Mules are great things. Not at all hard to train and not as flighty as horses. Mules are good at driving too. Your donkey cross horse will be good for training in harness or as a kids fun-runaround. By the way it will be a jennet and not a hinny as it is a cross from a donkey mare and a stallion so there Summat. Are you coming to help Great May move into Pwll y Perchyll today? (She can't say its name without spitting out her false teeth yet)

Oh dear, not more boxes May? Just how much stuff have you got? And SIX wardrobes for your clothes?

I think that May needs a bigger house or a few trips to the car boot sale to get rid of some of these old tarty clothes of hers Lidd.

(takes virutal trip to Wales)

I found these en-route (un-packs boot-full of tea chests) I dug them out of a skip as I was passing. I didn't think anyone had kept their tea-chests much better than cardboard boxes eh Addy and May?

I though a Jennet was a female donkey not a cross-breed. Anyway snowys baby should be the good natured type... unless he/she takes after its racehorse father!

Jack and Jenny are the terms used for donkeys but a hinny when the dad is a donk and the mum is a horse and a jennet when the mam is a donk and the dad is a horse. Just ask my Dobbin. He knows everything about horses, mules, ponies and donks not to mention asses and jennets and hinnies. Some of his best friends are jennets.
Those tea chests will be very handy for when Great May chucks away lots of thes stuff. She could do a boot sale on her own with all of this lot.
Not another case of clothes May! Where will you put it all?
Time for a panad I think. Where did you hide your tea bags May? And your biscuits? This is hungry work you know. Actually we could just pop down to the Purple Camel for a snack, if you pay.

Hey ho. We've nearly finished. Almost unpacked. I'm glad I paid for someone to clean first
Now, let's put the kettle on, and Addy can explain to us all how to say the name.
Biscuit anyone??
May.


OK the Camel it is then. I need no encouragement
May.

Can I come too. After all It was me that bought those tea-chests! Now whats May getting us all to drink. I'm off the booze for a week after picking up an infection from that harem. So ist a Pint of cola for me!

The Camel do great veggie lasagne with lots of leeks and onions and Welsh cheese on top.
Your house is called Pwll and you say PULL like you do in English but for the ll at the end you bung your tongue behind your top teeth and blow out of one side. That's the easy bit. Oh dear, May. Please point the other way when you try! That was rather unpleasant! The y is just pronounced like uh. This will be easy for you as you say it all of the time when you are pretending to think. The Perchyll bit at the end...... just say
PEAR (like the fruit) then gob a bit in the back of your throat as if you have swallowed a big fly, then ILL and do the double ll like the first one you did but pointing away from me this time. See, that's all there is to it. Don't forget to say Bore Da at the camel as you are one of the locals now.
Fancy a pint of cider May? Better get a pint of cola for Summat too. She's just arrived.

Thnaks Add, poor Elsie.
Lovely day, shall we sit in the garden Add?? Ooooooh, Bore Daaaaaaaaaaahhhhh to you too. He's nice Addy, is he available?? The one in the tweeds with the black ladrodork.
May.

The Lasagna sounds great.

Good god I'm being accosted by a large balck dog. What on earth did you say to the man in Tweeds?

No May, he isn't available at all. That was Victor the vet. He is seventy-two and has a new wife of twenty-three and a very new baby of two weeks old. His labbradonk might like a new home though if he carries on like that.
Put Summat Down You Bad Boy!

I'll have some ice cubes in my next cider please May.

Would you like me to draw you a picture for your new wall May? I'm a good artist when I get inspired. What would you like? A herd of cows, a big goat, a sheep perhaps?

Just as long as its not a harem, I think May would be happy.

Have you thought what you might do with you sky-blue chiffon beaded number? Might make a nice window surround for a boudoir?

How about a portrait of Damien Lewis Addy?? You know, the one with the red hair
I might use the blue number as a window dressing Elsie
What a lovely afternoon. Can't wait to spend my first night in Wales.
May.

Hello ladies!! Am I too late to help you's unpack?? Oh dear...I am sorry.. My May what a place ya got 'ere then. Welcome ta ya noo 'ome darlin'. 'Ow d'ya say it Add? "Pull a Pear" ? Funny old name innit? Still, I suppose it sahnds better in ya goo ga goff lingo ay sweet? I can't be doin' wiv that spittin'!

Why can't ya wait fer ya first night then May? Got annuvver "virus" lined up 'ave ya?!

You don't mean George Lewis do you May? He is the sheep farmer with the red hair who killed his wife and then burried her under the new swimming pool that he built. Why do you want a picture of him? And anyway I don't think that I fancy doing a sitting with him. He might not be safe. I'll do a sheep instead.
Do you lot want to come over to mine for some pot luck supper? May's place isn't ready to eat in yet. We could all have eggs on toast and some home made lemonade. I made it with some oranges left over after the last market. They had run out of lemons.

I love my new cottage called "Pull a pear", puts me in mind of me really.............38 F, size that is
I was Meaning Damien Lewis the actor Addy, nothing to do with dead bodies under the swimming pool at all.
He's dead posh you know, been to Eton. Wonder if he ate Eton Mess
Liddy..................don't go there
It's ice cream, cream, meringue and strawberries if you really want to know
No virus lined up, just fancied the vet, but he's taken, and married men are not my game.
May.

Not goin' orf wiv married men?? Ya changin' ya ways then swee'eart?! 38F?? In ya dreams lovey. You's a 56DD an' not an inch smaller!!

Don't 'ang ya "smalls" on the line ducky..locals will fink they've gotta neclipse of the sun!! Hehehehehe!

Learnt any Welsh yet ave ya?

'Ere Add...what's Welsh fer "I want my moosic an' I wannit NOW!!..if you'd be so kind Maybeline!"

I AM HALF WELSH. My better half . My Grandad was from Anglesey.
Addy is teaching me. I'll soon be able to chat the men up in their own lingo, although I've always found that words are never really needed.
May.

Oooooooooh dear...Wales will never be the same agen.....

Wales will be the same as it has always been, full of people who are passionate and musical
Great Aunt May.

Plus Great May!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its just a pity Wales is so far from East Anglia. I had to return home before the housewarming got into full swing.

Probably best you did Summat. We all got completely sozzled, especially Addy.SHe was on the home-made carrot wine..........BIG mistake. Liddy got the home-made Elderflower, and is currently recovering in a dark room. I took my hang-over remedy and am Ok-ish. Having lots of fluids, of the non-alcoholic kind.
Great Aunt May.

It would have been good to watch,, I have to be booze free for another 8 days.

It's a bloomin' great blessin' Wales is sa far away from Kent!!!!!!!!!!!! No offence, Addy darlin'!!!

'Ere, May...'ow ya gonna tear yaself away from those big fellas what play football wiv the funny shaped balls then??

Great May is certainly making herself at home here in my quiet little village. She has joined the chapel choir, Merched y Wawr, the walking club, the darts team in the Purple Camel, the mobile library and put in a weekly order for fish with the fish man. I have never had so many visitors dropping in just to find out who she is and what she does.
I think that the local rugby team is safe so far as they practise on the same evening as the choir meetings.
Having a quiet night in watching the radio after her party!

Cor..she's made 'erself at 'ome right enuff Add. Poor you darlin' ay? Anyfing good on ya radio? I spotted quite a bitta dust on it if ya don't mind me sayin' so swee'eart.

Feelin' a bit green rahnd the gills are ya? Take a dollop of me cure all stuff and you's be right as rain ducky.

I'll think of something
Addy dear, fancy a walk in the morning, along the coast path??
May on a get fit campaign.

I like to keep the radio dusty Lidd. It is where I write my reminder notes for the coming week. There wasn't really much on, apart from a piece on local radio welcoming May to the village. It described her as a former singer and night club proprietress! She kept that very quiet. She has joined the patchwork club too now. Perhaps she is a reformed character.

A walk along the coast path? Yes, if I make Dobbin do the walking. You can tag along on Eddie if you like. You'll get just as fit.

I love a bit of stitch'n'bi*ch Addy. Are you a member too??
I'm making a table-runner at the moment in double wedding ring pattern
May.

Stroof..you's gettin' wed already May? Not that agen..I don't fink me nerves would cope. I still ain't got over bein' jilted yet by that...by that....you know who..

Ya speakin' wiv a Welsh accent yet then May, ay May are ya May? Boyo?

Oh dear, you aren't planning a double wedding are you May? The only things that I do are conduct the local bingo sessions and supermarket raids on the skips after hours. You'll have to come next time. Get making a patchwork camouflage gear ready for the next one.

No I'm not getting married, it's just a pattern they use in patchwork you daft hap'worths
What do you raid skips for Addy??
May.

I raid the skips so that I can eat during the coming weekl Great May! I am a poor old duck living on a modest pension and a second even more modesty pension from the investment that I made after winning that itch card thing a few months ago. The skips are full, and I really do meam FULL of wonderful stuff for the taking if you can get it. Last raid was brilliant! I got dozens of tins of baked beans that were dented, loaves of bread, packs of butter, marmite, honey, sprouts, carrots, Easter eggs by the ton and cut flowers. If you are hungry come over and have some beans on slightly past its sell by date bread. We can have choc eggs for pud!

(I am not at all sure about having Great May living nextdoor to me Lidd. She can be quite wild as you know. The male voice choir will have to watch themselves. I don't want to loose my spot with them as their soprano soloist when they go on tour and if I get a bad reputation because of May it could happen. Now then, about Leeds Lidd. We need a practice. Fancy coming over on the weekend or shall we just sing it to each other from the telephone boxes?)

Hi Addy and Liddy and Summat Else. I had to tell you that I had a great morning with the male voice choir rehersal. I was out for a walk, and came across them in the village hall by the harbour. Lovely bunch of lads they are
Anyway, they asked me in to listen to them, and I ended up making tea and cakes for them. Superb voices they have.
The conductor asked me out for a drink So I'm off to the Royal Tudor for a supper tonight with Ifor Engine. Such a nice man, and not attached at all so he tells me. Big biceps, and a lovely old racing car, a Lamburger
Great Aunt May.

Ivor not attached May? Well perhaps not with a piece of paper and in the legal sense, no, but his live-in lady of sixty-one years would not agree and neither would Bethan at number 12 or Angharad at number 45. Don't be fooled May! You are new here and you don't know our ways yet. He chose the Royal Tudor because none of the locals ever go there. It is run by a retired fish and chip shop owner from Oldham!
Stick to the patchwork until you settle in May. Then you won't get into trouble.

Don't you like people from Oldham Add?? What's wrong with them?? Are they a bit odd, do they have a funny accent or something??
He didn't turn up anyway Never mind, I wa a bit tired from all the unpacking anyway.
Fancy a panad Add??
Lidd's a bit quiet???
May.
P.S I'm bored, we need to do somehting.

Panad is brewing as we speak Great May. Nothing wrong with Oldham, it is just that he is very anti-Welsh and we don't like him making fun of our language or banning his staff from speaking any in the pub. He imagines that they are all talking about him I suppose, He is also smelly and swears a lot so I am not too fond of him, and I don't suppose that he is typical of the good folks of Oldham.
I you are bored we could plan a summer recital if you like. Bring a pile of your party pieces over and we'll see what we can put together. I wonder where Lidd has got to. She isn't usually this quiet. Do you think that she and that Love-em-and-leave-em-Larry are off up to no good somewhere?

Bet they are having a dirty weekend as we speak. Better not tell them it's mid-week
Does he really mock the Welsh language?? What a rat.........oh, I'd better not use that term What a snake then
I shan't go there then.
By the way, I need to learn Welsh, are there any night schools or anything?? Can I practise on you Add????
I'll put the music in the bag Add, and we can have a sing song.
I'll bring the Welsh Whisky to add to the panad Add.
May.

He is a skunk I tell you, May! Whisky? Not for me thank you. I have to keep my beautiful voice at its best for Leeds. So do you by the way so I would cut down a little if i were you May.

(Thank goodness that I'm not eh Lidd! )

Now let's have a look at this music of yours.

I always think that I sing better when I've had a few Addy?? Don't you??
May

May old Bean, I agree that you certainly Do think that you sing better after a few. The rest of us don't though! You tend to alter texts most alarmingly and it really isn't good for your vocal health to booze morn, noon and night. You might like to cun out the fourth cup of extra strong coffee at your breakfast and the cigars too.

Why do you have a copy of The Dambusters March arranged for solo bassoon and hosepipe May?

I like my cigars Add, they are so soothing.
What's wrong with the hosepipe?? I can play it and you play the dandelion. We could do an unusual duet of "The Floral Dance". maybe Terry will do a solo spot for us
OK, I'll try to cut down a little, but taxes will go up to make up for the lost revenue
May.............

'Ello ladies..what you's up to then? Gaspin' fer a panad I am..pour us one then Addy darlin'. Ta everso. I bin singin' and bangin' on me piana ready fer Leeds. I gotta very important person comin' ta see me on Sundy so's I gotta practice all hours of the night an' day!

You bin singin' June River then May? Ya musta bin really busy darlin' seein' as I ain't got nuffing from ya in the post as yet!!

'ow ya's copin' wiv May then Add? Gorn doo dally 'ave ya darlin'? It's all a bit bazaar ta me!!

Cor, this cuppas bloomin' marvellus Add.

Watcha Lidd. Graet May and I are planning a summer concert. You can be in it too if you like.
May seems to be settling in well. She can almost cough and spit her house name now, and she has met Dobbin and Eddie.
What do you think of singinng "Three Little Maids"?

I'll be there darlin'!! Three Little Maids ay??!! We's get arrested under the descriptions act fingy!!!! Hehehe!! Bin a long time since we were free little maids Add!! "Pull A Pear"...."Pull A Pear"....'ow comes I can say it wivout no spittin' then Add? Quite easy ta say innit?

Pwll y Perchyll you old twirp, not Pull a Pear. Dear Me!
We could do a recital in May's new garden if she tidies it up a bit. It would be better than my field.

I'm tidying the garden as we speak. It will be an oasis of peace and tranquility, that is until Addy starts singing
Not sure about 3 little maids Addy, what about Roll Out The Barrel???
May, with dirt under her finger nails.
P,S You coming round Addy, to put the kettle on. I've got some smoked salmon and baguettes
Liddy, Elsie, are you coming too??

When is this virtual concert... count me in. After all It was my singing of the Terrapin song that got us rescued from that Harem.

On my way now Great May. The baggy bread sounds good but you will have to make the salmon look like a piece of soya burger as I am a veggie. By the way would you like a pet spider? There is a lovely one in my kitchen and I thought that you might enjoy having him in yours, for company when we are not there. It will be like having a dog but far easier. I have been calling him Eric and he seems to like it.

Yep...you's gorn an' lost the plot Addy me old duck! I noo it wouldn' be long after May moved in..

Cuppa panad Eric??!

Did I ever have a plot Lidd? I don't think that Eric liked his panad much, especially when he fell in and drowned! Would you like his corpse for one of your hats?
I am making leek soup later. Come round if you fancy some Lidd. May's cooking is a bit too upper class for me. All quails and smoked fish and dainty portions. Not me at all.
How is your piano playinmg these days old bean? May is threatening to get another double bass after you wrecked the last one. We will need to play loud stuff to drown her. She isn't much of a bass player either!