Optimism and ageing Options

[Listener]

I have been trying to resist giving my vacuous five pennorth... but the sun is shining and I have a steaming cup of tea, and a pleasant afternoon of work behind me.

One thing I hope my children gained was parents and teachers who listened to them and tried to support them in what they wanted to do. Although sometimes it was quite hard to work out what that was. Rather than dictating. Anyone else remember parents coming back from parents' evening saying, 'we've decided you should do X'? It was stitched up with the teachers. I fear it still goes on but not as much I hope.

What do folks think about the National Trust's 50 things to do before you're 11 and 3/4? I had a quick look and reckoned my children did about 2/3 - they reckon more [...what didn't I know...?]. That's probably more than I did, but I was a town mouse and they weren't, which might have helped.

On the old folk rant, I am sick to death of having half the woes of the modern world blamed on women not knowing their place. I also find it disturbing, which is probably healthy. Fortunately my children and nieces seem to be waterproofed against the metaphorical buckets of cold water that get slung at them from time to time.

On the half full/half empty issue, I hope to take after my mother. She like so many old people I know said she'd had a good life. And her stories make it sound so. Yet it could have been described differently: an impoverished 1930s childhood, leaving school to help support the family although she was an outstanding student, a world war and being bombed and then hunted by submarine, married life and small children on a limited budget, seeing plans for retirement dashed when husband had a life-changing illness. But she was one of those who squinted at the glass and said surely it was three-quarters full. Based on genetics, I have a 50:50 chance of being the same... looking good at the moment. She hated tea though. Still, no one is perfect.

[Pixie*Porsche]

I've done forty out of the fifty!

[anacrusis]

They're all very nature and exploring the countryside based, which is fine, but I don't like the idea of setting both an upper age limit, and a target of this particular fifty. Taking the spirit of it though, fair enough: my two had certainly done well more than half of those, and a range of other similar things too, as well as more urban experiences, like making a volcano out of clay with bicarb and dyed-red vinegar for the 'splodey bit, catching a bus and taking it to the end of its journey and back, making an out of doors living room in the school playground out of sofas and other bits of furniture left in the street, going to corner shops on errands with smaller kids in tow, and returning said smaller kids in one piece (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif), and creating all sorts of architecture out of cardboard boxes and packaging, and then making use of that in games....

[Ayshah]

At 53, I am quite content. My 4 children have been kind and not given me any grandchildren yet. I am delighted to have this "break" in child care and not having to think of my children's needs as previously. They are grown up, have relationships, jobs, the last in University and seem to have a reasonable life even in this recession. I love being able to go away without thinking of either having to take them with us or whether we will have a house to come back to if we leave them at home (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) We have had our share of illness. I got TB, yes that old disease is still around! But thanks to modern medication I recovered completely as opposed to dying of consumption (IMG:style_emoticons/default/sad.gif) My youngest had a variety of illness when born and we are utterly greatful to Great Ormond st hospital for her care through many years. My OH also has a heriditary disease which is managed by modern medicine whereas pre-war he would have died shortly after birth. The NHS is a great wonder, I wil defend it to the hilt.

Child care was the hardest part of marriage/work as both mother and mother in law worked. My own mother had been a stay at home mum before she crossed the road to work at Tesco until she was 65 and loved it. I could never get her to do any child care and now I totally understand why. I feel like "me" and not x's wife or 'y' mummy. Best of all I have been able to give my OH the "girl" he married the precious quality time before we become decrepit. I love the fact that we survived my dreadful menpause, but would have totally understood if he had let me, I know I would have left me!! I have got in touch with old girl friends through the wonder of Facebook, and we laugh a lot together. I do voluntary work with some disabled children which is incredibly rewarding.

There was a point when I was quite anxious that one day war would touch me and my family, as I couldnt believe I could be so lucky not to have such a disaster bypass us. Let me now confess I seriously considered hoarding tin food in the attic (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blush.gif) Now I worry about that a lot less. I value my parents now in their 80s, and cant believe I gave them such h-e-l-l as a teenager and they are kind enough not to remind me of those days! I continue to go to them both for advice.

We have had money issues but recognise that money isnt everything, health is completely the most valuable.

I have seen birth (my nephew- amazing) and death (my father-in-law, the most loving goodbye) up close and now completely accept the circle of life. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

Unfortunately I have made little progress learning the Harmonica, but will still keep trying (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[VH2]

I've done forty out of the fifty!

I've done 46 (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) ! (But then I am well past my half century (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif) )

I think it would be a shame to rush through them all by the age of 12. What fun I'd have missed in my 20's 30's and 40's !!

[JamesK]

Ayshah, That is such an uplifting post (IMG:style_emoticons/default/angel.gif)

[Seer_Green]

I was thinking about this earlier, and thinking what an enormous variation there is in attitudes between different people...even in the same house. If I think about my parents... Mum very much embraces the position that having reached 68 this doesn't mean that you've only got a few years left and you might as well put your feet up, listen to The Archers and wait for the mobile library. She's all for going out and living life to the full and do lots of exciting things (after all, her mother lived to 92 and hers to 90). Dad on the other hand, is the complete opposite; he's very much bound up in the attitudes of his parents where you retired at 65 (from your steady career where you'd worked your way up the ladder, bettering your household's lifestyle (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) ) and if you live another 10 years, it's a real bonus. I'm caught between (IMG:style_emoticons/default/peace2.gif) .

[gwyntdi-enw]

Yes, the attitude of those around us is bound to have an effect. If those around you are telling you shouldn't be learning to play various instruments because there's no point at "your" age, or you "won't be able" to use a computer because they weren't around when you were young, etc etc etc it's hard not to start thinking that perhaps that is how you should be. But I am not giving up my music, and still hope one day someone else might get some pleasure from my efforts. Perhaps, one day, when I do admit that I might be approaching old age, I might even wear purple, but that time is years away yet.

[sbhoa]

Yes, the attitude of those around us is bound to have an effect. If those around you are telling you shouldn't be learning to play various instruments because there's no point at "your" age, or you "won't be able" to use a computer because they weren't around when you were young, etc etc etc it's hard not to start thinking that perhaps that is how you should be. But I am not giving up my music, and still hope one day someone else might get some pleasure from my efforts. Perhaps, one day, when I do admit that I might be approaching old age, I might even wear purple, but that time is years away yet.

I wear purple.... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[Swell Box]

Yes, the attitude of those around us is bound to have an effect. If those around you are telling you shouldn't be learning to play various instruments because there's no point at "your" age, or you "won't be able" to use a computer because they weren't around when you were young, etc etc etc it's hard not to start thinking that perhaps that is how you should be. But I am not giving up my music, and still hope one day someone else might get some pleasure from my efforts. Perhaps, one day, when I do admit that I might be approaching old age, I might even wear purple, but that time is years away yet.

It really doesn't matter what others think, or what they expect from 'somebody of your age'. If you enjoy doing it that is all that matters. If others enjoy you doing it, that is a bonus.

Age is very much a state of mind. I often hear older people saying 'I'm to old to worry about that', or 'I don't want to have to learn anything new at my age', but that to me is a very negative attitude; probably borne out of a lifetime of boring work.

I like to learn something every day, and I never, ever want to stop learning!

SB

[Seer_Green]

Yes, the attitude of those around us is bound to have an effect. If those around you are telling you shouldn't be learning to play various instruments because there's no point at "your" age, or you "won't be able" to use a computer because they weren't around when you were young, etc etc etc it's hard not to start thinking that perhaps that is how you should be. But I am not giving up my music, and still hope one day someone else might get some pleasure from my efforts. Perhaps, one day, when I do admit that I might be approaching old age, I might even wear purple, but that time is years away yet.

It really doesn't matter what others think, or what they expect from 'somebody of your age'. If you enjoy doing it that is all that matters. If others enjoy you doing it, that is a bonus.

I think this is true, though I do feel it is effected by those around you. It's easy to say "I don't care what anyone else thinks" but it's far harder to put it into practice, particularly when it concerns those close to you and with whom our lives are intermingled.

[Neumer]

Hmm, I'll perhaps buck the trend as say that, generally, I've got happier and more at peace as I've got older, despite being an emotional whirligig. I put part of this down to working less than I should, enjoying what's around me more, and avoiding negative people.

In fact I think it's not so much a case of having to wrap yourself up in a happiness bubble avoiding realities (world news, current affairs etc.) as just balancing it back up by finding/seeing good things around you. People can get so wrapped up in what's 'wrong' and completely miss out on how fantastic things are that are 'right'. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[Hedgehog]

I think I've become more optimistic over the years. I've realised that some of my school friends for example, have gone out there and got on with things and achieved more than I have. They've just had more self-confidence and less caution than me.

Well, now I've decided at 50+ that I'm going to throw caution to the wind (in a modest way) and have a go at different things - like music exams, and a new job. Fortunately I have a supportive husband, so that's helpful, and I tend to ignore what older members of the family say - they generally never enquire what I'm doing anyway. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/dry.gif) I think it's important to have a go at something you want to do at whatever age you are, and it must be very hard if members of the family are not supportive.

[Cyrilla]

Yes, I wear purple, too (but I haven't yet learned how to spit...).

When I told my evening group how old I was they all went, 'Oh, you don't look it!' (flattering) closely followed by, 'Well, you certainly don't ACT it' (relieving).

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[JamesK]

Yes, the attitude of those around us is bound to have an effect. If those around you are telling you shouldn't be learning to play various instruments because there's no point at "your" age, or you "won't be able" to use a computer because they weren't around when you were young, etc etc etc it's hard not to start thinking that perhaps that is how you should be. But I am not giving up my music, and still hope one day someone else might get some pleasure from my efforts. Perhaps, one day, when I do admit that I might be approaching old age, I might even wear purple, but that time is years away yet.

I wear purple.... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

Yes, I wear purple, too (but I haven't yet learned how to spit...).

When I told my evening group how old I was they all went, 'Oh, you don't look it!' (flattering) closely followed by, 'Well, you certainly don't ACT it' (relieving).

(IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

I never knew I could refer to this poem from GCSE 4 years ago (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)