Thank you sweetness. I feel I could take on the world
Great Aunt May, who is off to bed now.

Great stuff, great May!

It is a lovely sunny day here. Who fancies a picnic by the sea? If we take Eddie and Dobbin two can go in the cart and the others can sit on him. If we pass Rusty Bucket-Head we'll steal his hobby horse too. That'll accomodate one more.
We can sing madrigals on the sand for the tourists.
Take the camers too Lidd, for the photo trick!

Ready when you's lot are. I got me old box brownie camera...no film though, so we'll 'ave ta pretend we's takin' pictures, ay?

May's as high as a kite after last night so she's can fly ta the beach! I'll still 'ave to 'um ya mad fings, but it'll be a laff ay gels?



Lidd x

Can I tag along gels?

It's donkey's years since I went galivantin' to the beach...

Jeannie x

I suppose ya can sweet. Looks like it's just you an' me anyways, Jonnie.

No idea where the uvvers are. You'll get used ta this Joanie. Someone suggests a day aht, then they disappear on ya...

Unless we're on the wrong beach of course..d'ya reckon we's lost Jean Jeannie?

I'm sure I don't recognise that pillar over there...or is it a fella? Me eyes aren't what they used to be you see love...

I thinks we might be lost. Oh dear. Deary me...What shall we do?

We did the ovvers go to? A bit rude of 'em not to wait fer us if you ask me...

Stroof darlin'...we're a right pair ay? You can't see...I ain't got me voice back yet..blimey lovey...I fink the old tides comin' in an' all....

I know's what...I'll get up on that rock and wave me red draws abaht...someone'll find us..don't you fret yaself Jacky...

**Clambers onto rock and waves red under garment about**


Cor...me arm don't 'alf ache Janey....Janey?? Where ya gorn gel?

Oh my, me feet are soaked darlin'! Gosh, there's sand inbetween me toes. I thought going to the beach wis meant to be fun?!

Lidd! Put your underwear back on!!

(Don't think that's goin' to 'elp us get rescued somehow...)

Well...if you's got any better ideas I'd love to 'ear 'em now before we bofe get bloomin' well drahned!!!

**Starts singing (in a croaky voice).. "Nearer my God to thee, nearer to thee...."**

I don't wanna drahn, Juney....

I'm too young to die!

I wish ah'd taken them swimmin' lessons I wis offered - blinkin' lovely fella he was too...

Darn it...the water's almost over me ankles now - 'ere, give us an 'and onto that rock will ya?

What are we going to do Lidd?

We could always foller that sign what says "Way out" !!!!!!

Good job I don't panic innit darlin'? Come on do. I'll get us an ice cream wiv one of them flakey fings in...

Trust Add an' May ta miss all the fun....pity the wind took me draws away ..let's 'ope it ain't too windy in the tahn ay Jeronimo? Could be a tad embarassin' if ya get me meanin'. Hehehe!

Hey Lidd, you missed all the excitement. A chappie down by the pier says 2 old birds were waving their drawers at the people on the beach, and they lost them in the wind Did you see them Jeannie and Lidd?? What a hoot. Wonder who it was, couldn't have been Add or me, we don't wear any
Great Aunt May.

Wonder who it could 'av been, silly old fools - what would they want to be doin' that for? Begs the question of 'should they have been at the beach at all?'

Hehe

What a larf...

Dunno what you's talkin' abaht I'm sure...

Well, May. That was a lovely day out. A pity that the others didn't join us. They had said that they wanted to and then they just didn't come. Ah well, all the more food for us. Eddie and Dobb had a lovely time trotting along through the waves too. A pity that Eddie got spooked by some old red rag that hurtled past his left ear at one point. It landed in the car park and Arthur Spitwell used it to clean his rear view mirror. You lost out there May. Arthur is ok really, apart from a few missing parts, and he is a very wealthy gentleman. I have said it before May, but you could do a lot worse. And you have done, many times, and I've said that before too!
Any sign of Lidd or Greenie this morning? Kettle's on and fresh buns are made and ready for the taking.

I'm here love, but I'm just abaht to pop out for a bit - get me foot seen to down the surgery.

Shame abaht yesterday, seems we all 'ad a good time though! Addy and May, that is, not 'we'; I didn't go anywhere...

'Ere Add...you tell that Arfur ta get me draws back...they's the only pair I got...It's blowin' cold rahnd the trussocks!!! You'd know abaht that wouldn't ya Josey??

'Ows ya foot darlin' by the way...much pain better I hope!

OK Ladies and Liddy, The coach is booked from Addy's at 6pm tomorrow night. We are off to Spookey Hall for an evening of wit, spooks and some ghoulish food/wine. Tickets are paid for, and you need to posh up a bit. You don't need your hat though Liddy.
Liddy, I say, Liddy, you need to put some knickers on dear. Oh Addy, what re we going to do with her??
Great Aunt May.

Well, I'm on me crutches 'obblin' aruhnd, a lovely young gentleman 'elped at the bus stop, so charmin' he was, might break me ankle more often

I wouldn't be knowin' anything abaht that sort o' thing Liddy, I resent whatever you mights be implyin' there!

'Ere May...what d'ya mean "Ladies and Liddy"???? What you implyin' then??? Bloomin' cheek. You's more used to goin' wivout draws than me. Anyways, I knitted meself a pair this safternoon...bit scratchy but they'll do. You's more spooky than summink what's very spooky anyways May. Save us the bovver of travellin' and we'll sit and look at you all night long..

Trussochs Jinny!!! Ain't they somewhere in that Scatty Land that you hale from??? Stroof. I know's more abaht Scotland than a Scotsman does.... Break a leg darlin'!!!

Never 'eard of 'em lovey... must be some sorta new-fangled invention

I'm beginnin' to wonder if ah'm cursed you know...all this talk of breakin' legs - 'ope it doesn't actually happen to you me.

Hehehe...sorry, only joshin' wiv ya darlin'!

Ok...I spelled it wrong...

TROSSACHS!!! Near Eddy Borough! Heard of 'em now 'ave ya???


Stroof...I needs a gin and I needs it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO!!! I still 'aven't the foggiest what they are! Unless they's them soldier-things wiv the fluffy 'ats?

Gin? Who mentioned gin?? **goes looking for gin**

Oh dear, Lidd. This new bird is hard work at times. Spookey Hall is quite expensive. I would love to know just where Great May gets her money from. I hear that it is one of the seven most haunted places in the country. I wonder why May wants to go there. Shall I take my kazoo Lidd?
Fancy Greenie being Scottish and not knowing what a trossach is! I knew about them when I was five! Our paternal great grand mother used to breed them in her back garden.
Off to practise my natural horn for a bit. I haven't played it recently and my lip will go.

'Ard work ain't the word Add!!! She knows full well what they are, but I ain't gonna rise ta the bait, Add, I'm not Add, reelly, I'm not gonna rise ta the bait at all Add, I'm reelly reelly not.

I reckon May sold 'er Straddy Watsit Bass Add. Shame...that woulda made a luvverly fire come Winter. Never mind ay? D'ya reckon old Lavvy an' Charlies Aunt, an' Appleblossom will be hauntin' this place then Add? Not very spooky them free if ya ask me. Me gin's got more spirit than they 'ave! Hehehe...hic..oops beg pardon....

I think that that Derek Accordian fellow will be there pretending that he can see all sorts. I'll take the duck caller too and pretend to be the long lost soul of Sir Francis Drake or somebody like that.
Know any good ghost songs Lidd, apart from the one about "With her head tucked underneath her arm"
How's this for a good haunt then?

What can I say? at least you don't think I'm so stupid as to not know what it is

Wish I was a ghost now... mwa ha ha

Oooohhh you's right scary an' no mistake Add!!! Got me quiverin' in me boots so you haven't have

Ghost songs?? err...let's see....

Spirit In the Sky...err....Wail Meet Again...errr..Quake, Rattle and Wooooooo...err...A Crazy Little Thing Called Lavvy...err..A Haunting we Will Go!!...er...

Can't fink a no more fer the minute sweet...

Can you lot be serious for once. This is a very haunted house. The trip comprises of a mulled wine and nibbles when we get there.
A guided tour of the house by the caretaker, Mr Bill Bang-in-the-night. Everso helpful he is
Then a spooky supper by candle light in the great hall where the Screaming Phantom, Fanny, runs through every evening around about 1000 pm.
Of course, I don't believe in no ghosts.
May.

MAY!!! I fink you's takin' us to an 'ouse of ill repute, not a haunted 'ouse darlin'!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really Liddy, would I I am a soul of discretion and proprietry. Proper little Jane Austen, me.....
I can feel my wings sprouting
May.

Hehe darlin'!!! The day you's sprout wings will be the day I start to talk proper like what you do!! No chance darlin'. Ahhhh...don't start lookin' like ya swallered a wasp swee'eart. Come an' 'ave a cuppa wiv ya only old pal.

Kettle's on....

Thank you very much Liddy, no sugar.
Shall I bring the scotch??
May.

Course ya can sweet. Sa long as it ain't Jacky...she does me 'ead in good an' proper...

Genuinely

Don't be daft, lass!!! Of course you do don't!!!

Come an' 'ave a cuppa wiv ya bestest pals...

Take milk an' sugar do ya then, Jen, hen?

Sure do - not sweet enuff yet dear...

Yes..that thought had crossed me mind if ya don't mind me sayin' so Jimmy..

Why do you think that May wants to take us to a haunted house if she doesn't believe in spooks Lidd? Perhaps they don't believe in her and then we will see them and she won't! I'll take my duck caller and pretend to be Donald.. That'll freak out May! Is she on the booze again by the way? She was drunk in charge of Eddie the other day. All over the road she was, and no brakes whatsoever.

Sahnds like Maybeline right enuff Add. Ah well...let's tag along and get in the spirit of the thing!! SPIRIT!! Geddit?? oh..never mind...

Oops, I'm stuck now - most un-lady-like..Oh, didn't know I could still do that! 'Ey, I could be a Jimmy Nast!

'Ave fun at the castle gels, and watch aht for 'em rats in the cellar! (More scary than most of the ghosts, I'll tell ya!)

No problem with the rats. I love rats. Some of Liddy's best friends are rats. One or two of her not so good friends too!
What is one supposed to wear to a haunting? Is it a formal evening dress do or a jeans and old shirt occasion? I don't supposed that the spooks will mind what we wear. I am going to take some marsh mallows to throw at them!
Off out on Dobbin again in a moment. He is getting jealous of Eddie and his cart driving and he wants a go too.

Oh gosh..oh dear...'ave you all bin trapped in the 'aunted 'ouse?

Seems there really are ghosts there after all...deary me.

An' I was just abaht to put the kettle on an' all...now I'm worryin' about the old gels bein' scared in the night! Not too worried to 'ave some tea though ah'm sure...

Trapped, of course not.
Addy, Liddy, Jeannie, the coach has arrived, wake up and get off. We are here. Come on, that's it. Let's have some nibbles and mulled wine whilst they chat to us about the history.
Liddy, put that silverware down. Gordon Bennet Addy, we'll have to take her back to apologise, and again to take the silver back
Jeannie, don't knock it all back in one, you'll be drunk.
Addy, I like the idea of your witches hat with the spider on it, where did you get it from?
Great Aunt May.

Hay May!!! Well done fer makin' yaself look like a bloomin' great zombie darlin'!!! Still...you's didn't need to use much make up fer that did ya's???

I forgot me glasses, so I didn't notice any difference darlin'!

Do yer think I could just stay here and keep the mulled wine company lovey?..it's much more appealin' than wanderin' round an 'aunted place at night...

Come on, lets get on with the tour before this lot get totally drunk.
These stairs are dark aren't they?? Jeannie, Jeannie where's she gone Liddy??
May.

Dunno darlin'.

'I hear those sleigh bells ringin'
A ding ding a ling a ling ling...
I say tis lovely weather fer a sleigh-ride
Toggever wiv you... '



Oh...hello??

Where is everyone?

Hello?

Think I might be lost..., oh dear

Liddy, she went up the stairs and then she was gone. Do you think she may have fallen through a trap door, and be in the cellars...................where Fanny the Phantom roams at night
May.