Well I have to say, I am not on the best form today.

Firstly my wife's periods have shown absolutely no improvement (if anything worsened since my last post). Secondly I came onto the forum to see if my loyal friends had given me a response regarding my need for musical inspiration- only to find the whole topic "how to take criticism" had been removed. Could someone explain to me why this has happened?

I shall now re-post my earlier questions but I must add that this is no laughing matter seeing as our internet recently broke so I have been forced to go to an internet cafe 20 minutes walk away from our house. My wife has been most angry about me leaving the house with "no good reason" and I had planned to HASTEN home as she had muttered an under-the-breath remark about locking me out should I not be home quickly.

My questions is- where should I look for musical inspiration?

Bernie, my husband could really empathise the position you are in because he has to live with me on a month to month basis.

Hang on in there. Having a supportive husband when you are living through menstrual problems is worth its weight in gold. Please don't feel bitter.

As far as musical inspiration is concerned, I do not know what you have tried. Personally I find Schubert's chamber music inspirational when I'm having a hard time. The late Piano Trios are very beautiful indeed. The other piece many find comforting is the Mozart Clarinet Quintet.

So curl up with your wife and try listening to one of those and hang on in there.

Thank you, THANK YOU, bernie...



I am feeling SO much better now.

Dear Bernie, I am so sad to hear of your recent troubles.

On music: I hear that a young lady has made a big impression in Cyberspace recently. However her song "Friday" has been (rightly) criticised for lacking depth. I am sure that with your talents you could make a VAST improvement to this song. The main melody might be given a bit more gravitas scored for Euphonium, don't you think? Also, part way through the song there is a brief interlude of rap, which I consider to be thoroughly nasty. It would be far better replaced with a nice string quartet, or if you wanted to be a bit more avant-guarde, maybe solo bagpipe.

I'm sure all your forum fans will agree with me: this is a work that is just PERFECT for you and could provide you with your much wanted inspiration. A few million YouTube hits would be a nice boost, too.

On the subject of your journey to the cyber cafe, have you considered investing in a pair of roller skates (or if you wanted to be a bit trendy, some of those newfangled "rollerblades")? With these you'd be able to ZIP to the cafe and back in no time, thus simultaneously easing marital tensions and reinforcing your image of being "apart from the common herd" in the eyes of the neighbours.

With my very best wishes,
thouston

Some very good suggestions here. I too was going to recommend Rebecca Black's Friday. Apart from its obvious musical merits it is a useful reminder of which day of the week comes when. Perhaps the jute mill workers could have a mention in a new version too? I imagine they were doubly pleased when Friday came round (unless of course they had to work on Saturday).

Oh bernie I am soooo glad you're back. Let the fun begin!!

I think it already has...

Bernie. You are completely bonkers (or very good at pretending to be)

Purcell is the chap for you!
supposedly, his wife locked him out and ... the rest is history!
Perhaps his 'The Tempest" would be a suitable choice.

Then again Handel did hold the Soprano Faustina Cuzzoni by the hair out of an open window!

Tamerlano is suitably blood-thirsty! Although the role of Cleopatra in Guilio Cesare was definately written for Cuzzoni.

Hi Bernie - good to see you back on the forums.

I am appalled that your 'How to take criticism' thread has been moved or deleted, packed as it was with the kind of sagacious advice that represents this forum at its best. I sincerely hope that you get some help with your current lack of inspiration, not to mention your wife's cyclical difficulties.

For some reason this thread put me in the mind of Angustura bitters, so I was expecting a totally different kind of thread.

When my husband travelled on business quite a bit, he met a strange character who used to serve up pink gin, so we had to go and raid the local Waitrose for Maraschino cherries and Angustura bitters in order to keep this chap supplied in the style to which he had become accustomed.

I was thinking Best Bitter.

yes ! and I was thinking, 'no - a glass of red'.

Good dark chocolate. Hm yes. I rather think I'm in a bitter mood too, in that case.

A pint of mild here!

As long as it doesn't clash with cough-syrup... My delightful children gave me their cold last week and it has descended chest-wards. Angustura Bitters reminds me of Benylin but I wouldn't use that to mix a pink gin... hmm on 2nd thought I might not care so much about the cough afterwards but It would be a waste of decent gin.

This would be a most serious waste of good gin.
Perhaps bernie should mix one for his wife, sit her in a comfy chair with her feet up and headphones on listening to something soothing. With any luck she might fall asleep and then he could spend as long as he likes in the internet cafe.

I wish someone would tell me why the other thread was chopped; I promise not to tell the hatchet man.

Evening.

Good news to be shared with you all tonight. The internet has been fixed. However, getting it done was no easy affair.

At 9am yesterday morning I phoned to ask when the gentleman would be coming to make the repair and was told that he would be arriving at 1600 hours. I did not go to work yesterday (on account of the fact that I am no longer getting any STIMULATION from carrying out my job and in addition to this, my boss often makes jokes about horses which I find to be a little insensitive.).

I waited in the house with my wife (who was being quite amicable) and while we waited we indulged in a little light entertainment together- naming the different restaurants we had been to and rating them on a taste scale from 1 to 10 on pieces of paper. We then revealed our answers to each other at the exact same time- I can tell you, it was quite amusing to see how our ratings differed.

1600 hours- the gentleman had still not arrived. Obviously, the fun and games went on hold while we waited now. I paced the hallway, MUTTERING under my breath "If there is any justice in the world you will be here within the next 5 minutes".

1623- the gentleman arrived and repaired the internet.

Now, I noticed the last comment wondering why the other thread had been removed. i too would like to know this. I was given no warning that this would be occuring and therefore had no opportunity to record some of the valuable pieces of musical wisdom that had been imparted on there. I would like at least an explaination as to why it was removed and if I cannot be provided that then I feel that I will be moving elsewhere.

BERNIE

That sounds like a very stimulating after dinner game. I shall adopt it when we next have guests round.

No not you too Bernie. We can't afford to lose your valuable insights into the world of music.

Yes, me too. Gosh, I hope I wasn't one of the guilty parties who provoked it. (Didn't get any warning, though, so hope I'm OK). The last I saw there was just a bit of jocular exchange on the subject of Bernie being back...

If it had got too silly for the "serious" Forums, couldn't we have it back in the Forums Caf??

Oh well.

Any musical inspiration yet, Bernie?

The only time I ever report things for moderation is if I feel someone is trying to sling mud at me and it is getting personal. I didn't contribute to this last thread so not guilty. Neither am I ultra-paranoid.

I can appreciate the moderators do have a job to do too.

Yet when people are genuinely having a hard time this has brought the best out of people on this forum as I know through personal experience.

It is a pity that Bernie has lost some of his better musings as a result of this thread getting chopped, yet I hope he knows that people will support him too.

I was once offered a choice of a Kia-Ora or a Benylin mixer to go with some whisky. And I don't like whisky in the first place.

No such thing. Gin isn't a drink, it's a mascara thinner (so sayeth Dylan Moran, who would know).


The most awful mixture ever created by desperate students at 4am has to be my mate's suggestion of sake (Japanese rice wine), Stella Artois and grenadine. Sake is virtually undrinkable when cold - it has to be warm, about the same temperature as a nice cup of tea - and Stella is undrinkable full stop.