Ages ago I posted a thread on here about a very annoying 'stepdad' who I don't actually consider to be a stepdad - he isn't. He is just my mum's partner and even she doesn't consider him my stepdad.
He is a really really unpleasant man - my dad died 5 years ago now and he has on repeated occasions told me how everyone locally hated my day (which I know for a fact isn't true) and how my Dad had 5 or 6 affairs in the time he was with my mum (which I also know isn't true). He says that local people have told him all of this. He just makes up all kinds of lies and tries to sound like an aficionado about every subject mentioned!!!
I took an interest in antique silverware and started buying and selling it on ebay a year and a half ago, then about 8 months ago he decided he had this wonderful idea - to buy and sell silverware on ebay. He started doing this and consequently I was made to stop because I was 'in competition' with him and he didn't like that. This is really really annoying as it was a good source of income for me, and it meant that I didn't have to go out and look for a job as I'm still at school.

Anyway, the most recent development as of a few weeks ago is that I'm not allowed to practise piano in the house when he's home because it distracts him when he's watching the TV!!! I'm not even allowed to practise the electric piano with headphones in because the noise of hitting the keys distracts him!!

I will add - he is at home ALL of the time. Literally, he hasn't bothered going to work for 5 months and he just sits around the house doing nothing all day! I know he sells silverware, but he never really makes a profit (unlike myself) and he used my mum's credit cards to buy the stuff to start selling in the first place, and because he just buys more and more before he sells the things he's got, she's ended up with ?16000 in credit card bills thanks to him!

The two of us had a real set to on New Years Day which involved him backing me into a corner upstairs when my mum was downstairs and threatening to 'teach me a lesson' and 'smash my face in' so I just lashed out and pushed him backwards and he fell down the two little steps which were behind him and hurt his back (he deserved it, imho) and I went into my bedroom. The result of this was that he was going to move out, because just before he did that I said to him that I hated him and wanted him to get out of my house (I have lived here 18 years and he has lived here 2.5 years AND my mum didn't even ask him to move in, he just did). Needless to say, he is still here and although he said he was moving out 3 weeks ago, he is still here.

I just needed to rant here tonight - I just went to go and practise 20 minutes ago to find that he has removed the AC plug in cable for my electric piano so I can't use it at all.

Can't practise... need to rehearse for Music A level performance, plus an upcoming concert in which I am playing piano for the school choir... I really hate him!

Sympathies, that EXACTLY describes my entire teenage years - and this was only a lodger!
I hope you have more luck with your situation than I did and can manage to get your mum on side - it took me 7 years!!! At least you're now at an age when you can get away from the situation before too long - try to keep strong...

W

Your A levels are important. Does your mum know what is going on? I am really sorry to read about the difficulties you are having. Perhaps speak to your mum so you can at least use the electric piano. I don't suppose there is any way of moving it into another room or I expect you would have done that by now. Is there anywhere at school, or anywhere else, where you can do some practice? Very good luck in resolving this awful situation.

Man, this is a proper bummer of a situation. Can't imagine how frustrating that must be for you. Is there anywhere at all you can practise? If not, you'll definitely have to talk to your mum (maybe you already have) or just go ahead and practise anyway. You can't move your electric one somewhere else? I know it must feel really unfair for you to have to make a compromise though. Hopefully you don't have much longer left before heading away from home. This might sound trivial, but maybe you could use mental practise more? You can learn entire pieces before ever physically playing a note, but you would have to get the music under your fingers at some point.

Hope you're able to figure something out mate.

Edit: You beat me to it PianoNotes

Is there room for your electric piano in your bedroom? I know during my teenage years I really needed that space for my own things and thoughts and I'm not suggesting you seclude yourself in there entirely, but safe space and one you have created is very valuable at stressful times.

Have you talked to your music teacher at school? Given the circumstances (which sadly are very common) they should be able to find a way of accommodating some of your practice needs at school. I only did music up to GCSE, but all my practice was done at school because my father hated it.

I'm assuming that your Mam's partner is fairly local? If so, I wouldn't waste any energy trying to explain to him your need to practice for your A-level music - neither education nor music were seen to have any value in his generation (particularly not for lads) and it's something he simply won't understand. It's unfortunate that two of the things which are most important to you are things which he's pretty much guaranteed to hate. Try to get your Mam on board with it. Whilst it sounds like your Mam doesn't have that much influence over him, she probably has more than you.

There is another issue, which is that he is financially abusing your Mam. She needs to recognise this, which can be difficult due to all the surrounding power games which I imagine he's playing. It might be worth talking to someone about how best to deal with this, and if you and your Mam could talk to someone together that would be even better.

Hope that you're able to find a solution.

Very good advice. Your teachers will, understandably, assume that everything at home is OK unless they hear otherwise...but once they do, they're in a position to help.

The other thing I really thing needs emphasising is that if you ever feel physically threatened, call 999. That the person involved is a resident or that you're an adult doesn't make any difference, you're entitled to live in your home without fear.

Some very wise words here! I regret, to this day, that I never went to the police over the assaults. I was in this situation from age 11 to 18 but never really told anyone at school - in spite of the catastrophic effect on both my O and A levels. I really hope you can sort this out...

W

Wurlitzer - don't forget that while only members can post on the ABRSM forums, our posts are visible to anybody with internet access. I agree that talking to somebody at school may solve practice problems, and may be a very good start on solving bigger problems.

Wurlitzer. Your situation sounds horrible! I hope you get something reasonable sorted out for practise.

Most schools these days will have some sort of counselling service - someone who isn't one of your subject teachers who you can talk to about your situation. Your home life must be affecting your other subjects as well.

There are clearly a lot of survivors of all sorts here - so stay strong and know that you are not alone, however much it might seem like it just now.

The problem here is that he only fell down two little stairs, not the full lot.

I have grown up round people like him. They always get whats coming to them. I agree with speaking to your schools counselling service, and speak to your mum too. This guy is really going to try and ruin your future through his pettiness. She needs to ditch him. You're her son. You're her priority.

Whatever you do don't give up the piano . I lived in a really small house growing up and had lots of instruments, my mum and dad never minded me practising. If I ever have children I would be one of those annoying parents who had a practise plan for them ...

I do question why on earth your mum is with him as he sounds like a good for nothing workshy layabout to me. Quite clearly he is not making a profit on ebay - why really did you stop selling? After all, ebay is a free market and all good businesses have some kind of competition. I run a successful ebay shop, totally unrelated area but if you want any tips etc about ebay give me a PM.

During my teenage years I never really got on with my dad (I appreciate it's different), we had a couple of full blown rows and even now I don't particularly like him. We plainly just do not "get" one and other.

I'm really not sure what you can do about this, as unfortunately, it is really down to your mum whether or not he lives in her home. On the bright side, I believe you are last year of A-Levels? You should be off to uni in September, start your business properly, no reason you won't have time and get your own place to live. I've never been happier than since I moved out of parents house and didn't have anything like the stuff that was going on in your house going on.

Never let anyone tell you that you CAN'T do this and that. You CAN if you want to put the effort in and have good self motivation.

This is terrible.

Talk to your mother
Talk to your teachers
Talk to any other adult friend that you trust
Another option is to phone childline

Also, backing you into a corner and threatening violence is a criminal offence (although it is one that is often ignored). It is an assault. It is not necessary for violence to be committed or for you to be harmed for the offence of assault to be committed. The threat of violence is already an assault in law. If violence had taken place, then it would be the worse offence of "aggravated assault", "causing actual bodily harm" or "causing grievous bodily harm"

You do not have to put up with this, especially at such an important stage in your life.

A lot of sympathy for your situation and some (practical, I hope) advice -

If I understand it, you're 18 and have 4 or 5 months before your A levels. I presume you have UCAS applications oustading or actual offers already.

Coming from a very tricky home background myself, my 'advice' is to keep your head down and keep 'your eyes on the prize'.

By this, I don't mean that you have to put up with bodily assault but, although I agree with a lot of the advice, I do not think it'll help your situation by aggrevating things/getting police involved etc.

You need to focus quietly and intently on your A levels, your future and the fact that, a few short months from now, you should be away from home, doing further studies and living your own life (as Pixieporsche said)

Any unneccessary mess and bother and unpleasantness now will only detract from that focus.

Find a way to practise at school, buy a new connection and hide it, practise in the morning with headphones before his lordship gets up - just try and find a way to make things work.

You won't change him, your mother obviously accepts his presence and behaviour (not at all a criticism of her, we all have our issues and agendas), you just need to make sure that you are shot of him as soon as possible and your exams are your way out.

I did this and managed very well. Two of my sisters lost the plot quite dramatically (one in the last 6 months before her A levels) - both quite justified in a way but that didn't make it any the easier in the big picture. It took them quite a long time to get back on track.

This seems to be very wise advice from someone that has been there themselves, so it is worth more than all the sympathy and theoretical advice in the world.

You might also consider that at worst, in the grand scheme of things, forgoing piano practice in the lead up to A-levels will make very little difference to how good a pianist/musician you can eventually become.

Excellent advice in the above two posts from VH2 & D@P

He is jealous of your father. And he is jealous of you.

Speak to someone at school. Let them share or take on the problems for you, they are trained to do so and will help you to work out a plan for your schoolwork, A level practice - and home life if you want them to.

And like someone else said, keep focused and look to the end game where you go out into the big wide world and achieve things he is not capable of, like being your own independent person and being a success.