I can't dance for toffee or for anything else Lidd. I keep falling over because I forget which foot to move first. I'll watch you lot though. How about if you call yourselves The Four Something or others? The Four Noble Truths, The Four Seasons, The Four Disagreements or the Four Dumpy Ladies Who Can't Dance for Toffee? I don't know. I am clean out of ideas this evening.
Too many clinical trials I fear. Your theory is only around sixty per cent correct by the way Greenie.
I am off for another bath to calm these midge bites down. Little horrors!

How about "The Free Dancin' Dears, Plus One What Tagged Along So's Now We Can't Get Rid Of 'Er"?

Sahnds alright don't it?

Kettles boiled, Jeronimo dear..

Thanks Liddy.

Hang on, I didn't tag along, you all came up here! Mind you, it's better that than being called a bear

Hehehe!! Jonty!! I diddun say which one tagged along did I?? 'Ere y'are darlin'! Nice cuppa for ya. Now tell ya desperate old pal abaht these fellas an' their telly graff poles sweet.

'Ta everso'
Oooh, where to begin? Well, they were all in a big field, with their skirts on, just standing around really and not doing very much, so my friend June and I started to whistle at them (or try to!) and then we called over to them to 'look lively'! Next thing I know, they're throwing these wopping great lumps of wood about the place, and one's heading right towards me. So I looked at June and she started flapping her arms about trying to scare it away . Suddenly, one of the men in kilts has grabbed me and is running off with me in fireman's lift! Most ungraceful on my part, but ever so much fun. I asked him about his 'choice of clothing' but I think he thought i was a bit confused after all the screaming and running and lifting, so he just patted me on the head . Lovely fella he was, shame I didn't really see what he looked like...

Oh Liddy, you would have loved it. Everywhere you looked there they were! Even old David had dragged his kilt out from the cupboard and had dressed for the occassion .

Lovely cup of tea this! Shortbread anyone?

Yes please to shortbread if i am allowed to dip it.

Shortbread please
Addy, are we doing the PUSK Trial in the morning?? By the way, that is the Peeping Up Scottish Kilts Trial.
Where will we all stand to do this?? I think you ought to be in the Library, Liddy can be at the Newsagents, Elsie will have to be somewhere where there is food.......the Bakery, Joanie at the Post Office, and I suppose I'll have to do the Distilliery
Panad anyone??
May.

Why wait until morning Great May? I started two days ago? I may have to conduct a double blind trial to check my findings though! I'll need lots of help with that.
Who fancies a song before bed?

Just a pong at twilight, When the lights are low

Right the pot roast is ready to go into the slow oven after lunch, after you wolfed down the last load of shortbread, I've made some more, this was after singing Chatanoga-moo-moo to the cows, thanks for the harmonies ladies, best milk yield yet.

Now where is you want me? The bakery?

Talking about roly-polies - Was given jar of bramble jam today, so there's jam roly-poly for pud, and I've used vegetrian suet. I'll steam it later tonight. Now do you want cream, custard or both?

Elsie

Good stuff Summat old bean. Cream, custard, ice cream and vanilla sauce please. It is a holiday after all. Who would like a trek out on the ponies this afternoon? We have four of mine but can borrow the grey mare from next door if we wnat to. Dobbin and Eddie want to stretch their legs.
We need a local map to find a lake or something to visit, and we can let them swim if it isn't too cold. I have sprayed myself with fly repellent to keep these midges away. I think that I might prefer Liddy's fleas.

A pony trek sounds great.

I'm almost scarlet after looking under all those kilts. However I think the word was out, given the number in trews today.

So far 50% nothing 50% briefs of some description, some briefer than others!

If I put the pot roast in at 1.30 in the slow oven, and we're back by 4.00 for me to steam that roly-poly then the trek will work well.

I got some odd looks this morning when my matress and I took up my position in the Post Office. I don't know why, I mean it's perfectly acceptable for us to do a PUSK trial isn't it?

Rather different results this morning to Elsie's though - 75% nothing and the other 25% were wearing trousers . I think I might let them off after last night's shenanigans though, they were probably still recovering from the low temperatures

A trip out on the ponies sounds good Addy - any ideas where we're going, did you find a map? Elsie, your cooking is fabulous, you never fail to come up with something! (Just custard please )

Their a more modest bunch at the bakery then... however having seen just how brief the briefs were, maybe not.

The steamer is ready for that Jam roly-poly.

The cows are getting moo-n river, and moo-nlight serenade tonight.

Else

Hic.......heloooooooooooooooooooo Addy, Liddy, Julie and Summat Else. I had a great day at the distilliery doing my researchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Hic. You should have seen what I saw
Anyway, can't come to the dinner tonight, I'm off out for a bite to eat with the Laird of the Manor, Big Mac
Great Aunt May.

I'll make you a cheese souffle Addy, looks like ther is more beef for the rest of us.

Laird of the manor Big Mac! I'll check some details with Farmer McDonal to see if the Laird is an imposter or not.

Blimey stroof and flippin' 'eck!!! What a day I've 'ad gels!! I bin on me mattress prime spot dahn by the woods where they chop dahn the telly graff poles!!!

I broke aht in a sweat many a time darlin's I can tell ya that fer nuffink!!! What wiv the choppers axes swingin' abaht an' the kilts blowin' arahnd... Good job I'm a woman of the weld innit!!!

Well, the results of the Liddy C-B jury are: Nuffing at all- 80%...the rest...them boxing type fingies!!

Cor...I'm ready fer me supper right enuff ladies. Sahnds right good, Summat. Is the kettle on then? Ta sweet.

"I broke aht in a sweat many a time darlin's I can tell ya that fer nuffink!!! What wiv the choppers axes swingin' abaht an' the kilts blowin' arahnd... Good job I'm a woman of the weld innit!!!"

Is that where you blindfold both eyes??

So, the trial is finished. Addy, we await your conclusions on the state of Scottish knickers, or lack of them.

Sorry I couldn't come out last night, had a bit of a virus

Great Aunt May.

Its fish pie tonight (no hard boiled eggs can't stand 'em meself) I'll do a cheese leek and potato pie for you addy. There's some carrots and fresh new broad beans too. I haven't decided what to do for pud yet sticky toffee pud seems to be top of the list.

People have been so generous. The McDonals have allowed me the run of their veg patch in turn for the work we've been doing for the cows. I've got enough cream and milk to last me for a long time, and they're introducing me to their goats today giving me the opportunity to milk one by hand (although after what happened with the bull...)

The fish came courtesy of Mrs McDonals brother who works on a trawler out of Peterhead, and the smokery down the road that did the haddock and hot smoked salmon. So I've got ordinary haddock, smoked haddock, hot smoked salmon and prawns. Was thinking of throwing in a few capers and roasted red peppers too.

Now before I start cooking its goat milking and fixing the tractor again... the glow plugs need replacing.

Else

Else, you are having such a good time, I don't think you will ever want to go home.
"Glow plugs". have I missed something here??
May.

Its a diesel and won't start. So after getting the thing back on the day they lent us this gaffe Farmer McDonal is letting me have a look at the engine again. Now having small hands I cand reach to get the spanner in where he can't.

Goat milking was fun! I now have a couple of pints of unpasterised goats milk in the fridge.

Now lets make the base of that fish pie. I've washed my hands in plenty of swarfega so they're nice and clean now.

OMG you lot are well funny!!!!

Where do i sign up?? I love having a rant about everything.

'Ello Cat! Welcome darlin'. Just pick a name an' turn yaself a bit daft...and you's in gel!!!

Can I be Winifred?

I don't need to turn myself a bit daft. I already am.
(as you will probably find out sooner or later)

Hello dears!

Anyone fancy a panad? Just got back from a spot more PUSK trialing - thought I should make my results a bit more valid if you get my meaning girls

whats that dear - rusk training? what on earth is that then?

I like a good farleys rusk, I have them for me tea on tuedays coz thats the day i put me teeth in a jar of swarfega for a 24 hour clean

Love a panad dear - hear have a garibaldi there only 3 years out of date (i know only three years - hark at me lady muck)

love Pearl

The P.U.S.K trial was invented by Great may (I think ) - the Peering Under Scottish Kilts trial...it's basically to see whether or not the rumours about Scotsmen are true dear . The results have been quite promising so far

Out-of-date garibaldis. thankyou! Lemon sponge? Freshly made about 6 months ago and left to mature in the cellar

Lovely cellar matured sponge, my fave, how did you know?

so looking up the wee lads kilts? Sounds wonderful, I dont think I would be able to get back up if bent down that far though.

You dont get many lads in kilts down my way, wrong end of the country dear, perhaps we could entice some in hear with a peice of lemon cake, great aunt may could sit on them whilst we had a wee peak

Hey Junie!! Have we got a Winifred already? Can't remember darlin' What's the result of these trials then swee'eart? I reckon we knows all along ay??

One fings fer sure...after yesterdy, I ain't ever gonna be the same agen in me life not ever, I'm reelly reelly not gonna be the same agen... I'm not honest...

Is the kettle on then Jen hen? Ta everso darlin'.

Hello Lidd - yes, that lovely Amber girl goes by the name of Winifred!

Todays results were very interesting - it must be because it's warmer 90 % - absolutely nothing , and 10% very little . I don't think I'm ever going to be quite the same either, I must say! Mind you, I did go down to the harbour for todays investigation, and you know what they say about sailors .

Panad dear? Just put the kettle on.

watcha Lid,

so have you been peering up kilts as well then?

I wouldn't go calling them 'wee lads' Pearl, you might geta bit of a shock lovey.

I'm amazed ya could fink summink like that Pearly Gates!!!

It was the wind what did it! I just 'appened ta be there at the time that's all. Weren't reelly lookin'...well, mebbe just a bit...well OK ...a bloomin' great lot!!!! Hehehe!

Sorry dear slip of the tounge oh had better not say that either.

I don't know whats wrong with me, getting all saucy at this time of day - it must be that article I read about philip Scoefield (mmm the silver fox) if i was 80 years younger he wouldn't know what had hit him

Ive come over all unecessary

I'm afraid Winifred has already been taken

Judith

Phillip Schofield eh? Well, you are a sly one Pearl. Mind you, I wouldn't mind meself, and he is only a few years younger than me . Don't get me started on that Bradley Walsh fella either ...Are you sure you only added milk to your tea dear? Perhaps that's what's happened

Oh I thought courvoisier was some of your new fangled organic milk, is it something stronger then?

Oh your on a roll bradley walsh is a bobby dazzler, and how about that lovely Shane Ritchie

Here, let me try that 'milk'...

Oh no, I don't think much of Shane Ritchie! Too 'rough' for my liking! However, I wouldn't say no to Bruce Forsythe that Simon Cowell

mmm yes something about the way his trousers reach his nipples - thats class

I really need more brandy milk in my tea, pass it here *hic* ta duck

Hic It's not even 6 o'clock yet - the others will be horrified if they find out that we've drunk all the 'milk'. They can be so unapproving! Right Old Ladies they are...hic
I think I might try to make some pancakes, if I can find the kitchen

Perhaps I shouldn't have had that Hic medicinal bot hic tle of wiskey this hic afternoon

hic

well i have a cold

hic

but im starting to feeeeelll aa bbittt urgh hhedfngghghghgHic

duurrr yaa kknnoww what Jeannieeeee yuuvv allwazzz beenn mee faavvvee.........

HIC

*Thump as Pearl passes out under the table*

Aw, bless. It doesn't seem to be having any effect on me .

Hic

Oh, you've collapsed

Hic

I'm off to make some pancakes.

Why is one door floating on top of another door? And why are there six tables in here?


<Another thump is heard as Jeannie passes out on top of the table>

I turn my back for one minute, and you lot get rolling drunk
Now let me tell you ladies, that I don't just go sitting on gentlemen to keep them still whilst you look up their skirts.............I'm a ladeeeeeeeeeeeee
Never drink before 6pm either, it's just ain't done. Well not in my circles
Addy, Elsie quick, they are all passing out under the table. Godd heavens, what a bunch of tipplers. Wouldn't catch me getting drunk.
Bradley Walsh, Mr Schofield, Gordon Bennett. ...............yuk. Let's have a bit of class, our Clarri Larry Barry, St Georgie Porgie and Stupot leave 'em standing.
Great Aunt May in a stirring mood.

<wakes up slightly>

Did someone mention St George? And in the same sentence as Bradley Walsh??

now I'm seeing two of May - this can't be right *hic*

<Yet another thump is heard>

Dear Oh dear, whilst I'm slaving in the kitchen producing Fish pie and Seasonal Veg followed by Sticky toffee pud, and you lot hit the brandy.

Shame on you... it's a good job I've got the decent whisky under lock and key.

Never fear Elsie, I will help you with the decent whisky
Not sure whether they will be able to eat supper in that state
May.

All the more for us.

I've doen Addy's veggie option and the rest is ready to go on the table... the same one that the rest are under

Else

*Wanders into OLTVA*

Anyone need a hand? I can cook and sew

There's plenty of dinner, help yourself. do excuse the collapsed drunkards who can't take their brandy.

Ther's a pleasant rose wine, and we've got several good bottles of single malt for after dinner if you fancy a wee dram.

Else

Why, thank you!! *Offers veg around*

Oh.. Looks like its just us! Oh well! Methinks I won't have brandy, I'd probably join them