Flippin' eck, blimey an' what a bloomin' wash aht that was! Stroof gels..I've 'ad a weekend of it I reelly reelly 'ave 'ad a bloomin' right old weekend of it, I reelly reelly 'ave! Rocket Rob needs a rocket you know where darlin's! I could walk quicker. Then, we get's ta Leeds.."You'll 'ave ta swim, madam" some 12 year old polisman said ta me.."Swim...swim!!" says I "Do you know who I am young man!" "I have no idea,madam, but you swim and that's all there is to it!". Stroof, what a palaver. Nobody noo where they was goin'. Some twit bopped me in the eye..gotta bloomin' great shiner now gels.
Then I ends up washed up outside some old dahn an' outs place. Bloomin' bunk musta bin fulla fleas cos I ain't stopped itchin since. Then I'm layin' there snorin' me 'ead orf, when they comes and turfs me outa me flea pit. "You must leave the premises madam. You are an' old drunkard!" Well, WELL!!!. That got me gander up good an' proper I'm tellin' ya! I tries ta say I bet it was old Lavvy what was in me 'ouse when the gas ring bloo an' now 'aunts us ta cause trubble..but would they believe me? No!! Frone out like a sack of old spuds I am. Right there on the pavement! Me dignity dahn the drain.
Then THEN! No bloomin' concert. Wevver's too bad so they say! Gordons Gin now what?! Went up to the coast instead. I noo Lavvy was there cos she made the sea all ruff tryin' get me swept over! I was too quick fer that though!
So, 'ere I am back agen, wiv you daft lot lookin' fer summink what don't exist...a bit like Mays voice innit!! Hehehe!
Anyone fer a brandy then? Warm ya cockles ay?