Hubs just came out the room to tell me he's looking for a job in the UK....and I'm not sure the rest of us are invited
sitting here in disbelief not knowing what to do. He is fed up with me studying so hard with the music - even though it was him that suggested I go for the Dip in June and not Nov...so it appears I have to make a choice - him or music. It's our 16th wedding anniversary next month but we've been growing apart for a long time.
Trouble is I'm not sure we could survive here without his support, our rent is ?1000 a month which is more than my wage and that's the cheapest we can find. And even if we did, the first thing that would have to go is singing lessons so what would it actually be like?

I'm in bits.

*hugs* I have absolutely no helpful advice, and my heads a mess just now too, but thinking of you Dawn - Hope you get the chance to sit down with your OH and talk things through before committing to any huge decisions like that...

Oh no, this is terrible.
I send you virtual hugs and support and hope you work things out.

ditto.... Fell down the lower third of our steps on Monday - still somewhat sore and bruised ....

Take care shboa.

....and sbhoa and DawnF, please be careful.

Thanks...

Oh Gosh!!! just read this. So sorry .....

I know the 'in bits' feeling and it lasts. Amazing how one partner (yes, usually the bloke but not always) is able to 'move on' and leave everyone else trying to pick up the pieces. My husband and I were together for 14 years when a job abroad turned into a life abroad ... for him on his own. It was grim and money suddenly became in very short supply but I think, 18 months on, things are working out for the best. It's hard. And I feel for you. Priorities do have to change - so make sure you hang on to the right ones. Very sorry for your whole family - but it's not the end of the world - although it can really feel like it. TDM

Thanks for this TDM - and thanks DawnF too.

He has threatened to walk several times over the years, but I get the feeling this is it this time.
I just have no idea how we will do this. But I don't want to go back to the UK, the kids have a great safe childhood here, alot more freedom and I think they would resent it being taken away, plus Kate (and I...probably not for long) have an awesome singing teacher (must do for me to get to dip in a year of lessons). And when it's what she wants to do for the rest of her life, it's so important, to her and to us.

Just don't know how we'll manage. Oh and in case you are wondering, I have mild Aspergers - which I'm sure has a awful lot to do with this, I miss the cues that something is amiss/neglected....

Very sorry to hear about all this. Nothing to add except hang on in there and don’t start beating yourself up and blaming yourself. Focus on what’s best for you and the kids now and take it a day at a time. Oh, and go get your diploma in spite of him...

Ill try to, thanks but I don't really feel like singing at the moment, especially knowing that he's resenting every minute of practice that he hears, whether its mine, or me teaching Kate (her sightsinging leaves alot to be desired before her exam...). ho hum....

Dawnmc71...

Thinking of you, Dawn.

I'm sorry to hear this Dawn - it must be unbelievably hard and I wish you all good luck for finding a resolution.

erk - that's awful.
Nothing useful to add but thinking of you ... take care.

Thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. He really wants to go back. I have to decide what's right for the rest of us.

Huge hug to you Dawn and thinking of you.

Dawnmc71

just

Dawnmc71

Will be thinking of you Dawn. Take time to think things through. I do hope the future will be brighter than it looks at the moment.

Thinking of you Dawnmc71

Also thinking of you, Dawnmc71.


And you too muzicalbadger, and OH.

Oh dear. Been there done that though it wasn't music. Thoughts with you.

OK, I feel a bit of a fraud here, since other people have such bigger problems/stressful times than I do...

I'm just feeling stressed with life - I hate the feeling of having to get up and job hunt tomorrow. I have a flute lesson tomorrow and am in no way prepared so I am sure my teacher will be disappointed. I went running this morning in the rain and now my expensive phone doesn't work.

Hugs to everyone else.

Problems finding a job can be very wearing.
And I'm sure your teacher won't be disappointed.
Can you turn the focus of your lesson to things you need to work on and/or particular things you need help with?

Is your phone a contract one? If it is will you be able to get it replaced?

I haven't seen my teacher for 3 months and I can't do any of the list she left me to do. I sound like there is cotton wool down the flute and it's just awful.

My phone is a contract but I don't have any insurance. It's been drying on a plate of rice (apparently it's what you should do) so am going to try it tomorrow. It would be expensive to replace and I've had less than a month. I only took it with me because it had a GPS thing to track my running and it's hard to judge how far you've run in fields. Parents aren't very happy. *sigh*.

I've found a couple of days in the airing cupboard has sorted out a phone after a trip through the washing machine. The battery life was never quite as good again, but the phone lasted a couple more years.

nicki, your probs are just as important as others. It's hard work job hunting and can be soul destroying too. And that just sucks about your phone


Thanks to everyone for being so wonderfully supportive ; hubs has at least made an effort this afternoon to be a bit sociable with me and the kids, although that has meant that I didn't dare do any singing practice or study, even though I know I really need to
ugh, his timing is lousy! But I asked him and he hasn't decided if we (specifically ME) are "invited" to the UK.. fact is we don't really want to go....and I think he will continue to resent the music, and maybe me him if I'm feeling uncomfortable about it too. MMmmmmm...but at least he's not ignoring me now, even if I am treading on eggshells.

It's been in the airing cupboard for a bit. I didn't drop it in a puddle or anything but I am sure water got in somehow.

Further suggestion - try *burying* it in rice. That's what my sister did and it worked for her.

It took a couple of days to dry out, even if you can't see the water it could be there. Take the battery out so that the air can dry the inside too.

Have you got any of those little sachets of drying crystals that you get in new handbags etc?

*goes to top up plate of rice*

If it's so new, surely it shouldn't have gone wrong so soon? Are you sure it had anything to do with the rain at all? If it doesn't work, take it back and complain; even if you don't have insurance, the Sale of Goods act should protect you if it's a faulty instrument.

Same here.

It sounds as if you and OH need to do a great deal of thinking and talking about this. It's a big decision to break up the marriage, and may not be necessary if you can compromise on some of the problem areas. Most marriages go through sticky patches, and often communication breakdown between husband and wife is at the bottom of it.

Several forumites have gone through separation or divorce, so you'll have support here if that's the way it goes. I'm approaching my 35th wedding anniversary. I can look back on at least two periods when the marriage could have broken, but I'm really glad that we persevered and got it back on track. It can be done if you both want it. Here's hoping you can sort things out.

Couldn't put it better.
all the best, Dawn.

Thanks; we know that better than most having split and got back together twice already (once after 6 months separate when kate was 18 months old), but this is the biggest yet. I don't want to go back to the UK but hubs apparently hates it here. It is better for the kids here, they have the time of their lives.
He resents the music, the time it takes. Comes up with great ideas - like I should work really hard on the piano for the next 5 years to be able to accompany as there is a lack of good ones here...but does he realise that would take at least an hour a day practice for that time? On top of everything else? No, of course not and then would be fed up within months. I tell him and he says it will be fine...but I know different. I'm fed up with always worrying about upsetting him with practice/lesson times/rehearsals/etc.

I can't see how this is ever going to be resolved without a head transplant on his side. I have had years and years without music and I don't want to go back there again. He knows I'm working really hard to make it my career after so many years and supposedly he wants that - but won't like it when I need to teach into the evening, or at weekends, especially if we go back to the UK. Private teaching is the only thing I want to do if I go back. I am not going to look for another office job.
*sigh*

Hugs to you Dawn. Don't know what else to say but thinking of you. x

Perfectly Put.

OH has been called in for a PET scan, they found an "anomaly" on the last CT scan....feeling very scared, again. Any prayers or positive thoughts appreciated.

that all is well. Been there - ground can seem very shaky.

Hoping things turn out ok.

Positive thoughts on their way from Gibraltar.

DH has now decided that maybe a refuge out of Gibraltar may help him....has gone at a small house to rent (cheaply) in the spanish countryside. Says its not the music, just my obsession (trying to do an hour a day practice )
May bankrupt us but if it stops him looking at UK I'm all for it....we shall see....

And on another note there is a HUGE fire here in Gibraltar today, a large waste fuel tank has exploded at the port...thankfully only 2 casualties, but 2.5 hours later it is still burning out of control and they are working to try to keep the surrounding tanks cool as they may blow too. Scarey stuff when the whole place is only about 6.5 km sq. Apparently all firefighters and police are there....so hopefully no other offences/fires will happen (and yes, they did actually announce that on the radio!!

Much positivity from South East London on its way to you, flobiano.

My Kodak printer has gone on strike. Says there is a paper jam but there isn't. Nothing more annoying, loads to print out.

Next door have had 2 bouncy castles set up in their garden since yesterday morning. Turned them off at 10.45pm and on again this morning at 8.30. They are surprisingly loud (also right up by our fence) with all the air blowing, then the banging from 10-20 kids at any one time jumping on them constantly..and that's before you take into account the constant stream of 90 decibel 4 letter words...
help! I'm going ever so slightly mad..

Hope things are ok.
Prayers going your way.

Puncture them at dead of night!!!

Sorry to hear this, flobiano. Prayers are with you.


Hope the refuge helps. Thinking of you and hoping things will turn out well.

Prayers and good thoughts for you and your OH flobiano and that it will turn out good.

And for you Dawnmc71. I can understand so much what you said about "obsession" of trying to practice minimum one hour a day. My OH loves it, when I play the flute but couldn't understand, that it needs every day practice. Fortunally he is away for work in the evenings, and thats the time I can practice.

What lottie said.




Both coming your way.

Thank you for your kind words. OH had scan today, but will be up to 2 weeks till we know results.

He has actually known about this for a while but didn't tell me till yesterday as I was having a bit of a rough time at work, he didn't want me to worry or feel more stressed when there was nothing I could do. but also a bit that he didn't say anything. Only thing to do now is wait and hope and pray.