons and the child didn't practice. What's the point? As a teacher, teaching a child who doesn't practice is hard work at times too.... It's not child abuse, if the child has been having fun say from 4-6 say at school, with their friends and then comes home to practice. It might not be what everyone would choose for their child- but it's not wrong and the older I get the more I realise that there is more than one valid way to bring up a child.

[FullofWind]

Well my grandfather was down the mines at age 11 so a couple of hours of music practice after a sedentary day at school is not exactly abuse! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)

[Yoshifumu]

Isn't this sort of pressure on a child a form of abuse? Are the music scholarships perpetuating this? Any thoughts?

I would say that forcing a child to practice something against their will just to gain some financial reward (especially one that is never relayed to the child) is tantamount to abuse.

Whether the school is encouraging it is a bit different...

You could say that following the same line of thought boarding schools encourage gross neglect.

I just hope that schools have enough insight to find children who actually enjoy their music and voluntarily practice and learn. Either way there is a whole load of debate on this topic of strict parenting and forcing children to do stuff as well as whether it is good or bad for kids.



To add some extra dimensions to the topic, check out this Tiger Mum stuff for examples.


Here's an extract from this newspaper article (which in turn extracted it from the book mentioned above):

Lulu was about 7, still playing two instruments, and working on a piano piece called "The Little White Donkey" by the French composer Jacques Ibert. The piece is really cute?you can just imagine a little donkey ambling along a country road with its master?but it's also incredibly difficult for young players because the two hands have to keep schizophrenically different rhythms.

Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart. Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she was giving up and stomped off.

"Get back to the piano now," I ordered.

"You can't make me."

"Oh yes, I can."

Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have "The Little White Donkey" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, "I thought you were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?" I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic.

Jed took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu?which I wasn't even doing, I was just motivating her?and that he didn't think threatening Lulu was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just couldn't do the technique?perhaps she didn't have the coordination yet?had I considered that possibility?

"You just don't believe in her," I accused.

"That's ridiculous," Jed said scornfully. "Of course I do."

"Sophia could play the piece when she was this age."

"But Lulu and Sophia are different people," Jed pointed out.

"Oh no, not this," I said, rolling my eyes. "Everyone is special in their special own way," I mimicked sarcastically. "Even losers are special in their own special way. Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger. I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games."

I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn't let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed to be only negative progress, and even I began to have doubts.

Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together?her right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing?just like that.

Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it tentatively again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still the rhythm held. A moment later, she was beaming.

I doubt every child that gets a scholarship goes through the same thing.

But some definitely do, and it is difficult to compete with other children at this age on a performance basis if they are practicing that hard (albeit for all the wrong reasons).

It's only later when they will get their own choice to quit that the competition might become a bit more fair.

[FullofWind]

How to boarding schools encourage gross neglect? That seems like a ridiculous statement to make. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

[Yoshifumu]

How to boarding schools encourage gross neglect? That seems like a ridiculous statement to make. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

If we define neglect as a lack of interaction with a child, then sending them off to boarding school, where it is very difficult to interact with them except at holidays will easily facilitate this.

There's a lot of differences though. Children are usually older/teens. Rather than outrightly ignoring children it is easily possible to write, email, call and skype there can definitely be some interaction (is this equal to having a child at home?). Also they can form bonds with teachers and the like (although the teacher will have other kids to look after so it's not quite the 1:1 of parent:child). So boarding school definitely does not = neglect.

But if a parent did want to neglect their child/had enough of them etc. they could just send them to boarding school and not bother trying to communicate at all. If the child wasn't at boarding school it would be very difficult to ignore them.





To put this in perspective. A lot of child psychologists are starting to argue that the super nanny (was created long before her) technique of 'time out' is a form of neglect, and if not used properly can be equal to abuse.


It's all really controversial though.

[FullofWind]

I'm sure child psychologists, many who never have had children or work such long hours that their kids are being looked after by a nanny, think every generation has abused their children. I tend to think that the most neglectful parents are probably those that criticse other parents or parenting styles and fail to see what they themselves are not doing.

[Yoshifumu]

Although being hypocritical of someones parenting and not appreciating their own faults is bad. I would say that consciously neglecting is by far the worst sort.

As for the child psychologist thing, some may have that life, some may not. All I know about is the studies that are produced. And those are meant to be unbiased analysis that shouldn't be affected by that psychologists lifestyle, bad parent/good parent/no parent.

As I said though, it is controversial, so nothing can be taken as absolute truth. Parenting styles tend to change for every generation anyway so whatever is considered 'right' now, may be seen as ridiculous or abusive in the next generation.

If scholarships encourage abusive parenting as some would think of it today, it might be thought of completely differently in the future.

Either way I think we are heading off topic.