I am teaching a delightful girl who is extremely quiet. Her equally lovely mother sits in on the lesson every week which is absolutely fine with me. I have just started teaching the girl the Prep stuff but she refuses to sing a note in the Listening Games which is fine with Prep as she can play the 3notes instead. But what happens when gd 1 comes along? She is a quick learner so it won't be too long before I give her the Gd 1 aural.She is so inhibited and I am going to have a go this week at gradually introducing a few notes each lesson. I just wonder whether she is inhibited because her mother is there and if she would just sing for me and whether I should mention this to her mother before the lesson.

I'm not a teacher but I'm fairly shy about singing myself so just thought I'd reply. I'd give it a couple more tries and if she still refuses to sing then I'd discuss it with the mother just to see if she can shed any light on it. She might just be quite shy and scared so just try to reassure her that you're not going to laugh/get cross if she doesn't get the right answers.

Good luck with it.

She will probably sing for the examiner - even my most reluctant pupil opened her mouth and actually ended up with a good mark when I pointed out that if she did nothing - she would get 0, but with only 3 notes in grade 1 she had a very good chance of getting something.

I run workshops for aural, they do seem to lean much better in a group.

Try singing along with her in her 'replies' (or rather, her singing along with you!) - once she has done that a few times, she'll probably be fine. I have found this always works with reluctant singers.

But I would also think about the mother NOT sitting in, if the daughter is shy. I was painfully shy as a child, and I vividly remember being taken to the dentist for the first time ever and refusing to open my mouth for him. My mother was in the room, and I KNEW - while I was sitting in the dentist's chair refusing - that if my mum hadn't been there I WOULD have opened my mouth for him .

If your pupil is (subconsciously) inhibited by her mother's presence at her lessons, it'll be hard for you to forge the nice easy-going teacher-pupil relationship that you need. After all, the mother wouldn't be sitting at the back of the child's class at school keeping an eye on her, would she?!

She must be shy to sing in front of her mother.
As a 16 year old boy, I would DEFINITELY NOT SING IN FRONT OF MY MOTHER or in fact, any of my family members. I rather sing with my friends so that we will all end up laughing at the wonderful orchestra of toads that we created.

you from NZ too??

I'm another person who drives my teachers insane by refusing to sing. In my violin lessons my teacher normally sings it with me, which i am perfectly happy doing, and in my flute lessons we resorted to humming instead of singing.

I agree though that having her mother in the room might not help - i wouldn't sing in front of my mum.

Will she hum or whistle? Sing as she plays? Students are permitted to play back responses instead of sing them for all grades- I assume the key chord being sounded and named is all that is given to find the starting note.

I haven't taught aural to a pupil yet, nor have I taught children, only an adult. I was also shy at singing as a child, but I did get over it. The majority of children in my school seemed quite happy to sing, at assemblies etc. I understand this is not true everywhere, some schools have little if any singing at assemblies. Would it help to sing regularly to her or with her, to show that really there is no big deal about singing. Have you ever tried solfa, because I found this actually gave more meaning and more interest than simply 'lah lah lah' etc. What also crosses my mind is her mother sits in every week. Is it worth suggesting that she doesn't, at least occassionally? Some teachers insist on parents being at lessons until the child is 16 or even 18, which surely can't help.

My experience says it is natural to be shy singing to people, but a bit of encouragement will help them over it. Now I happily sing to anyone, even as a multi instrumentalist who does not include singing as an 'instrument' I play. Hope you sort it eventually.

For grades 1 - 3 they have to sing (or hum or whistle).
At grade 4 there is the option to sing or play back the melody but at that point sight singing comes in.

I fnd that some children find it difficult to pitch to the piano when they first start singing, but can copy quite easily to the human voice. If they are reluctant, I start by singing with them - they're usually happy to do that; we then move on to copying what I sing, and then I play a note on the piano, I sing it and they sing it back to me. Eventually they get to the stage where they can pitch to the piano. Often it's just that they are shy about singing on their own, but happy if there's a group of them. I had a pupil once who refused point blank to sing for me on her own, although she was quite happy singing in youth choir.

I had a lovely girl who also absolutely refused to sing (due to embarassment!). It was the first time it had ever happened to me! We ended up just going over the test with me playing it and singing it back so she knew what to expect. She swore she would sing in the exam (Grade 1) and she did - ending up with a merit. I wonder if the same thing will happen with Grade 2?!

Young children find it far easier to pitch from the human voice - essentially this is how we learn to speak too - and with little or no regular singing in schools these days I try to incorporate some singing games into instrumental lessons right from the start. If you introduce singing as part of the instrumental training from Day One the child does not see it as an "add on" or "something we do for exams" and will eventually pitch from the piano (or other instrument) quite happily. Similarly in group situations the children become happy singing as a team and will volunteer to sing unaccompanied without any inhibition or self-consciousness.

Experience will tell you just from a child's speaking voice as to where their "natural" pitch will be, or ask the child to sing soh mi lah soh mi (I've yet to meet a child who cannot!) and start on a small note range around that natural pitching area and gradually extend it.

Try it - it works!

Bag x

I was (am?) very shy and refused to sing for years. Some people have mentioned singing in groups but this was what ended up making me refuse to sing at all. I used to go to a Saturday morning music school where we had group aural lessons and we used to have to stand up and sing individually in front of all the others. Loathe is not a strong enough word for what I used to feel about doing this and I can remember standing there, getting redder and redder as time passed and being increasingly unable to open my my mouth. This was the reason I gave up going to the music school as soon as I had passed grade 5 theory even though I enjoyed everything else we did there and would, in fact, have liked to have done grade 6 theory.

Eventually (age 17) my second piano teacher did get me to sing for the aural but I am afraid I can no longer remember how. I do know that I originally insisted that he teach me the keyboard skills (which was an option instead of aural for grades 6-8 at the time) and that he agreed to do so only if I would then try the aural tests. He was a very kind, patient man and I trusted him which I think helped a lot. I do think it is very much a question of confidence and, as others have said, would probably be easier if the mother is not in the room. I know my own daughter, who is also very shy, is marginally more talkative when I am not there.

Much to my shame I have to admit that I am proabably just about as paranoid about singing now as I was twenty years ago. Occasionally my oboe teacher has asked me to sing something before playing it on the oboe and my instincitve reaction is to refuse. It is only the fact that I am an adult and have a few more social graces that prevents me refusing outright, although I can't help myself saying each time that I don't know how to sing and at the same time knowing that I can sing better when no one is listening.

The problem I have teaching aural to painfully shy pupils is that they know I'm a singer and teach singing so they clam up when it comes to aural tests.

I think keeping aural training going between exams is the answer. My piano pupils know I'm not after a great performance, just and accuracy of response.

Keep using encouraging language and she'll open up eventually. Be patient and when you realise that today is not a good day, calmly say so, and try again another day.

You do not want your pupil to have the type of negative experience that Kerioboe has quite candidly and painfully described. (Well done Keri you have proven my theory that forcing does not work)

I get them to hum, and also point out that the examiner won't be marking their singing voice at all, just their ears!

Patience being the operable word - it took me over a year to accept to sing anything with my piano teacher. It is also vitally important not to wait too long for a response. If someone shy is going to sing they will do so straight away, or not at all and waiting only makes it harder.



I would have thought it was more than a theory. You cannot force someone to sing if they have decided (for whatever reason) not to.
(Nor can you force them to speak either, for that matter - I used to get into trouble at school in much the same way for not answering questions).




This is a perfectly logical remark. Unfortunately (for the non-singers amongst us) the refusal to sing is completely illogical. After all, we know that we can get marks just for attempting so this should be sufficent motivation.

I think it is to do with the voice being such a private (or maybe intimate would be a better term) instrument. With every other "external" instrument you are expressing yourself through the instrument whereas I feel with singing you are totally exposed.

I remember the utter dread of having to stand next to the piano and SING for aural test practice - some pathetic squeak would come out as I was petrified of 'getting it wrong'.

Someone must have made some sort of remark about my singing fairly early on in senior school, as I remember standing in assembly with my mouth firmly shut for years.

It was only when I started teaching infants that I started to sing with them and found I really enjoyed it - and they would say things like 'You have a lovely voice, Miss Rowsell' - awwwwww...

Now I can't imagine life without singing. I do it all the time, in front of just about anyone. I'm not 'a singer' but I'm now (almost!) totally confident about singing because my Kodaly training has taught me to pitch accurately (I think I always did sing with naturally good intonation, but solfa work has helped me so much to be sure that I'm singing the right pitch all the time).

And, as Bagpuss says - get them young if possible and get them singing from Day One as part of each lesson.

I teach in a primary school with 420 pupils. I think I have about 3 or 4 who still like to sing with someone else and are not yet confident enough to sing on their own - but all the rest will sing on their own if I ask them to. It's just part of my lesson - and they've learned not to be scared of it because I work hard to create a mutually supportive and encouraging atmosphere in which each person's contribution is valued. Also I have lots of games that include solo singing in a fun way! One of my big aims is for children to perceive singing to be as natural as speaking.

So best of luck to everyone trying to either overcome this problem for themselves or on behalf of their students.

It CAN be done - I did it.

This would probably solve some problems but not all. As an extremely shy child I was almost as paranoid about speaking as I was about singing. I would clam up completely and be unable to say anything if I was expected to speak in front of a group. In a one to one situation I would only answer a question if I was absolutely sure I knew the right answer (and since I was lacking in self-confidence this was not very often)and even then used to speak so quietly that most of the time what I was saying was inaudible. I must have been an absolute nightmare to teach and am all the more grateful for my second piano teacher's patience which eventually enabled me to get 18/18 for grade 6!

Humming is definitely a way in. Getting rid of the mum might well help, too, but probably not instantly.

Once she is prepared to sing a little bit, if you can persuade her to really go for it, it actually helps. The "pathetic little squeak" which comes out when one is nervous actually doesn't encourage one to try again. I do singing like pop singers - really hamming it up (I do a demo first which has them rolling round the floor laughing) - with lots of praise and encouragement when they have a go. It doesn't matter if it sounds awful or is really out of tune at this stage!

I used to be terrified too, but once I understood that my vocal quality wasn't important, it made a big difference. It's surprising how many children think they will be awarded marks according to how "good" their singing is. I sometimes demonstrate the test in the most gruff, gravelly voice I can muster, and explain how even that voice would gain full marks if they repeated the phrase correctly and immediately. It usually makes them laugh and encourages them to have a go.

Until my early 20s I really thought I couldn't sing, though that didn't stop me singing in choirs where I would be "drowed out"! However, a couple of years ago I set myself the challenge of grade 1 singing, and got 127. I found I enjoyed it so much that later in the year I did grade 2 (138) and grade 4 (also 127). If I can do it, there's hope for my shy students! Now I love singing and don't mind aural at all. Grade 8 saxophone next week - aargh!

I think the step by step approach is a good one, just get her to sing alittle bit, and then alittle bit more, untill she see's that singing is nothing different than playing an instrument.

Of course it is so much more difficult for the painfully shy person as you were, kerioboe. I don't think I was quite as shy as you but not far off. I certainly would have rather the ground opened up and swallow me than speak in a school lesson.

There is a little boy in Year 2 in my school who is causing the teachers some concerns as he doesn't speak at all in class. But guess who was the first today to volunteer to sing something on his own??? Yes, in a teeny tiny voice but a spot-on accurate one. Amazing!

Best of luck - there have been some very good suggestions on this thread.