Well, I'm off to get my hair curled, and to buy some more plastic glasses!

Purple is it? Shame on you. You're supposed to wear peach or cream at all times. (whispers loudly to neighbour in the manner of an old lady who believes her comment will terribly discreet and pass unnoticed but in fact wakes up people in the next town) I knew her when she went to school - I always said she'd never amount to anything.



Do you know, you'd lose your teeth if they weren't in a glass next to you. Here's your knitting.

All the gear and no idea.

*peers myopically at knitting being offered*

No, dear, that's not mine. Mine had stripes.

*hands on hips, and spurs at Rosfrog with neon yellow umbrella*

Perhaps it's mine then... was I knitting? Don't remember. I've got some murray mints we could suck loudly during an otherwise quiet concert if you like? Might put the musicians off - could be a larf?



Harsh! And by harsh I mean the choice of umbrella colour, although it's acceptable if it has a duck's head for a handle. I'm only jealous of your purple coat really, the last time I wore purple, people kept whispering 'Ribena Berry' when I walked past - mind it did match my varicose veins a treat, so that was a bonus.

Oh dears, dears, dears. My poor wee doggy. It sneezed, I think it might die. Anyone seen my slippers?

*points to the corner where there are some slippers*

*smoothes wrinkles from eyelids and sits up hunched* Hello me dears, nice to see you've all been busy. Well I think it's quite rude of that upstart Renie to go claiming she's the important one around here. I'm at least two posts older I'll have you know! *mumble warble* I'll go and wake up Doris and see what she says. *goes and jumps on Doris who remains asleep,*

Mable/Gladys

I agree - we were all down the bridge club when the idea was suggested and Mabel makes a luvly cup of pg. (mind she can't make a decent cake to save her life, but I never said that).

What is it with you young people nowadays? Don't they teach spelling in them new-fangled schools that these young whipper-snappers like Judith go to???

It's MabEL and DEIRDRE. Please write a hundred lines and amend the list, Judith!

Gertie

Ooh you little snitch, I never told anyone about your "rock" cakes! Anyway that young Renie, she can't make a decent cuppa either, her tea tastes like dishwater and her coffee tastes like tea!

They don't spell names like back when Granny were a lad. . .*waffle blather*

Bridge club? Always preferred a good ol' whist drive myself!

Goodnight everyone!

beryl-clari

I'm sure this idea has come up before...


That is a dangerous thing to say round here! you never know what someone might come up with!


??


I already do...


Don't tell Andy!


*delayed reaction*

Ow!

Muttermuttergrumbleinmydaymilleniumhandandshrimp...

Anyone want beetroot?

He's in Scotland for a week, he'll never know

- Dorothy

Morning Dears

I'm a bit slow this morning (whispers behind hand) - it's me legs ya'know!)

Once I get my hair net off and my teeth settled, I'll be alright. There's no need to fuss, no really....I'll be ok. I'm used to it.

This tea's too hot, can you put some more milk in......tut, That's too much, now!!

Not that I'm complaining now! I shall have to go to the Floorum Cafe.....what's that? oh, FORUM Cafe. It was a smart restaurant when I was a lad gal. You could get a nice scone and a pot of tea for 1/9d and still have change for a sailor. But that's another story.

Must go. Tablets are working

Yer Great Aunt Dilys

Calendar??...yes I think some of the young 'uns were thinking about this last year, but you know they aint got the bottle, nothing came of it. I'll have July please (if its not gone) then I will be up for a full 31 days and it will be warm enough for me not to get goose bumps.

Now who's knitting what for the bring and buy, and don't forget I'll be on the jam stall as usual...I think I have a couple of jars of marmalade left from Egham I can put in to start it off.

-Edna-

I'd like a warm month for a completely different reason!

I must say that I take great exception to Martha Car Expert using my name.

If you forget your name dear, then ask the nurse. She'll tell you who you are.

We'd get in a right pickle if everyone had two names...

How much is it worth to keep your secret??

I'm happy to do January because that's my birthday month, so long as someone will give me a hand in with the double bass.

Do you think we'll make enough money to keep the Forums up and running or should we be planning a Bring & Buy Sale as well? I'd hate it if it had to close - it's the only chance I get to get out and meet people nowadays.

Win
x

I know what you mean Win! Maybe we could have a B & B sale and a knitting competition as well, just to make sure.

Aggie

A nice game of Bingo always goes down a treat, with a cup of tea and a nice Garibaldi.

Peggy.

Count me in for the bingo, Peggy!

Aggie

Oooooh, Bingo! I love a nice game of Housey-Housey

I just have one question for Great Aunt Dilys - DOES MATRON KNOW YOU'RE OUT?????



Gert xx

*Screeching*

I'LL MAKE BISCUITS ME DEARIES, ONLY THREE MONTHS OLD MADE WITH ME OWN SPECIAL RECIPE!

I do love me Bingo...

Hello me ducks

What about your ducks Dot??

Aggie

But...what ducks...you're my ducks....now, haven't you grown

Ducks? I thought they was Agatha's slippers.

Oh dear...never mind, a cuppa will sort it

It will need to be a strong cuppa....

Did I miss something here dearies?




They was. But they's not now.

Cuppa for me please dearest

Out, dear?? I thought I'd tucked them in before I left for my organ lesson with that lovely Diapason chap. A little walk every morning does yer constitution a power of good.
mumbles gotmehandbagandmerenniesand2pforthetram

MY TEETH WHERE'S MY TEETH ...........oh, undermycopyofBachfortheBewildered.

Me teeths AAAAAALLL me own don't you know. I paid the last instalment in 1947

Can't beat the Co-op. Always was the best, always will be.

Gretch

Them's my teeth, you daft besom - the bottom set don't fit you. You lent yours to Queenie, d'ye remember? She needed 'em for taking the hard skin off her feet and said yours was the only ones sharp enough.

Now give me me gnashers back, I've got a plate full of belly pork and dumplins wants chewin' here.

Renie

What's that me dearies?

Now, me ducks, I can't remember where I lives... Give us a help...

Eeeeeeeee, well, I'll go to't foot of our stairs. Ya right Renie, now I think of it. They ARE yours. Ya can tell, 'cos there's that little label on the pink bit that says "Property of Broadmoor Hospital - DO NOT REMOVE except for cleaning"

So who the devil's got mine?

And I 've put a drop or two of Bisodol in your Milk Stout - you'll need it after the dumplings specially if they're from t' Foreman Cafe

I make me own!!!!! very proud of my dumplings I am!

Great Aunt Dilys

<adds extra wrinkles to support tights and buttons up all three of the cardigans she's wearing>

I like the sound of this club, can I join? I've got a whole cupboard full of lily of the valley talcum powder, and I'm 88, you know.

Got to go now, need to put the sprouts on for Christmas, but will call in after my nap to check on calendar updates (count me in - my Fred always said that what I couldn't do with a triangle wasn't worth doing!)

I'm 92, you know.

Enid XXX

Welcome to OLTVA Enid!
What was that? Did you say you were 96? You really don't look it!

Aggie

Look at this me dears, they've changed the name of the thread just for us. That old dear Angharumadnid Blouse or something like that who says she's a 'bored model-waiter' said she thought it'd be a good idea. *toothless grin*

YES thank you Cyrilla! I should know - my mum was Mabel (she hated the name!!)

Can I be Flo if it's still going??

Ooh, please let me be Elsie!

The youth of today, in my day they'd bee playing hoop and stick and hopscotch!

No chance to be children, the poor little nippers.

Anyone seen my spectacles. I can't see anything without my spectacles?

Elsie

Elsie dear, pop on your fake pearls, grab a cameo brooch and change your signature - you're in the OLTVA whist drive.

Renie

Eeeeeee (as they say oooop 'ere) I've just had a lovely nap. Good job the nice bus driver woke me up at t'terminus, otherwise Id'da bin through't bus wash.

Trouble is ow do I find me way 'ome.

Where are we?.................'ALIFAX?????

I only wanted to go home from Tesco down't road. Me fish fingers'll be all soggy!!

Did someone mention Whist Drive? Watch that Enid! She doesn't wear double gusset directoires for nowt. She hides 'er ace cards ooop ther. What are we playing for...cash or joint of pork and a packet of Paxo???

Dilys......GREAT AUNT Dilys to you!!

'Av we got an Ena in't club!?

Eeeee baaah goooom! Us lot were right saddened today tha' knows. This lad in t'year above died on Sat'd'y. Don't know hoo. Right saddening, 'twas.

I said "'Oo wants a cuppa?!"

A weak one, luvvie with four sugars

Be an angel and pour it int't saucer. Save me doin it. Me hands is all shaky.

'Ere y'are, luvvie. Me hand slipped luv, it's got five sugar in now. 'Ope that's okay luvvie.

eeeeeeeeee slurp............loovely. Any digestives! (dunk, dunk)

I bin to't Diapason's Adult Education Class today - "Keyboards for the Kranky" 'e calls it. Cheeky beggar!
Lovely 'ead of 'air he 'as. Pity it's nearly grey. Wonder why at 'is age.

He was telling us about 't pipe organ in church. Says it has Rheumatic action. I says' should be ok for me to play then

Eeee cheeky that, in't'it!!

Oooo I've got me viola lesson a week Thursd'y. Does thee reckon I should put it in me diary? I don't think I can think that far ahead!

Did I tell thee I've got a viola lesson tomorrow? I can't waiit!