If a child or teenager is a desperately nervous performer, and has had a bad experience of public performance, how hard would you push them to get up and do it again if they really aren't keen? I have two pupils at the minute who aren't wanting to play at the Christmas concert despite being well able. One got into such a blind panic the last time that he made a hash of his piece, which he could usually play with his eyes closed, and being the type who usually excels at everything he does, he took it very badly. The other made a small slip, and realises that it wasn't a disaster, but is desperately worried that it could be worse the next time. I know that both these kids (young teenagers) have really flourished in the past after good performances, at concerts, festivals and exams, and would love to be part of the next event, but are terrified of letting themselves, and me, down. I've tried hard to dispel the latter, but am really not sure how much to force the issue in case things really do fall asunder and their confidence is seriously dented.

What approach would you take?

I wouldn't push it at all. The early teens are probably the worst time for extreme embarrassment and a sensitive teenager can be put off for life by one or two bad experiences. I recognise the argument for breaking through this and just doing it, but is it worth the risk? I really don't know. It took me years to get over a particularly terrifying stage performance at a Music Festival when I was 12 - the damage must have gone really deep, and I even won the damn thing, but was severely scarred by it.

I think it's far better for children and young adults to get the chance to perform in a far more unthreatening environment - to raise money for charity for example, where the focus isn't so much on them but on what they're doing it for. That way they can ease themselves into the peforming situation without anything like as much attendant trauma and fear, and if they do enough of those they might then feel more ready to perform in a situation where they're more likely to be judged.

Alternatively could you organise some informal concerts in your home or in a nearby hired hall where they can perform in a hopefully less scary environment? I know a lot of my students find it very challenging to perform in front of their classmates unless they're in a large group and the music is really 'cool'. It's fair enough - they're teenagers and they will grow out of it eventually, so why put them through it before they're really ready to be put on the spot like that?

My teacher never gives me any choice about playing in her 'concerts'. Things always go wrong, but i just get on with it. How big is your concert (ie how many people), because this is probably a really good way to 'wean' then back on to performance, assuming it's not a huge thing with loads of complete strangers.

It's been a while since I stuck my nose in here, but lured in by the mention of young teenagers, here's my penn'orth.

I agree, even the most limelight-loving kids can have a change of heart the day they turn 12.

Would either of your students be happier to play a duet with you, or in ensemble with other older or younger students?

On the other hand, that's also just the age when one little murmur of "Oh I'm too shy" is likely to set everybody else off too.

If it's normal for you or even for other teachers in the community to give students an option of participating or not, I guess that offering reluctant performers the option of helping with programmes, donation boxes etc is inevitable.

On the other hand, assuring students that embarrassment and nervousness are quite normal, and calmly assuming that they will see it through may just work.

I have a couple of adult pupils who really don't want to perform at our concerts, and I don't push it. With the children, it is just generally accepted that they will play, even if it is only as part of a large group. I have junior and senior recorder ensembles, as well as two junior and two senior consorts and lots of people doing piano or recorder duets, so there is ample opportunity for the more nervous players to 'hide' !

Could you pair up your two reluctant performers for a duet, or are their playing standards at too different a level from each other?

Speaking as an adult learner and with both sons learning instruments, I've experienced all scenarios. Every child is different and you have to know just how far you can push.

Our eldest is extrovert and now doesn't mind playing in front of people. Nevertheless, when he first started trumpet in primary, his teacher wanted him to play at school before Christmas. He was very nervous and told me he was scared because he didn't know the instrument well. I emailed the teacher and told her not to ask him again - until he felt ready. I think if we had forced him, we'd have lost some of that 'trust' that is so important to children.

The little one is different. Timid yes, but a bit lazy and never enthusiastic about anything. We did push him, but only because he'd be in his teacher's house, surrounded by friends and had practised the piece till it drove us mad! Everything went very well.

I'd say, if in doubt, don't push! Why not try giving them pieces that are slightly too easy for them, so they'd be more confident. Or, as Jo said, teaming them up?

Not everyone who learns music wants to perform in public.

Steve

I had one nine year old boy who sang in public for the first time at my last concert. He was so nervous, but made a brilliant job of it, and everyone told him so. He was singing I'd do Anything from Oliver with two others, both of whom want to something with him again. But he got so nervous he won't now sing even with all the other children together at the next one. But he WILL do exams ("not so scary"). I won't push him at concerts though - you could drive them to give up lessons, and that would be tragic. The concerts are big things, to be fair to him - with about 170 in the audience. He's the only one I've had who reacted in this way, others found it invigourating.

I can remember hating performing in my teacher's concert - at age eighteen, although I was happy to accompany a choir at my school or play hymns for assembly. I think it's the feeling of everyone's eyes being on you, and you alone. This affected me so much that after my long break from piano playing I consciously looked for a teacher who didn't have a pupil concert! I've got over that now, mainly thanks to playing at Forums concerts, though nerves are still there, and I'm happier on the cello than the piano. I've entered myself for the Trinity Guildhall First Performance Certificate for piano, to give more performing experience, which I wouldn't have wanted to have done a few years ago. As a teacher I encourage my pupils to take part in my annual concert, and at the last one all but one child and one adult took part. The adults were much more nervous than the children, but felt a biig sense of achievement once they had done it. I don't have any teenage pupils at the moment, but I would be sensitive to their feeling if they did and not push it, saying that I would really like them to take part, but if they felt strongly about it I wouldn't force it.

I have regular concerts, with only families and friends in the audience. Some of my students do get very nervous and I think for some of them, this does take the enjoyment out of the event, unfortunately. I have always insisted that they all take part (even the youngest beginner) because I believed that they would benefit from the experience. Although I do have one student who absolutely refused the first time, saying that she would give up lessons if she had to do the concert. (I should add that she has since played in several of my concerts and done really well.) But I heard recently that two girls who used to have lessons with me gave up because of having to play in the concerts. I wasn't told this at the time and it could be that it was just an excuse to stop lessons, but I will make sure in future that they do all feel comfortable about taking part. Another mum recently told me that at his first concert, her son was so nervous that she thought he was going to be sick! As has been said, all young people are different and maybe I've been wrong to insist that they all take part.

Speaking as a "desparately nervous performer" I think you have to leave it up to the individual. As others have said, offer the choice of a duet - possibly with yourself - this is what I prefer (on the theory that it doesn't matter how much of a mess I make of it my teacher will be able to sort it out).

I would spend some time explaining why you think it would be a good idea for them to perfom (but don't just say "everyone else is"). This is what my teacher does and I do usually let myself be talked into taking part.

I also appreciate a say in where I appear in the programme and a complete run through with my teacher earlier in the day.

Thanks so much for all your replies. I think you're tempting me to err on the side of caution. I do remember being that age myself, and when things go well it's geat, but the self-consciousness is horrendous if the opposite happens. One is already playing a duet with an older girl, who can sight-read it, so she doesn't mind if it ends up not happening, as she's playing on her own as well. She's very good with the younger girl, though, and they get on really well, so I sort of feel that if the younger does it this time it will be a good experience - assuming it goes well. After reading all your thoughts, I think I'll let the other boy sit this one out. I'd hate to think he'd go off looking for a teacher who doesn't do concerts! It is a fairly big affair, I suppose, and quite formal - two teachers' pupils and a few other very accomplished performers as well. We only have friends and family in the audience, but somehow it can add up to quite a number. Part of my wish to push, though, for want of a better word, is because I'm a nervous performer myself - and I know how much I hate myself for it at times - and I also know how much of a buzz I get when it goes well.

I am not one for embarrassing anyone but I actually think, unless you intend to be a permanent "closet musician" then you have to overcome performance nerves somehow and, quite frankly, the only way seems to be to get on with it. I find teenagers hugely reluctant (in general) to do anything which takes them out of their comfort zone or makes them remotely different to their peer group. However, I've also seen teenagers blossom when they've challenged themselves a bit and it's gone well.

I'd try to find some way round this so your reluctant musicians do something, however small, to contribute to the event. Better, perhaps as a duet or ensemble but something.

Otherwise, I'm inclined to agree with David that postponing it this time only makes it a bigger hurdle in the future. The important thing is that it ends up being a positive experience - so choose a piece that's far too easy maybe but can be played confidently, or do the group bit.

Hope it all resolves and goes well for you whatever.

Having sat in the audience at lots of Dance Festivals, I've seen the slips and the big disaters across all ages. Sometimes they have been performing in the next section so they've just had to get on with it. After being judged too!. They were partly able to do just that because they knew that that sort of thing happened to almost everyone from time to time, they also learnt how to cover things up.

Perhaps you could talk to them about any similar moments that have happened on TV and help them to understand that if it goes that way once it won't always be like that. If they really don't want to perform then you might have to leave it for this year. Encouraging them to do a duet or trio with someone more confident might be worth a try.

I have a teenager who is fairly new to me. She performed in our little concert the first year, but refused last year. I did not push it - she is not a confident performer at all, and actually not a brilliant pianist, but she has an exam coming up, so I have said to her that I will arrange for her to play in front of a much younger, and lower grade pupil before the exam, to which she has agreed.

It can be a major problem, particularly since I have a couple of others who could go down this route if they see this girl "getting away with it", but I'm going to insist that she plays a duet with me in the next concert. It will be very simple and well within her capabilities.

It's always difficult to judge something like this.

I have one pupil who ducked out at the last minute this year (claiming illness, but her mother later said that she suspected it was just nerves). She's more than competent and one of my more experienced pupils, about 14 I think. However, she's taking Music as a subject in school as of this August, and could really do with the experience of performing, so next year I'll have to be a little more firm about how important it is, and make sure that she's really well prepared.

I think it should be up to the pupil if they want to participate or not. One of my previous piano teachers forced us to play in concerts. No excuse was acceptable. If you said you had too much work, she merely said she would write you a note - how embarrassing - because concerts were important. I did play in one of them and must admit that I did enjoy it but would have preferred to have had the choice and did end up leaving that teacher the week before I was due to play in the next concert. If those who do not want to participate this time around are invited, they might be envious of their friends and all the praise they are getting and might want to play of their own accord on a future occasion. However, not all of us want to be performers, apart from maybe demonstrating to pupils when teaching how to play a piece. That is certainly my aim for the future.

I had this situation crop up today. I have a talented 15 year old who I think would do well in one of the local music festivals.

I know from her mum she has a problem with nerves though. I showed her the syllabus earlier anyway, explained how it all worked and how I think she'd be more than capable of putting on a good performance, but the prospect seemed terrifying to her.

I left it at that really, but I wanted to give her the opportunity just in case.

One factor could be that she has never played a concert or festival before (she came to me a while ago from another teacher who retired) so just hasn't been used to it. She's happy just playing for herself.

Maybe the trick is getting them performing when they are young so they come to accept it as a normal part of learning an instrument.

I don't think I'd insist as I wouldn't want to make someone miserable if they were really against the idea.

I was never pushed to perform - I volunteered to do so the first time quite happily. By the time it came round I would have happily run away... I was so nervous I could barely hold my clarinet!! But I held the piece together (It was well within my capabilities) and now the first time is over I love it. Each time it gets easier - though I'm still a little bit nervous. If at all possible I think they should be encouraged to perform, at least once. It really boosts confidence, and how can you know you won't like it until you've tried?

We have an end of year concert and I insist that everyone plays. But it is very very informal. I stay beside all the younger players and the nervous ones. I "chat show" it through if there are any disasters and I tell everyone in my welcoming speech that we are all learners and there will be mistakes. We are there to share our music, not to be judged. Every pupil plays and every pupil announces the piece of someone else. Over the years it has become a real fun event and I have never had anyone in tears.

We did come close to it once when an anxious teenager started her piece four times and couldn't go on. I got up and dusted the piano keys, telling the audience they were very sticky because of the heat and making some silly remarks about writing a book on the practical problems of musicians when I retire. This got a few laughs. I then asked another child to test the piano for stickiness and then the original girl came back on stage, completely unwound and performed very nicely.

However, I wouldn't insist on anyone playing in a formal or judgemental situation if they didn't want to. I might strongly encourage but Ithink I'd need to feel fairly sure there wouldn't be a disaster. It's very individual.

That's very encouraging to hear. It's always been my philosophy, but I've doubted it recently when I heard that 2 students had given up lessons because they were so worried about a concert. I still think that it could have been an excuse they gave to their parents, though. Most of my students really enjoy playing in our concerts, and expect to feel a bit nervous. I always tell them there would be something wrong if they didn't, but it should be mixed with excitement.