Pushy Parent Rant! Options

[notmusimum]

Has the eldest child gone from one grade to the next? If they have you will have a hard job educating the parent as to why this can't happen anymore. What's been happening between the exam and the result?

If you have been teaching them a while it might be worth working out why the dissatisfaction has occured now. I'm not suggesting it's your fault and I completely disagree with the behaviour of the parent.

I admit to buying books accidently and sometimes on purpose containing pieces with pieces from the next grade as well as other repertoire. I have to say this was a single line instrument at a lower level and was only due to teacher not making repertoire suggestions. I had to do something when there were long lesson breaks and I had a child wanting to play.. I have never dictated exam timescales and happily bought other repertoire if required.

If this Mum isn't prepared to listen to your reasonable suggestions then you have no option but to let them go. It's not worth the stress of having to slog away to get a result and once it's in you are likely to be in the same position over the next grade.

[owainsutton]

Er no, if you as the teacher are not happy that the student is ready for the exam, don't enter them, it's a simple as that. I have a clause in my contract now to cover exactly this situation - it says that no public performances (including exams etc) are to be given without teacher's consent. Also I as the teacher won't enter anyone for exams, competitions etc without permission, so it works both ways. If a parent decides to ignore my advice and enter a child for an exam against my wishes (hasn't happened yet, thank goodness) that is grounds for termination of our agreement.

The standard ISM agreement says something similar, and even if you don't have something like this in writing, it's your professional responsibility to stand your ground. As others have indicated, it would be very irresponsible for a teacher to become involved in a premature jump from 5 to 6 in particular.

There are myriad reasons for working towards and entering exams, and they do include 'having a target to work towards' for many pupils, but they most certainly do not include 'to satisfy mother'.

[Czerny]

Older child - same thing, but warned mother NOT to get grade 6 book, as no time left on this syllabus.

I don't disagree with what everyone is saying - this parent sounds ghastly - but there is actually almost a year left in which to use the current syllabus, which should be enough time unless the child in question is pretty hopeless or not nearly ready to even begin preparing for Grade 6. (I'm assuming you teach piano as you mention hands together scales.)

[iona]

Whilst agreeing with much of the above (I'm going to pinch Maggiemay's 'handing back the book' suggestion. - Loved it) I'd be more inclined to view this as a lack of courtesy & respect on the Mother's part. As such I wouldn't want that person in my home again. I'd end lessons.

[Tixylix]

Older child - same thing, but warned mother NOT to get grade 6 book, as no time left on this syllabus.

I don't disagree with what everyone is saying - this parent sounds ghastly - but there is actually almost a year left in which to use the current syllabus, which should be enough time unless the child in question is pretty hopeless or not nearly ready to even begin preparing for Grade 6. (I'm assuming you teach piano as you mention hands together scales.)

This is true, but it's nearly the end of April and the books for the next syllabus will be issued at the start of July so why not just wait a couple of months and avoid a possible rush? If the mum is demanding December for whatever reason then waiting until March (if they're not ready for December) will probably not be good enough anyway.

[Seer_Green]

For me, teaching is a collaboration, not a dictatorship. All parties - teacher, parent, pupils etc. - have a part to play in this. I will make suggestions based on my own professional judgement as a teacher, and I'd hope that parents would seek to be involved in any decisions and voice their opinion too - after all, they're paying the money, and most can claim to know their own child pretty well.

To me, it is this constant collaboration which moves the lessons forward. Yes, sometimes I have to put my foot down, and sometimes they do too...but...if it got to the point where the parent was dictating what was going to happen as has been described above, then I wouldn't be happy. If nothing else, it shows that in one way or another, they don't trust your professional judgement anymore - once you get to that stage, I'm not sure there's much hope.

[dorabella x]

Thank you everybody for such support and sensible suggestions. Especially the virtual hugs - they made me smile for the first time since the incident.

Thursday is D Day. I am going to stand firm, and will, if any more argument ensues use the phrase "if you do not trust my judgement anymore I suggest you look for another teacher as soon as possible"

Watch this space.

Best wishes

Dorabella X

[Susie]

Thank you everybody for such support and sensible suggestions. Especially the virtual hugs - they made me smile for the first time since the incident.

Thursday is D Day. I am going to stand firm, and will, if any more argument ensues use the phrase "if you do not trust my judgement anymore I suggest you look for another teacher as soon as possible"

Watch this space.

Best wishes

Dorabella X

Ace! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[Louise H]

Thank you everybody for such support and sensible suggestions. Especially the virtual hugs - they made me smile for the first time since the incident.

Thursday is D Day. I am going to stand firm, and will, if any more argument ensues use the phrase "if you do not trust my judgement anymore I suggest you look for another teacher as soon as possible"

Watch this space.

Best wishes

Dorabella X

Like it! And good luck.

[notmusimum]

Thank you everybody for such support and sensible suggestions. Especially the virtual hugs - they made me smile for the first time since the incident.

Thursday is D Day. I am going to stand firm, and will, if any more argument ensues use the phrase "if you do not trust my judgement anymore I suggest you look for another teacher as soon as possible"

Watch this space.

Best wishes

Dorabella X

Exactly!!!

[Scooby Doo]

Stick to your guns - polite but immovable. It's the only way.

And report back - we want to know what happened! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif)

[Aquarelle]

Quite right!

[minimum]

I completely agree with the responses. I'm a fairly new teacher (been teaching for just over a year now) and I'm very lucky with my parents. I would agree that you are a professional, and the parent should go with what you recommend, especially if you have been teaching both her children for a few years. I wouldn't let her undermine you again and if it continues then you should stop teaching her children. You never know, the very promise of leaving may stop her.

Good luck! xx (IMG:style_emoticons/default/goodLuck.gif)

I can see this problem from many angles it's not always the parents fault. Me and husband (musician, teacher) argue about this all the time. I am so grade orientated because we have a daughter who already knows she wants to join a jd at 11/12 she's only 8. She listens and watches everything to do with young people playing music and knows the standard required. She practices for 2 hours a day (everyday) violin and voice. I bought grade 2 and 3 pieces and work through them with her. Some are covered by one teacher, the other does different pieces. I would never tell her teacher when she is doing an exam because I think it is wrong, but sometimes it can be the child pressurising the parents. Mine tells me she must do grade 5 at 11, no matter how many times I tell her she doesn't.
My husband gave up a job teaching in one school as they insisted he entered kids for exams which he believed to be ill prepared/ not ready. He had 100% dist/merit profile and didn't want to lose this. Also as a private tutor he has lost students refusing to enter kids that weren't ready. Musical ability shouldn't be judged on what grade a student has but unfortunately the educationalists themselves encourage this in my opinion.

[FullofWind]

I think you've got this completely wrong minimum. Your daughter needs to be grade 5 level by eleven not be able to pass a grade 5 exam. They will pull her technique apart and know if she's just been doing three pieces a term and really isn't a solid grade 5 player.

[minimum]

I think you've got this completely wrong minimum. Your daughter needs to be grade 5 level by eleven not be able to pass a grade 5 exam. They will pull her technique apart and know if she's just been doing three pieces a term and really isn't a solid grade 5 player.

Sorry full of wind, I probably didn't communicate properly. I agree with you and I am always happy to buy or download whatever music her teachers suggest. I only think grades are an indication of a level of competence, however, even though many educational establishments state that a certain grade isn't essential it seems a waste of time not to take the exam if you have been well prepared and as you suggest are a solid player. My husband on the other hand is very reluctant to enter students for exams, doesn't encourage it at all but will suggest it in certain circumstances. He seems at the other end of the spectrum to me.
I would never suggest the 3 pieces a term technique even though at times I am seething when I hear of another child we know scraping through another grade and mother telling us how good her daughter is, being taught 3 pieces and 2/3 exams a year. I suppose its about faith in your teachers ability and many parents who don't understand this can get wrapped up in the wanting quick results with little work. I believe X factor and BGT has alot to do with the attitudes discussed