My daughter is a very private person. Like Rubenstein, she only ever practises alone. She even closes the door! I hope she IS as musically talented as Rubenstein! She gets all worked up when she feels my husband is trying to peep at her as was the case in the past. She seems to play just for herself although outside the home and on stage, she plays in so many places for so many causes!

Do you folks play JUST for yourselves? Some sort of escapism? If you do, what about the (maybe, paying) audience then who have come all the way to watch you? For me, I sing for myself at times and at other times for the kids, etc.

Anyway, when she suddenly decided to call me from downstairs to hear her play her LEA audition concerto, wow! I jumped at the chance. This is RARE. It won't happen again, for sure. OK, OK, no problem, I'll be there in a minute.

Anyway, got downstairs, sat in the toddler's chair which surprisingly fits me to listen and watch. Halfway, I broke into laughter. She looked a bit upset. Sorry, you closed your eyes far too long, darling. It looks SO weird like you are playing for yourself. Open them, OK, or close for only a second or two, please. All right, I'm sorry. Please begin again and I won't interrupt.

So she began. Er, after 1 minute - Hey, what happened to the expression? It's gone. She looked upset. Sorry, it's just that you've gone robotic just now. Start again. Sorry, sorry.

Once more. Suddenly she stopped. Got lost in sight-reading the music and I laughed and raised my voice at almost the same time - Hey, I've got it! So sorry but I noticed that you are really expressive only when your eyes are closed but hey, you can't do that! You'll get lost. Actually, I didn't stop her. She stopped because SHE got lost but she was livid! I had laughed "at" her and God forbid, she thought. Oh dear.

I hate myself for having been so irritating! But I was only trying to help. Well, it IS a problem, isn't it? If she habitually closes her eyes for ages and ages, she'll be fine for a while and she feels really relaxed and comfortable when she does that, she explained till she forgot where she was on the score! On the other hand if her eyes are opened, she can follow her music, but her self-consciousness prevails strongly and she ends up playing like a robot. She won't close her eyes for just a second or two but shuts them (and the audience out, I bet!) for ages! Don't know which is worse but I can't discuss her expressivity with her right now as she's rightly still somewhat mad at me. I can't understand why I was so annoying and negative as I'm normally a very positive person. Oh well, I have apologised and will chat with her at bedtime tonight, hopefully. Hmmm, wonder whether it's a good idea to suggest that she could memorise since she has a good memory and sight-reading is her Achilles heel. Her teacher (and she, too) might kill me if she plays without score but forgets during the audition!

The good thing is - I had quickly excused myself and then a few minutes later, I heard her from afar and yes, it was beautiful! I smiled and shouted back - Well done, you, I like that!

I think it's good that she kind of expresses herself and has her own 'comfort zone' by closing her eyes. I think it's a lot better than playing like a robot, which is kind what I do ha. I'm also one of those people who closes the door to practice!

Hmm...I can see the problem Tess. I think let her play eyes closed. If she can do it, then it means she is having to learn the music by heart which is a good thing...although it looks like she is sort of "shutting herself off", you see pros do it all the time. Also, you mentioned about her posture - if she was doing the robotic thing you would expect eyes wide open, so having eyes shut is the first step to being herself while being watched. Ideally, eyes open and a loose posture is the perfect half-way mark, but I'd go with it for now.
Maybe you should help her out on memorizing the music - then she can shut her eyes and play without it, which will impress the LEA people even more. I bet they hardly ever see 9 year olds playing without music, especially complex pieces. If this doesn't seem a good idea, then suggest she takes in a scrap of paper with certain stuff on it to help her get through - when I had to play a theme and variation I had a word to remind me of the order: "theme, quaver, spiccato, arppegios, spiccato, riccochet, quiet, riccochet loud". Never failed me


I sort of explained this before, but I PRACTICE for myself, I PERFORM for others. That's why I hate eing heard practicing - it's like my "rubbish time" is being taken away, and I have to be on show. Over Xmas my grandmother (who I rarely see) came and sat on my bed every single minute I was practicing and I felt like I couldn't go wrong because she would hear it...I think it boils down to being a perfectionist.

Yes, I agee with the both of you. Definitely a comfort zone, TV, though keeping a balance is often a good thing and bo, I hear you, yes indeed, it makes sense to practise "for" yourself as you don't want others to hear the many errors before the final product of performance for others.

I'm not really bothered about an answer though. Just ranting at my impulse, that's all. Next time if I ever get a chance of a home recital again, I'll let her finish the whole lot first, before I comment in some positive re-phrasing/manner, no matter how weird or odd she looks! For the moment, I'll just let her be and let her accept herself... but thanks for the replies.

EDITED - Thanks, BO, for your advice. Very helpful, as it turned out. I asked her just now at dinner whether she would like to memorise? Er, apparently, she has already memorised it, she said, without realising till I mentioned you and your suggestion to her. She then tried without the score and could play the wretched thing with her eyes closed the whole time. Not opening her eyes for one moment - very musically too but oh so so odd-looking! We'll let her be... Apparently, she got lost when she HAD TO sight-read to look for a clue as to where on earth she's supposed to be at?! Thank God, honestly, that she's not doing any exams or otherwise she will trip on SR. In her one and only exam she did terribly well but only just managed to pass the SR.

Haha there you go then Tess =)

Sometimes my music teachers get me to close my eyes when I play because you can hear the music so much more and there are no distractions. It's also really good for improving intonation.
Good luck to the both of you!

Wow, in order to play with eyes closed, you really have to make sure you are bowing at the right place

But Tess, your daughter should really be in the music rather than to be a robot! I myself was always complained by my teacher during my piano learning days for being a total robot though.

Yes, I feel the same when someone is watching me practice. I enjoy playing to myself, perfecting each and every single part. If I gets disturb in the middle of my practice, or worse still, in the middle of a piece, I would be very very angry. My mood is gone and I couldn't continue my practice as good as it had been before the interruption. So, yes, let your daughter finish her piece before you comment anything if you can help it It would help to build her confidence as well.

But I felt I had made too much noises during my exam preparation time. How I wish I had a perfect sound-proof room to work in!

Let her play with her eyes closed. Who cares what she looks like - its the music that counts, and the best way for her to get into the music is to close off the world and immerse herself in the sounds she is creating.

Most of the worlds most respected jazz artists play with their eyes closed - miles davis, did for example. She is probably 'seeing' the music in her mind much more clearly than you think - and probably in a very abstract way. I would ENCOURAGE her to play with her eyes closed.

Good on her for actually caring about the music she is playing and trying to express it. Most musicians I have come across unfortunately have not yet realised how important expression and bring life into music is. Her musicality sounds very advanced compared to some!

QUOTE

Wow, in order to play with eyes closed, you really have to make sure you are bowing at the right place

Yes I totally agree. you have a completely different attachment to and awareness of your instrument like no other if you can play pieces without even having to look at your instrument.

Sally

Bad news. *crestfallen*

LEA just wrote today to say - Sorry, no money in the kitty but we still want to hear her play next week and will do our best to find sources for you to apply to! That's a contradiction to their original word to her school! I am so disappointed for her. She practised so hard and plays so musically today, and will probably do so for the LEA next week. But in vain. Can't tell her as she'll be very upset.

*sigh*

By the way, Sally, happygirl and tiger_vio, you are all correct. She plays beautifully when her eyes are shut (awkwardly, when opened) so yes, yes, we'll let her close her eyes and hope for a forgiving audience who have been effectively "shut" out.

Oh no!

So sorry - let her go and knock their socks off anyway. You never know what might happen. (what were you hoping for funding for? are there any other avenues?)

Thanks for the empathy, UM. I guess they are genuinely curious as to how on earth a small kid can play grade 5 exam piece and a concerto after just a year's work. But they HAD first suggested to her school about a third of what we need for conservatory Sat school. That was the whole/original purpose of the audition. Never mind, I have applied to 9 charities this week. Hopefully, 1 or 2 will respond and look at net income and real expenditure (as opposed to gross pay as most charities do!) and will be sympathetic. Oh well, must move on, I guess.

Do the schools themselves have funds for such cases? I would have thought they might - especially if other avenues have been tried and failed. From all you've said about your daughter I think Conservatoire Saturday school would be ideal for her (except for having to give up your wonderful teacher). So do keep trying (year on year if necessary) & I'll send good vibes your way, and wish you the very best of luck.

It's OK, UM. I'm not worried, just angry. Wouldn't bother to keep trying the LEA year after year, no. It's much cheaper and affordable to try to get into Wells/Purcell/Menuhin in the future than to try JG or RCMJD again (these institutions require one to apply for bursaries every single year I believe) bearing in mind that the music specialist schools will in effect, cost only £625 to £1,250!

I play far more musically with my eyes shut and somewhat robotically when they are open and I'm having to read the music. I far prefer to learn to play works from memory because I can then put my entire body and soul into every note, rather than having to follow the dots on the page; which for me are a distraction from the music itself.

Shutting your eyes to play far from shuts out an audience. If anything they will see AND hear the huge amount of passion that is going into the playing and be drawn in by it. Some players close their eyes because it helps them to really focus and concentrate too, especially if the music is technically very difficult. Soloists who stand on stage eyes wide, grinning permanently like a cheshire cat, tend to end up with the audience paying more attention to facial expresisons and not really listening to the music.

Sorry what was this LEA audition specifically for. Is it to fund the junior exhibition at the music colleges?

Really sorry that they havent got the finances but glad that she has the opportunity to perform still. It is a struggle funding all this music !!! My no.2. have been ask several times in this school year to go for junior music college but I still think he is too young and that his current teachers are too fab to change course at the moment.

let me know how you get on

My violinist also closes his eyes and pulls a very serious look but I dont disturb him ....... and my pianist has just started to tilt his head to the right why he plays and I keep flicking it back up. At first I thought it was only during one piece but now it is everything and it only happened in the last 2 weeks. This morning I spotted him drumming head tilted too.

[quote name='frumpybabes' date='Jan 23 2006, 11:22 PM' post='241205']

It is a struggle funding all this music !!! My no.2. have been ask several times in this school year to go for junior music college but I still think he is too young and that his current teachers are too fab to change course at the moment.


[i]FB, you will find that it's much cheaper instead to let him try for Wells/Purcell/Menuhin at year 7! Honestly, I wouldn't have tried fundraising for junior conservatory had our girl not wanted to go to Purcell so much! Junior conservatory was suggested to her by all of us as a practical alternative.

But the difference is huge... making music your life rather than your hobby and probably boarding to boot. It won't suit everyone.

Precisely! I agree with you 100%! In fact, THAT is why Junior Conservatories are in my opinion to be preferred as family life could be maintained.

EDITED - But then when FB's son gets to, say, school year 7 or year 9, he'll be in a better position to judge this for himself. Personally, I'm not keen on boarding although if a 15-yr old (or even 14!) teenager decided that making music his life rather than his hobby, and probably boarding is to his taste, then quite frankly, it will be sad as a parent not to support him and also very hard to persuade him that it won't suit him! My grandparents did ALL they possibly could to the point of being hostile, to stop my uncle from becoming a musician but failed miserably. No, you are right, it won't suit everyone and certainly not me as I hate to see my little boy separated from his dear sister. But then no one option suits everyone and *sigh* sometimes, we just have to let them go?

Goodness! How did we get to this serious topic on boarding?!

I was talking initially about "playing for one's self" I was.

It's interesting what AmandaL said because Sarah Chang used to be very cute at 6th grade (school Year 6 in UK or 11 years old, I believe) and she used to smile like a Cheshire cat when she played then no matter how sad the part but now I read that she has matured and changed, thankfully.

What I don't understand is why you were so critical of her when she took such a big step to ask you to come and hear her. I think you should be more supportive - if she has a problem then small steps are the way to go. Just my two cents.

Yes, I totally agree with this comment. Sorry if that's harsh. But you are also harsh to your daughter.

Thanks, Astakhan and Segede, for your frank comments. I don't understand myself either why I was negative. I think I'd be livid, too, if someone laughed at me in mid-play/song. But thank God she is not angry now and has accepted my apology that night. Today she has a fever but when the paracetamol made her fever left for a while, she got out of bed, played for me and then made me a pink and purple card with pictures of what I like, like lots of hearts and tulip, etc, (my fav colour is purple) and in the middle of the central heart, it says - Mum, I love you!

Tess

Hope she's feeling better soon Tess. None of us mum's are perfect all the time - we can only do our best, so don't feel too got at.

Just wanted to add to this thread that Tess is incredibly supportive of her daughter and this is most certainly an isolated incident: don't feel that she generally does this, it was a one off mistake which from her post one can see she immediately regretted.

Yes Tess is very supportive of her little girl.... but sometimes you just cant help yourself..... teaching my own there has been lots of laughter and definitely lots of tears in my house. It is all part of the learning process and we have slamming doors, stamping feet and one broken violin thrown across the table in the 4 years of teaching my boys. My regular morning consistent of a 5-10 mins tantrum from my eldest before he starts playing trumpet scales/lip slurs. It is all part of the practice routine now.... he is never ready to play before he has had his shouting match at 7.45am !! My youngest also has to disagree for about 1 min before he starts playing...hard habits to break.

Hope you daughter is feeling better tomorrow take care glad she drew you something to make up for it they can be so sweet............ I think they are all at an age where they know we mean well. Our kids are too clever for us to hide our real feelings !!