Does anyone else sometimes wonder why they bother/who they're trying to fool?

I seem to be getting worse rather than better at the moment, and just getting stuck on stuff. I'm so frustrated with myself.

Can we start a new club?

I have a relatively new grade 8 certificate on my wall but I think it must belong to someone else....

Do you think the pointy stick would help....?

Ohh yes...sometimes I would just love to get inside my teacher's head and see just how much of an idiot she thinks I am! lol...then the little kids come for their lesson after me and bang off some tune..and there's me thinking "do I sound as good as that?".."No"...I wish I could see and listen to myself objectively

Well, count me in - I'm so fed up with my playing at the moment - I can't even be bothered to post much on the forums - I suppose the phase'll pass eventually, either that or I'll have a piano for sale !

Hugs Sarah. Take a break and do something else for a while.

I think I get so tense with trying sometimes that I might as well just stop, have a puppy cuddle with Archie and just have a break for a while.

In any case I can't concentrate on anything in this hot weather.

*melts*

Yup.

Especially this afternoon's rehearsal, where everyone sounds awful and I don't sound any better and it's all horrible.

This sounds like Imposter Syndrome rearing its ugly head again.

You're not alone, Sarah. I think I'm playing the Bach B minor very well until I try it with SmartMusic and it falls all over the place. It's purely because I'm not doing enough flute practice at the moment.

Look how much you've achieved Sarah, everyone has bad days, and remember, if things are bad, they can only get better *hugs*

*hugs*

Can I join the club as well? I'm getting worse and worse whereas everyone I know is getting better and better and with no viola or singing lessons til September, things can only get worse.

Yes, sarah-flute, I feel that way too right now. I hope the feeling will pass for you soon and you get back on track.

For me, my little boy's in hospital so I can only practise when I'm totally exhausted from a day at the hospital. My playing stinks even more than it normally does. I'm thinking, why bother practising at all.



I think this too! I'm playing through a piece and I'm sure my teacher's thinking, 'she's so rubbish, why does she bother at all? What a loser.' And of course, when I think this whilst playing, I inevitably mess up my playing.

oh . me too!! for the last few weeks I have been focusing on theory during my lessons so from next week I will start playing for my teacher again ..... and she will see how truly bad I really am!

I think one of the nice things about being younger is not having (or using) the ability to criticise every little thing you do. This level of self appraisal and criticism comes with being more mature..... and sometimes it stinks!!!

I hope you feel better soon ..... I am sure it is just a blip and will pass.

elizabeth

Thanks for all the encouragement and empathy, folks - tis much appreciated! I guess this weather probably doesn't help. I know I am not practising enough... but when I play and I sound naff, it's hard to motivate myself to do the practice to sound OK. Especially when even when I am practising there are still things that just will NOT "come right" or click. *sigh*


Awww man, I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and I hope your son is out of hospital soon *hugs if you're a huggy person*

PS: hoping to organise a flute lesson before the hols... I really hope she doesn't ask what I have been doing with my time to have gone backwards!

I think everyone has a time when they need to go back and just enjoy simple old favourites for a bit.

Some times just aren't right for fighting technical stuff.

Enjoy a walk in the country instead.

I felt useless last night after coming in too soon when the cellos are exposed (second movement Bethoven 5). then panicking during the technically difficult passages in the third movement, instead of at least counting them I think feeling useless is quite normal with music though as it is surely one of the most difficult subjects you can learn. i will just have to look more closely at the cello part for next weeks concert (same programme) At less my Orchestra like to encourage people to play!

I am sure you sound better than you think. Maybe a lesson would be beneficial, it would give you something else to focus on rather than you continuously working on what you are at the moment. A change of focus might help.

I never accept when my teacher says I've done well, because I am sure she is just saying it because she feels sorry for me.

*gets pointy stick*
You know that's not true, you know its cos you're good!
*sigh*

I find it hard not to disagree sometimes when I'm told something was good and I think it was pretty bad.

The reason why your teacher would say you've done well Nicki is because you've done well!!!!!!

An interesting thread...
I ALWAYS feel useless when after going to concerts.....I am always so jealous of the wonderful pianists on the stage...they don't seemed to be nervous when performing, and they're like technically and musically perfect. So as the result, I always feel that I'm nothing when compared to them.
But I don't really care after all, they're professionals; I'm just a student.

Sarah who are you trying to fool? I'm not trying to fool anyone, I'm just an individual with many interests who is enjoying learning to play another instrument. It sounds awful and my brother & girlfriend frequently laugh at the sqeaks but I don't care! Think back to all those times when people have said 'Oh I wish I had your talent'. Well that is not just a talent, it's hard work to learn some lovely music, which you have done. Same for everyone else, why were you in love with your instrument to start with. Treat yourself to a fun tune, leave the technique for a while like Storini says. We don't want any quitters, we're musicians!

My teacher would never feel sorry enough for me to say well done. She tells it like it is and I'm sure any teacher worth there salt would be the same.

When I feel useless, I have a little sulk, stomp around, say s*d it and then pick up the old horn and blow till it hurts. By that time I've forgotten how rubbish I was.

Cheers
Sue

Pointy stick??????

Ok, I have it big time today. After I got back from church I just haven't been able to face doing any other music - so fed up with yesterday evening (see Viva Voice "Mikado Fiasco" thread for details)

Stuck with the refrain in my head - "don't fit in amateur choirs any more, can't get professional work......"

My violin playing is going down the tube currently. I've had a terrible year so far, with all sorts of problems, and my violin playing has really really suffered as a result.

I have discovered one thing that helps - spent the afternoon playing and singing in a really flattering acoustic, and actually did much more practice than usual because I didn't sound so naff and it was a whole lot less disspiriting.

katyjay: *offers hugs and empathy*

Oh Katyjay I hope you find somewhere to sing that'll appreciate your considerable talent soon.

I've had my share of 'feeling useless' moments. I think it happens to all of us on occasions. Sometimes to get something to sound the way I want it to is hard work - but the pleasure I get when something 'works' is great! But yes, occasionally, I'll have a 'feeling useless' moment.

*hugs* to everyone who is feeling useless, I bet you all play really well. Hope you all feel happier soon.

Mwl1, I've heard you play the violin and you're good, hope things get better for you soon.

I just feel useless because I'm not playing very well at all and the gap between what I would like to sound like and what I actually sound like is huge. Everyone at orchestra is so much better/more musical than I am and it is very discouraging being the only viola player. I am also absolutely terrified of the next orchestra concert in a couple of weeks because I'm finding the music really hard and the conductor had a go at everyone in the interval of the last concert because we were apparently not playing well enough.

Also, it's quite unlikely that I will be able to get an A* in GCSE music, despite working incredibly hard for 2 years. And some members of this forum (no one in particular, I hasten to add, just a general perception) have the attitude that GCSE music is incredibly easy and therefore everyone should be getting an A* in it, so therefore I just feel stupid. It was my hardest subject but still.........

Yup, I'm no stranger to that "feeling useless" thing. Horrible beastly feeling that it is. Had that Imposter Syndrome thing recently with my work ("they'll all find out I'm a fraud"!) Don't worry m'dear, it will soon pass. And you're not useless.

Barri, when you've finished the Charlie Wilson Blues, do you think you could work up another blues classic to fit KJ's refrain?



Blind Lemon Ambs
xx

I didn't find it *that* easy, and nor did I get an A*, hon. So it isn't just you

That's good! At my school, it is perceived as being really hard and no one has got an A* for 4 years (although there *should* be some this year). Of course, that could be a reflection on my school It's just that I have seen an attitude of 'GCSE music is soooooo easy and a doss and everyone should therefore get an A* or not bother taking it cos it's not worth the paper it's printed on' on these forums and it does undermine those of us who like music but will never be fantastic musicians.

I hate the "I'm so useless" feeling... especially as it happens all the time in orchestra. I'm the 2nd 2nd oboe, so that's a disadvantage to start off with, but every single time something can go wrong, it does; tuning, forgetting it's a C# not a Cnatural, coming in a bar early... I hate it! It's really annoying because playing solo, just me or me with an accompanist, I don't make those mistakes or fluctuate tuning or anything, and I don't make mistakes at all in wind band, it's almost like I save it exclusively for orchestra, which is the worst because I'm so exposed and the trumpeter keeps pointing and laughing. Hmph. And it doesn't help that the people who keep correcting me are a year younger.

But when I get the "I'm so useless" feeling in other places, it's easier to cope with; for example, my new year's resolution this year was to take up something active, so I started karate. It's kinda humiliating being a gangling 16 year old at least 2 feet taller than all the 5-6-7yr old kids around in the absolute beginners' section, but the way I "cope" with it (oh, I sound so melodramatic there!) is to hold my head up and practice/do what I'm told/etc harder and with more concentration than the others, so although I'm the same standard, I can tell myself I've tried my best at it and could not improve more quickly than I am doing however hard I try. That kind of positive thinking has a good effect, I find.

I find that with music, you get a sense of achievement when you first learn to play a piece to a reasonable standard, or you first get it up to speed, or even with some pieces (like my lovely Whitlock Toccata! ) when you first get to the end. But after a few weeks, it's like, yeah, I can do that now.... and it's not exciting any more. Maybe this is just me and my short attention span. But I'm thoroughly sick of my Gr 7 organ pieces now because I don't think I can make them any better, so I don't feel like I'm achieving anything when I play them.

Mind you, had a good lesson tonight. My teacher made me think about some new things.

Your orchestra experience sounds unfortunate, Oboe... I'll probably be like that next term At the moment I'm safely cruising at the top end of the intermediate orchestra! But next term I have to go and play badly in top orchestra instead.

What is it with orchestras making people feel useless? Everytime I go to orchestra at music centre, I feel worse because I can't play any of the pieces and everyone else is so much better than me. I'm also scared of concerts because I'm the only viola player so any mistakes I make are obvious and our conductor gets more nervous than we do and then gets angry. The feeling of uselessness is exacerbated at one holiday course I go to because the majority of people there are about 3 years younger than me, at least 2 grades higher and very posh. Sometimes I wonder whether it's worth carrying on with music, despite all the satisfaction I get from it sometimes - if I just went to choir then I'd probably feel happier

Commiserations to all those feeling useless! I think this time of year is bad for the "feeling useless" syndrome. I don't know about everyone else, but in June and July there are so many extra things going on (various concerts, SRP meetings and Playing Days, exam stewarding to mention a few) that I find I am rushing from one thing to another with barely time to turn round, trying to fit in all the usual jobs plus watering the plants (with watering can only!) and trying to keep the garden reasonably tidy. The consequence is that I am not getting in my usual practice quota, which makes me grumpy, and it appears that I am not progressing. This is compounded by feeling tired from doing these extra things. I'm really looking forward to Piano Holiday at the end of July (oh dear, must do some practice!) because I know it will be relaxing as well as hard work, and come September everything will seem fresh again.

Ok... So maybe this wasn't such a good idea.......

Thought I'd bring this topic up in my lesson today and mentioned how I was not happy at all with one of my pieces.
Got the third degree..... what, why and how can you fix it.....?
Have been told that 'everything' is not a good enough answer to 'What is wrong with it?' and now have to come up with specific problems....
Should have seen that coming really.

I often feel useless. Have done for years, but then someone says something nice and makes my day. There is light at the end of the tunnel!

When teaching I always make a positive point first before suggesting improvement. it is so easy to be negative, but yet pupils want you to be genuine.

As a depressive, I do take anti-depressants. They help take the edge of feeling useless, but they are not a panacea.

The situation that Katyjay has recently found herself in would make me feel pretty useless. KJ maybe you should market yourself as a recitalist and just do that for a few years. Someone will hear you and work will arrive.

I've been feeling really bleurgh since yesterday afternoon. All the positive memories I had following my concerts on Saturday have been replaced with "Oh well, I suppose I did an adequate job, but nothing special." And today I am feeling like a not-very-good-singer. Is this a post-concert coming-down-off-the-adrenaline thing, or was I genuinely deluding myself on the day that I had done well? Yuck, this is horrible.



Amber
x

Just off to visit ageing aunt now. I've rung the Nursing Home to check she's up for a visit, only to be told that she's refusing to put her clothes on today. She always did have a tendency towards the Passive Agressive personality type, but the dementia has enabled her to take it to another level entirely. Oh well, ho hum, this should be a fun afternoon!

Amber, I have heard you sing, you do have a beautiful voice and you sing with such feeling! Plus I seem to recall that you got positive feedback from friends too, and it was suggested you might sing a solo again? So I would lay good money on this being the adrenaline-gone-anti-climax-back-to-everyday-life-itus.

*hug*

Agree 100% with everything Sarah says. You are just experiencing the first "down-after-the-concert" of your career, I'm afraid. It's normal, you're normal and I'm sure you'll have sung brilliantly.

And I've been having that too - which is probably why the posts I've put on here have been so negative. Thanks to everyone for putting up with my glooms. I'm on the mend again now.

You've done the same for many of us many a time, katyjay! Glad to hear you're "on the mend".

Katyjay doesn't mention that she's spent a large part of my singing lesson just now listening to me say how mch I can't sing.

And Andante's been listening to me telling her she can

What a positive thread!

I'm feelinh useless at the moment, listening to a recording of myself, and it is total rubbish...and my fingers won't work today either.

Oh dear - it must be the weather or something! I know that all the complainants are much better musicians than they feel at the moment, and yes, Amber, it's that after-the-concert feeling. You'll pick up again. Hope the visit to your aunt wasn't too awful - it's so sad when people get like that and there's not a lot you can do about it. Your visits may not be appreciated, but you know from your heart that you've done your best.

Thank you - it's good to know that these feelings are normal. That'll help me to keep some sort of perspective on things.

The visit to my aunt went quite well all things considered. The Home seemed quite restful and chilled, apart from one or two residents. I felt awful about the lady who came up to me four times with her hat and coat on asking me to take her home - I just had to keep saying sorry, but I didn't know where Chalk Pit Lane was. Auntie Maisie defended her box of Quality Street from all other would-be chocolate munchers, without resorting to verbal abuse, which has got to be a first. And she told me that she fancied my 17 year old son (I explained that unfortunately he has a girlfriend). I'm starting to get to know the other residents now, which is a help. They all look so elderly and frail, I feel very protective towards them all. The staff all seem very nice, and I admire their caring skills.



Amber
x

Glad it went well, Amber

My apologies Sarah for going off at a tangent on this thread. Enough of Auntie Maisie! How are you feeling now? I hope you have been able to get back on course, and aren't giving yourself a hard time.

Gentle hugs



Amber
x

Ambs, don't apologise - no need *hug* - the empathy is appreciated!

I had such a productive day on Monday - and then have spent the rest of the week recovering! I guess I'm still not as strong healthwise as I would like! I have discovered, though, that practising in the bathroom or at chapel, with better acoustics, is more productive and less depressing... so here's hoping that I can do that more often and it will make me feel more positive.