Noone wants to kiss this saggy old cloth cat
Whilst out shopping yesterday (VILE VILE!) I got cornered by one of these poor people doing a survey so I took pity and agreed to answer her 5 pages of questions. Question 1 "Are you married?" Bag replies in the negative. Question 2 "are you living with your partner?" Bag replies in the negative. "Oh I don't need you then," she said and walked away leaving me standing like a right dingo in the middle of the concourse feeling neglected and dooooooooooooomed to a life of spinsterdom
And before anyone suggests it, I draw the line at snogging my sister, Cyrilla, under the mistletoe. Hammerklavier offered to give her a kiss last night and the poor so and so's still there having his face sucked off. When he emerges he will no doubt have transformed in manner of Dr Who or similar.
Yours dejected and unloved