Here goes then....

Hold onto yer hat!

I'm goin in.......

Woooooooooooooooooo!!! I can feel me chest risin' darlin'. Ya doin' a grand job there..


Oohh...I'm fadin' agen...*gasp...gasp...*

goes and hides behind photocopier

Yes I can feel yer chest rising. Do ya need a heart massage?

I'm going in again.....


Oh heck. I'll be there as soon as I can.

A massage would be most luvverly darlin'...oooh I say..ya 'ands are a bit cold if ya don't mind me sayin' so dear..

What exactly is Norman's surname? Please may I have a room with a bath as I don't fancy a shower.

Right then gal. That's you sorted out. I've got to go now as there's a babe lady what needs a bit of me company. Tara then.

* Legs it sharpish back to the office *

I'm on me way!

Keep up the good work Phyllis, I'm just standing back and enjoying the antics!

Someone'll have to clear up the mess in 'ere. Summat wants a bath. Ah think there's a tin one in the shed. Shall I go fetch it?

Flippin' 'eck, Dozey...I'll 'ave ta faint more often, ducky!

**Gets screwdriver and removes lock from bathroom door**

Almost back from the great veggai haggai rescue. "Walk on Dobbin. Walk on Eddie. Good boys" How come that I end up taking loads of luggage in the cart and the others go back in the minibus I wonder. Ah well. I expect that they are all bored to tears without me. They must have arrived home ages ago. It's a lovely day for a drive and my boys are really enjoying the peace and quiet after that wild time in Scotland with Greenie. I am looking forward to being back at the Camel.

watch where you're putting that paper!

Home again! Dobbin and Eddie have had a sponge-down and a new net of hay each after their trip and now I am going to see how my little cottage is after being away from it for so long.

Addy opens the cottage door.



AAAAAAHHHHHH!


Addy exits very fast!

Stroof Add...what's up wiv ya gel?

Addy! Come back! Come back! It's not what it looks like. Honest!

Yes it is!!!

Oh heck!

Anyone got any lip-salve?

Yup, and lip gloss...

Would you be so kind as to apply it for me. I've lost me little mirror thingy.

Gis a kiss, darlin'!!! Hehehe!

Different jealous rage from CISD!

Oh I say Lydia, what on earth are you doing with that chappie old girl?? Put him down, you don't know where he's been.
Quick, let me give Addy some smeling salts..........wafts smelling salts under Add's nose........come on Adeline, wkae up dear
Come on Juney, give us a hand with Addy into the house
May.

Who are you calling a chappie?

You!

You can't get away from that one Phyl even if you are wearing a Jessica Rabbit dress.

'es gawjuss in't 'e......wot an 'unk

Mind you for all 'is gawjussness, he makes some of his guest so welcome, and yet they never comes back.

Summink must put 'em orff 'is charmbra d'ote. Mind you I cooks for the Motel occasionally an p'raps they don't like me kweezeen.



By the way, this is Normie's Mum, Betty. She 'an I go to local Old Biddies Folks Association every Wednesday..........she's inta Spiritchalism, 'n WeeJar an the like...........Very good at it too.

It's very fetching don't you think? I'm off shopping this afternoon to Ann Summers. Does anyone want anything bringing back?

Ooooh...........is Phyllis a Lebaneeze?

No s/he's a transvestite. You know a man who dresses as a woman. Caught him leaving the lavatory seat up on one occasion.

My neffew diapason teaches a young man, who my diapason finks is a transvest too tite......he probably 'elps 'em when they're busy.

My dia went to give 'im 'is lesson t'other day and he 'adda bitta glitta in 'is 'air and it was all over the organ bench

an he had some tight straps under 'is tee shirt.

My littel dia got quite excited

**Faints**

It's the beard that gives you away the most Dear
May.

Stand back!

I'm going in.........

'ere ya are gel .........'ere's Normie's Mum, Betty to help ya

300
pages long, is our OLTVA thread. Let's party
Great Aunt May.

[/quote]

an if Normie does look like that, I'm faintin' too


SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

I fainted first!! *gasp...gasp*


When we've stopped all this faintin' malarkey we can 'ave ourselves a par'y!

For goodness sake you old fakes.............get a grip. A firm one. On a decent chappie, preferably in cycling shorts..........with red hair, green eyes,called Toby, aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh
Come on
party
May.

Well said May! His name could be Keith though. Or Richard. Or James. The list is endless really .

This thread was on page 130 when I first posted!

Which country to for the party?

Bulgaria!

It's Ivor Bighose and friends! I'm going to their party!

See you later girls!

Oh dear...........uniforms, well a bit of a uniform
Addy, there's some chaps here to see you..
May.

Definitely faints.....

Here we go again!

Stand a-side! I'm going in................

Ya everso kind to an' old gel, reelly ya are...

**gasp...gasp**

Nah, too young for me May. I'm staying at home in my little cottage. That is if I can get rid of the OH NO! IT'S BACK!!! HELP ADD IN HER DISTRESS , if you aren't too busy partying that is. My cottage is possessed by an evil and very scarey thing.

Don't be daft Add...it's only Dilly! What's alarmin' ya like that dear? I ain't ever sin ya so worked up in me life, I reelly reelly 'aven't sin ya so worked up in all me life. Get a grip ducky before I 'as ta slap ya cheek or summink

And there I was thinking chippendales made furniture.

I'm heading back to East Anglia for a bit, I still have a dizziness and headachy problem. I need to recouperate in my own bed.

That's not Daft Dilly Liddy. Dilly is in his house in that Potty in the field place or somewhere like that. This thing is in my cottage and it is nowhere near him. I want it gone.

For blimey sake Add!! Tell us what it is, then we can get rid of it!! Shall I call Ghostbusters or summink?


**I'm gonna phone the local looney bin, I know that much**

Get yaself be'er Summat swee'eart xxxx