my friends all understand that i'm really committed to my youth orchestras and choir, but i'd really love them to be more interested. i've played them a cd of my (very good might i add) church choir but they found it really boring (i dont know what i expected) and took the mick out of some of my guy friends for being altos (they sound gay apparently.) i'd really love them to come and watch a service or a concert or something but they just laugh at me like i'm suggesting something stupid. i even offered to pay for tickets to our prestigious pre tour concert (about £10 each) and they refused. i wouldnt want to feel like i was forcing them but i think if they saw me play or sing they'd understand how much it means to me and be a bit more understanding when i don't go out because i have a rehearsal.
any advice?

I dont think this is a personal thing against you or your great talents. ~ I play piano for my church and when I mention it or they read about it, they think im a bit weird and keep their distance and dont feel they know me. I think its an age thing and a lack of understanding in a broad community.


That guy Gareth off TV constructing local choir has the same problem. He has a + side, TV spotlight !

Its a hurtful act, but they dont see it. We must stay strong in our faith, the brighter the light the harder to resist to go and see
It may be worth getting them on their own and chat about it for 5mins.
Please dont take this the wrong way, if it doesnt work you should reconsider how much of "friends" are true and loyal. I`d be happy if a friend invited me to listen or see something they liked and was good at even if I didnt really like what it was. I`d still appreciate it.

I think perhaps you have to accept that you and your friends have different tastes in music. I'm much older than you, but when I'm singing in a choral concert I know that some of my friends may be interested in a ticket, but others would rather bang their heads on a wall!

Actually, I have a very good friend who loves running, and when we were younger several times asked me if I'd like to go running with her. It's just not my thing, so I said no. I'm sure you can think of some activities which your friends enjoy but which you just wouldn't fancy doing - that might help you appreciate why your friends don't want to come to your concerts.

I think if your friends don't share your passion, it is v hard for them to understand. My youngest who is 11 is a gymnast and trains 14 hours a week. Her friends don't get it- and have said 'You put gym before us' and she's still at primary school. However, they do have their birthday parties around her commitments and have stayed good friends with her- that's the important thing! They adapt their social life to fit in around my daughter a bit. They ask 'When are you free?' She can't expect them to understand her passion- I don't understand what she is talking about when she talks of 'Pitch to hands' 'Pitch to catch etc' and I am her mother! I suppose what has happened for my daughter, is that she has friends now who are gymnasts who are equally good friends as her school friends.... and friends in County Orchestra who do get what it is about music.
Ellaonthepiano, have you made friends with people who share your passion with music? Don't drop your other friends, but there are people out there who will understand.

Not just music. People just don't all want to do the same things. I enjoy droning on about oboes, morris dancing, mountains, etc but not everyone shares my interests. Your friends don't all have to want to enjoy the same things you do.

Anyway, I'll get my own back over the next few weeks looking nonplussed while everyone goes on and on about something called football.

My best friend does not like music at all. I find it very hard to have someone very close to me who simply has no feelings towards something I love. But we avoid the topic and it's alright... But when she's at my house and I have music on she's endlessly saying 'I hate this song', 'I hate this artist' and it does actually upset me, because these are things which are very important to me, so I wish she could understand.

Certainly in the past, when I've met someone with a strong interest in something (*Cough* Matthew and church) I've done my best to get involved in it and at least find out a bit about it, so they know I care.

I think the thing to do may be to target your efforts towards one carefully-chosen person, or perhaps two people, whom you feel would be most receptive. What's happening at the moment sounds suspiciously as if your friends are succumbing to peer pressure and aren't willing to admit any interest in what you're doing in case they are teased for being square (or neeky, or whatever).

Alternatively, stop trying to involve your friends if it's only likely to lead to disappointment. What other people have said about people having different tastes is of course true and you shouldn't necessarily take it personally.

Are there a group of people from school who are musical who would enjoy your concerts? At my school, there is a group of 15 or so made up of all different years who are totally mad about music, so we go to eachothers' concerts and support eachother that way. I have a fairly large group of friends, and only 1 of them plays an instrument - but we don't really have much else in common to be honest although she is lovely. I know I'm rambling, but my point is that the majority of my friends really don't get what makes me want to play music, but they accept that it's something I really enjoy. In the laat couple of years, quite a few of them have started to come to my concerts, but up until we were about 15/16 they just weren't interested - which is totally fair enough: I don't understand why a few of them are horse mad, but it doesn't make our friendship any less robust. I didn't have to do any persuading: they'd just heard some people saying to me how much they'd enjoyed being in the concert and then they thought they'd go to one and try it for size. I don't think you can make your friends go to a concert: they have to want to go, otherwise it'd be a bit awkward and they'd probably not go to another one. In time I'm sure they might want to explore your music, but if not it's fine: it's not because they don't like YOU!

I can sympthasise with this, Ella-not so much for music, but I'm in year eleven and dance twenty hours a week (during normal time, that doesn't include extra rehearsals and practice time!) and my friends often comment that I don't go out with them as much as others and put dance before them. It is upsetting, but it's something that I love, and I have my friends at dancing too. They will come to accept it over time, and perhaps if they can't accept it for your sake, then maybe they're not such good friends?

That's why I made piano 'fwends' on here When I tell some of my non-piano friends that I going to summer school for a week for A214, they think I am barking. Some of them are interested in hearing what I can play, other literally could not be more bored by it.

Accept that you like different things, and ignore the idiotic comments they make about members of your choir.

The thing is, compared to a lot of other hobbies, music is a bit different. With most other hobbies, the activity is one that you can do with your friends, e.g. you can watch a film together/go bowling together, etc. But with music, it's you doing it and your friends just watching. Perhaps they feel like they won't really be involved in it, and are afraid that if they went to one of your concerts, they wouldn't 'understand' the music? They might just not fancy it, and that doesn't necessarily mean they don't appreciate you.
I've managed to get my family to come to a few of my choir concerts, and I always try to get them intersted by telling them a little bit about the piece or the composer, but in a way that appeals to ordinary punters. E.g. tell them some gossip about the composer that makes them seem like a human being and not just an old guy with a beard who's been dead for centuries.
I've also managed to get a few friends to listen to my music by posting links to it on facebook. Rather than asking them to come to a concert, which they might have felt uncomfortable with, this allows them to listen if they want to, in a setting with which they're familiar (and let's face it, most people on facebook are bored and looking for something, anything, to do!). I've actually had quite a few people leave comments saying how much they enjoyed it!

I've been playing flute for years, my friends have never taken any interest in my music, never come to any of the concerts I play in even when I'm doing solos and I got used to it, they just didn't like orchestral music and I accepted that. But last year one of my friends decided to take up flute which was fine, but then one of my friends listens to her practise every time and takes so much interest in her playing! I feel so rejected and can't understand why she takes interest in her and not me.

I'm way past my teens.
My family don't really have much interest in my music but it's my interest, not theirs, so that's fine.
My husband doesn't come to many of the concerts I'm playing in but I don't go to cricket/football/rugby with him so that seems perfectly fair to me.
Most of my friends are connected with music but I have others who aren't and I don't expect them to share my interests.

Its difficult to get people interested in something that you are passionate about, but I really wouldnt worry too much, I have several friends who are very different from me, we dont like the same music, style of clothes, films etc... but yet we find tons to talk about and respect that we are both very different. This must be the case with your friends, as despite them not appretiating your musical skills, they are still your friends right? And quite often people laugh at things they dont understand, so try not to take it to heart. If you really wanted to get them on board, maybe you could try to play/sing something more to the style they like and take it from there.



Dont underestimate yourself, you may have influenced them more than you know, it cant be coincidental that one of your friends has taken up the flute knowing that you play it too. The thing is, I think a lot of people on this forum have much more than a pasing interest in what they play, I would say most (please tell me if I'm wrong ) are quite passionate and a tad obsessive about their music Take my group violin lessons, I want to learn everything I can, and buy tons of music/books and practise every day, the others in my class only have the tutor recommended book and utilise the class lesson as their practice for the week! I think you have influenced your friends, and they are interested, but maybe just not as pasionate as you are.

and you play 2 instruments?! Do you sleep?






I think that as you get older accepting that people do not share the same views/interests/passions comes more easily. I no longer care what people think about my interests, I just do them. If they like them great, if they dont fine! I'm sure I would have thought differently 20 years ago, when I perhaps needed to seek greater approval from my peers and friends.

It's an interesting point regarding wanting our friends to be interested in what we do.

I generally have my head full of music most of the time. I recall the film "Fever Pitch" (based on the Nick Horny book) where the protagonist is obsessed with Arsenal. He spends all his time thinking about the team, the fixtures, the outcomes and the possbilities of them winning the league etc. Anyhow, if I recall correctly it goes like this. He is looking in a window of some shop and his girlfriend asks what he is thinking about. We men love to be asked that question

Anyhow, he realises that he constantly talks about football and feels a bit guilty, so although he was actually thinking about Arsenal he lies and says some other random topic, hoping that he won't seem so singularly obsessed with Arsenal and that the conversation will just fade away. Sadly his girlfriend takes some interest in this random topic and he has an awkward time trying to maintain a conversation before admitting that he was actually thinking about Arsenal again.

If I replaced "Arsenal" with "music" that pretty much sums me up. Unsurprisingly most "normal" people don't have that same level of interest. On occasions where I find someone with a similar level of interest I enjoy an in-depth conversation with them, but most of the time I live in my own little music world.

N

I think that the quick and only answer is to just 'accept it' as it is.
My family/friends also don't show any interest, well actually ONE friend does, I visit her twice a year and she always says to me to 'make sure' I take my double bass and violin with me to practice in front of her

but yes, anyway, I just 'accept it', I have 'this place' (the forums) which is full of virtual friends who are very interested and share my joys/desperations, some I have even met in real life

if it wasn't for these forums I'd feel quite lonely actually

Must say I'd have absolutely no musical friends if it wasn't for meeting some top notch peeps on here

Not much! but on a serious note, my dancing comes first, hence why neither my piano or violin playing is as good as it could be!

Ella my daughter and her school friends laugh about their different interests and mutually tease one another over them. She doesn't like the sort of pop music some of them are into but they don't all like the same stuff.

They moan a bit when she isn't able to go out with them on a Saturday but more because they want her company. They often rearrange things around people in the group. I'm actually quite proud of her school friends as they always invite one of her music friends when they arrange an outing. This is someone who isn't from the same school.

I suppose Emsoboe is lucky that she has a range of musical friends outside school. She's also had a lot of support from her form for her musicality and they are interested in what she can do. It think this partly because school aren't generally.

A few weeks ago she asked one of her best friends to go to a concert. I was surprised that she accepted and she has been with us to concerts that daughter has performed in recently.

I agree with others who think that maybe you just have to accept your differences and enjoy your hobbies whatever they may be.

Looking at Ella`s grades, this is much more than an interest but a way of life. A career is looming.

Those grades already adequate for university entry !
On top of that your doing GCSE`s !
I find it most interesting and inspiring! ~ So much so im going to attempt to learn some more instruments !

the differences in peoples character and way of life makes such a difference in what they feel is acceptable in society.. or general personal interest.
Most teens in school follow the leader. ~ In an essence, your a leader of your own being. You give them 2 years where they have to my study type decisions and less of the playground school environment they will have a different attitude. If they dont, you simply tell them this is what I want, this is my future.

I wanted to do music in school, but couldnt play an instrument which I thought was essential for the GCSE. I took business studies instead ~ 4 & 1/2 years later I am pursing my dream!

Having known most of my friends for about 5 years now they have finally stopped asking me why I can't come to the cinema or a party in the holiday. They just say "It's music isn't it"
My friends and I just tease each other about our differences in intrests and then go on to discuss something else!
Most of my friends have never seen me play an instrument-they just take my word for it!!