hmmm not a lot to say that is helpful in such a situation...
sorry

Noooooooooooooooooo!

I once bought a limited edition bone china mug for my hubby's christmas (over £20) and swept it off the table with my elbow as I unrolled the wrapping paper..... onto a concrete floor.... on Christmas Eve after the shops were closed.

I wrapped up the bits in a box and gave them to him anyway and he just sighed and kissed the top of my head rather sadly...

oh dear... this really is not the right thread to be dragging up this season. but i would like to ask some advice, if possible.

long, angsty saga. friend number one (X) is having a new year's eve "dinner party" (well, X's family is, anyway) and my family is going (having been invited by X's mother). friend number two (Y) is doing nothing, and Y's family is doing nothing. Y really wants to do something - with X and self. so Y asks X whether Y (not parents, but only Y) can also come to this dinner party. from what i can gather (from being used as a rant-receiver from both sides), X agreed. Y then phoned me to share the happiness of actually doing something tonight. then Y phoned again - X had just phoned and retracted the agreement/invite/whatever. and Y sounded very upset and um teary.

(apologies for longness,angstyness and drama)

so i storm around for a bit wondering what to do. then X phones, to share the misery of having to say no to Y after saying yes. i value both these friends equally, and don't think that X would intentionally hurt Y, but do believe that X is in the wrong. if X's parents want to have some sort of authority-display by "setting boundaries", they should do it without causing a rift between friends. (well, i say "rift"... but it will probably blow over)

advice: should i press this point and try to change something, or just leave it?
i am currently tending towards rubbing X's parents' noses into the point... (they and i are not on the same planet where principles are concerned). but i suppose that's out of the question.

sorry for the long post.

Ah that's happened to me before - with me in the position of "X". Sounds like he assumed it would be fine before asking his parents - and it can be difficult to rearrange dinner parties etc. I don't suppose there's anything to be done unless X's parents change their minds... Seems like Y will just have to put up with it - maybe he can make plans with someone else.

Oh dear

It's a pity X's parents couldn't squeeze in room for one more...

If no one can change their minds about it, i'd at least make sure that Y knows that X had good intentions and didn't mean to cause upset.

Then I'd probably spend the whole night talking about poor Y and how he/she is sitting alone eating a fish finger sandwich just to make them feel bad...but that's just me

i somehow feel that if dinner parties are that fussy, that not even 40cm of space can be made for somebody, then i'd rather not be involved in them. X's family is quite like that - so wealthy that most things seem to pass them by. i'm rather inclined to drop fish-finger hints around them, especially considering their lengthening criminal (in my book) record: letting their numerous children run wild, destroying restaurant tablecloths and scratching bits of skin out of my fingers; having a perfectly healthy cat euthanased (the excuse: the mother was "stressed"); and just generally being entirely unconcerned about anything other than their own fun.

it's just infuriating having one friend choking with disappointment one minute, and the other hyperventilating about having to say "no" the next.

All those things you've mentioned sound awful... the cat particularly - I'm shocked! The dinner party, though, not so much - it's sad for poor Y, but to be fair, he did sort of invite himself along... I agree with ad_libitum though, if you really want them to feel guilty.

Mmm - I would not want to spend the evening with people who'd had a healthy animal put down for no good reason - so my own inclination would be to spend the evening with Y. Not saying that's right, particularly if you had already said you'd go. Being me I probably would have tried to avoid agreeing to go in the first place - I would find it hard to be polite !

Not easy and I don't envy you.

I don't think you should get into this too far. Yes, it's sad for Y, but he's had the whole Christmas holiday to decide what he was doing for New Year's Eve. You have already agreed to go to X's parents' party, so I think you should stick to that. I'm sure you and X are not the only friends Y has, so don't feel so responsible for his happiness!

thanks for all the helpful advice. it's not really my friend's fault that their family is unreasonable and immoral, but i just wish that a bit of "teenager rebellion" would emerge... or something! X and i aren't Y's only friends, but the fact is that, tonight, we are - all our other friends are out of town, and another couple will be having a party that is not the sort Y likes (drinking, smoking, erm... entwinements etc). it just strikes me as unreasonable of X's parents - it's not as though Y will be bringing along alcohol and heroine to liven things up - in fact, Y is one of the most responsible people i know.

i have found it rather hard to remain polite to X's parents - luckily for them, the few seconds for which we have spoken since the cat incident were so unexpected that the poor cat didn't get a chance to come into my mind.

anyway. thanks, and happy new year.

Maybe you could both duck out early and go see Y?

I suppose it all depends on your parents in a situation like this, rather than being able to do your own thing

Families eh?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

whats up soph?

Had a bad day, ended up taking it out on someone I thought was a friend, to discover that now I arent so sure. I dont know what is going to happen with certain things, and I have no control over them either!

o no don't worry about things you have no control over I don't know quite what happened between you and your friend, but i'm sure you can sort it out

ARRRRGH the postman's late!!

Don't shock me like that!

The Postman will turn up!

A train company, that will remain unnamed.

AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SCREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

I have to do my accounts and online tax return today

have you ever watched "black books", lottie? it might make you feel a little better about doing your accounts.

i can't take the unexpected, illogical, and infuriating nature of depressions. i would really like my mood to correspond with my situation. yesterday i was so hyperactive and out of control that i almost started doing idiotic things in the supermarket; today i just feel like sleeping for a long time, even though i am going out with friends later to a gig and doing lots of nice things. i just don't want to do them; i'd rather be oblivious to everything right now. and this has been the one holiday when i haven't (for a change) gone into a major depression or become depressed as a result of an obsession or believing things that aren't real.

but anyway... gosh, shut up, benson you idiot! everybody gets bad moods. sorry to offload mine here.
and good luck with your taxes, lottie. i dread the day when i have to face them.

sob

After going the whole year without a cold I have now got a horrible one the day before I start work again.

I now have to meet 2 new pupils, with a big red nose and a sore throat

The first day back would be the busiest day of the week - typical!

Can I join you? I'm doing my accounts too.

AAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH!

Same here!

Shall we all have a group scream re doing our accounts?!?

Ambs
x

There are few things more tedious and brain-numbing than doing tax returns - so you all have my sympathies...

it seems as though taxes really are the root of all evil...
it also seems as though this thread doesn't actually offer any response to a post by somebody who really wants one... just my imagination, perhaps?

Does anybody actually know how to do the stupid thing????

I've had an accountant for the last few years but this year, for various reasons, I can't afford him so I have to do the thing myself.... and of course I've left it to the last minute....


And don't get me started on 'displacement activites'... it's now 2 o'clock and I haven't opened the page yet .. but I've hooved, dusted, walked the dogs, practiced my violin for two hours *halo*, cleaned the bathroom, watched an old episode of 'Friends', phoned my Dad, had thirty cups of tea, done some gardening and am now tempted to clean all my windows outside and in...

... well the tax thingy can wait till tomorrow

Aww. Poor Ad Lib and noodle! *hugs*

Aaaaaaaaaaaaagggghhh

Are you ok?

Hope everyone copes with doing their accounts, and that ad_lib and noodle get well soon.

I don’t think that anyone could really cope with what you’ve described, benson.

If you really don’t want to go out, don’t go. To put it bluntly, if you’re not having a good time yourself surely your friends will pick up on that and have a less good time too? Maybe you could stay at home and do something you want to do, and then when you feel like going out, arrange something else with your friends.

Also, the fact that you said you were ‘hyperactive’ yesterday but want to sleep today could correspond. Have you looked into it at all? I’m not suggesting you need to but perhaps speaking to someone in the know would help you a bit.

There’s no need to appologise – it really can help to offload somewhere, and if writing it down helps you then why not?

I suppose it could seem like that. Sometimes the ‘ ‘ smilie can be overused I suppose, and on other occasions people might not know what to say, or think they’ll be of any use. I mean, I doubt my reply to you has helped! I hope you have a good time if you do go out with your friends though.

Are you ok, musical girl? *(Hmm...stupid question considering this is the scream thread )

Thanks, yeah I've just had a bad day which has resulted with me sitting at my desk crying and trying to avoid everyone I know.

thank you so much for replying in such a sensible, logical, calm way. it has helped a lot. it always helps when somebody replies to a post, because if nobody does, you may as well be venting to a brick wall (which would be much more popular than it is, if it actually worked).
i have thought about speaking to people, but the thing is i am terrible at speaking to people. i was thinking perhaps of trying to do so this year, at university, where people are more anonymous than at small schools.
anyway, i did go out with my friends, and had a great time sitting on a hill in soaking rain! nothing like a good soak in icy downpours to dampen down a bad day...

Do try to find someone to have a chat with... mood swings can be just the energy of youth or something that needs just a little looking into. Do your friends think your moodswings are extreme? Just ask around a bit and then if you're worried find someone at Uni. Beware of platitudes from counsellors though... best to have a quiet word with a GP. (nobody will think you're mad or lock you up but you might get the reassurance you need).

my friends don't really know about my mood swings. or rather, i think that they notice when i'm down, but not when i'm hyperactive, because i have only got really out of control at home. thanks for the kind words...

How are you feeling today, Benson? Hope you're ok.

i'm ok thanks. last night i got a little hyperactive again (imagine-you're-superman kind of thing) so i did these jumpy-things my brother does for exercise. today i can barely walk.

other than that, fine thanks. hope that you don't need to scream today....

I agree with Miss Ross, some very sensible advice.

actually, can i amend my answer? that makes mood about-turn number four in two days or something...

I haven't wanted to scream for a while, and no, I don't need to do so today! Just a bit sad, it's the anniversary of something I don't particularly want to remember because it's so insignificant compared to most people's problems.

Oh dear...so you're not feeling so great now. Anything in particular?

my problems are insignificant (probably even less significant than yours) also. and i don't believe that anything that can make one sad is insignificant. it just takes different things for different people/different people have different limits.

my mood just plummeted a while ago. if i argue in this state i can't think of words, so every sentence is just a struggle to get out.

Sorry your having a bad time benson xxxx

I used to get quite bad mood swings too, but that all seems to have passed now, partly thanks to medicine but mostly helped by family and friends. It;s difficult for people to be understanding so you have to be patient with them as well, as they don't know what's going on in your head!

My scream today is that I still have the sodding cold, but I guess it could be worse.

I managed to get through all the pupils yesterday so was quite pleased, even though I hate meeting new people when I have a big red nose

how long has your cold lasted? hope it goes away soon...

i am hoping that the worst of the bad time is over, although i have just dropped out of something that i had applied for, so feeling a bit of a pushover/failure. i just couldn't take the thought of doing what i'd signed up for. i know i give my mom a really hard time, but when i feel like my head's about to explode i can't really see reason that well. and i also can't think of words, so i argue or rant without knowing what i'm saying and then i just lose whatever is holding my thoughts together. when varsity starts in february i am talking to someone.

Good idea. Don't feel too guilty about not being able to take on everything. You can only do so much so don't be afraid to say "no" once in a while! When I felt bad I used to just tell everyone in the house so they knew not to rattle me...

My cold only started at the weekend but hopefully it won't last too much longer. I've stayed in today and kept warm beside the fire

hmmm. the guilt comes from not being able to take on anything - i am in the middle of a two month holiday. and you know when you feel guilty/worthless how you end up seeing accusations/disapproval/coldness in everything anyone says to you.

that is some tenacious cold, isn't it? you need some warm, dry weather like we have. i will send little gnomes with healing rays of sunshine across continents.... get well soon!

Not really a scream, but just a witter of a negative variety...

Work is being phenomenally boring at the moment. If I could go in to work in the morning, do the work I have to do, I'd be home by about 10am!
My spare time at home is being taken up by the final assignment for my OU course which I am thoroughly unmotivated to do. I could do what I've done before and take a day off to finish the assignment - that would give me lots of time to finish it of, but in practice it would just give me a lot of time to be distracted from it by anything remotely interesting..
This assignment is due 18th Jan and we can't do electronic submission, so I have decided to post it on 14th Jan. It's 2500 words, and I currently have 565 written. I have an essay outline/plan, but turning the plan in to words is just tooooo much like hard work. Sundays are my usual OU days, I was hoping to get the most of it done last Sunday and instead I only wrote the introduction (201 words). Oooops. I really hope I can get some done this evening. The thing is, even if I do, I don't know whether I'll be able to finish the rest this coming Sunday (Thurs evening = doctor appt; Fri evening = never manage to do anything!). So I might have to skip my SRP meeting on Saturday in order to finish the essay.
Well, it's my own fault, if I hadn't left it so late I wouldn't have to give up something nice in order to do something dull. And this shouldn't even be dull, but it just is. I think it's reasonable feedback for the course - that we finished the actual course work / reading before Xmas, then we had a week off over the break, and then we have to come back after Xmas just to write the final essay. That's not working well for me (and I doubt I'm the only one).
Still, I keep myself perked up with my percentages - I'm 22.6% of the way to 2500 words (as long as it gets over 2400 I'll be happy enough to submit).

In cheerful news, though, at least once the OU stuff is done I can really get on with some musical stuff. I am promising myself that I am going to start practising regularly (i.e. weekdays as soon as I get home and Sunday afternoon are both for definite; Saturdays will be my 'maybe' days). I have entered myself for G4 theory in Feb, and I can get myself ready for G5 later in the year. These thoughts are causing me excitement at the moment!

Argh, though, because that reminds me I should get back on to the teacher-hunt. Someone at my SRP used to work for the county music service and gave me a contact name at the music service. I emailed that person, who is over the wrong side of the county to help me directly, but she gave me the name of someone over my side who may be able to help or 'know a man who can' - but that name came with a telephone number. I haven't been brave enough to phone yet (I know - but I'm pathetically bad with phones at the best of times [e.g. phoning family members]).
I had another trawl around the 'usual suspect' websites for private tuition, but nobody local enough comes up. Well, a couple do but I'm dubious about their recorder-specialist-ness.
One says nothing of her background, but lists 5 instruments she teaches; recorder is 3rd on the list. No further information.
One, well, recorder is 5 out of 6 on her list, and she lists all her qualifications for other instruments [diploma, G8, G8, G8] but nothing given for recorder. They also have an unusual name, and a google of that tells me that this person does music teaching as a second-income. Which may mean nothing, but I don't think I want a teacher who is teaching me her fifth instrument in her second job.
There is one who is blatantly a recorder specialist but (a) only does one hour lessons [which would be OK if I could have them less often than weekly, as I don't have £30 per week spare]; and (b) might just be slightly too far. I need to check a map to see if there is a way to drive there that doesn't involve the motorway, and work out just how far it is.

That's it, I've decided, we've got some nice specialist recorder teachers on the forum here. I'll just move house so I can be near one of them
Slightly more practical suggestion, we have a noticeboard on our intranet at work for 'for sale', 'wants', etc. Music teachers do get advertised there, so maybe I'll put a 'proper recorder teacher wanted' advert on there and see if it scares up someone in my vicinity...


[No responses required, just wanted to get it all out, you know how it is].

Hope everyone feels better soon about things


Argh

ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like crying People problems, relationship problems... really silly things actually. I shouldn't be getting so down over them but I can't help myself.

AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Have I missed this thread

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Set Theory Essay!!! What are you supposed to write about with out it sounding like a shopping list or a load of random numbers. So response required, just needed a rant!!!!