AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

want to borrow my season ticket?

Sophie what's up?

Mine was just a primeval scream, or was it pain, I can't remember!

Please

of course...

Thank you

I think I've had one of those recently. I hope I haven't over used it

I hope you are not being sarcastic!

me?




no definitely not.

Thanks!

Just feeling a little insecure.

*hugs* to SaxFan, Soph and Jo.

so nice and thoughtful of you Miss R

Just watch me back, or I'll start screaming again!

I'm sorry Flossy It wasn't you did. Things have just built up again suddenly!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHH!

Ouch

argh Cant scream need to though.

Been having a bad week or so - I think it is down to a dose reduction in medication, so now I am getting the anxiety/depression symptoms reappearing. Of course, it could just be general blah-ness but I don't think it is - I'm going to give it a few more days and if it's not improved then return my dose up to the normal level (my GP said to do this, if at any stage the reduction looked like it wasn't going well).
I did the dose reduction all as instructed, had a week of feeling physically grotty (as expected), now I'm physically back to OK, I think now, a couple of weeks on, the brain chemistry has levelled out and the 'less medicated me' is coming back and it turns out she's still the same

Tonight is our Xmas party here at work. I'm really not that enthused about going.

On one hand, I really don't want to go to the Xmas party. It'll be noisy and full of people and I'll not enjoy it that much and I'll not stay that long after the meal is done. Plus, my really good friend from work isn't able to go; obviously all my other colleagues will be there and they are all OK, just normally my friend is someone not-dancing, not-drinking and like me. We have four tables in a venue with about 90-odd tables, so although there will be 40-ish people there I know, there will be a huge big pile of strangers crushed in to a small space.
On the other hand I know I should go. When the anxiety kicks in, I try to make myself carry on, so that I don't get too restricted too quickly (getting to work is still OK, but it is harder than normal. Especially today [because, if I didn't come in to work today I'd not have to go to the party]). It'll be an OK evening, and I'm driving there so I can leave anytime I like, and this year they are making sure there are plenty of soft drinks on the table so I don't even have to spend any money. I'd just prefer to be at home, I think.

Just argh. Don't know what to do - "I don't want to go because I don't want to" is one thing, "I don't want to go because of the anxiety" is another thing and I should probably treat it differently and be firm with myself...

What medication are you trying to reduce? I'd phone you're GP if it is causing you this much Anxiety. He or she may be able to do a telephone consultation, and rethink the reduction.

ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish the RNCM would get back to me to let me know if i've got on the postgrad course for next year. I feel like my life is on hold until i hear and it's been 3 weeks of nail biting so far....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

It's for anxiety/panic/agoraphobia, an SSRI. I successfully went from 30mg to 20mg last year, so now we were trying 20mg to 10 mg, with an eventual view of down to nothing.
What's difficult is that something like the Xmas party would always cause me some anxiety, even if I was on meds at a suitable level for 'everyday life'. So I don't know if what I'm feeling now is
- normal Xmas party anxiety (but I'm being extra-aware of it because of the concomitant dose reduction)
- increased Xmas part anxiety (which will therefore go away tomorrow after the party is done)
- increased everyday-life anxiety (which therefore won't go away tomorrow)

I've been on and off the med in question since 1999 (I had about two years completely off of it, have done several dose reductions and then increases) so if it's still going on at the weekend then I think I'll just re-up to 20mg and then visit my GP as scheduled in January and let him know he's still got to put up with seeing me twice a year for a little while yet Because we have a pretty established relationship, he's happy to let me make my decisions which is great as there's no delay - though I could probably see him next week some time if I wanted to.

Still doesn't help with what to do tonight though (I think I will go, in the knowledge that I can escape straight after the meal if I want [or even during]. Last year's one, I genuinely did get a migraine during the dessert!)

There are plenty of forumites who take SSRI. I'm on 40mg of one and not planning to move. If you are having problem with dose adajustment speak to your doctor especially if your are starting to have anxieuty problems.

I don't need to talk to my doctor, I can happily make the changes on my own and my GP will leave it another year until we try again. But I can't make the changes until I know what the cause is, which I won't start to know until today is over and done with.

My ARGH is not about what to do over the next two weeks/months/years; my ARGH is over the short-term of what to do tonight. Even going home right now and taking my dose back up to 20mg from today onwards, isn't going to change my afternoon and evening.

I think I'm probably going to go. Then we see what tomorrow brings (other than tired people in the office )

Go to the party. Have a bath before hand. Have some fun getting ready. Dress to impress and say to yourself "I'm going to knock them dead" Then do some breathing exercises to calm your self down. If you can meditate, meditate, if you can't then try to do some form of relaxation exercises.

You are going to be the belle of the ball tonight. Stride in with confidence and Party.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHH.

STILL not heard back from RNCM or RWCMD, and have audition at RCM tomorrow which I am totally unprepared for!

Plus I had to do a peer-learning teaching activity with a couple of other people in my class, but the other 2 did virtually nothing and I got jumped on by the rest of the class asking awkward questions that I had no idea about the answers for!

Ack.

Well I went. Not going would have:
{a} made me feel disappointed with myself
{b} probably got my husband even more worried
{c} made everyone pester me today about why I didn't go
{d} meant I had to return my ticket to the organising lady, who is a very organisy type and who would have in all likelihood told me to pull myself together (or I could have just not turned up, and then faced her being cross today [she will go round and badger the few no-shows we had]).

It was OK, as these things always are. I see that people enjoy themselves, but I never find them that enthralling. Can anyone tell me what the point of these things are?
Part 1: standing around 'chatting' but with a lot of background noise so you can only hear about two people.
Part 2: eating stuff while just about being able to hear the other people on your table.
Part 3: disco starts and you can only hear the person sitting next to you if you are shouting at each other; plus you are sitting in what's mostly dark with lights flashing at you.

I know I'm sensitive background noise, e.g. if we go to lunch as a group, people all chat to each other, but I can't hear anyone other than the person next to me and maybe the one next to them - because everyone else is drowned out [to my ears] by the background chatter; but everyone else is fine with it.
Then again, I've never 'got' it - why is being somewhere loud with flashing lights meant to be fun? Today I have a headache (didn't have any alcohol but prob still a bit dehydrated; or maybe from the lack of sleep too), and my throat really hurts (from the little bit of shouting I did). There's not many people here yet but they all seemed to enjoy it, so that is good Even better, nobody seems to have noticed that I disappeared as soon as was vaguely acceptable so no nosy questions yet!
Mind you, I've never got it - even at birthday parties as a child I'd end up sitting in a corner playing with the birthday friend's dog or something, rather than being near all that noisy screaming.
Reminds me: when my mum moved house last year, we found a box with all my old school reports in. My very first one, from my first year at primary school (I started in the Jan and the report was done in the July), it said "[Maizie] seems a little bit overwhelmed by all the people and activities going on, but I am sure she will settle down still". Thank you, Mrs. Rivers, for your optimism - it's 26 years now and I'm still waiting

Anyway, not needing any replies to this; just wanted to witter about it somewhere and here seemed as good a place as any because it's where I started wittering about it.

Hi Maizie... your message nade me think... My son has been "diagnosed" with something called sensory integration dysfunction, which I'm sure didn't exist in my day. Basically... for him he needs more sensory stimulation than most people... so he loves loud places, lots of touch etc... but most people with this "dysfunction" are at the other end of the spectrum... they need less sensory stimulation and so to be in a room with loud noises, lots of lights etc is really all too much. They just have sensory overload at times like that and it makes them very uncomfortable. Everyone is different... it's just so hard that people expect us all to conform to a certain way of living. Why should we all enjoy parties? My husband doesn't and that's ok!!!!

Maize - you have summed up my reasons for skipping the work Christmas party for all but 3 of the last 10 years. I went to the 1st 2 when I started the job then have always used the 'sorry I've got a concert that night' or 'sorry that's the only free night I have that week I need to have some peace' excuses (nb. always true but I could have skipped some of the concerts). This year will be my 3rd Christmas do it is a lunchtime meal and we've been told if you go to the meal you don't have to return to work after it but can go home or onto a pub whatever you fancy. No loud music, no flashy lights and as I genuinely do have a concert that night an excuse to run away when I've had enough.....perfect.

Well it's hubby's works Christmas do next Thursday and conversly I'm looking forward to it! I get the opportunity to put on a posh frock and make myself up nicely. We're only staying for the bit where the string quartet is playing. The meal will be excellent. I will have a sensible amount of alcohol (unlike last year) and leave before the disco starts to avoid any flashy lighty things.

There will be enough of us returning home after the meal that it will not be seen as anti social, and as long as I "mingle" with a glass of something and chat before the meal then the early exit will be seen as perfectly reasonable, especially as his firm sent me flowers when I was in hospital!

You see they're civilised and organise a Dinner Dance. I'm just going to the dinner bit. I just wish the Dance bit was ballroom and not disco!

Jo

I have always hated parties too, Maizie - for most of the reasons that you state!

My mum told me that when I was little I used to look forward to going to a party but when she came to pick me up I was as white as a sheet and had hated it and was often sick afterwards.

My poor husband has often had to leave a party early because I just can't cope with it any more and have already been fighting the urge to run out of the room for a couple of hours.

I'm not keen on a lot of background noise but can cope with it. My mum HATED going to a pub or a restaurant because she was SO sensitive to the noise of other people talking and it was very uncomfortable for her.

I hate going to places where there is a disco or similar and you have to shout to the person next to you in order to have any sort of conversation - vile.

The only parties I enjoy are the ones I give - I think because I know everybody there and because they're all people I like (obviously!).

But I'm still relieved when the last person goes out of the door - I breathe a Big Sigh of pleasure at being on my own again!

I think a lot of it is because I'm basically an introvert who enjoys her own company! I DO have an extrovert side to my nature but I'm exhausted after using it (one reason why I love teaching but have to collapse in a small dark space afterwards).

I think what this and other posts have highlighted is that - of course - we are all different and that those of us who are maybe a little more different than others suffer greatly from our society's current huge need for conformity...

I came on to scream about something else. Thought I'd join this conversation instead!

Have to confess I don't really like parties either. I don't mind having drinks with the nextdoor neighbours but I'm not into large social gatherings.

Our works do is a meal at lunchtime and there's only seven of us. No doubt the guys will go on to the pub but I'm sure the gals will just sneek home.

Perhaps the whole party culture is dying off a bit. Maybe we're not in the minority we think we are.

Well, I've got 5 (work ones) to go to, though 2 look like being in January due to problems fitting everything in. They range from a largeish dancing/drinking type event to a lunch plus drinks to a very expensive dinner (normally at a top London restaurant, but this year it will be in Paris instead) and a moderately expensive lunch plus vast quantities of champagne/cocktails. So Christmas parties aren't dying out in my world!

I always hated discos as a teenager, and remember as a teenager in the 1980s they were still going strong and this made me some kind of square nerd. The thing is they always gave me a headache. All I can think of was that this was the beginning of my migraines, something Mum confirmed when I was 14 as she gets them to. The combination of loud music and flashing lights, especially as I always get very photophobic with them was just too much. So I decided to listen to Classical music instead where I didn't have bright lights flashing in my eyes all the time.

So glad I can escape hubby's party before the disco. I can drink, eat a good meal, make polite conversation the get in a taxi and be in bed before 11.30

My kind of party!

I'm self-employed so don't get a Christmas Party.

My hub works for an oil company but they don't pay for partners so he just gets a 'lunch' at a nice restaurant and they go on to the pub afterwards if they want, which he doesn't because he's always driving. So no posh frocks, parties etc for me at all Last year we were given a lovely hamper though

My brother works for a different oil company and they have full-on dinner dances, including partners, lunches out, hampers, cases of wine etc etc. His wife loves it!

My Christmas party is tomorow night (with work). I'm going to be the youngest there by a good 7 years, and apparently theres a disco as well. I thought it was just a meal. I really dislike the kind of music at these things and the volume of it. I'm going to go and just hope. I managed to enjoy my Prom in the summer, so I guess it'll be okay. Same with the Christmas ball - its one of the times I get to socialize with these people, so I like going even if I don't really like the whole thing.

Ballroom rather than disco would be good - not that I know how to dance either way!

Meh.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaa
ggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh

Argh. Not much to really shout about, I'm just a little bit annoyed.

Aaaaaaarrrrrgggggghhhhh <sob>

Wanted to scream in here as was too embarassed to do it outside. Was walking out of the shop about 5 mins ago and in the dark didn't see the giant concrete plant pot until I walked into it. I seem to have taken a big scraping of skin off my right leg and it's stinging like mad. If there had been nobody about I would have screamed then and there but with an audience I just bit my tounge and pretended it hadn't happened

miss_tickle_thea - why are you annoyed? Anything we can help with?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh CUKAS is down!!! I want to see if I've heard from RNCM but the site is doooown Stupid technology...

Post deleted

See http://forums.abrsm.org/index.php?showtopi...mp;#entry674467

ARGH!!!!!!

What's up Soph? Or was just a venting arrgh?

I am currently somewhat confused. My mother has been keen for me to work on an essay for weeks now. So today I actually felt up to doing some of it, said so and she told me she wanted me to do gardening jobs (non-essential) first so I did. Started work a little while ago and she just came up and asked me to cook something to eat and I said I was working and she went off in a mood. Why? People are weird at times. Ah well.

Moose

AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh dear.

Yes Oh dear. I cant take much more!!!

I wish I could scream, but I can only cough, but I've just vented my spleen in CISD.

Argh. Or *sob* really more like.

Are you ok?

I will be ok - I got sacked from the tiny part I had in Oliver!, because I can't dance... I haven't slept in two days - too much to think about... since I got dropped from Oliver! I've been feeling like everyone's looking at me seeing how rubbish I am... at dancing, at socialising... especially the guy I am in love with (ok, I know.. crush... repeat, it's just a crush). I feel ugly and talentless and awful and as though everyone's looking at me, either hating me or pitying me. My Oxford interview was rubbish, but everyone keeps saying "I'm sure you got in" which is nice, but yet more pressure... and I just feel like an ugly, awful, reject failure...

I know... whining about nothing... but that's what I feel like now.

Dont ever think anything like that about yourself!!! and dont let anybody make you think like that!!!! Try to relax a little and think about other things... easy for me to say I know.

Awww, Lucky, cheer up! Things can't be as bad as all that. You are certainly not "an ugly, awful reject failure" - although it's a strange person who's never felt that way at some time or other. Lack of sleep certainly won't be helping either.

I'm sorry you were dropped from "Oliver", but I'm sure there will be other things for you to get involved with. Quite possibly no-one is looking at you at all, either in hatred or pity - they probably have far too many other things to worry about at this time of year! Crushes are usually painful, but you'll get over it.

Why not try looking outside yourself a bit more - perhaps plan a lovely Christmas surprise for your Mum or your brother/sister? I usually find that once the focus is off me and onto what I can do to make someone else happy, it's much easier to feel more cheerful.

Hope you feel much better soon