Bonjour Lid. Yes, the Corns (is that the right name for people from Cornwall Lidd?) have told me that they do have pasties for lunch, and local cider which is probably almost as nice as beer.
That scarecrow does look very like Dilly. No wonder our veg patch is flourishing! No self-respecting bird would dare to venture anywhere near that thing!
I don't think that they do the frogs legs and the slugs thing here much. Normandy grub is good and wholesome just like us.
I wasn't miming those hymns Lidd. We had a mad French singing teacher when I was at school and we used to sing them all the time there.
There is a pub here which may be a bit like the Camel. It is called Le Chameau Pourpre and it looks just as rough rather nice. Shall we go there this evening Lidd?
By the way do you like my new hat? I used the colander and some lavender from the garden.

ps Claude is rather dishy.

(from a secluded corner of the jardin, concealed by Basil, Rosemary..........and that Claude crept up and pinched me in the Coriander!!! Bein' a lady, I turned the other cheek 'an he pinched that, too I said Claude, mon brave, vous must not tell les autres dames, otherwise they'll frappe yer bleedin tete off!)

Scarecrow, they calls me........that's me new french pleat with boofant top hair-do. Stopped off in Verse Sales to get this done by Shay Beattie - one of me old strippin' pals. Paid mega-oorows for it, I did, and that
Addy calls me a scarecrow. Mistress of insinew ashon, that one. Marquez-vous mon mots!!

One shall be dining at the Troys Wasows tonight, with me new bow - ee's the chef from the Chameau Pourpre so they'll be arta luck tonight. It'll be grenouilles in a basket et tinned peches for them.

We're sharing a Shattered Brian steak and a bottle of Bow Jolly.

If they were to av' said - oooh Dilly, 'ow nice to see ya, yer riah does look nice, then I'dve invited them along but
boo hoo

(sits down on a patch of Lemon Balm, dejected, unloved, mascara running down her Maybelline-powdered cheeks, causing little rivulets of rouge to drip onto her snowy-white Primark blouse....................................
damn and blast!!

Lidd, did you move the scarecrow? I has gone somewhere. Just as well. It was such an ugly thing. It did have the look of Dilly about it though.
That was a great lunch. Those two certainly know the area well don't they. Fancy Clod having had four wives eh Lidd? Do you think that he is looking for a number five?
We've got a greenhouse too, and a cold frame. We should start a few winter cabbages off and leeks and things. I love home made veg.
Got any ideas of what to sing at Le Chameau tonight Lidd? Do we know anything French or shall we just go with the flow when we get there?

Bin swoir Add. I reelly reelly do fink Dilly is 'ere ducky. I get's the feelin' I is bein' watched from the herbs. Funny innit? I fink if I see's 'er, I'm gonna say ta come in ay Add? It's the right fing ta do innit? She's a sad old case, but a frend is a frend ay?

Oooh my, Addy! I nearly fell on the floor wiv me feet in the air agen! Did ya see the way Clod cast 'is eyes over my person? Ooooh la la, tray bee ann, an' up the eiffel tower!!! I fink 'e likes me Add! Stroof! I could be an' old lady mare meself Add! Mad ham Lydia! Gotta certain ring to it ay!! i'll be number five if 'e wants me ta be. I wonder what 'appened to the other old Clods? What will the gels say, d'ya reckon then? Excitin' innit?

Are we's goin to the Purile Shammy place what you said about then Add? I fancy a good pint of gin an' malibu wiv me pasty. Yummy ay ducky?

I'll jot dahn a few words for us ta warble, an' you's can come up wiv the toon. Be back in a minnit dear.

Kettle's on.

Hi Lidd. I am not too sure that our rendition of "There'll Always Be an England" went down too well at Le Chameau this evening Lidd, but we did get a lot of free cider. We got almost everyone joining in with Dix Bouteilles Vertes as well. If Dilly is still in the garden we'll let her in but I didn't see her as we came back. Shall I yell for her?




DILLY YOU GREAT FOOL, GET OUT OF THE GARDEN AND INSIDE NOW IF YOU WANT A PANAD!"


There! Now she'll feel welcome. Put the Kettle on Lidd.

Well, ma bell Addy, sa swar I 'ave bin aht aveck la Clod! Ill ay un 'andsome om if ever I did see one! He ay un widower avec non wife 'e tells me( ). I am tray sad to 'ear 'e is on 'is own. I 'ave offered to spread 'is petty bagette wiv le creme. Hehehe!!! 'E says "Tray bee ann, Lydia. Too ay une bell fem. Voo lay voo be ma Madame Clod?" I says "Wee, Clod!"

Good innit Add? Ay Add? Innit good Add? Oh...you's appear to 'ave fainted, ducky....

Ah well, I'll stick kettle on an' text the gels. I coulda swore I sees Dilly then...

**Text to others**

"L.o u lot. i am 2 b Madam Clod. Get u selfs aht 'ere. U can be at weddin'. U can be brides old maids. u can then go 'ome agen while I get 2 no Clod! Hehe! Addy out cold. shocked I fink. u's comin' or wot? Luv Lid" xxx

Wow Lidd! Mrs Clod eh? Not there's a thing! I hope that it works out for you this time Lidd. You didn't have a lot of luck after Mr Coal-Bunker poped off. There was the wedding's off party after thet Rusty Bucket head left you, and the unfortunate incident with Harry Parry before he ran away with Haddock Lil, and then...oh I forget Lidd. You get yourself wed to this one as fast as you can before anything gose wrong old bean.
Would you like me to sing at the wedding Lidd?
I could do my "Laissez le Terrapin Lumineux" if you like. We could have a forum wedding event here. That would be great Lidd. Have you set a date yet? I may need to get knitting.
Eddie and Dobbin hae arrived safely as you probably know. I put them both in your room for now. I hope that was ok. The stable is rather full of apples.
By the way, Dilly wasn't in the veg patch again today.

*Text back*

Congratulations Liddy or soon-to-be Mme Claude. Jeannie choked on her tea when she heard the shocking good news - she is absolutely credulous delighted as we all are. We are coming across asap to see it with our own eyes to celebrate your newfound happiness.

Love,
Gracie and the girls

xxx

**text to others*

"I dunno abaht this nah. 'avin' 2nd foughts. will mean livin' a la francis 4 ever an' ever. Clod says "none" to livin' in England. (la grande plonker). come aht an' we can talk abaht it. flippin' 'eck. Now wot do i do gels?"

Addy, you's better stop ya knittin' ducky. I ain't gonna marry Clod I don't fink. I don't wanna live 'ere til I'm dead. You tell 'im for me ay ducky? go on Add tell 'im for me swee'eart. 'E might ask you instead darlin'. Would ya marry Clod Add? Would ya?

Blimey, I dunno what ta do me old duck. I'll put kettle on. I got an eclair left. I'll save you's a bit if ya want it darlin'.

Oh dear. Not another Wedding's Off do Lidd? I don't think that I can offer to marry Clod for you Lidd. He smells of garlic and shellfish and it's a bit of a turn-off you know.
I'll tell him that you have a couple of husbands back home and are not free. How does that sound Lidd? Or perhaps I should say that you have some nasty disease and you don't want to pass it on to him? Maybe I should just tell him that you don't want to live in France? Then he might move, if he truly fancies loves you.
Panad and toast Lidd?

Ccccccccccccccoooooooooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I'm back girls.
So, what's been happening whilst I've been away then?? Anything much?? Did you get my postcards???
Great Aunt May.

Great May, old bean. You're back! Lidd and I are in Normandy in a lovely place with a name that you will love. It is a village called St. Jean Le Thomas and we have rented a cottage here for seven months. We came over a few days ago and now Dobbin and Eddie are here too. We have a veg patch with a scarecrow that looks like Dilly and a Mayor called Clod who isn't going to marry Lidd. Do come over and join us May. I'll text you the address now.

Hello Addy dear. Lovely to hear from you. I would lurve to come over to Normandy, and meet John Thomas. Big lad is he??
My young friend Beverley, was in Normandy last October with her family. They travelled around Normandy and Brittany too. Her children loved the crepes, and she was rather partial to the Calvados. Her hubby liked the steak. They visited Mont St Michel, the Normandy D Day beaches, the Bayeaux tappiserie, and various other places including medieval villages, where in one church, the organist insisted on them going in the organ loft with her whilst she practised "Tocatta". She was very good.
I digress. I'll go and pack a few things and get on the overnight ferry.
What has happened in a nutshell whilst I've been away. Are Liddy and Joanie OK??
Great Aunt May.

Yoohooo May! Over here May. Stick your bags in the back of the cart old bean, and then climb aboard. I think that Eddie remembers you. Lidd is having a lie-in after a rather wild cider drinking session in Le Chameau last evening.
Nice to have an expert in all things Norman here May, even if it is second hand from your friend.
I'll fill you in on some of the news as we drive. Lidd and I were going to London to take part in a talent show and we won it I think. At least we had a request to make a recording of our finest pieces. Lidd decided that she should have a new dress and as she was dismantling her old curtains a big manuscript fell out. It turned out to be the very first draft of the Pastoral Symphony of Luggage Van Beethoven and it went to the V and A to be verified and then it was sold at Sotherby's for lots of money. The girls created mayhem there and Summat tried to run off with the money but the auction house smelled a rat and gave her a dummy cheque to keep her happy and quiet. Then Lidd decided that she didn't want to be a millionairess so she gave most of it away. Then we went to Brighton for a short holiday and I decided to keep going and rented this cottage for seven months. Lidd and I decided that we needed a break and some sunshine so she came too. Then I had Eddie, Dobbin and our things sent over with Ifan Wyn.( He ran off with a girl that he met on the ferry.) So here we are living in in this place for a while. We'll be over here for Christmas which will be fun. There is a scarecrow in our veg plot that looks a bit like Dilly but it keeps coming and going. And Lidd met the Mayor who is called Clod, and she took quite a shine to him and he wanted to marry her, but thet may not happen now as she doesn't want to live in France for the rest of her days. I am trying to get him to move back to the UK when we go back but it is rather up in the air at the moment.
So nothing much new really May.
Here we are. Do come in and have a nose around. It is a super place, full of old beams and chestnut wood floors and it stinks of mothballs. We have a veg patch full of all sorts of things, over there, seems that the scarecrow is back again, and a big field with a stable. I'll just unhitch Eddie and put him back. We have a well and a greenhouse too and a cold frame so we can grow more things. Today I am going to make some jam and some apple chutney.
Panad May? There is some apple cake too if you fancy a slice. The locals keep giving us stuff. Each morning there will be a box of something rather nice left by the gate. Yesterday it was butter, milk and this cake. Good eh May?
Lidd, are you up dear? Great May has arrived.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. It's lovely to be back with friends. What a charming place Addy. So quaint.... I may get used to the antiquated loo in time
MORNING LIDDY Have a headache do you dear??
Addy dear, I had a wild time on board Chip and Buck's yacht. They were a laugh a minute, even when we got lost by some ice bergs on the way home. They dropped me off in Falmouth, and I got the coach home from there. They've left an open invitation for us to sail with them anytime.
Nice crossing last night, very uneventful. I like St Malo. My young friend Beverley, had a very eventful crossing last year. She ended up in the medical room with a very poorly man, his wife, a French nurse out of her depth and a lovely GP from Redditch. She hadn't thought she would be doing ECG's, putting drips up and praying like stink that he wouldn't have a cardiac arrest. He didn't. Then she had a 3 course meal on the way home for free from the Captain. That was nice. No Liddy, that shouldn't give you any ideas
I'll help chop for the chutney Add. I can be practical sometimes. Got any Marigolds, don't want to break a nail.
May.

There are some marigolds growing by the front door May. Do you rub them into your nails to stop them breaking or eat them or what? I've never heard of that before. I usually just put hoof oil on mine. You could have some of that if you like.
These are lovely apples may. Not a grub to be seen!
There isn't a choir here so Lidd and I are going to start one this week. You can join in too if you like May. What a shame that you couldn't pack your double bass dear. (Oh Lidd, thank goodness for the luggage allowance on the ferry otherwise May would have brought that infernal beast with her and she would have been playing it all the time.) We thought that we should learn some French folk songs.
How is your French May? :Lidd and I are very good linguists. We can pick up ner languages in no time at all.
Noo nur poovong pah orthographier cependong!
Cup of coffee May?

No problem, I'm multi-longtitudinal Addy
Where's that Liddy then?? Is she still hung over??
Good news on the double bass, I slipped a couple of tenners to the purser, and my double bass will arrive tomorrow Bet you two are reallly pleased then.
Marigold gloves you wassock
May.

May, you great toad, what a thing to call me! How was I to know that you wore gloves to protect your nails? You never used to be that posh! Ah well, we can probably get some in the village tomorrow. There is a shop there that sells everything. (With luck it won't sell double bass strings Lidd, and we can bribe the courrier to duff hers up!) How nice that you were able to sort out your bass May.
Lidd is up and about and has been out enjoying the sunshine with Clod this afternoon. I took Dobbin out and saw them cuddled up beneath a big tree.
Que devong-noo faire ce sware May ? Got any ideas? Good at this Frog talk aren't I?

Se coucher Add. I'm frazzled.
Are there any decent men around here Add??
May.

Mai wee, May. Quite a few in fact. If you take Eddie to the shops tomorrow you will be stopped by every man in St. Jean le Thomas who will say " Quel bow cheval et quelle belle dame! Ce qui est votre nom? " and then you can have a chat with them. Eddie is the key to making friends here May. I think that I'll have an early night too.
(When May has gone to bed Lidd, just give her bass a bash and try to duff up e few strings. She'll think that they were damaged on the trip! )
Want a panad before bed?

Anyone for a Calvados before bed then??
MAy.

Thanks May. Here's my tankard dear.

Yoo eeeee Addy ducky! I bin aht wiv Clod. I fink I told 'im the weddin's orf, but I dunno if 'e understood or not. 'E said "ma petty Lydia...to ay le one poor mwoir. Je will wait for voos to pense abaht le marryarje if it takes le rest de ma life." Flippin' 'eck Add...now what? We needs a daft old bag what will go wiv anyfing ta take 'is mind orf of fings. Someone like...er.......

I wonder 'ow Great May is? Why did I fink of May then, Add?

'Ere, I sees a notice abaht jumpin' up an' dahn on some grapes at the vinyard place! Should be a laugh ay Add? Don't worry abaht you's affletes foot, darlin'. It'll all add ta the flavour. Shall we go then Add? Shall we? Shall we go an' jump up an' dahn on the grapes Add? I can pretend it's Rusty Buckets 'ead, ay?

Hehehe! Come on then...take ya shoes an' nylons orf.....

May.

Well, I was going to have an early night Lidd, but that sounds more fun so I'll come in my nightie. It is the nice lacy one so it will look like one of my evening dresses. I washed my feet a week last wednesday so all will be well. Let's get May to come as well. She was on the calvados earlier so she may be a might unsteady!

Woooo!!! This is a laff innit Add??? it's like jumpin' up an' dahn on a loada slugs ay ducky? look at you's night shirt flyin' about! Don't fall dahn in the grapes will you's Add? You's get ya 'ead jumped on gel....

Stroof an' blimey norah strike a light an' blow me dahn wiv a fevver! It's Clod Add! Look at them fighs darlin'...mebbe the weddin's on agen after all..

Wooo Lidd! I am enjoying this a lot. Everyone who takes a turn will get a free crate of wine after the bottling is done. We could put ours away for our old age eh Lidd. A pity that May didn't come. She would have enjoyed the sight of Clod's legs! the evening. What is that song that they are singing about drinking twelve bottles before dawn? I don't think that we could manage that. Shall we do our terrapin song instead Lidd, or perhaps "We'll gather lilacs."
Are you going to the Chameau avec les others after Lidd or shall we just call it a jour?
Our French is coming on a real treat Lidd. Oh the joys of being multi-langoustine.

Je swee tray fatigay Add. I fink I'll alley a ma bed poor la nwee. Je swee tray delighted that we can parlay la Froggie lingo almost as bee ann as them what is born issy.

I'll bid you a tray bon nwee Add. I'll see you's don le mattin.

Avay voos un nice revvery la ducky.

Laters mon amy
Liddy xxxxx

Well I think this is the place Jeannie - awful dark mind, can't see a bleedin' thing! We'd have gotten here sooner if we hadn't landed in the ditch when Gordon dozed off ............six hours it took to track someone down to give us a hand - trust Addy to find a spot in the middle of nowhere!

What are those strange noises coming from over there? Can't see a thing in this light!

*Sounds of laughter......squelching.......heavy moaning.......*



"Git orf me Clod, ya big oaf! I ain't ready yet! Givvus a bitta space to loosen up!"

"Mon cherie, tu es already ready enough pour moi! Come, let us bounce up and down un petit peu more!"

"Yes, yes, yes Liddy! I love all this sluggy gooeyness................this is bliss!!"


Perhaps we should try the house Jeannie.....they seem to be ermmm.....a little busy over there.

You've heard of *ahem* a trois have you dear? Well, let me explain.....

Ne faites pas trow de broot. Voo reveillerez Great May. Goodnight Lidd.

Goodness me Lidd! What is that dreadful row out there in the veg patch. If that scarecrow has asked its friends round I'll be very vexed. Hang on! There are people out there. They must be robbers Lidd. I'll call the police.

Hello, We have intruders in the garden. Get someone round here double quick please.

They are on their way Lidd.


Yes, there they are. They've taken those robbers away in a big van. We can go back to bed now. All is quiet.

Stroof Add..what a palaver...I fought that looked like Dozey an' Joannie.....is it them Add...is it?


It is them!!! That's Dozeys bag in the garden Add! I'll send 'em a text.

"L.o. Dozey. Wot you doin' 'ere? wot you doin' in police car? We come an' sees you in the mornin'. We will get you aht. Don't worry ducky. I'm orf ta me bed, but I won't forget...I 'ope not anyways. Send us a text in the mornin'. Luv Lidd"

Bon jour Add xxxx

*Text to Liddy*

You gels gave us a bit of a fright earlier - grapes, hey? We thought you were...... never mind.

Clod is a bit of alright, isn't he? So is the wedding on or off?

Les gendarmes are very kind - Jeannie showed him your post-card and it's all sorted.

Jeannie and I are shattered after our journey over here. They have lovely beds at the station so come over and get us in the morning.

Night night

xxx

No, just a few robbers Lidd. They wouldn't come over here at this time of night, and they'd never find this place even if they did. I blame the scarecrow! Nothing but trouble, those things. They even have scarecrow festivals now Lidd. No chance of ours taking part in one of those Lidd. It is far too ugly.

See you in the matin. Bon swar.

Bon Jooer mess joones fee

I'm back - I've just won the FIRST PRIZE in the french "Miss ScareCrow" competition. 'Ad to go to Mar Sales to enter the Grand Pricks but I won......................

First prize is a really posh Hair un-do at the local saloon and a week-end at the Mowit and Chanson Champgney place......for four!!

Now, ooo can I take with me. mmmmmmmmmmm...the girls up at the 'ouse is too busy with that Monsewer Clawed, so ars abrt that nice Mr. Boofant back at the Four Rooms for starters.

(settles down on a bed of Sage to contemplate her options............and wait

Lidd, someone has moved our scarecrow again. It might have been what those robbers were after last night. I expect that they will take it on a round the world trip and take photos of it in famous locations and then send them back to us. You know the kind of thing Lidd. People used to do it with garden gnomes. You'd see them up on an alp or holding up the leaning tower of Pisa. We never had gnomes. We were too posh!
What shall we do today Lidd. Shall we take May out for a meal?

Add?? Can we go and see the Bayeaux Tapestry please?? It isn't really one as it is an embroidery, must be the translation??
THere's a lovley cathedral there too. Maybe we could have lunch out. What do you say??
May.

Watcha May,
Yes that sounds like a good idea but we'll probably have to go tomorrow. It is well past lunch time old bean, more like dinner time. I don't think that your body clock is adjusted to French time yet. There is a great little bistro in the village and they do the best onion soup that I have ever tasted. Far better than those dented tin ones that I used to get from the supermarket skip. If Lidd is about we'll go there.
If we get the pony and cart ready early tomorrow we can have a day out. I am getting Dobbin and Eddie used to walking on the wrong side of the road now so it will do them good.
That wine squashing was fun last evening. Very messy though. And when we got home we had to call the police because there were some robbers in the garden. I'm fairly sure that they stole the scarecrow but it was a hideous thing anyway.
Get your coats dears and lets go eat.

Another museum that we have been banned from girls! Whatever made you take the tapestry down and start to repair it May? Those patches that you added might have been put there to neaten the edges but they weren't too pleased when they saw what you had done. I don't think that they had the pinwheel pattern in 1066 May! You must learn to behave old bean. We live here now after all. And Lidd wasn't much better yelling, spitting and throwing eggs and apples at the bike riders either! I was quite embarrassed I can tell you. Eddie couldn't get away fast enough!
But apart from that it was a good day out. I think that Lidd has gone out to supper with Clod again. Leave the door on the latch May. She may be some time.

Yooo-eeee duckies!!! What a show you's made of us then Maybeline Pole! Bloomin' Bay yoo tapestry was eaten ta deaf by moffs an' you's 'ad ta go an' mend it. Stroof, it was worse that that fella what 'ollered "Nine, nine!" at me in Wiggy's place.

I just wanted ta see if I could knock that fella's ridin' 'at orf is 'ead, Add. I was overcome by all that lycra flashin' past me eyes. I 'ad a bit of a turn Add. Sorry ducky...

I bin right busy crushing Clod's grapes gels! I ain't ever sin such fine grapes in me life I really 'aven't sin such fine grapes in all me life, no I 'aven't.

'Ere!!! Did ya see that Rusty Bucket's mug plastered on that Fancy Fella Fread? Bloomin' nerve 'e's got ay Add? Did ya vote for 'im then gels? I 'ope you's diddun seein' 'as 'e treated ya pal right bad, I say right bad!! Looked a bit pink ay ladies!! Hehehehe! You can rub the after sun cream in if you's like Addy.

Kettle's on.

I saw that Rusty Bucket had his picture there but I didn't vote for him either! Not after the way he behaved to you Lidd, leaving you in the lurch like that. He did look rather pink. Perhaps he used some of my Dobbin's hoof oil instead of sun cream.
You are back early from the date with Clod. I hope that all is well between you two. I have started knitting a new dress and hat for the wedding already. Orange with lime stripes. Sounds lovely doesn't it? Very French.
Pass us a panad please Lidd. I hid some apple cake in the oven earlier so we can have a few slices of that too.
Then I shall have an early night and lots of beauty sleep.

I dunno abaht Clod ,Add. 'E told me 'is surname tanite. You'll never guess what it is, I say you'll never guess, no you won't Add so there ain't no use ya sittin' there tryin' gel. We's be all night an' you's never get ya booty sleep.

"Ma bell Lydia" 'e says "Sha ma pell Clod Opper, le Grande Duc de la France."

"Ya what?" I says "Le grand duck?"

I ain't bein' called a Duck, ducky! I'll be a laffin' stock I reelly reelly will be a laffin' stock, you mark my words, they'll laff at me darlin'.

Weddin's orf, swee'eart. Ya pretty dress will 'ave ta wait. Mebbe May will marry 'im seein' as she's still desperate. She looks like a duck, so she's 'alfway there ay?

Ya cake'll go dahn a treat me dear.

Then I'm orf ta me bed.

Mrs. Clod Opper! That'll go down a storm when they introduce you to sing at the Purple Camel Lidd. I can quite understand why you wouldn't want to adopt that name. perhaps he could be Clod Coal-Bunker instead? CCB has something of a ring about it. Not sure about being a grand duck though!
But if you truly love those manly, hairy thighs of his him you might make a sacrifice for his sake. Struth Lidd, what a name though!
I am rather enjoying the peace and quiet of St Jean le Thomas. Well, apart from May and that bass of hers. She does seem to be getting better at it though. She gave a very passable rendition of The Flight of the Bumble Bee earlier, although I think that she did it using just one finger on the E string.
The veg patch is still looking good and that scarecrow hasn't been back. Did you know that we have a cellar too Lidd? It has a cider press down there and some massive oak barrels full of wine. We should have a party down there at Hallowe'en and dress up as pumpkins and things. I could finish my orange and lime dress and wear that if I don't need it for your wedding Lidd.
Panad?

Yeah...ta everso fer laffin' at me potential noo name Add! Flippin' 'eck, though...can you's imagine that common lot back at the Camel? Gordon Highlanders Add! I fink we'd best stay as pals, me an' Clod, ay ducky?

What did May bring 'er Straddy Watsit for? Bloomin' racket! Clod says it make 'is vines wither away. Is that a bad fing for a fella Add?

Cor, yeah, we's could 'ave a party swee'eart. Ya dress'll look right smashin' an' all. i'll come up wiv summink nearer the time. Do the francis people celebrate Hallow e'en then Add? We might get a visit from Lavvy an' 'er pals.

I'll 'ave a panad wiv ya deary. Fancy an eclair do you's?

Yes, I love anything gooey with shocolah on top. Are they from the bakery in the village? Dobbin told me that he had taken you down there earlier today when I went to look for him and he wasn't there.
Perhaps you and Clod are best as friends Lidd. "Clod Opper!" What were his parents thinking off when they named him? Pity about his withering vines though Lidd. Have his grapes dried out and fallen too or will they still do for pressing?
I don't know if the French folk do Halowe'en but if they don't we'll show them how it should be done. We could have one of those weejee boards and really have fun. I'll do some more knitting tomorrow.
These eclairs are good Lidd. Any sign of May?

Coeeeeeeeeee, here I am Add.
Lydia Coal Blunkett, I do not look like a duck than you very much.
I am enjoying my loverly double bass. Just love that Flight of the Killer Bee by Rumpsky Cor,there,off.
Shall we make some Cider of our own Lidd. Lidd, have you washed your feet lately dear??
Add, make her have a barth, for the ciders' sake, and our stomachs
May.

Watcha May. Nice to see you up and about so early. We heard you playing your bass in the middle of the night. That flightle bee has much to answer for!
I don't think that you have to wash to make cider. You just put the apples through that big chopping machine and then out them into the cider press between layers of old sacking and then toss in the remains of the sunday joint. Sounds easy enough to me. Shall we pick the apple crop and have a go at making some tomorrow girls? If Lidd's wedding wasn't orr we could have used it for the wedding feast. Ah wekk, all the more for us.
I am busily knitting away at my dress for our Hallowe'en party. What will you dress up as May? A big ghost? You could just sing dear. That would frighten everybody!
By the way, there is a large parcel on the kitchen table for you May.

I thought we had to tread the apples Add??
By the way, I can't see what all the fuss was about when I mended the Bayeaux Tappiserie It just needed a few stitches
What's in the parcel Add?? Can you help me open it please??
May.

*Shuffling noises inside box*

Well get on with it then! Open the box! It's really hot and cramped in here!!!!

Oh dear! Someone has sent May one of those singing fish I think. I can't be doing with that. I'll put it outside in the coal shed. Give me a hand Lidd. This is quite heavy. Then I'll make a panad.

'Ere! That box is makin' a noise what sahnds like Dozey! Is it you Dozey?

**Parcel bursts open...***

Blimey norah stroof an' flippin' 'eck...it it Dozey!! Welcome ducky!

What on earf are you's doin' 'ere? 'Ave you's got Joannie wiv ya?


Bon swar ma sherry!


OOOOPS!!! There must be two parcels....