So sorry to hear that Seer Green. Hope that BAPAM prove to be more helpful and that it can be sorted out.

Sorry to read your post Seer Green - hope tomorrow is a better day.

Call me cynical, but it won't be...having lived with it for 14 months without any real improvement, each day just gets a bit more depressing.

Well that's really tough - and I'm sorry. : (

It's not your fault, and I really wish it would sort itself out tomorrow (I think the NHS hope that too - this morning's letter said they couldn't find anything wrong and they expected it would settle down soon...maybe I'm sensitive, but I actually find that insulting)

Just because they can't find what it is doesn't mean there isn't anything wrong!

They seem to have real difficulty with long term pain and coming up with anything to do about it. I hope you find a way forward. Is knowing that you've been able to pass on your love of music to many others any comfort? Are there other instruments you can play (or other rewarding things you can do) which might help fill the gap?


I have some somewhat positive news. I've managed to get an early driving test date (i.e. someone else's cancellation) which is before my theory certificate expires. (Guess who's been re-entering details on the DSA's website over and over again ever since failing?) Still a few weeks away, but at least I've jumped the 2 month wait there is otherwise. Hopefully will pass this time, as its unlikely I'll get another reprieve from the theory test retake.

Patronizing and unfortunate. Smacks of harassed doc to me. Ten-minute appointments with a different registrar/etc. each time aren't necessarily helpful - especially if you have to spend a good amount of each appointment giving the history. Courage, mon brave.



Sympathy from a fellow sufferer. British Gas have managed to sneak their bill in gradually earlier so it's now payable the same month as the electricity bill. In Jan that's accompanied by tv licence, daughter2 termly outlay, my tax bill...

Which reminds me, has anyone else had the joy of heavy-handed Br Gas's debt collector phone calls demanding payment as soon as the early-pay date is passed? First time it happened I complained and got a call back with an apology. This time, I got an emailed agreement from Br Gas that though the bill arrived mid Jan it was fine to pay early Feb - then once again I got a nasty phone call... he lost his temper too which is a bit grim (shouldn't that have been me, the poor harassed customer?). I should probably change from Br Gas, but is the devil you know any worse than unknown devils?

There I was, thinking I might be sorted... but my instructor can't do that date. Or umpteeen others in the next month due to some training courses. And I'm also away a lot at all these blasted assessment centres.

Maybe I should just get on with rebooking the blasted theory test...

I have to say that I switched from Br Gas as soon as I could. I thought their customer service was terrible, every time I moved house it would require a minimum of 4 calls to sort out as they could never get anything right without at least 2 attempts. I would never go back, even if they gave away their gas/ electricity for free. I would definitely recommend switching- you can always switch back if you need to.

This is terrible; you poor thing, I'm not surprised you feel depressed.
You must keep on telling your doctor how you feel and how depressed you feel about it because if you stop complaining they assume you're ok. The more you pester the more attention you get (shouldn't be like that but usually is).

It seems to be open season on Sol's immune system... I now seem to have acquired a nasty ear infection and half my face is in agony... Oh well, off to the doc's tomorrow. FFS...

Ouch...you have my sympathies. Sorry to hear it's been one thing after another. Hope you feel better soon. *hugs* xx

So sorry to hear this, Seer_Green - that is really bad news, especially when music is such a big part of your life. Do hope your BAPAM appointment is more productive and more helpful.

Forgive my moan here my dear AB people ...


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!


When are these seizures going to stop happening?! I'm sick of having them now! It's been two and half years and the medication isn't controlling them STILL!?

I had one in class on Friday, one when I was at home on Friday, one yesterday when I was watching the TV then one when I was in my dad's car ...


CURSE YOU EPILEPSY! :/

So sorry! Can only send you a hug and say that there must be some medical aid out there somewhere which will help. Can you not go back to your doctor/specialist and get them to try something else?

That's probably what will happen on the next hospital appointment. I've already been on medication and off, so this is my second which isn't seeming to respond.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
rrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


Non-arrival of fridge-freezer that was bought and paid for over a month ago.


Sttudents today - no practice, again, or totally unable to focus or concentrate in the lesson or ridiculous excuses for not getting their acts together. Gah. Why do I bother?


Husband playing ghastly doodly-doo jazz noise at full volume.



I don't want to play this game any more.

Sprained my foot this morning on my way to work and it is the right foot (pedal foot! ). Tried to avoid this guy running on the pavement while looking behind him but didn't manage to get out of his way quick enough and he went straight into me and in the process I twisted my foot! Didn't even get an apology...he just started running again straight away!
Can hardly walk at the moment and don't want to take my shoe off while at work in case I can't put my foot back in the shoe when it's time to leave work and go home!
Looking forward to getting home tonight and removing that shoe!

Poor heslop! That must be so frustrating for you. Is it triggered by something you could avoid, or does it seem totally random? Hope the specialist can sort it for you soon.


Hope you're feeling a bit better today, SueHM. Hopefully a good night's sleep may have made everything seem less of a hassle.

Aaaaagh, the WiFi at the Chevin Hotel is down, and I've left my glasses at the office , so am typing this on IPhone with some difficulty. Can't check today's
Musical Horses until tomorrow . Or do any other surfing tonight,

Not really an aargh as such but still worthy of a scream....

Owwww!!!

Aaaaaaagggghhh!

Debit card's been defrauded.

It's not really an argh, well, not a proper argh. It's just lots of little things and they all pile up and seem daunting put together.

1) Valentine's day on Monday...have got a card but not bought a gift. We may be going out on Saturday, to visit family though with a business purpose in mind (the family member is a web designer, doing the website for my husband's compnay). Which snookers any chance to shop then. I have been told that if we go, actually I don't need to go along, but that won't feel right. We shall see.
2) My Dad's birthday on the 23rd. Haven't got him a card or a present yet. Card is easy to sort out. Present is an absolute nightmare. We never ever know what to get my Dad and/or step-mother, they don't seem to have any hobbies, they don't need anything for the house, they don't eat chocolate or drink wine or really anything. Soooo hard, *sigh*
3) OU stuff is hard going at the moment. Next essay isn't until 10th March, but I need to keep on top of the work and actually try and work out what the heck the question means. I've done the work for the main essay, and not sure I'm any closer to understanding it (the question, never mind the answer). The pre-assignment tutorial is usually really helpful, but this time I can't get to it due to being at Egham.
4) Oh yes, Egham. Flippin' 'eck, I'm supposed to play this with people listening in one week's time. Argh!
5) Music generally. Not practising anywhere near enough. In part I think because I am utterly fed up with these three pieces so bring on the end of March. With any luck a date may get me to get myself in gear with respect to the scales (C# and G# majors being the particular bugbears). I think I'm developing a bit of a thing again about practising when my husband is in the house, which is stupid as I know he doesn't mind, he tells me, it's just if I'm fed up with these pieces, how must he feel? Lesson tonight, poor teacher is probably fed up with me...
6) Work. Lots and lots of stuff going on at work, very busy, but mostly with some complicated stuff. Getting my head around it is very hard work. Basically other groups on the team have insisted that the work I've done piecemeal over 2 years (as they say 'actually we want this to look this way' and a month later change something else, and a month later something else), they want re-written from scratch. By someone other than me. This has done wonders for my confidence in my ability! So I'm havng a go at re-writing it, someone else is having a go at re-writing it, and then we're going to collaborate. The other group are making waves about the collaboration - they want us to do it separately for the rest of the project, which is not our process (it's not our process to have a second person anyway - it's what their group does, and they want their processes to be used by us. Can see the argument both ways, but what they don't seem to get is that just because they demand it, doesn't mean we can just do it).
7) Now I'm working back in the temporary local office (rather than at home four days a week), I don't get my daily bike ride. Really missing it. Commuting to the local office is a possibility, but it takes a long time and I'm not very efficient cycling at the moment (lack of cycling in the snow / gain of weight in the snow. Lugging all this weight up a hill on unfit legs is less than fun). I could cycle commute but then I won't have time to practice, and I can't decide which I want to do most (both! But it seems if I can only do one, rather than choose I just do neither, which is no help whatsoever).

So I'd just like to curl up under my desk today and hide. Maybe with a pancake, if they are as good to hide under as a duvet (And they are a handy snack if you need it).

And it's really not an argh, not really, not in the scheme of things...
Last Friday, I was due to have a meeting with among others my manager. He didn't appear online all day (on the instant messenger program), and about 10 mins before the meeting he sent an email - he and his girlfriend had gone for a baby scan that morning and been referred to the hospital for urgent tests. We've heard nothing more until this morning - we have an email from his manager, telling us that the baby is going to be delivered today, 5 weeks early, at which point they'll be able to figure out a diagnosis/next steps. So, ultimately, this puts my stupid little arghs in their place. I know none of these are big things. But today, they feel like it to me.

Here you go. Well it's pancake shaped, though probably not very tasty.

Oh, thank you pushpull...I'm now imagining a duvet-sized pancake, on the one hand it seems nice, on the other hand just so wrong somehow

Following another hearing test yesterday, the words 'acoustic neuroma' have reared their ugly heads again. Meh! Am waiting for an MRI scan now.



*Move over Maizie...I'd like to hide under your duvet if you don't mind please! *

Fingers crossed that it isn't.

'nother set of fingers crossed x

Fingers crossed from me too...you can have all of the duvet/pancake if you wish

My BAPAM appointment yesterday was partially successful in that it ruled out two possible causes of my joint/everywhere pain, though it didn't really give any firm diagnosis otherwise. Ankylosing spondylitis and rheumatoid arthritis have been ruled out as I don't have any swelling, and a provisional diagnosis is 'Chronic Widespread Pain', which I think in real terms suggests fibromyalgia. I've now got to go back the GP and see whether he'll give me a high dose of ibuprofen slow release to see whether it will help - obviously, if it is something like fibromyalgia, then it won't help as it's not an inflammatory condition - I guess it's another way of ruling things out! I've also got to have Vitamin D levels checked (anyone know what this is for?)

After yesterday's 18 hour day, I could just all day today (especially after not sleeping last night much), but can't 'cause I've got to teach

Thank you very much! Best not have all the pancake..but that duvet looks very inviting.



Sorry to hear all this Seer_Green. Vitamin D helps (among other things) to protect against osteoperosis in older folks, but also against muscular inflammation. They're checking to see if your symptoms may be caused by a vit. D deficiency. I hope you get on alright.

Big hugs to S-G and DC...how worrying for both of you

Oh dear, hope all those with health problems get a (good) resolution quickly.

My own aargh is much less aarghy. Just too much time spent firefighting at work. One of those juggling chainsaws type weeks again.



I've had that gift problem before - do you think they would appreciate a gift of being taken out to dinner, or something like that?




I think we all have these days where it all just seems like "too much" - and I think that it is actually *destructive* to belittle one's own problems because "someone else is always worse off". I did that for years and it wasn't really a good idea. Since realising that I have tried to allow myself to have a good aargh every now and then, but keep things in perspective. Which you seem to be doing too Hope it looks up soon.

Fingers crossed for you, and Seer_Green

Just went to see a musical. In the interval had an 'intellectual' conversation with a friend, in which we analysed my propensity to react to passive aggression, as though it's overt aggression. (Ie, if someone says "Lucky045 didn't do this so *I* had to do it ALL by myself. I'm SO tired." I react as though someone has said "Lucky045 isn't doing her job" or "Lucky045 is being lazy" even though those are not quite the words which have been spoken. To me, if someone makes it obvious that they mean one thing, it doesn't MATTER if they avoid using the exact words to describe it.)

My stance was that passive aggression was a way of getting at someone, without opening yourself up to criticism for it. It's cowardly and hypocritical, because you can call someone "lazy" without actually name-calling. As such, when they respond negatively, they look like the bad guy. I don't ever call names. I respond politely with something like "I wasn't being lazy. I was in a seminar when you rang. I'm handling everything now, and it annoys me that you should criticise me for prioritising my degree". My friend says that that is way too aggressive, and nasty, because it makes it clear that I'm angry, and is over the top and mean.

The conclusion of the conversation was that "people would like you better if you were nicer". What I got from that was "people don't like you because you are horrible". Again, those words may not have been spoken, and yet, if the sentence has the same meaning, how does that help?!

I spent the next half of the show really upset, and walked home trying not to cry. On the way home, I saw this girl walking towards me. She stopped and said "I'm sorry if I upset you, but I stand by my point. We'll just have to agree to disagree."

Basically, that's agreeing that she thinks I'm a horrible person, and I don't think that I am. Great. I burst into tears and walked away. Embarrassing. What a horrible day.

*ETA* I am always on here lately, and I shall endeavour to have fewer scream moments SOON.

I can identify with a lot that you say above. People would definitely like me better if I was nicer, but I've learnt that I'm not best served by always being someone else's opinion of "nicer". I will try to not mess people around, and to not intentionally be hurtful, but if- having taken into all of the above- someone considers me "not nice", I can live with that. If I have upset someone by being thoughtless, I will apologise, but I won't apologise for not thinking about how what I say can affect everybody, all the time.

I doubt very much that you are horrible, from all that I have read above and other things that you have said. At least, I do not think so. I do not agree with your friend that what you said was over the top and mean. If it had been said to me I would not have thought it over the top and mean.

I know that there are a lot of people who think I'm horrible (maybe even on this forum and they're just not telling me ) - I don't mince words, and some people find it hard to deal with that. As long as I am square with the people whom I care about, that is all I need. I don't know if you will be able to come to the same equilibrium? Just a thought. Hang in there, hope it gets better.

I agree. I've recently realised that having a strong personality is a good thing and saying how you feel is not in any way 'mean'. To be honest, I get more irritated with veiled insults. That is basically combining
b1tchy and cowardly, not a combination I'd like to be accused of. Hang on in there Lucky

On the contrary, I wish more people were as direct and to the point in life. I work for a Dutch firm so I'm used to people not beating around the bush. I often get called "harsh" or "abrupt" but it's only because I can't be bothered with all that being mealy-mouthed rubbish. Firm believer in "say what you mean", here. The only time I'll make an exception is if it risks hurting someone unnecessarily.

Thanks guys! I'm glad it's not just me. The thing is, I do know some people who say "I speak as I find" and just use it as an excuse to say horrible things - but I don't think I do that. I don't ever attack people I just defend myself when I feel attacked! (Passively or not.)

I agree - passive aggression is cowardly and horrible.

Lucky - I'd take anything which your peers say to you between now and the end of your finals with a big pinch of salt. 3rd years are notorious for falling out over the stupidest of things and it normally starts in the early part of this term. You'll all say and do things which a year ago wouldn't really have bothered you that much - and if they did then you'd have sorted it out amicably (an ability which third years tend to lose...). You're all stressed (even the ones who appear super-laidback), you'll all react to every little thing, and you won't deal with things as well as you normally would - and you'll all be doing it which of course then makes the cycle worse. I'm not saying this to belittle how you feel, or to say that you shouldn't be feeling that way and I'm certainly not saying that it's okay for people to be horrible to you (so I hope you won't missunderstand me) - rather, I'm trying to help put things into context/perspective. The friendships that really do matter will sort themselves out later, and for the ones that don't it's their loss not yours.

I don't think there is anyone who couldn't do with work on their peole skills. Doesn't seem like you friend has great ones either from the sounds of it!

Passive agression is agression rather than assertiveness all the same. Reacting defensively to it is understandable. There are good and bad ways to react defensive, and if your friend was being more helpful/insightful/tactful she might have suggested these!

People like you for who you are (your personality!), not for how they react to you or on the basis of a few awkward interactions because of imperfect communication! After all, the awkwardness you and your friend were discussing is about communication skills, not 'niceness'!

Have some hugs, and perhaps leave more analysis of your communication skills (!!) to a time when you're a little less stressed and more resiliant!

(Flossie, can you imagine what my year is like after 5 years, at the moment?! The only blessing is that because most of us have spent one year out on placement, the maturity stakes have upped a bit. And in this turmoil of stress and uncertainty we do a whole semester of.... group work )

Indeed.

Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes.....

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." - Robert McCloskey

Even though I had a nice lunch with friends I am fed up with fighting for my 14 year old who has additional needs. He was upset today as a teacher had had a go at him who is usually nice to him . There is a husband and wife Maths teacher pairing at his school and usually the wife (not his usual teacher this year) gets him and the husband doesn't. Well, he has a calculator kept in school for him as he forgets/ loses his calculator as I am fed up of providing new scientific calculators! Well- this has gone missing and Mr. Maths Teacher thinks it has been stolen and has been loaning him his own- unusual as this maths teacher doesn't accommodate his additional needs well. Well, Mrs Maths Teacher shouted at him "You are 14 and cannot organise yourself to bring in a calculator? Are you stupid?" Son is upset as he told me (he tells me very little and is very laid back!- he has dyspraxia and poor organisation is part of that!). He said "I have a good mind to take in my "My friend has dyspraxia" book- aimed at primary aged children- to show her I can't help this!" My husband rang the school as he was cross- new head teacher in Jan- we haven't even said hello to her yet and the first contact she had with us is a complaint!

Also- I have had to drive him 1 hr 30 mins to a scout camp tonight in the dark and rain and had organised a lift home so felt ok about the fact that I didn't have to do the return journey tomorrow- to get home and be rung by the other parent- his son decided not to go! AAARRRGGGHHHHH. It's a long 3 hour round trip!

Also annoyed by someone else today- maybe I'm just tired!
.

I know the feeling . My daughter is dyslexic. It took me years for this to be diagnosed - her primary school put it down to her being bilingual . In theory she is entitled to extra time when they do tests. In practice teachers claim it is impossible so she does the same test in the same time as everyone else. I can see why it is hard to give her extra time but it annoys me when her history teacher has written on every test she has done "It's a pity you didn't answer all the questions"

Would it maybe help to point out to your son that maybe the teacher had probably been through a really long day and maybe took her frustration out on him in a rare moment of "last straw" syndrome? Teachers are human too!

I had an e-mail this morning from an old bag I know ticking me off in no uncertain terms about something.

I have spent years being nicey nicey to people but, having taught all morning, and picked up 64 e-mails that needed dealing with at 2pm (including quite a lot of troublesome ones) - and I'm afraid I just snapped and wrote back telling her I found her tone extremely rude and upsetting.

Not normally what I do but...

ARGH.

I don't think I want to imagine. I'm not sure if morton's frying pan is big enough for a whole year group.