Right next to the bank were the keys. The man was half blind so couldn't see them. The farmer went; picked up the keys; and gave them to the thoroughly grateful man....

"Since you've found my keys for me" said the thoroughly grateful man to the farmer, "would you like me to help you round up your cattle and get them home?"

"They aren't my cattle!" replied the dairy farmer, "But I certainly think it's time they left my meadow - they'll upset my freesians and then the milk yield will be down."

"Unless you've got some sort of amnesia," continued the dairy farmer, "they are actually YOUR cattle and you're trying to get them into the lorry to take them to the abbatoir, but if you prefer I can just hang onto them and they can call this their new home, and you can come inside for chilli con lentils while your trousers dry!"

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER



New Story - 'The Homeless Mice'

Veronica was a an expectant mother - a mouse mother - who lived very contentedly inside a very old piano in a very old house that was to be demolished...

What a busy little mouse Veronica was, scurrying in and out of the old house looking for just the right bedding in preparation for her happy event.

Xylophobia unfortunately meant that she couldn't wander too far away from the house as she had an fear of the the forest so she had no idea what was going on the outside world, or what plans were afoot regarding the demolition of her lovely home

"Yo!" she thought to herself one sunny morning, peeking out from behind a moth-eaten curtain, , "I wonder who those strange men are who revving up that strange machine outside with the big ball on the end of that rope...", just as she felt the first labour pains and went scuttling back inside the piano.

Zzzzz... Veronica fell asleep as a slleeepppy ttuunnnee wwaaasss pppppllllaaaaaayyyeeedddd ooooonnnnnnn ttthhhee pppppiiiaaannnnooo....

(Zzzzz.... Veronica fell asleep as a sleepy tune was played on the piano...)

(I am guessing you are not a mother if you think the first labour pains are soporific!!!)

All at once Veronica was wakened from her slumbers by an almighty crash as the enormous ball hit the front wall of the house.

Barely able to walk without a baby falling out at every step, Veronica went to investigate and was amazed to see that it had been one of the demolition crew who had been playing the piano, and that he still was, despite the falling debris.

Concerned that perhaps her nest inside the piano was not after all the perfect place to have her babies, she rushed around the room in great agitation - whatever should she do now?

Demolition workers who play the piano tend to be soft-hearted, and Joe (the pianist) felt very sorry for the little mouse scurrying around in panic, although he failed to realise that she was about to have her litter.

(and three years later....)

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Easing himself from the piano stool, Joe comforted the little mouse...

Fortunately he had espied the little lady before launching into Scarlatti's Cat's Fugue, otherwise who knows what might have happened?!

Gosh, what an awful racket he made, trying to play the Scarlatti.

Ham-fisted or what?