*has mental picture of a barry-clari shaped cookie, bouncing around like a *

W (and you still think I'm sane..?)

Not a happy Badger today....

I am meant to be visiting a branch office to fix a couple of minor hardware issues but am stuck at Waterloo station due to all the train delays.

I am going to be quite late but not much I can do as I have informed them already.

When I sell stuff on eBay I always send by some system that has a tracking service. Avoids any such problem.

Oh no it doesn't. Been there and have the T-shirt...

Recently been put on medication and it's having some horrible side effects (which I was warned about). OH keeps making jokes and sarcastic remarks about me having long lie ins. It's not funny at all - I feel so awful and so wiped out that I can't do anything and my speech is being effected which is making me very self conscious.

GP wants to see me in next few days so I might ask if there is anything I can be given for annoying OH's.

I really, really miss my cat - she would know exactly what to do and I would give absolutely anything to see her again

just a minor grrrr compared to some other forumites.....

I normally work 8-4 but I've been told in the last 10 mins or so that I'm required for a meeting today from 5:30-6:30....

I was just packing up to leave. grrrrr

Very annoying.

Any likelihood of getting the time back another day, or will pigs fly first?

Oh dear - what's the matter?

Not a great set of exam results for my most recent students... Mostly unexpected and not what I was hoping/expecting them to achieve...

sorry to hear this muzikalbadger

Awww - it's sad when that happens. Hard for you having to pass on the results, but you just have to be philosophical about it and tell your pupils that you feel it's not an accurate relection of their usual performance. On any one day, there is so much that can have gone wrong, but it's frustrating when several of your pupils seem to have been below par.

Provided this is just a one-off, and you've previously had the results you expected, just put it behind you. Maybe the examiner wasn't feeling great that day; exams are so subjective.

Gutted. Been told by OH by no uncertain terms that I won't be going to Buckingham palace to do guard duty in April. Chance of a lifetime, but he doesn't see it that way. Not been a good couple of days....

Aw, that's a pity...



Any good reason? (PM if you don't want to say publically)

Noooooooo Thats not fair I'd love to play in Buckingham Palace ...

I hope you are OK.

So I've taken today off work in order to take a rather old book with a loose board to a nice bookbinder to see about getting it restored. They are in Clerkenwell.
Checking prices, etc, it's only marginally more expensive to go via the mainline train that by tube, if I'm going in to Liverpool Street (which I can do by either method). So that's what I'll do, mainline train today (while still fretting about being undecided on how I'm going to Greenwich on Friday [because yesterday when I got back to Epping station, the carpark was rammed, people parked everywhere in some non-spaces, one almost blocking me in!])
All lovely, all fine. Got a (straightforward) vet appointment at 9am, drive home from that, walk to station, get a return to Liverpool Street, and cycle hire it first to the bookbinders, and then after that have a bit of time somewhere to myself, say the Museum of London or maybe the Hunterian.

Eating breakfast, just flicking through the Evening Standard I picked up on the tube last night...and it appears that 10,000 students are due to be protesting in London this afternoon, with maybe some anarchists joining them...argh!!!!!! Looking at the route, it goes right past the Museum of London, with an expected 'flash point' between there and Liverpool Street station. And for the Hunterian, that'd mean coming back past St Paul's, another expect flash point

Seems so pointless just to go to the bookbinders and straight back, actually looking at the map again if I went northwards from MoL I could get back to Liverpool Street avoiding The Route, but who knows what else might be going on?

Discretion is the better part of valour, I'm told.
I have thus cancelled today's day off and will instead go tomorrow (or, if the City is a real mess, Monday instead. Hopefully tomorrow, because although it won't make a real difference I'd like to have an idea of the quote for the book restoration before Greenwich!!)

I'm not supposed to leave before 4.... but I shall be having 1.5 hour lunches every remaining day this week :-)

(meeting finished at nearly 7pm)


why on earth not? that sounds remarkably selfish.

Because it means I'm away for 18 days. It's a long time....but it's paid....But there was a chance it could be 10 days (ie do shifts with someone else that can't do the full time) and he wouldn't even accept that "because I had the gall to even ask about the 18 days". And my MOD bounty relies on it...which in total is 3 months income for me at the moment.

Now he's said that I can go if I give half my income from it to the family to live it up whilst I'm away "on my jollies". I'm more than happy to do that, but I know that won't be the end of it and I have to live with the fall out for the next 6 (10, forever?) months. Damned if I do, damned if I don't....

Dawn, this sounds so difficult for you

I do hope things work out soon. It's such a nightmare when someone is trying to interfere with your career on a personal level I think your husband perhaps does not understand the life of a musician? Or perhaps he would like you to be a teacher without the performing side, maybe???

Could he perhaps talks to some of the other musicians in your band so as to know it's not "just you"??

You hit the nail on the head. But he doesn't understand that to get students at least initially, you need to be seen to be out there performing, and talk to people at the events. He also doesn't understand what an honour it would be to do Buck House too. Having grown up going up to London to watch the changing of the guard, the thought that I'm doing it....wow.
In his view the music is fine so long as it doesn't impact on him. He thinks it's incredibly selfish and I'm doing all the performances to massage my ego!! I'm doing them to try to kill my stage fright and further my career!!

I need to calm down to be able to do my "relaxed arm" practice. There would be no point right now....

You so don't have an ego!

LOL thanks Barry, his words, not mine....but nice to have it confirmed!!

Well, I've met you and had an extensive chat to you...and you don't have an ego. Official

Is your husband Spanish? Only reason I ask is with you saying he doesn't understand what an honour it would be to do Buckingham Palace.

I you told him why you are performing?

LOL no he isn't!!! He's just not a royalist.... I've tried to tell him but he really isn't interested

Is it the child care that's really bothering him? 18 days is a long time if the wife is usually the main carer, usually cooks the family meals, etc, etc. My husband wasn't keen on my being away for more than 3 days when ours were younger, because it's always hard to try and do all the things one's partner just automatically knows. He was often away for up to a fortnight for work, but that didn't impact on the children in the same way.

Provided the children's needs are sorted and it's just the thought of you being away that's bothering your husband, I'd be inclined to go. But if you're expecting him to fill in for you for 18 days I can see why he might be unhappy.

Even if I might not get it right due to English being a foreign language for me, I believe even if you are doing it to message your ego, you should, because IMHO you should get a bit of a ego booster!

My kids are 7 & 13, daughter (13) gets herself everywhere, and my Dad looks after Luke. There is not that much. Daughter makes packed lunches in the morning! It's cooking dinner (which my Dad did in Oct most nights) and weekends. He's just being awkward.

Dealing with very bossy and unfriendly family members... who cannot take even the hint of annoyance from anyone else though they are happy to dish it out plenty of judegment themselves.

One of them (an in-law) starts every other sentence with 'if you want my advice you'll...' and I wish I'd have the nerve yesterday to respond with 'yes, but what do I do if I don't want your advice? That would actually be useful information!'

We always think of these things afterwards... mind you if I had said it, it would have either sailed over her head, or caused WW3.

I always remember a phrase from The Kitchen God's Wife (forget who wrote it) who fended off interfering relatives with " in this matter, you must not concern yourself on my account" which is a very polite way of saying "bugrof and mind your own business".

But surely if you are away for 18 days there will be a lot more than just cooking dinner? (Though my husband would have had a fit if I'd expected him to do that every night for 18 days! ) Things like shopping, washing, ironing, cleaning the house? You can't expect a 13 year old to do it all, or your Dad. Do you think your OH is concerned that your music is coming before your family, rather than just being awkward?

Yes, the shopping, washing etc (minimal ironing!!) Housework can wait. Dad last time did the shopping, most of the cooking, the washing. He wants me to go. DH is always concerned that music comes before the family, he doesn't like 2 nights rehearsals and a gig a fortnight....

If I recall correctly, Dawn is a working parent also - why should her husband not be able to look after his own children for 18 days? This is not the dark ages!

Your Dad is incredible! You sound a very lucky lady to me! I guess it's up to you then. If you feel the trip is important to your career, you should go. I would have hated to leave my children for that length of time, but we are all made differently.

I used to be, he supported me to give up the day job to teach and play in the band!!

Dawn - if it's the dinners and shopping he's worried about maybe you could persuade him by stocking up the freezer and arranging an internet shop before you leave? I love my kids but I would also love a few days away from them.... Most I have ever managed though is two days for a funeral.

LOL in Gibraltar Internet shopping hasn't got this far!!

I love my Dad to bits, and yes, I am incredibly lucky. They all got on great in October - in fact I was told, better than when I'm here....

Ha ha, that's a good one, thank you. Though for these people (brother and his wife) I would like to be able to discuss things at some level, in the spirit of keeping up with each other's news etc. The problem is that they are all or nothing, if I have a problem then they immediately have to have the solution, in great detail, they will get cross with me if I don't agree/go along with that solution, if I then explain I didn't actually want them to take over completely, I just wanted to talk then I am being ungrateful, if I take the easy way out and just don't mention things in the first place then I am 'shutting them out'. They are professional 'helpers' and it seems to me their helping is a way for them to feel in control, whether or not the recipient actually finds it helpful...so I have to choose between having a constantly embattled relationship or not much of one at all. I've generally chosen the latter, and ended up being the bad guy. It's very sad.

I think it's very interesting how if Dawn was a man no one would be blinking an eyelid about her going on a business trip (which is in essence what this is as Dawn is a musician) yet because Dawn is a woman she is EXPECTED to be the one doing cooking / washing etc. for the family.

What a sad world we still live in.

That is no disrespect to women who want to be stay at home mothers - I think that is great too but it's a reflection of our still restrictive society.

I don't think you are looking at this in the right light, Pixie*Porsche. Bringing up children is a joint responsibility, yes, but families tend to decide for themselves who will take what role. I have friends with two children where the man has been the one to work part time and look after the children and house, and the woman has worked full time and gone on business trips. That has been their choice and it's worked for them. If the man were suddenly to want to give up his part-time job, turn musician and disappear on trips of a week or 18 days every other month I'd expect that to cause a few ructions in their household, and I wouldn't be surprised if the woman demurred a little.

It's nothing to do with Dawn's gender, but with the way things have previously been in her family life, and what happens when she wants to change that whereas OH is happy with the status quo. Of course we should all be flexible in our family lives, but in my experience people work things out to suit them and in general that's fine until one of them wants a radical change. That doesn't mean that nothing should ever change, but it's likely to be a bumpy ride until things settle into a new routine. Dawn is fortunate to have a Dad around who is willing to step into the breach, so hopefully it will work out.

I see what you're saying I suppose I'm lucky to have practically the same hobbies as my partner who I also happen to work with

Well if it was me, I would go but I wouldn't give him any notice period so he could disappear and not give you a choice. I'd also tell your dad not to help out.

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Well it all hit the fan tonight, and Dad and hubs had a punch up (yes an 80 year old man) because when asked, I told hubs that Dad thought I should go. The truth. So his bags are packed and he is leaving (back to the UK) after leaving a trail of carnage (including trying to smash my violin - it's at a neighbour's and I daren't open the case at the moment). Poor kids heard the lot.

I have had enough of his temper and verbal stuff, don't want any more. Don't know how we'll cope, but we will even if we are on beans on toast for a few months. It's been a long time coming.

Really sorry to hear that, Dawnmc71. Thinking of you.

I really hope you and your Dad and your kids are alright! Sending you best wishes and hugs

So sorry to hear this, Dawn, though it has been on the cards. It's really sad for your children and my heart goes out to them. Thoughts and prayers are with you all.

I was horrified to read of this, Dawn. Violence is frightening and totally unacceptable, and I do hope that you and your family come through this eventually. So very, very sorry.

Dawn, I have nothing more to add to the above replies. My thoughts too are with you