I feel like I need to get this off my chest, and this seems like the most likely place for people to understand without thinking I'm just whinging....
I've had a few panic attacks recently. I've had a few in the past - one particularly memorable one left me pretty much in a state of shock for the rest of the day. But these are really quite severe and leave me weak and shaking and absolutely scared out of my wits. And it's all to do with the fact that I've taken on far too much.
I've always had this problem - right the way through school I was the one who did everything, school shows, 2 orchestras, school newsletter, church choir, prefect and always got pretty good marks - I just couldn't say no to anyone. When I ended up with ME two years ago I had to slow down. Except, at the moment, I seem to be doing more than ever, and it's leaving me feeling really fragile and emotional.
I'm in my final year of my undergrad degree. I have to write 2 x 5000 word essays by the first week of January (not started) and do the literature review for my dissertation (not started). I'm working one day a week as an intern at a charity - although the last few weeks it's actually been 2 days each week, doing about 20 hours a week as a barmaid, singing in 5 carol services this week (and 2 last week), and trying to finish off a project for my other part time job which is meant to take about 6 hours a week but has been a bit neglected.
When I'm not in lectures or at work or my internship or church
, all I want to do is sleep (rather than the 30 hours or so of self-study I ought to be doing each week). I can't take my medication because it makes me drowsy and that just wouldn't work at the moment, so I'm in more pain than usual. And I don't feel like I really have any sort of support network here... I have friends at work, but no-one at work knows about my health (I was asked to leave my last job because of my health so I'm really scared of that happening again if they know about it...) but I don't have many uni friends, purely because they all seem to have totally different priorities to me, and I've never managed to bond with any of them.
I'm sorry this is such a long post, I just really need to splurge all of this! My head is so full I keep double-booking myself and I can't even remember where my diary is, I haven't had a chance to tidy my room in weeks, which isn't helping either as I HATE mess and it makes me feel really unsettled. It worries me that quitting feels like a very real option even though I'm so close to finishing.
Shut up, Floss.
Blimey, and I thought I had a busy life. I don't have any helpful advice other than to echo what others have already said. You sound like an incredibly dedicated and genuine person. Look after yourself!