Anyone have any good Musical Jokes?
I've got one......

Mozart Beyond the Grave

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.



When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."



He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."



So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."



Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

(Its abit long)

Daisy xxx

If this has worked the cartoon should play

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline


Q: Whats the difference between a viola and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a viola

Can I tell you all my clarinet/lightbulb joke again?

Please, please, please?

Go on then... I don't even know what it is anyway

Car Expert

How many clarinettists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just the one, but they have to go through the whole box to find just the right one.

Sorry Barry, I don't get that. Can you explain please??
Bev xx

I thought you said Sorry babe then

and I guess it's a reed joke?

Yep!

So clarinettists have trouble finding their fave reeds then??
Bev

Generally in a box of 10 reeds there will be 2 or 3 which one regards as good!

How many altos does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10, 1 to screw it in and 9 to say how they can't get that high!

Haha

I genuinely don't want to offend anyone, and hope you've heard these before!

How many 2nd violins does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

There's no point in even asking them - they can't get that high anyway.


How many flautists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, and the world revolves around her.


Why is it a crime to roll a car with a cello in it off a cliff?

You could easily fit 2 cellos in.

*gasps* How very dare you, please! Cellos own your @ss! =P

How many competent violists can you get in a phone box?

Both of them

Why are violas so big?

They aren't, it's just that their heads are so small.

An orchestra is on a ship when it hits an iceberg and sinks. They all jump into the water and the cellist says "Help! I can't swim!" The violist says "It's alright, just fake it."

An orchestra is rehearsing when a violist says to the conductor, "The cellist behind just turned one of my pegs one of my pegs". when the conductor asks why he doesn't just turn it back, he says "He won't tell me which one it was"

A viola player grew tired of viola jokes and decided to take up the violin. He went into a shop and asked the shop assistant if he could have a violin. "You're a viola player, aren't you," said the shopkeeper. "That's right, how did you know?" asked the violist. The shopkeeper says "this is a fish and chip shop"

What do you call a guy who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

What's the difference between a drummer and a pizza?

A pizza can feed a family of four.

The best selection of musician jokes I ever read was when I was working in a German sheet music shop. It was in German. Evidence that the Germans do have a sense of humour?

I really should have bought it, as it was highly entertaining. Even if I couldn't understand all the jokes. (I still REALLY want to know what the one about guitarist said. It was illustrated with the most intreguining picture that involves a pretty female, a guitar, a bed, and the (male) guitarist... Any ideas? Or perhaps it wasn't really appropriate for a public forum)

Sadly, I only remember a few. Including the standard ones like "What do you call 20,000 *insert instrument here* at the bottom of the ocean?"

"A good start"

Plus all the flat minor etc ones, which were at the back, in English