Music Practice and Mental Health, Anxiety/Depression Options

[artstar]

Yes I need to find the fun in playing again and not see it as such a chore.
I am not brave (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) just seeking help haha.
Thanks again peeps xxx

[viola-mad]

Hi artstar. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling, but thanks for sharing your concerns here. I think you will find people supportive.

My main problem is in finding the motivation to even get my instrument out of its case, even though I love playing so much. My depression means that often all I want to do is curl up in bed and stay there, and it can be so, so hard to break out of that.

It may not be the same for you, but I find that just starting to play seems to change something. Once I've started, that's the hardest part over with, and more often than not I can then keep playing for a couple of hours.

Some days I do struggle to find the reward in playing though. On those days I've started using a technique where I concentrate on practising a single bar or a single phrase in one of my pieces for 2 or 3 minutes (I use a kitchen timer to help here). After my 2 minutes are up I am strict with myself and I move on. It sounds like a long time to practice a single bar, but it feels calming, almost meditative, sometimes. The idea of focussing on something for 2 minutes seems manageable, and because I'm only looking at a very few notes I see noticeable improvements in a short practice session. Perhaps this might help you too?

Good luck, and I hope you get some good support and useful ideas on this thread. Hugs.

[piano4solihull]

Sadly mental health issues are usually brushed under the carpet and never talked about which is barmy as it is so common to have one or more illnesses.

As with any thing you are doing with concentration issues, I would do 5 minutes at a time and maybe something like this:

day 1: 5 mins scales and then 5 mins sight reading and later on practice a piece
day 2. practice list b piece 5 minutes breaking it down into bite sizes
etc

Keep a diary so u know what you last did so that will help stop you worrying about what you have not done.

I did grade 8 (refresher) 3 years ago and kept a diary of it all, one day I would do all the major arps and then the next the minor so I worked out (took me hours) a plan of action and stuck to it. I do not suffer with concentration but this was a huge help as working full time was tiring!

Go get that exam passed and remember that 5 minutes of solid practice is usually far better than stressing for 30 minutes (IMG:style_emoticons/default/party1.gif)

[artstar]

I have been suffering from an epic relapse lately and had barely any concentration at all and feeling suicidal most days.

I tried to remember the one about aiming to practice for 5 minutes and end up playing for 10 rather than trying to solidly do an hour. That's the only way I can manage at the moment.

My medication makes me so tired as well, this is an added hindrance.

If anybody else has any further tips I would be truly grateful. Sorry for the delayed response.

[Norway]

At uni, I had to keep working hard and doing well despite feeling awful all the time - (this was caused by being in a dreadful music department, and as soon as I left I was fine). I used to reward myself with a nice walk to the duck pond and back, and a cup of tea after every session of writing. Basically, setting lots of small goals and then rewarding myself after each one got the work done and helped me feel better. Artstar, do you have an underlying cause which if removed would make things OK again? Mine really was that simple. I know it's not like that for everyone and I really sympathise. You can always find friends to talk to on the forum.

[Matt-steck]

Music as an art form can be a fantastic aid to combating depression.

There are obviously many different types of depression, but for me it usually comes about due to feeling mentally 'stuck' in a certain way or because of a certain situation, whether through a personal, work or financial circumstance than can leave you thinking this is all there is, and things won't change.

But because music is such a complex and enigmatic thing, it as huge potential benefits for the mind and mental healtth generally. Because a piece of music can be felt so viscerally and so personally, whilst at the same time being highly ordered, structured and intellectualized, it has unique qualities compared to other art forms - we can never tire of listening to music or learning to become a better musician.

Often you can feel stuck learning a particular peice, either through perceived technical difficulties, or an inability to grasp the composer's style. But it's amazing how by coming at the problem in a different way, having a break, learning something else and then coming back to it, you can suddenly feel greatly refreshed and open up new avenues of experience.

It really helps having a good teacher who can guide you and provide useful tips for coping with learning new work, or coping with exam pressure, confidence and performance anxiety.

I was struggling with some peices on my proposed diploma programme and getting to the stage where I was feeling sick of playing them altogether. Then negativity was creeping in and I deicded it was just down to me and a lack of technical ability.
When I discussed this frankly with my teacher, she made me stop playing all of the pieces for a few weeks. Instead, she gave me a choice of other works by the composers to dabble and sight-read with, and we spent time just enjoying listening to the new music and talking about how we felt about these composers, and then listened to some recordings to see the variation between different performers and their interpretations.
Now, we've come back to the diploma pieces, and I feel like I'm looking at them as new works again, and thinking about them in a different way. Instead of getting bogged down with technical excercises or certain problem passages, I am just trying to listen to the music more, and appreciate the brilliance of the composer (in this case Mozart), and trying to express the aesthetic intentions behind his art.

I think music has that ability to constantly re-define itself, and yet also evade definition. That elusive quality makes it infinitely rewarding to play and learn, which in itself is a great way to stimulate the mind to fight off depression.
Good luck to anyone who is struggling. Stick with it, believe in yourself and be open to new ideas and interpretations.

[Maizie]

I definitely agree with the idea of small goals. It's also worth recognising achievements as achievements, however small. It sounds patronising, and it is absolutely not meant to be, but the fact that you've recognised "practise for one hour" as an unreasonable goal is an achievement in and of itself!

I tried to remember the one about aiming to practice for 5 minutes and end up playing for 10 rather than trying to solidly do an hour. That's the only way I can manage at the moment.

The only concern I would have here, because I know what I am like, is sneaky self-sabotage. "I'm going to practise for five minutes, and it might turn in to ten" - what happens if you practise for six minutes? Is that an achievement [because you made it to five minutes] or is it a failure [because you didn't meet the 'secret goal' of ten minutes]? Knowing me, it'd go down on a bit of paper as a success, while in my head I'd be berating myself for failure...

It is so very annoying that you have to work out individual solutions - what works for one person won't necessarily work for another. Find goals that suit you, and find rewards that suit you for when you meet those goals. Be kind to yourself, and if you don't manage to meet a goal, it's not actually the end of the world and if you tried that's really good too (three minutes of practice isn't five minutes, but it is still some rather than none).

[Norway]

Artstar, you have helped me this morning! With all this discussion of goals and rewards, I cleared out my garage and shed and took a car load of junk to the tip. It still looks the same actually, (like we've been burgled!), but it's a start! Thanks for bringing up the topic! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[karslima]

I have been suffering from an epic relapse lately and had barely any concentration at all and feeling suicidal most days.

I tried to remember the one about aiming to practice for 5 minutes and end up playing for 10 rather than trying to solidly do an hour. That's the only way I can manage at the moment.

My medication makes me so tired as well, this is an added hindrance.

If anybody else has any further tips I would be truly grateful. Sorry for the delayed response.

Hi artstar, don't be hard on yourself. At least you are doing regular practice and keeping your hand in.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

[DaisyChain]

Four years ago in June 2008, I was a nurse working with people with Learning Disabilities. I was supporting a client with his care in an upstairs room. Suddenly and without warning, he became extremely violent and aggressive. He started hitting me round the head. My only escape to get help was down stairs. I managed to get out of the room, and went to the top of the stairs. He followed me out, continuing to hit me. At the top of the stairs, he pushed me and down I went. I landed heavily on one of my thoracic vertebra, causing it to become wedged between two other vertebra. The pain was instant and horrific. He was not satisfied that I had survived the fall (he told the police this in his statement), and flew down the stairs attempting to kick me in the head. Only the actions of other staff prevented him from doing further damage.

As a result, I suffered terribly with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and associated mental health problems. In 2010, I felt as if the world was against me as I was struggling to find the counselling and cognitive therapy I needed. I started cutting my arms with scissors and any other sharp objects I could get hold of. Some members of my family decided that this action was selfish as it was effecting the health of my mother due to worry and stress. I knew it was having this effect, but for me it was the only way I could express how I was feeling inside. I was having dreadful flashbacks to the event, couldn't practice piano, had lost my nursing career that I had worked hard for and loved for the past twenty four years, was fighting a court battle with my employers and the person who did this to me, was on a cocktail of medication that made me feel worse, and felt that I would be better off not being here at all. I was no use to anyone, and if I was being selfish, then no-one would miss me if I were gone.

On top of this and unknown to me, my every move was being filmed by my employers' insurance company because I was claiming against them for compensation. (This client should have been treated elsewhere, but my employer refused to have him moved). Their conclusion? 'In our opinion, there are no signs of either physical or mental health issues'. !!!! I was still walking badly, but because mental health is not a visible condition, they denied it existed. If they'd cared to pan in on my arms (it was summer and I was wearing a T-shirt) they would clearly have seen what I was doing.

Eventually, I got some excellent counselling and cognitive therapy and in time, was able to think and talk about my incident without reaching for the scissors or my tablets.

Playing piano became my saviour, and although I needed to start with some very easy pieces, at least I was playing again. I could only manage about ten minutes at a time as my back would ache and sometimes I couldn't see the music because I was having a flashback. I learned to accept that I needed to pace myself- as difficult and frustrating as it was, especially as before the incident I could spend all day at the piano if I wanted to. Even now, I can only manage an hour at a time before my back starts to protest. Instead of getting down about it, I see it as a major improvement.

I still have days when I can't bring myself to do anything, let alone practice piano and singing, but thankfully these are very few and far between. Just writing this is making my hands shake, and I've had to stop due to flashbacks. I live with it now though. If my employers or the man who did it knew I was still suffering as badly as before, I think they have 'won', and I'm determined that I won't let this thing beat me.

Things will improve for you, artstar, but accepting that it won't happen overnight is the key to progress (in my opinion). All the best to you.


*Apologies for the long post!* (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[Norway]

Primrose that's a horrendous experience - you are so brave and have done much better than I would have done in the same situation! What can I say except (IMG:style_emoticons/default/thereThere.gif)

[Deborah]

Primrose that's a horrendous experience - you are so brave and have done much better than I would have done in the same situation! What can I say except (IMG:style_emoticons/default/thereThere.gif)

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/agree.gif)

And thank you for pointing out that it's a long, slow road with no overnight recovery (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

[linda.ff]

*Apologies for the long post!* (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

No apology needed, Primrose. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/thereThere.gif)

I was woindering if this post came on the heels of Ruby Wax's excellent progamme on Channel 4 last night, about letting your colleagues know about your mental illness. I found both that programme and your account very moving.

[pianophrase]

I have been suffering from an epic relapse lately and had barely any concentration at all and feeling suicidal most days.

I tried to remember the one about aiming to practice for 5 minutes and end up playing for 10 rather than trying to solidly do an hour. That's the only way I can manage at the moment.

My medication makes me so tired as well, this is an added hindrance.

If anybody else has any further tips I would be truly grateful. Sorry for the delayed response.

artstar, sorry to hear you are going through another 'rough' patch. If you are 'feeling suicidal most days' then please speak to someone or contact your GP urgently or your area Mental Health team who usually have a crisis helpline. Please don't keep all this to yourself, a good start would be to let a family member/good friend know how bad you feel. Your first priority is to keep yourself safe.

xx

[artstar]

Sorry again for the massive delay, I've even had trouble mustering up the energy to read the replies and respond to everyone. I'm so grateful for everybody's input, I'm going to print this entire thread and keep reading it to help me (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

At uni, I had to keep working hard and doing well despite feeling awful all the time - I used to reward myself with a nice walk to the duck pond and back, and a cup of tea after every session of writing. Basically, setting lots of small goals and then rewarding myself after each one got the work done and helped me feel better. Artstar, do you have an underlying cause which if removed would make things OK again? Mine really was that simple. I know it's not like that for everyone and I really sympathise. You can always find friends to talk to on the forum.

I've always had bouts of depression ever since I can remember and I'm pretty sure most of it is just "inherited" from my mother and her mother as my therapist pointed out. I don't think being at home on my own all day helps either.
Anyway, this is an excellent idea about the rewards, I haven't ever tried anything like that so I'm definitely going to try it!

Music as an art form can be a fantastic aid to combating depression.

There are obviously many different types of depression, but for me it usually comes about due to feeling mentally 'stuck' in a certain way or because of a certain situation, whether through a personal, work or financial circumstance than can leave you thinking this is all there is, and things won't change.

Often you can feel stuck learning a particular peice, either through perceived technical difficulties, or an inability to grasp the composer's style. But it's amazing how by coming at the problem in a different way, having a break, learning something else and then coming back to it, you can suddenly feel greatly refreshed and open up new avenues of experience.

It really helps having a good teacher who can guide you and provide useful tips for coping with learning new work, or coping with exam pressure, confidence and performance anxiety.

I was struggling with some peices on my proposed diploma programme and getting to the stage where I was feeling sick of playing them altogether. Then negativity was creeping in and I deicded it was just down to me and a lack of technical ability.
When I discussed this frankly with my teacher, she made me stop playing all of the pieces for a few weeks. Instead, she gave me a choice of other works by the composers to dabble and sight-read with, and we spent time just enjoying listening to the new music and talking about how we felt about these composers, and then listened to some recordings to see the variation between different performers and their interpretations.
Now, we've come back to the diploma pieces, and I feel like I'm looking at them as new works again, and thinking about them in a different way. Instead of getting bogged down with technical excercises or certain problem passages, I am just trying to listen to the music more, and appreciate the brilliance of the composer (in this case Mozart), and trying to express the aesthetic intentions behind his art.

I think music has that ability to constantly re-define itself, and yet also evade definition. That elusive quality makes it infinitely rewarding to play and learn, which in itself is a great way to stimulate the mind to fight off depression.
Good luck to anyone who is struggling. Stick with it, believe in yourself and be open to new ideas and interpretations.

Some great points here, I recently started with a new teacher, but as she is quite expensive and far away I can only get there about once a month. She is amazing though, so totally worth the journey. She's very positive and makes me feel like I can actually play these pieces, she says I'm better than I think I am. Maybe if I can get more frequent lessons with her it will keep me constantly upbeat like I feel every time I have a lesson with her.

I'm going to try listening to other pieces by the composers and playing the easier ones I did from previous grades to see if I can come at these newer ones differently.

I definitely agree with the idea of small goals. It's also worth recognising achievements as achievements, however small. It sounds patronising, and it is absolutely not meant to be, but the fact that you've recognised "practise for one hour" as an unreasonable goal is an achievement in and of itself!

The only concern I would have here, because I know what I am like, is sneaky self-sabotage. "I'm going to practise for five minutes, and it might turn in to ten" - what happens if you practise for six minutes? Is that an achievement [because you made it to five minutes] or is it a failure [because you didn't meet the 'secret goal' of ten minutes]? Knowing me, it'd go down on a bit of paper as a success, while in my head I'd be berating myself for failure...

It is so very annoying that you have to work out individual solutions - what works for one person won't necessarily work for another. Find goals that suit you, and find rewards that suit you for when you meet those goals. Be kind to yourself, and if you don't manage to meet a goal, it's not actually the end of the world and if you tried that's really good too (three minutes of practice isn't five minutes, but it is still some rather than none).

Thankyou Maizie (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) That is an excellent point about the 'secret goal' I hadn't even realised, I would always be waiting for the failure of not making ten minutes ha.
I'm going to try out everyone's suggestions and see what works best and then tailor it to suit me. Another great point about a few minutes being better than none, I need to acknowledge that definitely!

Artstar, you have helped me this morning! With all this discussion of goals and rewards, I cleared out my garage and shed and took a car load of junk to the tip. It still looks the same actually, (like we've been burgled!), but it's a start! Thanks for bringing up the topic! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Glad to have been of assistance, Norway (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Hi artstar, don't be hard on yourself. At least you are doing regular practice and keeping your hand in.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Thanks so much (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Four years ago in June 2008, I was a nurse working with people with Learning Disabilities. I was supporting a client with his care in an upstairs room. Suddenly and without warning, he became extremely violent and aggressive. He started hitting me round the head. My only escape to get help was down stairs. I managed to get out of the room, and went to the top of the stairs. He followed me out, continuing to hit me. At the top of the stairs, he pushed me and down I went. I landed heavily on one of my thoracic vertebra, causing it to become wedged between two other vertebra. The pain was instant and horrific. He was not satisfied that I had survived the fall (he told the police this in his statement), and flew down the stairs attempting to kick me in the head. Only the actions of other staff prevented him from doing further damage.

As a result, I suffered terribly with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and associated mental health problems. In 2010, I felt as if the world was against me as I was struggling to find the counselling and cognitive therapy I needed. I started cutting my arms with scissors and any other sharp objects I could get hold of. Some members of my family decided that this action was selfish as it was effecting the health of my mother due to worry and stress. I knew it was having this effect, but for me it was the only way I could express how I was feeling inside. I was having dreadful flashbacks to the event, couldn't practice piano, had lost my nursing career that I had worked hard for and loved for the past twenty four years, was fighting a court battle with my employers and the person who did this to me, was on a cocktail of medication that made me feel worse, and felt that I would be better off not being here at all. I was no use to anyone, and if I was being selfish, then no-one would miss me if I were gone.

On top of this and unknown to me, my every move was being filmed by my employers' insurance company because I was claiming against them for compensation. (This client should have been treated elsewhere, but my employer refused to have him moved). Their conclusion? 'In our opinion, there are no signs of either physical or mental health issues'. !!!! I was still walking badly, but because mental health is not a visible condition, they denied it existed. If they'd cared to pan in on my arms (it was summer and I was wearing a T-shirt) they would clearly have seen what I was doing.

Eventually, I got some excellent counselling and cognitive therapy and in time, was able to think and talk about my incident without reaching for the scissors or my tablets.

Playing piano became my saviour, and although I needed to start with some very easy pieces, at least I was playing again. I could only manage about ten minutes at a time as my back would ache and sometimes I couldn't see the music because I was having a flashback. I learned to accept that I needed to pace myself- as difficult and frustrating as it was, especially as before the incident I could spend all day at the piano if I wanted to. Even now, I can only manage an hour at a time before my back starts to protest. Instead of getting down about it, I see it as a major improvement.

I still have days when I can't bring myself to do anything, let alone practice piano and singing, but thankfully these are very few and far between. Just writing this is making my hands shake, and I've had to stop due to flashbacks. I live with it now though. If my employers or the man who did it knew I was still suffering as badly as before, I think they have 'won', and I'm determined that I won't let this thing beat me.

Things will improve for you, artstar, but accepting that it won't happen overnight is the key to progress (in my opinion). All the best to you.


*Apologies for the long post!* (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Thankyou so so much for sharing your ordeal! I bet that wasn't easy at all having to relive it just for me.
I tried some cognitive therapy before, but I felt it didn't help at all. Then I eventually went to the doctor about it, and discussed how I was feeling suicidal and getting panic attacks, then I was set up with an appointment with my local mental health centre and there was a vast improvement along with the medication. I didn't expect to relapse like this.

I can see how you ended up harming yourself, as I often feel the need for pain to feel more 'alive', I often feel like I'm not in my own body!
Thanks again, and I know at least talking about it, I'm on the road to recovery.

I was woindering if this post came on the heels of Ruby Wax's excellent progamme on Channel 4 last night, about letting your colleagues know about your mental illness. I found both that programme and your account very moving.

I wasn't aware of that programme, I might see if I can find it online and check it out (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

artstar, sorry to hear you are going through another 'rough' patch. If you are 'feeling suicidal most days' then please speak to someone or contact your GP urgently or your area Mental Health team who usually have a crisis helpline. Please don't keep all this to yourself, a good start would be to let a family member/good friend know how bad you feel. Your first priority is to keep yourself safe.

xx

Thankyou, I have been referred back to the Mental Health team so hopefully they won't just discharge me so quickly when they see some sign of improvement.

Love to everyone! Rachel xxxxxxxxxx