Ta sweet.

I don't remember drinkin' no panad Add, no I don't remember drinkin' no panad.

Here's to many more enjoyable years!

Ta everso, Albert!!! Cheers!

Cheers and Iechyd da girls. Hic...oops 'scuse moi!

Bone jooer gals

Congrotyou-lotions on gettin' yer fred the vote in them Four Rooms. Ow' does they know what goes on 'ere? Have they got one 'o them spiders web cameras ararnd the 'arse. I hope they can't see in mah boodwa.

Pee tight day journay anyone? Ar's abart mushrooms on toast and then hot cross ant with sum of me lastest ree sipe - mushroom marmalade. Goes nice with a bit of mouseturd.

Ere..........just spotted a poster on the boolaundry window - there a Jim Car Nar tomorrow. Might get a prize for them 'orses.

Ya could enter them as "best dressed shervvalls" wot with them kanitted garments they's wearin'. Could win "Best dressed 'Orse in Frarnse"

Now, 'ere's a lovely caffytear of coughy in a proper coughycup - just the thing if yor well hung ....or hung over, whatever...............anyone?

Bonjour girls!

C'est tres exciting is this voting malarkey! 2nd !

What's happening now? Is Dozey (why is she called Dozey?!) still here or has Albert replaced her? Why are the horses wearing masks? Has Liddy had a panad or not? Is Dillys going to enter herself in a horse competition?

Oh, I'm so confused! That's what being locked in a coal shed does to you...

Oh, gawd, it's too early for expanamashuns. I'm a bit confuuzed meself. The 'orses int wearing masks. I took em to 'ave their mains n tails trimmed and t'others got in a strop and 'ad kanitted garments kanitted for the 'orses.
An it's not MOI that's entrin for an 'orse show, it's the 'ORSES.

yeah, an wot is it with Albert/Dozey..........is he/she one o' them trams vest too tight persons.

Good fer 'im/'er... Ahm all fer a bitta drag. Must say he/she duz it very well. Mind you, he did say he 'ad to shave a while back. Didn say where though.
Praps they pick it up on the spiders web camera - there MUST be one 'ere else 'ow does they know wot we's doin' in the Four Room place?

I'm off t't magazines fer some gross hairies.

See you all ploo tard

d Kiss Kiss Kiss Kiss (one on each cheek - that is SOOO Fransay!!)

I suppose then that none of you want to go into the woods with my friend Michel (I met him at the Boulangerie) and go hunting for ceps. He's an expert and I have a book with me to make sure that there isn't a repeat of your other mushroom gathering "trip"

Now I've done my serenading, and as its late for breakfast I've been given a Tarte aux amandes, some wonderful bread and a couple of tarte aux fruits des bois.

The man who ran the deli also was delighted with my singing and has supplied me with the most wonderful collection of Fromage.

Now who's for a little snack before Lunch?

When is Eddie and Dobbins' fashion parade?

I mustn't miss that!

It sounds like, as last time, I'm on kitchen duty!

Hello Summat, je suis glad you managed to join us . Hunting for ceps...sounds good. Best keep Liddy May away from Michel though .

What did you sing pour le homme at the deli for him to give you so much cheese?! It must have been entrancing at the very least...

Ce'st L'extase - Claude Debussy!

This fromage ce'st manifique! and he made sure there was some fromage au chevre so I could eat it too.

That Brie de meaux you're tucking into looks fabulous. Have some more bread!

Don't mind if I do...the French air does wonders for one's appetite!

Ah, fabulous choice of music, Debussy .

Urggghhhhh. Caws for breakfast! No. I don't fancy that at all. I think that I'll have a dish of porridge instead.
Eddie and Dobbin aren't really games ponies so I don't think that we'll be entering the events at the gymkhana today but I'll take them down with the cart. I have been busy decorating it with wild flowers from the lane and it does look rather good, if I say so myself. Dobbin had a bath earlier and Eddie has been well brushed so the pair of them look very nice apart from the lack of mane and tail hair. The hair extensions helped but they just aren't the same.
I am going to wear my hat with the plastic duck and the spring onions on. Then we will all look smart. Anyone want a lift there on the cart later? I am just about to put them to.

Count me in for the pony show and lift on the cart.

Ce'st tres joilie!

Michel has said that we can hunt for ceps tommorrow, as he'll be at the gymkhana. I will introduce you to him later on.

es'que vous vous voulez du te au cafe?

Je voudray un verre de citronnade fraîche au café. Leur thé est horrible. Je pense que they make it with old teabags.
The cart will be around in ten minutes.

Votre boire madame!

Oh look it's lovely addy you've excelled yourself!

<gets into cart>

Where's everyone gone again?

I woke up to find a shaver on the bedside table and white hair all over the floor. My violin bow is ruined and the hair is tied around a magnet and a metal bucket full of some gooey stuff with wires sticking out.

And someone's scribbled "Eureka!" all over the walls!

Can anyone explain what's going on?

Simple Old Bean! Dobbin and Eddie have had hair extensions and look fairly decent once again after some twit took them to get them made into wigs made or something like that and Lidd's pal Clod thought that you needed a bath and wasn't sure how to tell you so he wrote "Eureka" on your walls to give you a clue. He wrote "You stinka" first but Lidd made him change it.
Summat and I have been out in the cart and we won the prize for the best turnout. Summat won a prize for best novice driver after I left her in charge and she started messing with the reins and they took off with her and I won the mini marathon with Dobbin. We lost a few flowers on the way when they flew off on the bends but we were the fastest by several seconds.
Now we are all going down to the Chameau for a pint of cider. Simple as that!
The bucket of goo was Greenie's. She was trying to be artistic after drinking far too much coffee. She is taking it to the local gallery of modern art in the morning.

Boney swar ma petty eclair ay ma bestest pals. Tray bee ann Eddie an' Dobbin an' Summat. Did ya win the best nag prize then, Summat? Did ya get yaself a noo nose bag then ducky? hehehe! Only joking aveck voo ma sherry.

I 'ad a busy day wiv Clod. 'E says "Ma tray bow Lydia..voolay voo put le cork don ma bottles de wine poor mwoir ma petty corkscrew?"

I says "Show me the way, Clod old son!" So I's bin at the bottlin' de van factory, puttin' me cork in the bottles. I 'ad a bloomin' marvellous day, I'm tellin' you's. I got a couple of crates what Clod give me ta bring back 'ere. It's called "Van de Lydia ...a van poor la tray bow femm a la Coal-Bunker" Ain't that right sweet, gels. Me very own wine! Come on then...I'll pop me cork for ya's.

*Pop!*

Mighty fizzy this stuff - full of gas - a bit like you, Liddy (only joking, don't look at me like that!)

*Pop!*

There goes another - these corkscrews are great, didn't you say that Clod had modelled them on a special part of his personage?

*Pop!* *Crash*

Oooer! A bit too much gas in that one I'll go get the dustpan and brush....

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Look aht, Dozey...ya nearly took me 'ead orf gel! This wine ain't 'alf gassy innit? I reckon the bottles musta shook in the car ay ducky....AAAAHHHHHH!!! Gordon Highlanders, will ya look what you's doin'....

'Ave a cuppa tea, ducky. You is dangerous wiv a corkscrew in ya hands...

Yes let's leave this wine for another time love - a cuppa would be grand. Although popping these corks ain't 'arf fun!

One last one for luck - watch out gels!

*POP* (hehehe - wasn't really aiming for your derriere, Jeannie, but if you insist on helping me clean up the floor )

Feel like I've been up all night I'm so tired (and why do people keep calling me Albert? ) so it's a cuppa and then off to bed by 11pm for a change

Oooohhh poor Jeannie! She don't 'alf look surprised don't she?!!!!




Hehehehee!!! I'm orf ta be bed an' all. Too much excitement fer me gels. 'Night all! xxx

Hehehe! We love ya Jeannie we do. Ain't 'arf missed ya, being locked in the coalshed an' all. Nice to have you back

Goodnight x

(just after 11pm - not bad!)

Sorry I've been away girls. Especially Summat, because I promised to share the cooking.
I went to the vineyard to buy us a couple of cases of vin, that's wine Liddy. I asked in my usual clear English, "Have you any wine I can buy young man?" Then he said "May, wee", so I said "lovely don't mind if I do", and I availed myself of his facilities
Next thing, I was carted orf to the police station (Nice uniforms Add ).
Anyway, here I am back in the fold after that most unfortunate misunderstanding. How was I to know they were having a re-fit and the loo wasn't plumbed in. Huh
May.

Flippin' 'eck Maybeline! You 'ave excelled yaself lovey! Fancy doin' that just ta get yaself in a set of 'andcuffs, gel! I fink I'll set fire ta me room just ta see wot them fire fellas look like! Hehehe...where'd I put me matches??

You need locking up Liddy, wonder if it was you who set fire to your old place then???
Put the kettle on dear.
May.

Oh May, I just knocked over my tea laughing! Dear me...'Mais oui' indeed!

And just for the record, I still hold it was Flora Potts who burnt Liddy's shed down .

la kettle ay on ya daft old femme de la grande age

Boney joor ma pal Jeronimo. Mercy boo coop fer believin' it were non mwoir wot burnt mwoir shed dahn.

Bong jewer mes amees. Je suis trays mal at French excusee moi!

Boney M!!! Who's this then? Ya ooh la la lingo is badder than summing wot is very bad

Que ay va nom then? Oo ay you from then? Avay voo un 'at for ya 'ead? To ay welcome mon tray sherry xx

Ma nom ay emteetee la la je naim pah being criticised pour ma yucky frongsay. Mercky buckets. Je ne want pas un at

Bon jaw whoeveryouare. (She must be a real proper old lady Lidd. Did you notice how she said "Pah"? Only the likes of us knows about Polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbon so we're safe with her.)
Are you a spy dear?

Moi a spy? 'Ow could vous dire something like zat? Je suis properly here!

La flippin' 'eck ay blimey stroof!! Je swee 'ad enuff de la froggie lingo! Je swee donot understand un bloomin' word wot Miss Fanny Feathers Ticklish Thee is sayin'!

Sha refuse ta parlay this lingo un minnit longer!

Kettle's on

Oh all right be loike that!

J'aimerais une tasse de thé, s'il vous plait.



Sorry girls...I quite agree...

True enough Lidd. Enough is enough. The place is full of foreingners anyway.

Nice to meet you Fizzy, old duck. Haben Sie ein panad.

I wanna go 'ome Add...I wanna go an' find me Tiddles...I wanna bash the pianer at the Camel on Fursdy night...I wanna walk ta tahn in me slippers an' 'air net....I wanna wallop Stoopid Bert fer bein' under me feet all day long....I wanna burn me noo shed dahn...I wanna raid the bins at Tesco...I wanna understand wot people is talkin' abaht...I wanna proper cuppa panad in a bloomin' great mug...I want fish an' chips by the sea when it's rainin' 'ard....I wanna listen ta me Wiggy on the microwave....I wanna get in me own bed agen Add...

Can I pack me Sainsburys carrier bag to go 'ome then Add?

Go home certainment not!

Madammes ici Michel


now who'se for going into the woods and hunting for des champignions sans malade - Ceps!

Struth Summat. I am glad that you saw him first. He is all yours old bean. He does have something of the look of a big mushroom about him though.
Why don't you have a weekend back home Lidd and then you'll be glad to get back here maybe. The skips here are just as good and they are sending a new bed over tomorrow for you to replace that rather worn out one that is here at the moment. They are offering free pints at the Chameau all week to anyone who does a turn and your Bert phoned earlier to say that he is on his way here if he can find the way. And there is a Wiggy concert in the church here tomorrow evening. They are doing that Penguin Concerto and some other stuff for solo violin. That's worth staying for isn't it?
Mettay vos dents fausses dedans et ayez un panad de thé.

Ug. Bong sewer!

Ug and greetings to you too Old Ma Fickle. (Sorry duck, I can't remember your name.) Do you know any more stoneage words or is it just ug? What a lot of multi vocalists were are to be sure. Panad Old Bean? Four lumps or five?

Lovely. Too many beers tonight. This is what happens when fellow organists take you out. Gug. That's the other stoneage word.

Well then, GUG it is. Down in one? I put seven lumps in as it looked a bit grey.
Time for bed now. Negligee negligee all.

Oh voire, ma petite .
I must learn some foreign lingo.
Yakki dah, dahlink
May.

Woss all this talk of goin' 'ome? As me mushroom kweezeen upset yer?

An, I avn't got to meet that Gerry Deep Yard Do, or Sachet Distilled or even Monsewer Sack Cosy

Mind you, me newfew Diapason is doin a few concerts wiv 'is organ an it would be nice to be on the front row to cheer 'im on. I always likes to take me kanitting or a bit of crotchetting. If 'e's playing a long piece, I take me 'am sandwiches, cos all ya gets in the interval is a cup of tea and a digestion biskit.

He doin one tanight as it 'appens. In Chesty La Street. Might fly over and pay a souprise visit. E'll be glad to see 'is old Aunty Dil.

Must nip art and buy him a present.............any suggestions, gals?

Buy him some pairs of fingerless gloves. They are the best things for organ players because they get so cold in the old churches, and at harvest festival they stop the wasps bees from flying out of the flower arrangements and stinging your hands. I had that happen once and I am ashamed to say that Addy used a rather non-church word.
Are you up and about Lidd? I thought that I would take Dobbin into the next village for a bit of sight-seeing today. You can come on Eddie if you like. It won the best village contest this year so it will be worth a visit. Summat is going off to see that Michael who looks like a big mushroom again and I haven't seen Great May yet so I am not sure what she'll be doing.
N'oubliay pah votre chapeau Lidd.

Ya what Add? What you's on abaht ducky? Fancy Summat likin' that fella 'E looks like 'e's gotta bloomin' great walnut stuck ta the end of 'is nose...

I'll stay 'ere a bit longer then Add. I wanna see me Wiggy concert if they is playin' me Penguin Pianer moosic. Mebbe Dillys neffew will show us what 'e can do wiv 'is organ an' all! Hehehe! Don't be 'avin' rood foughts Addy!

I'm gonna sit in me chair Add. I got meself a bloomin' great backache. I wonder if some ooh la la massoor type bloke fingy can rub me back for me? Be good won't it?

La kettle ay on, may sha swee stuck don ma chair aveck la pain don ma back. 'Elpay youselves ma sherries x (Don't forget mine eiver!) Ta everso.

It meant "Bung yer 'at on" A pity about your back Lidd. I suppose we could throw you in the cart rather then riding today then. You can drive it and I'll ride Dobbin like one of them mounted police people that the queen has. Then people will think that we are royal or honoraries or something.
I'll make un panad pour voo before we allez out.

Oh...why diddun ya say that in the first place then Add? I'm right simple, me, an' i like simple lingo!

Come on then, let's get in this cart fingy.

Addy shoves Lid in the cart

**OWww...ooooh...watch where you is puttin' ya 'ands Add...oooh me back...bloomin' 'eck...you is fulla sympaffy for ya pal ain't ya Add? OOoooo...stroof.... I'll wallop ya wiv me walkin' stick ducky **